Kabanata 2

I blew the last grey smoke from my cigarette and stomped it after it was burnt out.

"We still have 5 months. Don't stress over it," I said as Osher ranted about the things that needs to get done for our recital.

5 months ahead kami nagre-ready for recital, and we're really pressured since we still have regular class, and we're already on our last year of club. Expected na kaming year ang pinaka-bongga pagdating sa recital. It's our last jam on stage, after all.

"Sino ba hindi mas-stress, eh andaming pinapagawa ni Sir sa 'tin? Di porket huli na natin ito, ibabagsak niya lahat ng kailangan nating tugtugin? We didn't even played so much for the past years! That shit frustating..."

Hindi ko sinagot si Osher at nagpatuloy lang sa pagtingin sa syudad na nasa harapan namin. The rays of the sun were directly pointed to us, pero hindi naman masakit sa mata o sa balat.

I glanced at the other car, in front of Harlett's black ford raptor. They called us, but I didn't budge. I wanted to be alone, just this time. I sighed when Osher went to them. I sat at the back of the raptor and pulled another ciggarette.

Minsan nalang kung maninigarilyo ako, saka nalang kapag madalas, hindi  ko na maintindihan kung anong nangyayari sa 'kin. I don't really like smoking, but as I blow its grey smoke, it also blows away the frustations and madness I felt for the day. Before I could lit up one ciggarette again, naagaw ito ni Harlett. I looked at him, baffled.

He sat beside me and also looked at the city below us. "Okay... okay na ba ang sugat mo?" he asked lowly, afraid that they'll hear us. But I doubt. The other car's too loud for us to be heard.

"Baka nakakalimutan mong Med student si Prynce. Di niya ako titigilan kapag di nagagamot ng maayos ang mga sugat ko. That son of a literal bitch be really insistent, always." I said and tried to get the cigar from his hands, but he threw it away before I could reach it. Tinignan ko siya ng masama. Ano ba ang problema nito?!

"Harlett naman! I need that!"

"Not as much as you need someone to talk to."

Nagulat ako sa sinabi ni Harlett. Bigla akong natahimik. Seryoso si Harlett, oo, pero hindi ko pa siya nakikitang ganito ka-seryoso. I don't know what he's up to. He sighed when the air blew.

"Pryce, nakakasawa nang tignan na halos kada gawa natin ng kagaguhan, may pasa ka." panguna niya na ikinaiwas ko ng tingin sa kan'ya. "What if your mom finds out that you were stabbed because of—"

"She won't. Hindi niya malalaman iyon." I cut him off.

His eyes spits emotion that I hate to see from someone close to me. I hated how he look at me like I was the most pitiful human here on Earth. I was not!

I was told that others had it worse, so I was not!

"Harlett, may problema ka ba sa 'kin?" seryoso kong tanong nang hindi siya nagsasalita at panay tingin lang sa 'kin ng may nakakaawang ekspresyon.

"For once, I want us to stop the things that we're doing. Malapit na tayong mag-college. Hindi na tayo pabata, Pryce. Parang... parang ayoko na ng ganito."

"Then stop. 'Wag mo kaming idamay na gusto pa rin magpatuloy sa mga bagay na ginagawa natin ngayon." I argued.

He tsked in annoyance. He's starting to lose his temper. "Napag-usapan na namin 'yan. Kaya tayo naririto, ay para mapag-usapan 'to. This will be the last time we're going to do things like these."

Nanginginig man, pilit kong tinignan si Harlett. He's still sporting that bullshit expression, and as much as I wanna pound his face, pinilit ko pa ring kausapin siya ng maayos.

"No. I'm not gonna stop."

"Pryce—"

"If this things will keep me alive, I am not gonna stop!"

"Pryce, marami pang paraan!"

"Ano pang paraan kung lahat ng bagay dito sa mundo, nagpapaalala sa 'kin ng nakaraan ko, Harlett?!" I screamed so loud that I knew, the people on the second car stopped from what they're doing. Marahas na napataas-baba ang balikat ko, and I am shaking so badly again.

"Itong mga bagay na ginagawa ko, ito nalang ang hindi nagpapaalala sa 'kin ng nakaraan! Putangina naman," I sighed loudly. Pinasadahan ng kamay ko ang buhok ko bago ako bumaba ng sasakyan. I grabbed my bag and went to the highway to look for something to ride on. Uuwi na ako.

