Chapter 4

I got out of my car and slowly walking towards the

mansion.My hands were trembling and sweaty .

I still couldn't believe that it was done .

That I was finally divorced from him.

The proof that was currently in my handbag.

I was here to bring the final papers to him and to pick Noah up.

Right now I could hear them clearly and what I heard encased my soul in ice

I still don't understand why you can't live with me and mummy ?''Noah asks his father.

My hands were already shaking.My heart breaking at the sadness in his voice.I would do anything for him,but this divorce was inevitable.

Our marriage had been a mistake.Everythunv about us was a mistake.It just took me time to see the truth.

You know why Noah ,your mother and I can no longer be together?''His voice was so soft as he replies.

It's weird really because during the duration of our marriage he has never once spoken to me softly.It was always cold,devoid of any emotion.

Why?

These things just happens

I know he will not go into details

I can imagine his face frowning .as he tried to make him understand so that he dosent ask any more questions.Curiosity and inquisition is in his blood.

Don't you love her?

He asked again.

My breath gets caught at the simple heartfelt question.I take a step back and lean against the wall.Heart racing.I wait in anticipation for his answer..

I knew his answer deep in my mind.I've always known what it is .Everyone except Noah probably knows that answer.

The truth is he dosent love me.Never had and never will.

Dad,do you love mommy or not ?

Noah asks again ,his voice final

I heard him sigh in defeat.'I love her for giving me you''he finally says

I closed my eyes against the rush of pain that fills me.After all this time.It still hurts.i feel my heart breaking all over again.

I don't know why a part of me had hoped that his answer would be different .

He never said those three words to me.

Not when we got married or when I gave birth to noah not after in the years that had passed or when we slept together .

He held himself back through the entire duration of our marriage .

We were married but he refused to let go of his ex

The love of his life.The woman he has refused to let go for ten long years.

Tears fill my eyes but I quickly rub it away.I was tired of crying

Tired of chasing after a man that didn't want me.

Has anyone ever told you it's rude listen to other people's conversations?

His deep voice cuts through my line of thought interrupting my process.

I shrugged and enter the kitchen

There he stands near the Kitchen counter.My now ex-husband .

My eyes shifted to my son .My pride and Joy

"Hello '' I smiled

He rushes to me and gave me a big hug.I 've missed you

Missed you too,my love .

I stood there awkwardly.This used to be my home ,but I now feel out of place in it.Like I don't belong here.

Truthfully I never did.

Unconsciously,he builds this house with her in mind.This was HER dream house, everything down to the colour scheme.

That should have been the first indication that he wasn't planning on letting her go.

That be wouldn't reciprocate my love for him.

What are you doing here?he asks in annoyance as usual

He was always angry like seeing me irritates him.

I got the divorce papers today and I thought I could bring you the copy while I pick up Noah .

His faces turns stone cold.

Everytime he looks at me like this, a piece of me breaks.

I have loved him since I can remember but that doesn't

mean anything to him

Just get out of my house...He screamed.

I put the divorce papers down and stepped out.

My phone rang,It was my mother calling.

I supposed she wanted to confirm I was safe .I picked,Hello"

Get to the hospital now,your father has been shot,She said crying.

My phone fell off my hands.I am shocked

I quickly got inside the car and begin to drive to the hospital.

My mind completely lost in memory.

Growing up,I was the child that my father never cared about .Fathers favorite was my older Sister.

He calls her his baby girl.

I always felt unwanted,not only with my father but also with my siblings .

No matter what I tried to do,good grades,sports,school clubs.

I always remained sidelines.

I always felt like a stranger apart from my mother.

Now here I am,Driving to the hospital because my father has been shot and all I feel is numb .

Despite everything that has happened.Shouldn't I be feeling something more?

Maybe sadness?

Why are you supposed to feel when you are told that the father that was not available all your life has been shot.

The whole drive to the hospital was reflective.

As I thought of my childhood and even part of my adulthood.

The pain and hurt is till there.I don't think the pain of rejection from my own family will ever go away

That's who I seem to be.A rejected woman.First by my nuclear family ,then by my husband.

The only one that loves and accepts me is my son..

It didn't take long to get to the hospital.

We had one main hospital in the town and I just knew that is where my father was..

Parked my car.I got out.I took a deep breath and square my shoulder before entering the building .

Alot of emotions now,How will I react when I sight him?