Previously, Emily enjoyed the company of many dear friends, had a supportive partner, and had a knack for ceramics. She was not a victim. Later on, she was left with nothing. Emily thinks her future is as barren as her body after she loses the partner who never loved her, the friends who feel she broke their trust, and the unborn child who was just beginning to thrive inside of her. Then, however, the neighbor kid, Steve, starts warming up. She was inspired by his guitar playing, and he pushed her to resume her artistic pursuits. At the community center, she makes new friends and almost gets her father to talk to her again. Living for the after requires letting go of the prior, but can Emily let go enough to see the beauty in her own life?
View More/Emily/
Beginning of June
Now
First, second, third, and fourth. I am concentrating to calm down my breathing. In, out, in, out, attempting to make the breaths longer so that they are more tortoise-like and less hare-like, which is how they feel right now because they are racing. My palms are sweating, which causes my hands to become glued to the steering wheel. It feels almost as if I'm working with clay on my pottery wheel.
Why am I feeling this way? It's not right of me. This is Noel, and he cherishes our relationship. How many times has he told me that I can tell him anything without fear of judgment? Perhaps there is some kind of link between us, like we are soul mates who happened to stumble across each other in this crazy, messed-up world that we both live in.
Even more than that, he enjoys it when I chat to him and reveal to him the inner workings of my mind and heart. Because all he has to look at in his own home is ugliness. Parents who argue with each other, including a father who is continuously putting him down and calling him names.
I am his safe place. It's just stunning.
It's kind of funny that out of all the billions of individuals in the entire planet, I managed to track him down. that he calls me his beautiful, which is a name that my father has traditionally given to my mother. Not in the same words, but my dear beautiful lady was how my father always referred to her.
My gorgeous lady. This is how I realized that Noel and I were destined to be together. It was a sign that I was meant to have a love that is just as genuine as the one my parents had. In the same way, I had the constant impression that their decision to adopt me was predetermined. She was always destined to be my mother.
When I go back to Noel uttering those words to me, my heart begins to slow down and relax. The sensation of his breath pressing against my ear. It felt like his arms were wrapping around mine. I need to remind myself that we love one another; therefore, I shouldn't be afraid to tell Noel that. What about the remainder of it? That gives me a knot in my stomach and a headache all at the same time. The old man is about to lose it.
As soon as I remove the keys from the ignition, I step out of the car and run my hands down the length of my red dress. It's the one I wore on the first time we went out together.
If the color red wasn't one of my favorites before, it most certainly is now. He had his fingers in my red hair, which everyone is shocked to see because my father is of Italian descent. On the other hand, it's not like I would look anything like him.
It felt like Noel and I had known one other for a very long time despite how rapidly we had become acquainted. Did he then know about it? Do you feel the pull that he described to me later on? Do you get the same feeling that your mother always talked about having when she was with your father? In the beginning, I hadn't. When I first saw Noel, I purposefully tried to feel nothing at all. Caring ached, and I had more pain than I could possibly bear at this point in my life.
Despite everything, I love him now. This is the main consideration.
Now I have red cheeks to go along with my red hair and red clothing. I had no idea that being flushed could be so damn seductive...
A portion of me wanted to make fun of him by laughing. What do you mean, really? How incompetent did he consider me to be? I could have laughed at the time because it was evident that his remarks were lines, but I chose to talk to him instead. Since then, things have not been the same in any way, shape, or form.
I crack a smile as I start walking in the direction of the house where his brother Edward shares. We never have to worry about running into him because he is never in town. Thank goodness for that! It's the ideal setting for Noel and I to get together here.
Before I even had a chance to knock on the door, it flings open on its own. Noel is present, as usual, with his blond hair in a disheveled state. He is only donning a pair of shorts and does not have a shirt on. Even after these last three months, the sight of his sculpted figure still gives me the chills. The undulations of his abs and the firmness of his arms. He puts forth a lot of effort in the gym.
"Hey, babe. It was about time that you arrived. Because Edward will be arriving home very soon, we won't have much longer to spend out together. ”
After he has finished pulling me inside, he immediately puts his mouth on mine. That menthol flavor with a hint of smoke is so identifiable. For as long as I can remember, I've had a strong aversion to smoking, which is why he chews on the mints. However, he is still a part of the blend. I am completely familiar with it. It's not that I really enjoy it, but I can recognize it easily enough. In addition to this, familiarity is essential.
Tell him, tell him, tell him. The words keep popping up in my mind. I make an effort to slam the door in their faces, but they are like his smoke; they float beneath the door and fill the room to the point that I am practically unable to breathe because of them. "Noel..." I hesitate for a moment before continuing. "Do you recall that I wanted to talk to you? I have... I want to tell you something important. ”
He gives me a grin before pushing me farther inside the home while his fingers are intertwined with mine. Please proceed into the living room. "Sorry, I just missed you. You are well aware of the allure that you hold for me.
My cheeks are starting to burn from the heat.
