I got out of my car and slowly walking towards the
mansion.My hands were trembling and sweaty . I still couldn't believe that it was done . That I was finally divorced from him. The proof that was currently in my handbag. I was here to bring the final papers to him and to pick Noah up. Right now I could hear them clearly and what I heard encased my soul in ice I still don't understand why you can't live with me and mummy ?''Noah asks his father. My hands were already shaking.My heart breaking at the sadness in his voice.I would do anything for him,but this divorce was inevitable. Our marriage had been a mistake.Everythunv about us was a mistake.It just took me time to see the truth. You know why Noah ,your mother and I can no longer be together?''His voice was so soft as he replies. It's weird really because during the duration of our marriage he has never once spoken to me softly.It was always cold,devoid of any emotion. Why? These things just happens I know he will not go into details I can imagine his face frowning .as he tried to make him understand so that he dosent ask any more questions.Curiosity and inquisition is in his blood. Don't you love her? He asked again. My breath gets caught at the simple heartfelt question.I take a step back and lean against the wall.Heart racing.I wait in anticipation for his answer.. I knew his answer deep in my mind.I've always known what it is .Everyone except Noah probably knows that answer. The truth is he dosent love me.Never had and never will. Dad,do you love mommy or not ? Noah asks again ,his voice final I heard him sigh in defeat.'I love her for giving me you''he finally says I closed my eyes against the rush of pain that fills me.After all this time.It still hurts.i feel my heart breaking all over again. I don't know why a part of me had hoped that his answer would be different . He never said those three words to me. Not when we got married or when I gave birth to noah not after in the years that had passed or when we slept together . He held himself back through the entire duration of our marriage . We were married but he refused to let go of his ex The love of his life.The woman he has refused to let go for ten long years. Tears fill my eyes but I quickly rub it away.I was tired of crying Tired of chasing after a man that didn't want me. Has anyone ever told you it's rude listen to other people's conversations? His deep voice cuts through my line of thought interrupting my process. I shrugged and enter the kitchen There he stands near the Kitchen counter.My now ex-husband . My eyes shifted to my son .My pride and Joy "Hello '' I smiled He rushes to me and gave me a big hug.I 've missed you Missed you too,my love . I stood there awkwardly.This used to be my home ,but I now feel out of place in it.Like I don't belong here. Truthfully I never did. Unconsciously,he builds this house with her in mind.This was HER dream house, everything down to the colour scheme. That should have been the first indication that he wasn't planning on letting her go. That be wouldn't reciprocate my love for him. What are you doing here?he asks in annoyance as usual He was always angry like seeing me irritates him. I got the divorce papers today and I thought I could bring you the copy while I pick up Noah . His faces turns stone cold. Everytime he looks at me like this, a piece of me breaks. I have loved him since I can remember but that doesn't mean anything to him Just get out of my house...He screamed. I put the divorce papers down and stepped out. My phone rang,It was my mother calling. I supposed she wanted to confirm I was safe .I picked,Hello" Get to the hospital now,your father has been shot,She said crying. My phone fell off my hands.I am shocked I quickly got inside the car and begin to drive to the hospital. My mind completely lost in memory. Growing up,I was the child that my father never cared about .Fathers favorite was my older Sister. He calls her his baby girl. I always felt unwanted,not only with my father but also with my siblings . No matter what I tried to do,good grades,sports,school clubs. I always remained sidelines. I always felt like a stranger apart from my mother. Now here I am,Driving to the hospital because my father has been shot and all I feel is numb . Despite everything that has happened.Shouldn't I be feeling something more? Maybe sadness? Why are you supposed to feel when you are told that the father that was not available all your life has been shot. The whole drive to the hospital was reflective. As I thought of my childhood and even part of my adulthood. The pain and hurt is till there.I don't think the pain of rejection from my own family will ever go away That's who I seem to be.A rejected woman.First by my nuclear family ,then by my husband. The only one that loves and accepts me is my son.. It didn't take long to get to the hospital. We had one main hospital in the town and I just knew that is where my father was.. Parked my car.I got out.I took a deep breath and square my shoulder before entering the building . Alot of emotions now,How will I react when I sight him?I am looking for Desmond Brown,I believe he was brought in for a gunshot wound. I told the receptionist once I got to the front desk. How are you related to him ,she asked. He is my father "Give me a minute."She paused while she types on her computer. He is in the Er getting prepped for surgery. Just go straight ahead at the end you will see the emergency door. "Thanks''. I turned around and follow her instructions. My heart beating with every step I take.He's going to be okay.He'll recover soon . Despite our differences I wanted him to be well We didn't have a good relationship but he is so loving towards my son . I knocked at the door,pushed it and entered. I could see my mother's eyes red from too much of crying. I took a sit next to her ,what happened and how is he doing? He was shot on his way back from the store.They are preparing him for surgery..her voice shaking.. I hugged her just to console her.Dont worry,father is the strongest man I know . He will be okay
