Releasing Her

“You seem on edge Master, is everything okay?”

Is everything okay? I don’t even know. I have not felt so drawn to anyone, not even Maria, and she is my wife. Maybe it is the fact that she is off-limits, plus the fact of what she has been through, she is strong, and I like women who are strong but look weak and innocent.

“Just the mission, Kitten, that is all.” The feeling will pass, and I will be back to feeling how I usually do. It will help that I won’t see Alena much. Rebecca falls asleep, lying here. I can’t stop thinking about Alena, but I need to. This obsession is nothing more than that, an obsession, falling asleep I hope my thoughts are gone by the morning.

The feel of leather running across my skin wakes me, Rebecca above my smiling, going to move my hands, are fastened down.

“Stop that kitten.” Looking at her, I pull against the restraints. I hate these damn things. Her laugh is teasing.

“Okay.” Her hand stops stroking the whip across me. Instead, she starts swinging it gently, hitting my chest.

“Kitten, you know what I meant.”

Laughing, she continues, the whips getting harder each time. “Sorry, Master, you want me to stop using the whip, okay then.” She gets off me, walking across the room. I watch as she grabs the paddle, shaking my head at her as she walks back towards me.

“No, stop everything now, kitten.” Looking at her, she puts down the paddle and sits on the bed next to me, my arms still bound. Oh, she is so getting punished for this. I love how she knows what I mean, yet she does it wrong while obeying what I am saying. She isn’t moving, just sitting there, waiting, watching.

“Unfasten the restraints, please, kitten.” I look at her, and she nods, getting off the bed. She walks across the room, her hands unfastening the restraints from everywhere but me.

“The restraints on my hand's kitten, unfasten it now.”

Walking back to me, she crawls onto the bed, her hand trailing along my body, teasing me, stopping at my wrist, her hand unfastens the strap. I watch as she gets off the bed and bolts for the door. Unfastening the second one myself,

I chase after her, catching her as she gets halfway down the stairs, my arm grabbing her and throwing her over my shoulder. Carrying her back to the room, I place her on her feet.

“Witch, you don’t tease me and run.” Grabbing the rope, she struggles, her hands trying to tie me up instead. “Stand still so I can tie you up.” My hands trying to get the rope around her wrists, at least.

“No, Master.” Her hands keep fighting me, I don’t have the energy for this today, but no way am I walking away and leaving this.

“Now, witch.” Grabbing the rope, I wrap it around her chest, trying to hold her arms down and wrap the rope around them. If I wanted to, she would be totally bound by now, but she likes defying me and saying no.

“Make me, Master.” She raises her eyes at me. She struggles more, trying to free herself while tangling me up with the rope. Her words are a clear indicator she wants me to stop fucking about and just take complete control.

Wrapping my arm around her, I pin her body against mine, her hands unable to keep tangling me.  With my other hand, I begin wrapping the rope around her body, slowly restraining her, standing and looking at her. She is perfect.

Yet, I feel like she isn’t enough anymore. Once again, Alena is within my mind. Rebecca is standing there looking at me, waiting, now what do I do? Slowly unwrapping her, I watch as her eyes change, she is in disbelief, so much disbelief on her face. I need to get away.

This isn’t fair to Rebecca. I can’t continue to touch her with Alena on my mind. Standing now totally unwrapped, she looks at me, waiting, her eyes telling me she thinks it is a joke. I wish this was a joke.

“I am releasing you, sorry, kitten, but I can’t do this.” I walk over and sit on the edge of the bed, my words still sounding around the room. Rebecca walks over to me, kneeling in front of me, her eyes looking into mine.

“You have released me already, see no rope, Master, so tell me why you don't want to play all of a sudden?”

I look at her. She doesn’t realise what I mean. I move my hand up slowly, unclipping and removing the collar from around her neck. “I mean for good. You are no longer mine. Things have changed, Rebecca. I am sorry.”

Her face changes, the hurt and pain on it, but if I keep going, that pain and hurt will only get worse. I have never felt like this before, yet right now, I do. I can’t play. I can’t touch her or anything while I think about Alena. It is wrong, only Rebecca should be on my mind, and right now, she has gone from it.

“What has changed? We have been together for two years, two years, Marcus, and you have never looked like you did last night. What happened?”

