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Craved Kiss
Waking up slightly, I feel movement, my mind telling me it is Jackson and to go back to sleep. I feel lips pressing against mine. I kiss back, my arms wrap around his neck. My hand slides along to grasp his hair. This isn’t Jackson. Opening my eyes, Marcus is there. Shocked, I push him away, yet I also want to pull him to me.
“Sorry, I will just leave.” He walks out of the room, and my mind screams to go after him.
Why did he kiss me? Why do I want him to come back and kiss me again, so I can say yes? Maybe it is just a dream. I hope it is, I hope I am just so tired, and in between sleep and awake. Is it fake?
Lips begin to kiss mine again, my hands wrapping around his neck, pulling him to me. The kiss is passionate and intense, my mind telling me when I open my eyes to be prepared to see Marcus. But, opening my eyes, it is Jackson. Maybe last night was a dream?
He pulls back. “Good morning, Kitten.” He smiles, rolling over, lying next to me, hi
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Something else is going on, I can tell. “So, you pushed him away.” My eyes fly up to his face. “What?” I feel a puzzled look on my face. “Last night, Marcus told me he can’t live here anymore. He has feelings for you. I tried to tell him it was just with him being so involved and that he would never be invited to the room again.” I glance at where Marcus is sitting. He looks hurt. “He was adamant he did have feelings. I told him it made no difference. You wouldn’t do it. You’re with me. He asked if he could kiss you, now, before you scream and kick-off, I agreed because had you kissed him back and wanted it, I would have let you go. I don’t miss the looks and the way you look at him, so if you did, I would have been fine, and it was also to show him how you feel.” I didn’t precisely reject him, though. “I didn’t reject him, not at first. I was asleep. He kissed me, I kissed back. I wanted it. I actually went to put my arm
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I can’t hide this from Jackson. For a start, he is not stupid, not at all. I have no idea how long I have been standing in the shower for before the door opens, and Jackson is standing there, his face telling me he knows. How am I going to survive this? “I’m sorry.” I begin to cry, collapsing on the shower floor. Instead of walking away, hating me, he comes into the shower, fully clothed, and his body hugs mine. “I left for a reason. I knew you would. I knew you both would. I will let you walk away Alena. I don’t hate you. I will let you walk away with Marcus.” Looking up at him, I shake my head. “No, I don’t want to, I want you.” How can I say that when I just slept with Marcus? “Alena, think about it, be sure because, in a year, you might not have the choice again. You need to really think about who you want, me or Marcus. Who is it?” “I want you both. Yes, I love you more, I need you more, but I want you both.” This is fucked
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Opening my eyes, I can’t help but smile. Rolling over, my arms reach out to cuddle Jackson but there is just empty space. My mind races forward, memories of yesterday plaguing me. What have I done? My head hurts so much, but not as much as my heart: that is now in pieces. I can’t see a way to fix it, a way to fix anything. Jackson’s offer is in my mind, the one about taking a stand and telling me I have a decision to make. It is his way to give me both of them, yet I don’t feel right agreeing, not at all. It would be like saying our marriage means nothing, yet it does. I hate this! I hate what they have done to me! They have destroyed me just by giving me love. Now the result is three broken hearts, a fucked-up situation and destruction. How can this ever be fixed? How can I walk away from one knowing I’ll be killing the other? I can’t do that, yet I have to. I have to find a way to choose but I don’t want to. Tears start to fall. That’s all
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Jackson sits with the girls. Walking into the kitchen, I begin cooking. I watch him walk over to me, then his arms wrap around me and his lips press against my neck. “I still love you. We’re still together and married, so don’t be afraid of touching me, please, Kitten. If we can’t be like we were, that would hurt more than you walking away.” Turning to face him, I wrap my arms around his neck, pulling him to me, and kissing him. Why do I feel like I have not kissed him in ages? My breathing is hitched my heart racing. “Calm down, Kitten.” He pulls back, kissing my forehead. “Okay, the first rule, is you can’t both call me Kitten. You two can sort that out yourselves, but it doesn’t feel right anymore.” It doesn’t, and it needs to change. “Okay, Kitten.” I burst out laughing at his response. “Sorry, old habits die hard and all that.” He turns to walk back to the girls. Finishing, I plate it up and place the five plates on the table. Jac
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Walking through the door, I find him standing waiting. Walking to him, my arms wrap around his neck. Kissing his lips and pulling him to me, his hands grab me, pulling me tightly towards him, my moans escaping. “I don’t want Marcus. I just want you. I don’t want anyone else in the room, just you. I can’t believe I never realised it before. Everything you did was for me, not you. That fucking punishment this morning was for me not you. I am doing this for you. I am choosing right now: no Marcus. I can live without him; I cannot live without you, Jackson.” He looks hurt. His face is filled with pain, his eyes looking at the door. Following his gaze, I see Marcus standing there. Everything, all the feelings for him, flood through me. I feel awful. He walks out. Following him, I stop him by the car. “I am sorry. You were right. I will never leave Jackson for you. That does not mean I don’t love you. I do, but not enough, Marcus. I am sorry. I really am.” This is
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“Hey, have you realised we have had no more issues?” His words make me realise he was right. There has been nothing since the launch. Maybe it was Jake all along and the police scared him off? “We’ll have a peaceful Christmas. As much as I hate bringing him up, especially now, I have to. Marcus’s birthday is the same date as Georgina’s. I was thinking of throwing a joint party for them both and that way he can’t say no because he will be going to Georgina’s.” I wait for his reply but he is quiet. Maybe it is too soon to mention his name. “If he will go, I think it will be nice. He has not celebrated his birthday for years. He does not even see anyone on it, so if he agrees then why not?” Wrapping my arms around him, I move closer, my lips pressing against his. “Thank you.” Smiling at him, I can’t believe how close I came to possibly losing him. “I told you, me and Marcus will stay friends through anything. I still love him and you the sa
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The car door opens. Looking up, I see Marcus has climbed into the passenger seat. “I know Jackson enough that he wouldn’t want you going alone after that letter. I am coming with you. I won’t talk. Christ, Alena, I won’t even look at you.” His eyes are fixed forward. I don’t think I can do this. The car is too small. All the emotions flood back. I can feel the tears building in my eyes. Concentrate, Alena. Drive and concentrate. Maybe I should give up and go shopping another day? But honestly, when it is Christmas in seven days, I can’t escape it. I need to go shopping. Pulling out of the drive, he stays quiet. The whole drive is too quiet. I can’t stand it. “So, what is your plan now then?” My question is almost silent. I can’t act like he isn’t in the car with me. As hard as it is to talk to him, I can’t do it. “Well, after Christmas I am going out on missions with the team, just going to get away for a bit.” I want to argue, tell him no and
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Getting into our bedroom, I remove the whip from the box. It is beautiful, all leather. The whip is black and red. The handle has ‘Kitten’ written on one side and ‘Wolf’ on the other. ‘Beast’ is written on the end of the handle. The feel of it is amazing. You can see all the details in it, all perfectly placed and marked. Placing it back in the box, I walk to my dresser. Opening the drawer, I hide it beneath my clothes so Jackson won’t find it. Walking back downstairs, Marcus is sitting at the table with Jackson. It is nice to see them together despite everything. It shows they care for each other a lot. Walking into the kitchen, I start cooking while the girls play happily in their little play area. When the food is ready, Jackson and Marcus are still sitting and talking. Do I give Marcus some or not? I don’t know. I feel like I should but, at the same time, I feel like it is the wrong thing to do. “Marcus is stayi
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