"What's the matter, Colin?" I asked worriedly.Colin rubbed his face with his hands, yet the fatigue, the pain, and the frustration in his eyes persisted."Lulu, Felix is blind now. He also can't feel anything below his knees.What?Upon hearing the bad news, I almost slumped to the ground. It was as if something heavy was pressed on my shoulders, threatening to flatten me."How can this be? He could still see two days ago. How could he turn blind so suddenly? Also, I massaged his calves and he could feel it then. Is this a misdiagnosis? Colin, get a second opinion." I fumbled and came up with a response."The doctor said that there are blood clots in his brain. They moved and pressed against his nerves, causing him all these symptoms.""Then take them out. Can't we remove the blood clots with surgery?""The doctor said that the blood clots are located in a sensitive area. He'll be blind if we let them be. But if the surgery goes awry, he might be handicapped forever. Also, the
Colin rubbed his temples, exhausted. I felt bad, so I pulled his head into my arms and gave him a head massage, trying to make him feel better."The position of the blood clots is just unfortunate. I searched online. Jinovy Hospital has the best neurosurgeons. If they said they can't do anything about it, no one else can. We can only pray for Felix. There's no other way.""How long will it take for his body to absorb the blood clots?""No one knows. It can take a week, a year, or a lifetime.""It's all my fault. What should I do?" I was fraught with worry.I was afraid of entering the ward just now. When Felix was hospitalized the previous time, it wasn't my fault yet Aunt Mel had yelled and cursed at me with nasty words. Now that Felix had lost the function of his eyes and his legs just to save me, I feared that she might do something more radical. I wouldn't be able to handle that.While Colin often took my side, he wouldn't be able to do anything because it concerned his own
Dad and Mom went to the hospital right away. Colin wasn't there. Aunt Mel was stunned to see my parents. Then, she slowly nodded and uttered, "Harper, we're even now."Mom choked on her tears and grabbed Aunt Mel's hands. "No, Melinda. We owe Luna's life to Felix."Upon hearing what Mom said, the brave front Aunt Mel was putting up finally collapsed. Tears came gushing out of her eyes. "Don't say that, Harper. It's all karma. I know it.""What do you mean? If karma does exist, good things will happen to Felix because he saved Lulu. He will get better."They held each other's hands and consoled each other with reddened eyes.The accident brought solace to the pain from the past. They reconciled.This should be the best thing that had happened out of this mishap.Felix was awake. His eyes darted toward the entrance when he heard the sound of an opened door. Then, he sat there motionlessly.The eyes that I knew so well were still beautiful. But there was no soul in them. They were
I felt pressure crushing my chest, so much so that I struggled to breathe. It was as if a hook had gripped my heart and yanked it out of my body.The thing I feared most about, the one thing that had been hanging heavy on my mind, had finally arrived.I finally understood the words he had mouthed at me that morning in his house. He was saying, "If I save you, your life will be mine."He had sharpened and polished those words until they became silver blades that could slice through me.Everything had been part of his plan. He had just been waiting for an opportunity.The rain, the downpour that blurred my vision, the vehicle that sped through, Colin falling sick and resting in his apartment… Everything played out according to the plan he had devised.The puzzle pieces came together.Colin, his family, me, and even himself were pawns in his scheme. Felix plotted everything to bind me to his side, even at the cost of his own life.He put his life on the line to separate Colin and
"I can't see, and I can't walk. I feel so lonely, Mom. I don't want to live."Felix stared emptily at the ceiling. His hand reached out to grab something, but there was nothing. He put it down dejectedly and left the comment.He wore a calm expression when he said that. There was no emotion in his lightless eyes. It sounded mundane like he was saying he wanted a burger for lunch. Yet he was using his life to force everyone to play by his rules.Perhaps he did know that we were all there.Aunt Mel wailed. She grabbed Felix's right arm and cried loudly, "No, Felix. You shouldn't have those thoughts. Dad and Mom are here. We'll stay by your side forever. You won't be lonely, Felix. Trust me. Trust your mom.""But what do I do after you're dead?" continued Felix emotionlessly. Like a fragile, porcelain doll, he elicited empathy. But the words he uttered cut deep.My heart was icy all over. Coldness crept through my body, starting from my toes. In an instant, I felt like an icicle han
"I have two sons. Whichever one of them leads a happy life, I'll be happy too. So Lulu, don't ever feel that you must do something. As for Felix, your Uncle Austin and I will handle him."Aunt Mel's words warmed me and moved me to tears. Spring had arrived after this harsh winter. Mom looked at Aunt Mel in disbelief and quickly grabbed her hands.For the first time in a few months, the two who had grown up together hugged each other again.Thanks to Aunt Mel's encouragement, Colin and I saw hope in the predicament once more."Thank you so much, Melinda." Mom and Melinda cried together.It seemed like tears were the only thing capable of conveying our emotions here.Colin kissed the back of my hand and said gratefully, "Thank you, Mom. And sorry."Just then, the loud noise startled everyone.Uncle Austin was pushing the chairbound Felix, and they were by the entrance.The source of the noise was a big, red apple. It rolled on the floor.Felix seemed to have used up every ounce
Mom grabbed Aunt Mel's hands over the long, rectangular desk. She kept apologizing and thanking her while crying.Colin and I held each other's hand. I snuggled in his arms. As always, he was warm, but I felt cold. I fell more and more in love with him as each day went by.But the image of Felix lying in a pool of blood and his soulless body on the bed would never get out of my head.While Aunt Mel's words managed to bring me some solace, what would Felix do? He trapped me with his life. He saved my life. Would he give up?If one day, his condition was declared incurable and he chose death, how was I going to face that?If I had to make the choice… My heart was telling me to pick Colin. Yet my mind told me that I should pick Felix because he got hurt while saving me. I wanted to repay my debt to him. I couldn't leave him high and dry heartlessly.What a dilemma.And if I followed my heart and picked Colin, would we be happy living with that decision?…"I won't be happy, Lulu.
Colin told me that time would bury everything.The temperature in Jinovy reached a record high in mid-April.Over the past few months, the 23-year-old me became more mature and composed. Whether I felt happy, sad, or angry, it all stayed hidden under my always-smiling mask.Helen told me that I had become more aloof. She said that one day, I would become a nun who forsook mortal desires.I laughed, saying she was exaggerating. But with a serious expression, she told me that if love hurt, it was time to let go.I knew that, of course.But I couldn't and wouldn't let go. There was nothing wrong with my relationship with Colin. The problem was Felix.I caressed my wet eye corners and asked, "Are you able to let go of Matthew, then?"Helen fell silent. Then, she began sobbing until she fell asleep.I didn't tell her that I would never give Colin up. Love never hurt me. What I was feeling was my guilt toward Felix.I had been dreaming about the Felix from before he turned 18, that