Narinig kong tinawag ako nina Osher, pero hindi na ako lumingon pa at sumakay na sa bus na huminto sa harapan ko. Hindi nila maiintindihan. Hinding hindi nila maiintindihan.

Naabutan ko si Prynce na nanghuhugas ng sasakyan niya. Nakita ko agad ang kunot ng noo niya pagkakita sa 'kin.

He looked at his watch before looking at me. "Why are you home? It's not yet 6. Alas tres pa lang."

Linagpasan ko siya. Naramdaman ko namang iniwan niya ang sasakyan niya at sinundan ako.

"I cut class. And this isn't home. This doesn't feel like one."

Hindi nagreact si kuya nang makita niyang dumiretso ako sa pag-akyat. Wala akong gustong gawin ngayon kundi ang magmukmok sa kwarto. At 'yon ang ginawa ko, hanggang sa makatulog ako at magising sa isang malakas na katok sa kwarto ko. I covered my whole body with the duvet and the pillow I am laying.

"Pryce? May naghahanap sa 'yo." rinig kong sabi ng isa sa kasambahay namin na mas ikinatigas ko pa ng ulo. Hindi ako bumangon. Baka sina Harlett 'yon.

Makalipas ng ilang minuto, narinig kong bumukas ang pintuan ko. I rolled my eyes and groaned loudly. Kailangan ko talagang kunin ang spare keys galing sa kanila.

"Pryce, may naghahanap. Hindi sina Harlett, if that's the reason why you won't come down."

Kumunot ang noo ko at bumalikwas ng bangon. Kung hindi sila Harlett, sino?

"Kaklase mo raw, kaya I let him in."

"Him?"

Tumango si Prynce. I sighed and combed my hair with my fingers. Baka si Theo 'yon, mamimigay ng module for research namin. Kahit naman 'di ko sineseryoso ang pag-aaral ko, hindi ko naman hinihila pababa kasama ko 'yung mga classmates ko. Kahit na ayaw kong gawin itong mga educational shits na 'to, wala akong choice. Ayoko maging pabigat.

Pagkababa ko'y ang guitar case agad ang nakita ko. I can't see who it was, but I already knew who it was.

Anong ginagawa ng damuhong 'to dito?

"Yuriel?"

Lumingon si Yuriel sa 'kin at kumaway. Sinimangutan ko siya. Naagaw naman ng tingin ko sa lalaking biglang tumayo sa isang one-seater sofa, katapat ni Yuriel.

I creased my forehead. Dalawa silang pumunta rito?

"Anong kailangan niyo?" tanong ko nang hindi sila nagsasalita at panay lang ang tingin sa 'kin na para bang isang galaw lang nila, susuntukin ko sila.

"Uhm, Pryce... pinapunta kami ni Sir Diosdico dito para ipaalam na sa inyo raw na banda si... ano nga pangalan mo?"

"Eileer," sagot ng lalaking nakatayo.

"Oo, si Eileer. Sa 'yo raw kami magpaalam dahil ikaw naman ang guitarist ng band A." anito. Hindi ako kumibo at sumulyap kay Ezequiel na nakatayo pa rin na parang sundalo.

I sighed. "Okay. I'll give you the list of songs. As for compositions, wala pa kaming nagagawa. 'Yon lang. Welcome to band A, I guess."

Tumango si Ezequiel at isinukbit ang gitarang nakalapag pala sa sahig namin. He bowed a little. He's weird.

"Salamat. Aalis na kami."

Tumango ako. Hindi ko na sila tinignan at tumalikod na nang tawagin ako ni Ezequiel. My brows furrowed.

"What?"

He was about to say something, but he's stopping himself to say it. Umiling ito at matipid na ngumiti.

"Nothing. Thanks again."

I almost rolled my eyes. Pinigilan ko lang ang sarili ko at tumango. I turned my back against them and never set my eyes of them.

As I lay down, I can't help but to think about that Ezequiel guy. He was smiling. I guess he's fine. Hindi naman ata siya kagaya ng past member namin na sobrang tyranny kung maglead ng banda. Akala mo naman magaling tumugtog.

But if he's like that, tyrant in leading and being a member of a band, at least he'll give us the Caesar one or prove to us that he's worthy of being... like that.

As I kept on thinking about how would we pull our performance for the recital, tire got into me. And what I really love and hate about sleeping?

I can never feel sad of ever feel my emptiness, but it also triggers some of my memories that I kept hidden in the back of my mind.

And that shit is also frustrating.