I lay at the base of the stone walls of the chasm that was the darkness of Cazz’s soul, the black, midnight storm above sending the chill wind whispering over my skin. Dust pattered against my face and I just screwed my eyes shut tighter and prayed it would be over soon.
I didn’t even try to get my face out of the dirt anymore. The pain rocked through me in waves that wouldn’t stop now. There was no relief—just the rise and fall of torment.
Cazz was… doing something. I didn’t know when the moment would come, but the bond was trembling, humming, vibrating like glass under pressure and about to shatter. I gripped the ground, dirt under my nails, feeling like the moment this ended the earth itself would fall out from under me and I would tumble into freefall… maybe forev
~ CASIMIR ~A wave of such pungent self-loathing and disgust ripped through me, stealing my breath, my courage, and my sanity. I shuddered, and as Toree raised her ass again and tried to find me, a snarl of pure revulsion tore out of me and echoed around the room.She froze, her head whipping around to look at me, to identify the threat—did she really not realize? The threat was… the threat always had been me?And then I realized we were still touching and I almost vomited.Yanking her off the table by her hair, I threw the startled she-wolf to the ground. “STOP TOUCHING ME!”
~ JESSE ~I lay on the bed, still curled up in case the pain came back, staring at the wall.I hadn’t moved since I’d felt the rush of his orgasm. That froze me, because I knew what it meant, and even though the pain began to ease after that, I was left waiting for the mountain to crash down and bury me.Because the moment after he’d had that rush, the bond had gone utterly dead.In the final injustice, for a time before he reached his peak, I had thought just maybe something was changing. That maybe he’d heard me. I’d found hope, even in the pain, when it seemed like I reached him. I hadn’t been able to hear him, but I felt him—as if, in that dark chasm of his heart, the sense of him was floating to me on the very wind that stole
~ JESSE ~I was frozen again. Still sitting, but leaning on my fist, gaping at Rake, utterly confused and shaking my head.“What the hell are you talking about, Rake—what the actual fuck? I never—”“No no! No… not you! Me, Jesse… God…” he dropped his face in his hands for a moment and a shudder rocked through him. I just stared.‘Rake, what the hell?’He sucked in a deep breath and raised his head, his eyes closed. Then when he opened them, he met my gaze with grief on his fa
~ JESSE ~I was shaking, feeling sick, and too hot—everything was too hot.Rake gaped at me, shaking his head. ‘Jesse, you were already his.’‘Not until the vows, not until the fucking marriage bed. You could have stopped him—I didn’t have to be here. You saved me for this?!’His eyes went dark. ‘I helped you because I could see why God sent you. You were here to save him and through him, the rest of us. You can&rsquo
~ JESSE ~I turned my back on Rake who was talking again, trying to soothe me, but I couldn’t take in the words. My head spun—thoughts, memories, understanding swirling faster and faster until, one by one, the puzzle pieces of my life began to click together.A father who only truly loved himself, and made me work for any scrap of approval.Brothers who followed his footsteps and saw me as a possession of theirs to be exploited.A husband whose pain was so great he threw it at me, because I made it safe for him to do so.And a dear friend who loved, who saw,
~ CASIMIR ~“You can’t be serious—she isn’t even ruling!” I spat.Maya’s eyes blazed, and she leaned right into me, grabbing my shirt with her swollen hand, but it wasn’t her touch that made me want to shrink. It was the power I could feel gathering within her.Immense power.For the first time since I killed my father, there was a quiver of actual fear right behind my navel.“You listen to me, you pup,” she hissed. “That woman was brought to you by God to show you the way—she is still learning, but when she stops having to overcome
~ CASIMIR ~The throne room disappeared. Maya was gone. And I was left alone… and cold.When I lifted my head it was to find myself in that dark, cavernous canyon of my soul—the place that had almost consumed Jesse when we married. The place I had buried every memory that plagued me. And the place where the breath of a disapproving God scoured all warmth so that even what little light existed was cold.It was the place where Jesse had met me so many times before and dragged me back to the soft heat of her heart. It was the darkness I had carried with me since my youth.When I shouted here, it echoed… but no one answered.The wind fluttered against my cheek and played with my clothing a
~ CASIMIR ~With a groan wrenched from my chest, and eyes blurred with tears, I clawed fingers into the dirt simply to feel grounded… then dropped my head under the blanket of shame.“I am… I am… my father’s son,” I wheezed.In the seconds that followed, that admission almost killed me. And I fought again—fought for my life.Heal. See yourself. Know yourself.HEAL.“I am… my father’s son!” I croaked. “But please… God… I do not want to be.”The truth will set you free.