Chapter 5

Sitting at the desk where she worked, Rafaela took a deep breath, trying to process what she had just heard.

"I was the one tasked with receiving the results of your tests, so I came here to tell you this," Kate said.

"Do you have any idea what you're telling me, Kate? This is terrible."

"I know, friend, because we both know who the father of the child is."

"Speak softly," she asked, as she didn’t know if Ethan was still in his office.

"What are you going to do?"

"I'm going to take another test, of course," she replied. "This kind of mistake happens all the time. We were careful. What bad luck it would be if I got pregnant by someone like him."

"Then we’ll buy some pharmacy tests."

When they got home, Rafaela ran to the bathroom to take the first test, which came back positive.

"These pharmacy things are not reliable," she said, opening the second one, which also came back positive.

"Friend, shall we accept that you are pregnant and move on to the next step?" Kate asked when she saw that her friend was going to open the third test.

"This can’t happen, Kate."

"At least you know who the father is. Imagine if you hadn’t seen Mr. Smith the other day. You wouldn’t even know the name of the man you were with."

"The problem is that, among the possibilities, a stranger would be much more appropriate," she replied.

"Don’t say that friend, he’s at fault too. Just call him to talk and tell him what’s going on."

"I can’t," she replied. "He said he doesn’t like children."

"Then he should be more careful, and now there’s nothing to do. You’re lucky you found out early on, so you can understand each other."

"Kate..." She pondered before continuing, "And what if he tells me to have an abortion?"

Kate was silent for a minute, thinking about what she had just heard. Rafaela could be right; powerful men like Ethan tended to solve everything with threats and money.

"He cannot make this decision on his own. Your body and this baby are yours too, so don’t feel pressured."

"Thank you, friend," Rafaela said. The two hugged each other there, without saying another word.

[...]

The next day, Rafaela arrived early at the office. She was reflective and was thinking about what she was going to do. If she told him she was pregnant and the child was his, he would certainly pressure her to have an abortion, something she had no courage to do. She was worried because if she didn’t do what he wanted, Ethan would certainly find a way to fire her, and she would end up unemployed with bills to pay. This wouldn’t be a problem, as she could return to Brazil and work with her family at the inn they owned, but there was Kate.

The two had bought an apartment and were committed to paying for it. It wouldn’t be fair to leave everything on her friend’s shoulders and leave.

She reviewed the list of things Ethan had done again, about things he said he couldn’t stand, and sighed for not knowing what to do.

The elevator that gave access to the floor where she worked opened, and Ethan Smith came out of it with his imposing appearance. The company’s executives had a private elevator and corridor, but it was the third time Ethan arrived through the employee corridor, perhaps to check if his secretary was arriving on time.

"Good morning, sir," she greeted him, getting up from her chair.

He didn’t answer, just gave a discreet look and spotted the paper she was holding.

"Haven’t you memorized this list yet?" he asked, seeing that she was reviewing the list he had made.

"Yes, I’ve memorized it. I was just rereading it so I wouldn’t forget anything," she explained.

Then he ignored her and opened the door to his office to enter. "Sir!" she called him, making him stop halfway.

"What is it?" he asked impatiently.

"Why don’t you like children?" She knew that question might sound strange, but she needed to touch on the subject to tell him about the pregnancy.

"Do I really need a reason?" he laughed sarcastically. "They are noisy, irritating, unrestrained, and a waste of time."

"Why do you think a child is a waste of time?" she questioned him.

"Don’t you think so?" he answered with a question. "Tell me, Rafaela, if you had a child, wouldn’t it get in the way of your life?"

"Maybe a little, but that’s no reason not to like them, don’t you think?" she asked.

"A little?" he asked. "As far as I know, you live in this country, far from your family. If you had a child, would you be able to deal with work or other personal issues? I hate them because they are totally dependent, clingy, and reckless."

"But the name says it all, they are children," she explained.

"I have no patience for that kind of thing," he replied.

"So you’re not considering being a father anytime soon?" she asked.

"I’m not considering being a father, ever," he replied.

"But if it happened? What would you do?" she insisted.

"That will never happen, as you well know. I know how to take precautions very well."

"No method is a hundred percent secure, and..."

"Stop with that," he interrupted impatiently. "That will never happen, and even if it did," he explained. "If, by any chance, a woman gets pregnant with my child, I’m sure there are methods to ensure that child never gets born."

Her eyes widened as she thought that would be Ethan’s decision—not to let that baby come into the world.

"I understand, sir," she replied with a lump in her throat.

"Do you have any more questions about what’s on the list?"

"No, sir." Then he simply turned his back and went into his room.

Rafaela was disconcerted; she didn’t know what to do. There was really some truth in Ethan’s words. A child was a very big responsibility, one that would take a lot of her time and energy. Maybe he was right; the right thing was to make sure this baby wasn’t born, as it would be a child who would grow up without a father and a mother too, because alone, she would have to spend most of her time away, working to support him.

On the computer, she started searching for the names of legalized abortion clinics. Even though she was against that practice, she felt it would be unfair to bring a child into the world to suffer.

At the end of the workday, without telling Kate about her decision, she took a taxi and asked to be dropped off at one of the clinics she had researched. Her heart was shattered, but still, she entered that place and started filling out some papers the receptionist gave her.

After filling them out, she sat in a chair and waited until a doctor called her and asked her to enter his office.

"From what I read in your papers, you just discovered the pregnancy, is that true?" the doctor asked.

"Yes, I think it’s only about two weeks."

"Good, this will make it easier," the man replied, without looking her in the eyes. "Change your clothes and lie down there," he pointed to a small bed. "Let’s not prolong this."

A nurse appeared and gave Rafaela what looked like a hospital gown, and then showed her where to change clothes.

Entering the small bathroom, she started taking off her clothes and accidentally touched her belly. She remembered Aurora, who, even alone, without family or financial means, found out she was pregnant with twins and still never considered abortion for a moment.

Why couldn’t she be like Aurora? Why was she being so selfish, thinking only of herself?

Putting her clothes back on, she opened the bathroom door.

"I’m sorry, I’m not going to do this anymore," she said to the doctor and nurse, who was waiting for her to proceed with the procedure.