"Aha, you've found it. I really like that blush. ”
These words, in some inexplicable way, are the source of the bravery I require. He like the way I flush and the way I laugh. How many times has he assured me that he adores each and every aspect of who I am?
Love will make everything better.
"I..." I say to him, grabbing both of his hands because I need to be physically close to him and because I want to look him in the eyes whenever we communicate. "There is something really significant that I need to discuss with you. ”
He tilts his head slightly to the side while clenching his hands more tightly. "What exactly is it?" ”
"I'm..." Come on, Emily, get the words out. It's been several weeks since I first became aware of them, and at this point, I feel compelled to finally voice them. My hands start to shake, and for a moment I worry if he can feel it through the screen. It seems as though nothing can pass through my throat, not even my breath or words. They are unable to escape because of the fear that surrounds them. Do it! "I'm pregnant. ”
This statement manages to make the entire space feel far less airy. It's suddenly more difficult to take a breath. The increasingly firm hold that Noel's hands have on mine I regain my composure, feeling pleased with the way I'm coping with this situation. Before today, I spent the previous two days stressing out and weeping. I made a pact with myself that I wouldn't stress out when I informed Noel about it.
"Excuse me?
"I'm expecting...to have a child. The obvious answer is that it's a baby, but not just any baby—your it's baby and our kid. " I get closer to him, but he moves further away from me. I wrench my hand away and his hands slip out of my grasp.
"Emily, how the f*** did you become pregnant? There is no way in hell that it is mine. Every time we've been together, I've made sure to protect myself by using a condom. Every. Single. Time. " The way he speaks causes me to wince. They feel like a whip lacerating my skin at every point.
My eyes are watering, and the wrath that I feel is trying to obscure them. I can't believe Noel has the audacity to accuse me of doing anything like this. Then I think back to the stories he's shared with me, the fury that he deals with on a daily basis. I made a commitment to Noel that I wouldn't act in such a manner. That wouldn't be how we operate.
However, he gave the identical assurance to me as well.
When I focus my gaze on him, I see that his face is flushed and that he is making an angry expression with his jaw set and his arms crossed. Who is this, exactly? Noel has never yelled at me before. "I can't tell you... I can't tell you. But I'm pregnant. I swore to it. Even when they used a condom, some women still managed to get pregnant, according to the tales I've heard. Perhaps, for example, there was a hole in it. Noel, I wouldn't dream of lying to you about something like this. Never before have I been with anyone else besides you. Only you. You are aware of that. ”
When she raises her head, I find myself staring directly into her brown eyes rather than looking away. I allow myself to hold my breath for a brief moment before letting it out. Is that the case? Does Sharon...? "Is she...?" Abigail averts her gaze. "Are you dead?" Her query is answered by me. It was Marie who said that Charity had told her that. Her head is shaken in shock. That's a bad thing. In this moment, I am unable to fathom the anguish thatCharity must be experiencing. So much affection he had for her. It must be so heartbreaking for him to be so alone and so powerless, and he must be -" I interrupted her by saying, "He'll be ok." "He's no longer a young boy." Her outpouring of grief for Charity is so heartbreaking that I can't stand to keep listening to it. However, judging by the look on her face, it is clear that she did not appreciate the comment I made. Moreover, I add, "And he is not going to be by himself." As soon as she finishes her conversation with my father,
Another thing that I am aware of is this. Abigail Higgins is a devoted follower of my brother. Since she was five years old, she has. She did, in fact, follow him around for a period of time once. He served as her savior and her prince. During the course of the conversation, those wide-eyed stares morphed into sideways glances, which were accompanied by flushed cheeks and a twitch of the corner of her mouth. Upon Charity's departure to attend college, Abigail shed tears. Would she shed tears for me?It's really unlikely. How is she doing? In spite of this, I can't help but inquire. The door to the refrigerator is being shut by Marie. You, Abigail? She is doing well. Just as every other eighth-grader is, I am completely overwhelmed with schoolwork. When it comes to a math project, I am assisting her. I make a raised eyebrow. "I was under the impression that you detested mathematics." "Yes, I do," she confesses. "Would you like to take my place?" In a hurry, I respond with "No."
