Chapter 135 – OctoMary Incident

The ex-groom and bride stared each other down. And judging by the equally fierce sparks shooting out of their eyes, if one didn't know their identities beforehand, it would be impossible to tell which was the Healer and which was the Enforcer.

"Maery," Levi squeezed between his gritted teeth.

Hearing that word, Noah visibly flinched. And Levi, who had always paid attention to his baby first and everyone and everything else second, instantly shut up and tried to retract his intimidating aura. Tried being the keyword.

Maery, too, didn't wish to upset her baby brother, so she forced a smile. Unfortunately, that smile looked scarier than her frown.

But fortunately for the both of them, Noah's reaction to the word had nothing to do with the tone or facial expression it was spoken in!

No, no, no! There was a very different reason as to why he had always avoided referring to his newly obtained sister by her name!

And that was because…

The mere mention of anything that sounded like Mary or Marie made dread rise up from his very bone marrow! ○|￣|_

It was a mental shadow! A heart demon! It wouldn't even be false to claim that he had PTSD to the words!

Why? 🤔

Heh, remember how the nun that raised him had a special interest in naming female babies Mary?

Alright, perhaps it couldn't be called a "special interest", it's just… what other religious name could she give? Magdalene, the hooker? Eve, the sinner? Lilith, the one who apparently committed an even greater sin because she had been stripped of her title as the first woman and turned into a demon?

And if you are wondering, 'hey, can you even mess something up so badly that you get your first woman title taken away?? It's not like she cheated in… you know… being a woman', let Noah quote two of his fellow brothers who put it in a very eloquent way:

"Must have had a penis down there…" (¬‿¬)

"Na-ah man, hear me out! To stand up to her chauvinistic husband, she definitely… had some balls!"

 (☞ﾟ∀ﾟ)☞

Ahem, so uh, it's not that the nun had a special fetish, it's just that she was hellbent on naming babies according to the Holy Scripture. ╮(╯∀╰)╭ And so it took six baby Marys before the nun realized that calling all female babies Mary brought along certain… difficulties.

From then onwards, she changed her policy, deciding that four Marys at a time was the limit, and she would wait for the count to drop before she started naming baby girls Mary again.

And so, when the two of the six Marys were finally adopted and another one just about to be adopted, with much delight, she promptly called the next orphan girl Mary. But then, disaster struck!

That last adoption fell through, and the very next day, twin baby girls arrived at the orphanage. And these two were originally called Mary and Marie by their religious yet nonetheless just-as-dead-as-atheists parents.

The dreaded Mary-count was back to six again!

And then, to add insult to injury, one of the two previously adopted Marys was returned by her new family, who furiously claimed to have been cheated. Apparently, it took them a month to realize that Marie wasn't short for Mario and that the cute little brother they gave to their own kid to play with was actually a handsome little sister.

And then, to put the final nail on the coffin, the second of the two adopted Marys was shipped back because her new parents were incarcerated due to a wildfire caused by a gender reveal party gone wrong…

Very bad! Very bad for everyone!

Other than the two Marys. Phew! Saved from a miserable future at the last second!

And so, there were eight Marys in the orphanage! And, oh boy, on that dark day, everyone in the orphanage unanimously agreed that THAT was something that should have definitely been included in the list of deadly sins!

In conclusion, nothing speaks the loudest about how traumatizing this "OctoMary" incident was for everyone involved than the fact that even a worldborn who had his past wiped still retained a subconscious fear of the word Mary.

Ahem, ahem, back to the present confrontation…

After Levi's exclaim of 'Maery', the unfortunately named sister went tit for tat with him, "Levi."

"Noah!" Noah quipped cheekily, instantly interrupting the face-off.

Ah, how would sensitive baby Noah not realize that the mood was totally wrong?

And when the mood in the room was off, it was up to sensible baby Noah to mediate it!

Levi's face melted into his characteristic "my baby is the cutest" look filled with helplessness and indulgence, while Maery's facial expression… actually pretty accurately mirrored Levi's! Ah, ah, her baby brother was indeed the cutest! (／≧ω＼)

Noah laughed awkwardly, "It’s true that sis totally ruined our plans, but…” he teasingly slapped Levi on the chest, “How badass was she, ah! That throw! Five stars! If the terrorists had the foresight to hire sis instead, they would have saved a few million!” Noah flashed his pearly whites towards Maery, his cute dimples showing in their full glory, “Sister! You were so handsome! Made my little heart go doki-doki!” (≧∇≦)ﾉ

Noah’s sweet talk was super effective at turning Maery’s fake smile into a real one. However, Levi’s expression turned even darker. His baby’s doki-doki should only be reserved for him, Levi!!! (ꐦ °Д°)

This boiling pot of vinegar could hold in his ire no longer! “What are you doing here?!” Levi snapped.

