Chapter 1: Wrong Love?

They say love blooms when it's right, withers when it fades but suffocates when it's wrong.

But when exactly is this wrong?

Love is the basis of the world they say. Wherever you go, 'to preach love' is the motto. It isn't one form of love, that's what we have been taught. "This love could be between parents and kids, siblings, teachers and students, towards animals, strangers, friends and relatives."

This was our upbringing then how come it be wrong?

Then how come loving one person could be forbidden when I fell for the man who became my guardian acting like a foster parent?

Isn't that also a kind of love? Something that is pure and above everything as you taught?

Then how come I had to face this suffocation when you told me it is wrong?

What they never told was that Love is a myth, an emotional desire that you feel according to your true intentions and state of mind.

Love was always tainted and impure--making one biased, blind and depressed for a long time.

Even if you finally get the one you love, either it slows down, stagnates, flourishes, dissolves or faces a seven-years-itch.

Love is tender--true.

Love is difficult--true again.

Love is beautiful--hmm… Maybe.

Love is cruel--Hell, yes!

Love is nourishing--Could be…

Love is deteriorating--Yes!

Love damages you completely… is what no one is ready to speak out loud.

We are scared thinking about popping someone's bubble of hope. But isn't it cruel to watch them fall right in front of your eyes???

Tsk!

Love is….

*Clack**Clack**Clack*

The cringing sound of a nail tapping against a wooden desk cut my monologue short.

"Miss Patrik here will explain what she was dreaming about. Right?" 

Oh man!

I ignored the snickering of the other kids and groaned inwardly.

Luckily the bell rang and I sighed in relief ignoring whatever Miss. Brock had to say. Without a care, I picked my bag and took off flipping the other kids on the way.

"Reckless!" I smiled hearing my friend complain. 

"Has Mr. Holland messed up with your mind again?" Audrey sneaks her arm over my shoulder and questions.

Ah!

"True. I don't really get that man!" The fire within me started to ablaze while I tried my best to keep my voice lowered.

"Okay! We know that well. Let's get your stuff so we can sleep over at my place." She suggested and I mindlessly agreed.

While on my way back, I stiffened hearing a familiar voice call out my name.

"Eleanor!"

I hissed knowing well that Waylon Pitt, the popular bad boy of our university wouldn't leave my back soon if I ignored him.

Audrey giggled under her breath as I forced myself to look at him.

"What?" I asked, hating to see his handsome face.

He has looks but not like Nathan's. If I hadn't met Nathan, I might have given in to Waylon's advances. But I hate that he fools around.

"Common! Don’t be so rude to me.” He flashed his famous playboy smirk that made me roll my eyes.

“Damn! I love that.” He whispered near my ear only to get an elbow poke from me.

“Can you give it a break already?” I asked tiredly which made him sigh followed by his shoulders falling.

“Alright. I’m throwing a party tonight. Make sure you both are there.” He gestured to someone and only now I noticed a brunette standing close to him, blushing at his smile.

She handed me a pamphlet which I accepted and raised an eyebrow at him.

“Well, it’s going to be a big one.” Waylon added and Audrey answered on my behalf.

“Sure, see you tonight.” She grabbed my arms and thankfully, Waylon didn’t stop us.

“I’m not going!” I declared to which she huffed in anger.

“Noooo! Don’t be like a granny, Ela!” I flinched hearing that nickname but said nothing.

“You have never attended a single party, you’ll be a sophomore in the next two weeks. So, why not?” She asked and I sighed.

“Nathan! He’ll send his bodyguards–” I started but she held a finger close to my lips in an attempt to shut me up.

“Why do you care when he doesn’t? Does he have any right to restrain you even in this boarding college? Don’t forget that he sent you away four years back. He plays around and cannot even let you enjoy some college, frat parties? Does it make any sense, Ela?” She asked and I frowned at how it hit the right nerve.

She is right. Though I lived in an all girl’s school until my high school, Nathan barely had any contact with me. Mr. Chang made sure I had everything I needed as per his orders. He wouldn’t allow me to come back home no matter how much I suffered with fever or home sickness. Instead, he would send someone or something to keep me happy.

