CHAPTER 1: LOATHE WORD

HAYDEN

“It’s been so long since that dream kept recurring in my sleep…” I thought as I jumped from my bed from the sudden knock echoing around my room.

‘Hayden, wake up we need to talk.’

I know what they were after and won’t be able to dodge it. I have to face it if they won’t be persistent pests. But I speak too soon since as soon as I head downstairs to chat with the family, I don’t like what I hear.

“Find your Luna as soon as possible.” I glared at my number one persistent pack elder, grandfather. 

Hearing him uttered those words, I was starting to get grumpy right after I woke up from my rest and weird dream but due to his words that I’m not ready to face, I’m starting to lose control. And before he could even say something further, I dropped my unfinished snack and just left as fast as I could.

“HAYDEN!” I heard the worried voices from my parents as they went after me when I stormed out of my childhood home which was now feeling like hell from the pressure weighing my shoulders.

“I HAD ENOUGH!” I stopped and screamed at them. They don’t understand the pain that I’ve been carrying through all those years and now they were bringing back what I’ve been trying to suppress.

“YOU NEED A LUNA TO…” the firm and commanding voice from my grandfather shouted back but I didn’t let him finish because I was so at my limit.

“TO WHAT?! TO HELP THE PACK WHEN I’M DOING FUCKING GREAT LEADING EVERYONE HERE? I DON’T NEED ONE!” I kept declining as I didn’t care if I was being rude to the elderly because, at the moment, I wished they could see or even feel what they were pressuring me for. It was draining me.

“LISTEN TO ME YOU NEED A LUNA…” he tried to reason with me but I couldn’t. I can’t take one more heartbreak or I will lose myself.

“FUCK IT! I DON’T NEED IT!” I shouted back releasing all of my anger when I almost sounded like my wolf as I denied what they insisted.

“YOU NEED YOUR MATE.” My grandfather still insisted on making looked empty at him. I know they were just worried about my mateless life but it is a life that I choose after I lost it.

Mate. Hearing that single word, everything in me suddenly stops. I could feel my heart begin to beat slowly until I could not hear or feel its beating. Something was being forced as it was pulled out from me, my heart and it felt like hallow.

“No, I don’t. I loathe it.” With that response, they all gasped and I gave them my sorrowful smile before storming off to the woods where the rain started pouring heavily.

I know stating that word held millions of weight that maybe none of them could ever imagine. I just left them there, confused but I knew and hoped that they already get the message why I can’t. But knowing the pack elders, like my grandfather was stubborn enough not to care since to them, no alpha could rule a pack for too long without a Luna.

“I’ll make them see that it will work even for a few more years…” I was determined but the old wounds they just opened will take a while to close again.

“So much for my fucking life…” I scoffed as I let my feet take me somewhere away from all that had been pressuring me.

***

Heavy rainfall touched my skin as I walked like an empty eggshell. I was not bothered by being drenched since it was helping hide the tears that seemed no plan on stopping from streaming down my face. I might have everything from having a nice family, a pack, and a beautiful handsome face that everyone would be charmed with but I was filled with coldness and this rain was perfect to mask the pain from yesterday. 

‘HAHAHA! The freak is coming. Make way. HAHAHA!’

Everything back there was once exciting yet it easily turned dark and dim once they learned something unnatural for them. Their mischief laughter still rang so clear like crystal in my mind. I could even feel the trash and any liquid substance being thrown or poured as I was once a rug on the mud.

‘HAHAHA! Take that freak.’

They even humiliated me after learning a secret that I didn’t wish to be born with an intersex. Their hits crumpled and stepped on me as if I were not like them. But among the pain they’ve given me, there was a single light that brightened me the famous she-werewolf in the school. She accepted me for who I was and still be my friend.

‘Hey, there you are.’

‘Sorry.’

‘What for?’

‘For having a mate like me.’

‘None taken. I accepted you for who you are.’

‘Then why still with him?’

‘Family reason and I’m not strong enough.’

‘I hope you will for us.’

Back then, we bonded and let the mate bond build more although we hung out in secret but it changed when we got caught. I thought it would be the time for us to be free but what I didn’t anticipate was a forced rejection placed between us.

‘I…T-Tania L-Lavigne rejected Hayden S-Salazar as my m-mate.’

‘No…’

‘C’mon, accept it trash. She doesn’t deserve a freak like you. She needed a real man, like me.’

Painful but I loved her. Being forced to save both of us, I let her go and accepted the rejection as I hoped her boyfriend would stop messing with me. But it was just wishful thinking. I became their punching bag and gladly, it was senior year yet, I can’t deny that it left a grave mark on my life which brought me into something I am now.

I am different. I’m a changed person and they should fear me as I could kill without remorse since I, Hayden Salazar, the ruthless and dangerous female alpha of Blood Moon pack in the Chevalier de Sang town loathes the word ‘mate’.