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Twenty-One
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2024-10-29 19:42:56AFTER
Lily
I wake up at six AM. Groggy and damp with sweat. I had another nightmare featuring Luc. We were arguing on a shore, foamy waves lapping at our ankles. Strong winds hoisted us up in the air, somehow when we were flung at the middle of the ocean Luc could swim perfectly, floating weightlessly on the dark, angry waters. But I was sinking fast like a heavy boulder. My mouth like an open cave, calling out for Luc, water infiltrated my lungs and the wiry hands of the ocean pulled me into its belly.
A cock crowed at a distance, making me sit up with a start. The mattress in Dad's house is much firmer than the one at home. It is almost uncomfortable to sleep on.
I reach for Luc's flask in my backpack and take a dainty, tentative sip. It tastes sharp like a combustion in my mouth, sliding down my throat igniting as it goes. It is clear why Luc is addicted to this stuff, I see stars behind my eyes, form
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BEFORE Lily"Lily, Lily—"Someone was shaking me gently, interrupting the walk I was taking down an unwinding road. Birds were gossiping from sickly tree branches, cocking their heads from head to side as if they are warning me. Tell me 'do not go any further! Stop!'I opened my eyes a bit, peering through the cracks. Dad was bare-chested, shorts ridding low on his hips. His eyes were bloodshot, his face marred with deep lines of fatigue."Dad," I said in a yawn, "what's wrong?""Do you know where your sister when to?" He asked me, staring pointedly at me.His words did not make sense to. Gibberish floating around, bumping against themselves. Until I arrange them, absorb them. "She is in her room." Is that not where she should be at night?"She is not there," Dad said, frowning like I should know that, "did she
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AFTERLilyMum scowls every time she sees me in Luc's room.She probably feels I will condemn the place with my Lily-ness and all traces of Luc's Luc-ness will be lost. It is one of the things she and Dad fought about during their numerous post-Luc's death fights.After the funeral, Dad wanted me to move into Luc's room so Krystal will have the bedroom we share to himself but Mum would not let it happen, over her dead body. I secretly sided Mum. I don't want to sleep in Luc's room. I still dream about her. Sometimes in the dreams I have, she is alive and stable – the way she was before she attempted suicide – but sometimes, she is dead. Stiff and unmoving. She would try to pull me down with her into her watery grave. I would wake up screaming, my whole body covered in sweat and shaking with sobs. If I sleep in Luc's room, her ghost will kill me.
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