Sometimes I stare at things for too long. My wrists… The big, sharp knife in the kitchen drawer. The bottle of Sniper in the corner. Sometimes the idea of me being sprawled across the floor in a lake of my blood is tempting. Sometimes, when I’m drained, I want to time it just right and walk into an oncoming car… a bus… a truck…Sometimes jumping off a balcony is intriguing. It seems ideal.Sometimes… I want to die.And maybe in a warped way, that’s okay?Just hear me out.red and white rose petals on white tableWhen I was younger, there were no voices in my head.Now, I think I’m in an unending race to get back there. The problem is I do not think I will ever win the race. At some point, I would have to accept that it’s possible the voices in my head are here to stay. And I shall never get the privilege of a calm brain again.Regardless of the chaos in my mind, born out of the craziness of the things that I’ve had to deal with in life, I’m a strong believer that happiness is a choice
With all these thoughts of suicide,I started to think on the way out of it.Michael is obviously obsessed with someones else and I just have to continue my life. Live good for my child and also protect my own mental health. I had a constant headache so I decided to visit the hospital. It's positive those I had from my sleep. Aparrently,when I got to the hospital I fainted. What is positive? looking in confusion You are pregnant madam In shock, pregnant? I had to leave the hospital. Pregnant? How will I tell Micheal this. The last sex was never to lead to pregnancy. I decided to encourage myself to break the news to him anyhow. On a Thursday afternoon,I decided to visit him at the office. I knocked on his door softly,I heard as he muttered come in I walked into his office slowly... The room was dark.The only light was coming from his laptop and phone screen. It is dark in here I said. I like it this way he said,his voice suddenly deeper than usual. I walked to his d
We finally saw the doctor and did a scan ,Oh this is Baby A and Baby B,those were the words of the doctor.Lost in my thoughts.TWINS I exclaimed.This is unbelievable.How do i survive with this? The babies were fine.So ,when is the next apointment? I asked the doctor that announced that i was pregnant.The next appointment will be in about four weeks ,seeing you are already 16weeks gone,she answers.The shock on our faces as this baby came as a suprise not even when we are already planning the divorce.I stare at the screen where my baby was.Thank you,I said as i was pulling my shirt down.We left the hospital and went our separate ways.Noah was with my mum ,so i went to pick him up.On getting home late in the night,Noah went to bed while i was in the sitting room thinking of the next step or how to cope.TWINS,where do i go from here,how do i survive,Yes I know Micheal is a billionaire but he we are divorced and his heart is currently with someone else .Mummy,Noah's voice pulls me ou
Micheal There is something that happens inside you when you see your ex wife,the mother of your son,shot and bleeding .Something I never thought I would feel towards Sarah.When I saw the men with guns pointing at us ,I didn't. think of this ever happening I was relieved when the shooters ran after seeing the police but my relief was short lived when one of the officers shouted for an ambulance I turned around wondering who was hurt only I didn't expect to be Sarah and seeing her hurt almost brought me to my knees.The ambulance arrived and the officer refused to let Sarah go until he made sure she was safely in the able arms of the doctor.I was pissed at his reluctance to let go,She was my wife and even carrying my children,I mean ex wife but more importantly I was pissed at myself.I should have protected her.If something worse had happened to Sarah,how would I have explained it to Noah?How would I Justify the fact that I had failed to protect his mother?So here I was pacing b
Sarah I woke with a stiff back and an aching arm.I am in bed with Noah since he refused to leave after we finished watching TV.I smiled when I remembered saying that he was taking his job seriously and that he would take care of me throughout the night With a bit of difficulty,I managed to move him without waking him up.It was around right and I needed to prepare breakfast before he woke up. After doing my morning routine,I went downstairs .I stood outside the kitchen for a while wondering how I was going to manage making with one arm. As I mover to get the ingredients for pancakes,memories of yesterday flooded my mind.Everythubg that happened seemed so surreal that part of me wonder if it had happened. If it wasn't for the fact that my shoulder was bandaged and my arm was in sling,I would have thought it was all a bad dream. When I woke up in the hospital after I fainted I panicked.It took both the doctor and nurse to calm me down and reassure me that everything was okay.She
I went to the kitchen to tidy up the dirty dishes,then there was a knock.Noah was still asleep and I didn't want to wake him up yet.I was so sure it was Nathan,he had probably forgotten something ."Did you forget something?"I asked opening the door.My emotions shut down when I realized it was Michael and not Nathan.Seeing his face just brought a rush of pain.Rememberinv how he abandoned me to save his precious babe brought a bitter taste to my mouth There was no denying that I meant nothing to him.I mean yesterday just showed me the extent of his disregard and hate towards me.I push the hurt and pain away.Locking them together with the love I had for him in the deepest anf darkest parts of my soul.Micheal was dead to me and I didn't want to ever love a dead man.I know he could see how my emotions to him are obviously dead."What are you doing here?".I asked ,He just pushed in way into the house.It was like talking to a stranger.He was nothing to me ,not anymore.This is someon
"What do you want me to say?You know I never lied to you.You always knew I loved her.That didn't stop you from using my body did it?Gosh I hate you.I don't know what I saw in you or attracted me to you I don't know why I wasted so much of my time and energy on you.I grind my teeth at her words .Her words angered me.Yes we did sleep together during our marriage but It was just to scratch ah inchI took vows and despite the fact that I didn't love her.I wasn't going to break them by cheating on her.I am not here to talk about the past,I'm here to talk about Noah"I said changing the topic.It was so draining going round and round .I needed to say what I came here to say then leave before I said or did something I would later regret.Noah's name got her attention which I knew it would.She opened one of the cabinets and takes out the bottle of medicine.Checking the label.I realized it's for pain."How is the arm I askedYou came here to talk ,so please talk...We both know you do