Later when I realized that my college was a co-ed one, suddenly, Nathan imposed new rules. I wasn’t allowed to go out, no hanging around with guys and no party, at all! Meanwhile, he went out with models almost every week. I knew he might have shared passionate nights with them afterwards. The very thought was enough to dampen my mood.

No matter how many years went by, I couldn’t get over Nathan. Meeting new people and hearing their sappy stories, I realized Nathan cared for me more than these girls were ever cared for by a guy. If only… he loved me back, I would have been the happiest girl in the entire world.

Unfortunately, that’s not the case. Nathan has made sure of it.

So, why should I care about what he wants either? I should live my life too just as he is doing. Why should I listen to him?

Audrey’s words made me confident. I felt rebellious and thus I decided to go to this party.

Five hours later, Audrey and I were dressed in a mini dress with black boots. I felt uncomfortable with the low back my dress had. It was too short too. However, Audrey promised that it looked ‘hot’. I wanted to loosen up.

Thus, we sneaked out; jumping over the low wall behind our dorms’ building and took off. We laughed feeling this thrill and the thought of outing Nathan’s bodyguards.

“Man! It’s scary but fun!” I laughed and Audrey hugged me in comfort.

“Just wait for more.” She winked and I wasn’t sure if this was right.

Maybe, since I’m doing these for the first time, it’s bound to feel uncomfortable at first.

A car stopped and I was scared until it rolled down and revealed a guy from our school.

“Hey, Audrey. Wanna hop in?” He asked and Audrey squealed while grabbing my arm.

I followed without questioning a thing. We were soon at Waylon’s house, which wasn’t too far from here. Audrey and Jeremy were clinging and I felt jealous watching her smile giddily. She excused herself and turned to me.

“Do you want some–drink?” She asked and I nodded reluctantly.

Thrilled, Audrey asked me to stay at one place while she grabbed us some. I felt out of place at this crazy house party. Regardless, I was overwhelmed to see couples dancing, singing and just fooling around. Some friends and other singles; everyone was having their time of life. Thus, I sighed and slouched on a couch, ignoring the gang sitting beside me.

Audrey was back and I took the first drink of my life–immediately hating it. She was new to it as well but she laughed and grabbed another. I decided I was done with half of it.

“So, let’s dance?” Audrey asked and I agreed. Dancing and enjoying–starting to loosen up slightly.

It felt joyful. I got tired and headed back to my initial spot when I halted hearing something that I hope I didn’t–

“Mr. Nathan is so hot! You should see his bed hair– I wonder if he is going to become my step dad.” one of the girls gushed over him, staring at her screen as if watching a photo of him.

“I would want him to be my husband or boyfriend, rather than a step-dad!” Another added.

“But I heard that he is involved in some dangerous business.” Another added.

The more they talked, the louder my heart beat went. I felt the pain once again of being heart broken.

“I can ask my mom. After all, they’re dating each other.” the first one said and I felt a bucket of cold water being thrown over me.

“What!!! No way! Mr. Nathan Holland is your mom’s boyfriend?” And to remove any nuance of doubt, there it was out and loud.

“It seems so. They have been dating that I am sure of but have they made their relationship public, I can ask my mom now.” The girl offered and I sat there feeling cold feet.

I noticed Audrey walking up to me with concern in her eyes. Her friend Jeremy sat closeby with two new cups which I snatched from him and downed it in a go.

“Shit, man!” Jeremy hissed and reached towards me to help.

Suddenly, I felt dizzy and uneasy. Audrey kept asking what went wrong but I dare not open my mouth.

“Jeremy, help us please.” She pleaded and I let my body go limp in his arms.

I hung on him as he struggled to keep up with my limp body without offending me in some way.

“Common! Carry her!” Audrey’s voice echoed and I thought I would puke if I moved.

“Jere-meh!” I called and stumbled.

He held me in time and everything started to fade.

“Shit, shit, shit. She might puke.” He started to freak and held me close, making way towards the bathroom, hastily.

Oddly, I thought the music stopped and there were murmurs. I cling to Jeremy who curses under his breath. In another second I heard a crack sound and stumbled. My stomach churned and I might have puked–I don’t know as everything went black.

***