“What else? I came to talk to you about the wedding, darling~” Both Maery’s smile and her call of ‘darling’ was sickeningly sweet yet chill-inducing. Not giving Levi a chance to respond, she turned to coo her baby brother, “Little brother, wait for sis, let’s have dinner together after I’m done here.”

Noah, with his pure and clear eyes, very obediently nodded. Without further ado, Maery walked up to Levi, grabbed his arm in a vice-like grip, and hauled him towards the dining room for a private chat. Her passive-aggressive smile didn’t falter in the slightest when she felt the man try to get his arm out of her grasp, and she even viciously pinched him!

From her appearance and background, one would think Maery was just a delicate flower, but that outwardly delicate flower had muscles of steel!!

Think about it! When normal people overexerted themselves, their muscles would hurt, and they would need to rest for a while to recover. But when a healer overexerted themselves, they would just heal it right back up! And then they would be ready for more physical exercise!

An S-ranked Healer could, in a single day, go through more cycles of muscle strength training than a normal person in an entire month!!!

Whoever thought Healers were delicate was delusional!!

Astar Levi, this big and tough Enforcer, tried to pull his arm out of Maery’s “delicate” hold to no avail. He dug his feet into the floor, but instead of stopping his kidnapping, his feet just slid, making him look like he was moonwalking. Finally, his scrunched-up expression couldn’t help but crack into desperation. He turned to shoot a frantic look in Noah’s direction as if to say “Baby! Do not misunderstand! This woman and I have no relations whatsoever!!” (っ °Д °;)っ

But not only did his baby not try to intervene, he even snorted a cute laugh and then shoot his way an encouraging look that spelled out “Ganbatte! I am rooting for you! You can do it, brother!”

Levi, “…” ○|￣|_

Alright, so he did need to discuss the changes in the wedding arrangements with Maery. It was also about time to notify everyone involved about it and tie up all loose ends. This talk couldn’t be delayed any longer. And the sooner this was resolved, the sooner he could get back to his baby!

Levi gave up resistance, “Indeed we have things to discuss regarding our breakup…” He put emphasis on the word breakup, afraid that his baby would misunderstand the nature of their following discussion.

Noah followed their retreat with his smiling eyes, but internally what he said to Blackie was, “Can you go eavesdrop on their conversation? I am worried it will turn into an argument. If things go out of control, let me know so I can go in to mediate.”

Blackie, who already prepared his metaphorical drinks and popcorn, and secured front row seats for the following drama, (・―・) “…Um …Sure. Anything for you, host! Why didn’t I think of that great idea? I mean, it totally wouldn’t have even occurred to me to do such a thing if you haven’t mentioned it! Not at all! Thank god for your quick thinking! I dare not think what could have happened if–”

The more Blackie rambled, the more suspicious Noah became until he couldn’t help but interrupt, “Are you being sarcastic?” (≖_≖)

Blackie sputtered, “No! Not at all!” (; ﾟ 3ﾟ )~♪

Author Note:

And there you have it. The reason why I’ve been holding out on telling you Maery’s name for 134 chapters even though the woman had this name since chapter 1. I wanted to include this little skit but just couldn’t find the right time for it. In the final version of the book, I’ll definitely bring it up much sooner in the story, so I don’t have to refer to the poor woman with very awkward titles such as “the eldest Cordia” and “Levi’s (ex)fiancée”. XD

Btw, the entire story about Lilith being the first woman doesn’t originally appear in the Bible. It came about later. But since Blackie’s Holy Scripture is a giant rip off the Bible and several other religious texts, it wouldn’t do if it was accurate to the real thing. :D

Disclaimer: Don’t misunderstand! I mean no offense with my religion jokes, nor do I look down on religious people! Actually, I am not even an atheist, so don’t view my jokes with that “modern” “atheists are smart, religious people are stupid” mindset. Though I am personally not Christian, I think there are many thought-provoking gems in the Bible that many could benefit from reading. Some things in the Bible are outdated and ridiculous, but some are timeless classics.

(I know what you are wondering right now. The answer is agnostic.)