FEELING LONELY

That was when I opened my eyes as I felt my tears that I tried so hard to keep them at bay, eventually gushed out like the July rain drops, I Started another session of an uncontrollable tears, I cried for God knows how long, now am lonely, I meant totally lonely, with no one to rely to, no one to tell me, what am doing is wrong or right, no one to make me laugh when am sad, no one to cater for me, when I need catering, then I stood up as I started walking to the stream the stream that has so much memories, because me, my dad and mum, usually come here to have a bathe, to feel the tranquility of the waters, then I deep myself into the waters as I felt nothing but immense pain, the kind of pain that no doctor or psychiatrist can cure, I felt tears already glistening in my eyes, then I continued Sobbing silently, the kind of silence that might seemed akward for many, but it's calming to me, I stayed there for for 2 hours, as I saw the sun was already setting down, then I come out of the water Athen put on my clothes as I head to no where in particular, I continued walking, then I laughed, the kind of laughed that is filled with nothing but regrets, the regrets that I didn't even had enough time with my parents, the regrets that I can't even give them a proper burial, the regrets that always leaves me in nothing but guilt, the kind of guilt that made me feel like I even killed my parents with my bare hands, then I saw a big tree, standing tall and majestically, I heaved a long sigh as I started climbing on the tree, then I found a suitable spot, That would be good to sleep, because it was quite spacious, I was about to lay down then I Heard my stomach growled in hunger, as I felt myself being starved as I decided to climb down to look for what to eat, when I was eventually down I started looking for trees that contained some fruits, but there was not, not until I found a banana tree, with some bunch of bananas,I plugged one as I felt the sweetest slide down my throat, I immediately finished the banana in a haste as a plugged More bananas and head back to the tree,I Climb on the tree as I ate more bananas till I was filled, the I succumb to the darkness as my body was weak and tired, then I heard my dad last words, my mum's deafening scream, my dad groaning, they all came to me until I woke up panting heavily, That I Felt like like wss very unfair to me, "oh God can I actually leave with this guilt?" I asked myself As I felt fear, the fear that I didn't even bothered to feel before, as I looked at the tall tree that am lieing on, the coolness of the weather , the eerie of the darkness, the chirping sound of the birds, then I immediately wrapped myself up in a ball as a wallowed in fear, I didn't know when I fall asleep only to  to see the sun rising, beautifully from the east coast, then I slide down the tree, like it was a normal routine for me, I started walking to the in the thick bushes, as this this the second time am going to no where in particular, I walked to the green fields, the fields that are One of the places we have come to have a picnic with my parents, as I allowed the memories flows, I sat down on the green grass and touched the morning dew, that settled on the Grass, I didn't know when tears started threatening to come out after the crying session I did yesterday, I didn't even know I had even more tears left, until I felt my eyes glistening with tears again, the guilt coming back at me, the fear of me loosing them forever, is making my fist clenched in anger, the kind of anger an feeling right now, is making me have nothing but the quest to revenge the dead of my parents, because right now, if I don't revenge I think this guilt would keep on hunting me for the rest of my life.

  I allowed myself to slide down to the green grass as I felt an unknown tranquility, relaxing my nerves,then I Let myself drown in my parents thoughts as I drift to sleep, making me dream of the good times we had together, Ii just wished I'll remain in the dream land the land I don't wish to wake up from, Then I woke up, only to find the sun, shinning brightly more like it was noon, I immediately felt my stomach grumbled in hunger, as I took my wobbled legs to the stream I immediately remove my clothes and slide down into the water, as I felt my already aching body, relaxed, I allowed myself to forget about the tragic event that happened to me yesterday, if not I'll start another session of tears, when I finished bathing in the cold water, I walked outside the water, and put back my clothes, the only clothes that am now left with, who on earth bathe, after bathing put on the same clothes, there's no one but me, even though I want to remove the clothes I wash it, after drying, I'll use it again, I don't even have any boxers on me, so if I do that I'll be stag naked,, then I walked back to the banana tree as I found the tree still there, with it's bunch of bananas, I immediately plugged some and started chewing it, while savoring the sweet taste as I felt my hunger distinguished.

  This Was the most boring day I've ever encountered in my life, yet the most painful Day I'll ever encounter, as today I felt nothing but loneliness, fear, guilt, anguish, and much worse, raw sadness.