Shadows 01: Engagement Ring

Diane’s P.O.V.

“I love you and I would never let go of you no matter what. You are my world and I would always fight for your love. I could afford to lose everything if that could mean winning you. If ever there comes a time in our lives that you didn’t want me anymore, I would never stop chasing you even if it means chasing you to the other side of the world.”

Pakiramdam ko ay ako na ang pinakamasuwerteng babae sa buong mundo. I couldn’t stop myself from crying, most especially after hearing those words from him while he was kneeling in front of me.

He took the box out of his pocket and opened it. Then, I was able to see the sparkling ring. He had loosened his tie as he was sweating profusely.

“If it happens that you already had a change of mind… still, I would never get tired of asking you the same questions—twice, thrice, or even a hundred times. Will you marry me, Diane? Will you allow me to be your husband?” Liam asked. Nagsisimula na rin siyang pangilidan ng luha sa kanyang mga mata.

This time, hindi ko na pinatagal pa ang pagsagot ko sa kanya. Nakangiti akong tumango nang paulit-ulit na para bang wala na iyong katapusan.

“Yes. I will marry you, Liam. I’ll marry you with all my heart! I did choose you… before, today, and whatever future might bring us, I would still choose you. I would never love any other man aside from you. In another lifetime, on the other side of the world, in a different dimension, even in astral projection… I’d find you and I would still choose you.”

I paused for a while before I continued, “You’re the only man I would have ever wanted to spend the rest of my life with, and I’ll forever choose you as my one and only husband. I will love you until the end, I promise!” I blissfully sniffed.

He immediately placed the ring on my left ring finger, which I gladly accepted. It perfectly suited well as I looked at it sharply. It was white gold.

There was no doubt that it was only made just for me. It actually contained two rings in one. The lower part was just full of small diamonds, while the other one was just the same—only it had a bigger diamond at the center.

Then, he stood up and hugged me. Though it was so rigid that could crush my bones, it was still one of the best feelings in the world. He never wasted any second and quickly claimed my lips after. I returned his kisses and I didn’t care anymore if we were kissing here torridly.

I couldn’t believe that I would soon become Mrs. Dayanara Clariz Evangelista and that every day, I would wake up beside the only man I had ever loved after making love with him unstoppably the previous night.

“Thank you, Diane. You didn’t know how much you’ve made me happy. I love you and I would never hurt nor make you cry for as long as I can.” Liam was already crying. Our emotions were overflowing like everything aside from us had completely vanished.

Napabalikwas ako nang bangon sa higaan. It had been a month after that incident but every night, I had always been bothered by that dream where I was with that Liam. Every time I closed my eyes, mukha lang niya ang palagi kong nakikita. At kapag nangyayari ‘yon, hindi ko maiwasan ang paulit-ulit na masaktan.

It was a marriage proposal at hindi ko alam kung bakit gano’n na lang ang naging sagot ko sa kanya. Bakit ang saya-saya ko habang kausap ko siya? Bakit literal na lumundag ‘yong puso ko nang hagkan niya ako? Bakit sinabi ko roon na kahit anong mangyari ay siya pa rin ang pipiliin ko?

I was sweating profusely and that was when I checked the time on my bedside table. It was two o’clock in the morning. And just like the previous times, ganitong oras din ako nagigising.

Saglit na sumandal ako sa headrest ng aking kama at saka ko mariing ipinikit ang aking mga mata. Pagkatapos niyon ay ipinanghilamos ko ang mga kamay ko sa aking mukha, bago ako parang baliw na tumawa at nagpakawala ng mga luha. Nanginginig din ang buo kong katawan.

Frustration and grief were eating my heart out. For the past few days, I thought that everything was already okay… but it was not.

Akalain mo nga naman, Diane… sa pitong bilyong tao sa mundo, ‘yong rapist mo pa talaga ‘yong muntik nang mapang-asawa mo?

Aggressively running my hands through my hair, I heaved a deep sigh out of despair before wiping the tears on my cheek. A few minutes later, I had decided to open my drawer and get my supposedly engagement ring.

Mataman ko ‘yong tinitigan—at habang kinakapa ko ang mga diyamanteng naroon ay para bang kinakapa ko sa aking puso kung ano ba talaga ang dapat kong maramdaman. Bakit ba kailangan kong mahirapan? Bakit parang hindi ko na alam kung paano maging masaya?

It had been a month since I told him to stay away from me, and God knew how grateful I was na hindi ko na nga nakita pa kahit dulo ng anino ng rapist na Liam na ‘yon. Kung nasaan man siya ngayon, sana ay manatili na lamang siya roon at huwag na siyang babalik dito.

Pero, bakit gano’n? Bakit pakiramdam ko ay parang may kulang sa buhay at pagkatao ko na hindi mapupunan ng kahit na sino? Bakit hindi ko pa rin magawang itapon ang singsing na ito?

Every time I thought about him, anger thrummed throughout my veins. Every time I remembered how he had sinfully ravaged my whole body despite how much I pleaded for him to spare me, I would just tremble with rage.

Kinasusuklaman ko siya dahil sinira niya ang buhay ko. Kung tutuusin ay walang kapatawaran ang ginawa niyang pagwasak sa pagkatao ko. Tapos gano’n na lang kadali para sa kanya ang lapitan ako at samantalahin ang kawalan ng alaala ko? Para ano?

Para mapang-asawa niya ako nang walang kahirap-hirap? Para mahugasan ang kasalanang ginawa niya sa nakaraan? Para patuloy akong buhayin sa kasinungalingan?

Suminghot-singhot ako habang ang aking mga luha ay wala pa ring tigil sa paglandas sa aking mukha. Mabuti na lang pala at naaksidente kaming dalawa. It was indeed a blessing in disguise.

Dahil kung hindi nangyari ‘yon, hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ako magiging bulag sa katotohanan. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ako lolokohin ni Liam. Magigising na lang ako isang araw na kasal na pala kaming dalawa, at huli na ang lahat para kumalas ako mula sa pagkakatali ko sa kanya.

Sana pala, taliwas sa kung ano mang nangyari noon ay itinuloy ko na lang ang pagpapakulong sa kanya ngayon. Para naman mapagbayaran niya ang kasalanang ginawa niya sa akin—ang pambababoy niya sa akin na pilit ko mang kalimutan ngayon ay wala na akong magagawa pa.

Sana ay ipinakulong ko na lang siya, para naman kahit papaano ay maibsan ang pagdurusa ko sa mga oras na ito at sa mga darating pang mga araw. Sana ay ipinakulong ko na lang siya para magkaroon ng kasiguraduhan na kahit kailan ay hindi ko na siya muling makikita pa.

Pilit ko mang iwaglit sa isip ko ay buo ko nang naaalala ang lahat ng mga nangyari noon—noong mga panahon na kung wala ang pamilya ko ay malamang na bumigay na ako sa matinding dagok sa buhay ko na itinuring kong isang malaking bangungot…