I wish I knew. If I knew why I feel like this, I would sort it out, I can’t have Alena, and until I get her out of my mind, it isn’t fair to play with others. “I wish I knew, I met someone, and since I can’t get her out of my mind, I look at you so perfect in every way. Yet now, I don’t feel like you are enough.” I look at her, and clearly, my words hurt her.

“You are enough and perfect. My mind is just fucked up right now, I need to go and find a way to free it, and it isn’t fair touching you while she is there in my mind.” Kissing her head, I get up and walk out of the room, her collar in my hand reminding me of the last two years that have just been thrown away. I will sort this, I know I will, and when I do, I hope Rebecca is willing to take me back, but I don’t think she will stay without a Master for long.

Walking out, I feel like I am losing part of me, but I can’t be unfaithful to her that way. I can’t stay loving her like I do when all I can imagine is Alena tied up in front of me. Getting in the car, I look back at the apartment, unsure now what to do. I should go home to Maria, I should do something.

Driving away, I say goodbye to that part of me for now. I don’t even know for how long, but I am saying goodbye to it until I know I can do it without thinking of Alena. Driving home, I need Maria right now the comfort and love she gives me, nothing else, just her. Pulling up, I can see her in the bedroom, walking around doing something, my mind trying to think if she ever had such a hold on me as Alena does.

Getting out of the car, I walk inside. Just a few days and I can forget about it, keep my mind on the mission and nothing else. Walking in, I go upstairs, sitting on the bed. I watch as she walks around the room, looking through her clothes.

“You are home early. You weren’t meant to be back till tomorrow.” I wasn’t. I should have been there till tomorrow. Maria was fine for me to be away for so long.

“Well, I am back early and won’t be going back for a while now.” She carries on looking through her clothes, seemingly not too bothered.

“What do you want to do today then? We could go on a small holiday till I leave?” A getaway might actually help me. She carries on walking around the room, going through her things. What is she doing?

“I have plans, Marcus. You were meant to be gone until tomorrow. So you will have to meet up with the guys. I will be home tomorrow.” She grabs a dress out of the cupboard. I sit watching as she gets changed. She’s going to see him. I know she is.

“James?” My one word is all that is needed. She nods, turning and looking at me as she pulls her dress on.

“We agreed, open relationship. You have Rebecca. I have James. You can’t complain, Marcus. This was your idea when you realised you couldn’t hide that side of you.” She sits down on the bed, fastening her shoes. I am not hurt by it. I just don’t like him.

“James is a dickhead. Why him? And no, I don’t have Rebecca anymore.” I guess I am alone tonight. I do deserve it. She turns, smiling at me. I love this woman. I really do.

“He isn’t a dickhead. You say this every time. It is as if you are jealous of him, Marcus. You have nothing to be jealous of, I love you, and I am married to you.” She fastens her shoes, climbing on the bed, sitting next to me.

“Why have you no longer got Rebecca?” She looks at me waiting, how do I tell her I want someone who is off-bounds and unallowed? 

“I let her go. I can’t do it anymore.” Looking at her, I wonder if this openness of our relationship is really a good thing, now that I look at her, beautiful and ready to leave and meet another man. I realise I don’t want to share her. I can’t say that tonight though, she will think it is because I don’t have Rebecca anymore.

“Well, that was your choice Marcus and no doubt you will find a new brat quick enough. I need to leave.” She leans over, kissing me, my arm wrapping around her, pulling her to me. I don’t want her to leave, not tonight.

She looks at me smiling, her hand stroking my face, I know she loves me, and I am not worthy of her love. I couldn’t just have her, could I?

“Do you feel okay, Marcus?” She is looking at me like she is worried I will do something stupid. It wouldn’t be the first time. I can’t ruin her plans because of my mind. I can’t do that to her.

“I am fine. Honestly, you go and have fun.” Kissing her, I smile, trying to reassure her I am fine. But, unfortunately, I have these days, and they quickly pass. She can’t hold off on her plans because of me.

“Okay, well, I will be back tomorrow, then we can spend the rest of the time together before you leave.” Hugging me, she gets up and walks out, the car horn outside making me stand up, walk to the window looking where he is waiting to take my wife. I should have said I wasn’t feeling okay. I should have made her stay here with me.