I continue my descent down the opposite stairway. In the kitchen, the light is currently on. A request for entry. That's how it is. The reason for this is because my father has not yet arrived home, and there is already food waiting for him. I choose to disregard that and run directly to the referee. Check it out. There is some casserole that was left over from breakfast this morning.One-half of a BLT sandwich, most likely the portion that Marie was unable to consume. I won't deal with that at all. There is cheese and macaroni. It is ham. To pickles. The chocolate cake cut into a slice. Wings of chicken. These are nachos. Now we are having a conversation. I grab the package of wings and the nachos that are now dripping with sauce, and I begin eating them on the counter. Before the rear door opens and Marie arrives, I only manage to make it through three of the bedrooms. This is her favorite stance at the moment, and she is currently standing in the doorway with her hands on her hi
Now that I've tied the knot with my fictitious fiance, I want a divorce. Since we were both children and lived next door to each other, I have known Joel. When I was paying more attention to his sibling than anything else. I am aware that it is scandalous. That is all in the past at this point. Right now, the only thing that matters is the final request that my father who is dying has. All he wants is to be the one to walk me down the aisle. The individual who is able to assist me in realizing that desire is Joel. However, the fact that he is a billionaire has drawn a ruthless adversary. In addition, I am unable to put my faith in him. I am being played by Joel. In the event that I discover that I am pregnant, should I still leave him? When we were ten years old, the roof was being pelted with raindrops. Depending on where you are in the house, it could sound like a calming patter that is perfect for putting a baby to sleep. However, this is not the attic. Just now, the sk
We’re silent for a minute, and then I add, “I know I pulled away first…but you guys aren’t innocent either. The way you treated me. I don’t think I deserved that. ”“You’re right,” Ellie says.“I’m so sorry,” Lillian adds. “Maybe we can try to start over… Go slowly. ”My heart bounces. “I would love that. ”“All of us made mistakes. I’d like to try to get our friendship back, too. ” Ellie looks down.It’s not perfect, but it’s a start. I need to prove things to them, and them to me. The fact that we’re all willing gives me hope.I listen as they talk about some of the things they’ve been doing the past months. Then I talk to them about Steve and tell them I have a new friend named Emery I hope they can meet one day.Each word is a cleansing breath. A compression on my chest bringing me back to life again.And I can’t wait to live.When I finally get up to leave, both girls stand, too. Lillian holds out her pinkie first, then Ellie, and finally me. We link them all together. “Always,”
I shake my head. “I was only lost for a little while, but I found my way back. ”Lillian speaks next. “Your mom was incredible, but she didn’t make you special, Emily. You did that yourself. We’re your best friends. We love you. ”At that the tears start to leak from my eyes. “I love you guys, too. ”“It hurt to have you push us away,” Lillian whispers. “We’d always been a team and though we understood, it sucked. And then when you started talking about this new boyfriend you didn’t want us to meet, it was like you didn’t care. You’d moved on and forgotten about us. We weren’t good enough to be there for you, when we loved her right along with you. ”When Ellie’s parents fought, she talked to Mom. When we needed a ride somewhere, we asked her. Lillian started her period for the first time at our house and my mom was there. I should have realized it hurt them, too. That they felt like I left them, as well.“And even after everything happened…” Ellie shifts. “You didn’t want to see anyo
“No. I can promise you they’re not. ”I think about everything that’s happened since we lost Mom. How he pushed me away. How I pushed my friends away before, and now I’ve pushed Steve. Steve was right. I’m not taking my life back. I’m not fighting. Jason is still winning. And maybe… Just maybe he wasn’t all bad, either. It’s not something I will ever know. But maybe he just wanted to feel loved and didn’t know how to find it the way he needed to. Just like me. He’s responsible for his actions, and I’m responsible for mine.Maybe if I could have been stronger, he wouldn’t have been in that car. Or that girl wouldn’t have been with him. Maybe she would still be alive, maybe not. There’s no way of knowing. It could have been the first day they met, or he could have been tricking her the Edwarde way he did me. Either way, I refuse to stand by anymore. Refuse to let people get hurt because I wasn’t strong enough to do something. Even though Jason is dead, I want to fight, for myself, for o
“According to police, the vehicle was traveling at high speeds when it lost control on one of the curves. There was a female passenger in the vehicle with him, but due to her being a minor, no name has been released yet. Both occupants of the car were dead at the scene. ”Dead.Dead.Dead.They’re both dead. Jason is dead. A girl is dead. Due to her being a minor…Another girl, just like me.The fuzz takes over again. I don’t hear anything else. Just my pulse mixing with the noise and throbbing in my head. The cries ripping out of me with so much strength, they tear me apart. A girl I didn’t know has died with Jason. He could have lied to her like he did me. Maybe she thought she loved him and he loved her. Maybe she just trusted Jason like he always told me to do. The way I did. And now because of that, she’s dead.“Shh. It’s okay, dolcezza. I have you. I’m here. I have you. ” Dad repeats the words over and over as the tears keep coming. I’m holding him so tight, my nails dig into h
My cell beeps, making me jump. “Oh my God. I’m losing it. ”I pick it up to see a text from Steve.Im now a stalker. Jumped your fence. In the pottery room.My lips beg me to smile, but the nausea churning in my stomach makes it impossible. My fingers move to tell Steve I can’t. That I need to be alone. But I feel this little pull to him, too. The urge to watch him play and share gummy bears with him. Spending time with him is starting to feel like my new normal, and though I want nothing more than to be excited about that, I can’t fully muster it up right now.I also can’t tell him no.Dropping my backpack inside the foyer, I go through the house and right out the back. When I open the door to the room, I see Steve sitting on the small couch with his guitar next to him.“I thought you could try to make something again if you want. Or I could give you another lesson— Hey, what’s wrong?” Steve pushes his hair behind his ear so it doesn’t hang in his face.I want to tell him. To tell so
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