"I can't see, and I can't walk. I feel so lonely, Mom. I don't want to live."Felix stared emptily at the ceiling. His hand reached out to grab something, but there was nothing. He put it down dejectedly and left the comment.He wore a calm expression when he said that. There was no emotion in his lightless eyes. It sounded mundane like he was saying he wanted a burger for lunch. Yet he was using his life to force everyone to play by his rules.Perhaps he did know that we were all there.Aunt Mel wailed. She grabbed Felix's right arm and cried loudly, "No, Felix. You shouldn't have those thoughts. Dad and Mom are here. We'll stay by your side forever. You won't be lonely, Felix. Trust me. Trust your mom.""But what do I do after you're dead?" continued Felix emotionlessly. Like a fragile, porcelain doll, he elicited empathy. But the words he uttered cut deep.My heart was icy all over. Coldness crept through my body, starting from my toes. In an instant, I felt like an icicle han
"I have two sons. Whichever one of them leads a happy life, I'll be happy too. So Lulu, don't ever feel that you must do something. As for Felix, your Uncle Austin and I will handle him."Aunt Mel's words warmed me and moved me to tears. Spring had arrived after this harsh winter. Mom looked at Aunt Mel in disbelief and quickly grabbed her hands.For the first time in a few months, the two who had grown up together hugged each other again.Thanks to Aunt Mel's encouragement, Colin and I saw hope in the predicament once more."Thank you so much, Melinda." Mom and Melinda cried together.It seemed like tears were the only thing capable of conveying our emotions here.Colin kissed the back of my hand and said gratefully, "Thank you, Mom. And sorry."Just then, the loud noise startled everyone.Uncle Austin was pushing the chairbound Felix, and they were by the entrance.The source of the noise was a big, red apple. It rolled on the floor.Felix seemed to have used up every ounce
Mom grabbed Aunt Mel's hands over the long, rectangular desk. She kept apologizing and thanking her while crying.Colin and I held each other's hand. I snuggled in his arms. As always, he was warm, but I felt cold. I fell more and more in love with him as each day went by.But the image of Felix lying in a pool of blood and his soulless body on the bed would never get out of my head.While Aunt Mel's words managed to bring me some solace, what would Felix do? He trapped me with his life. He saved my life. Would he give up?If one day, his condition was declared incurable and he chose death, how was I going to face that?If I had to make the choice… My heart was telling me to pick Colin. Yet my mind told me that I should pick Felix because he got hurt while saving me. I wanted to repay my debt to him. I couldn't leave him high and dry heartlessly.What a dilemma.And if I followed my heart and picked Colin, would we be happy living with that decision?…"I won't be happy, Lulu.
Colin told me that time would bury everything.The temperature in Jinovy reached a record high in mid-April.Over the past few months, the 23-year-old me became more mature and composed. Whether I felt happy, sad, or angry, it all stayed hidden under my always-smiling mask.Helen told me that I had become more aloof. She said that one day, I would become a nun who forsook mortal desires.I laughed, saying she was exaggerating. But with a serious expression, she told me that if love hurt, it was time to let go.I knew that, of course.But I couldn't and wouldn't let go. There was nothing wrong with my relationship with Colin. The problem was Felix.I caressed my wet eye corners and asked, "Are you able to let go of Matthew, then?"Helen fell silent. Then, she began sobbing until she fell asleep.I didn't tell her that I would never give Colin up. Love never hurt me. What I was feeling was my guilt toward Felix.I had been dreaming about the Felix from before he turned 18, that
Mom said that if I truly loved Colin, I should fight with him. His future was my future too. We shared a future, so we should fight for it together.I agreed with Mom, but how was I supposed to tell that to Colin when we hardly met each other? Lately, we weren't able to call each other as frequently as before. And if we did call each other, we'd just relay how much we missed each other and wish each other well before hanging up.There was no time to talk about this kind of thing during a conversation that took place once in a blue moon.Work-wise, Colin's extended absence had affected two of the projects he was in charge of, so much so that the school had intervened. He had to look for solutions during work, and after work, he had to look after Felix. He was overwhelmed.Aunt Mel and Uncle Austin had gone back to Southsville, so Colin was Felix's sole caretaker. He had a lot on his plate."I'm good. I miss you a lot, babe. You have no idea. I can't sleep or eat. I just want to hug
I wanted to help Felix, so I tailed him.He lived in an old but well-maintained apartment building. I went in after Colin ran inside the establishment. However, he was nowhere to be seen when I arrived at the corridor.There were a lot of units in the building. Not knowing where he was and not wanting to call, I could only try my luck on every floor.As I reached the sixth floor, I heard a muffled cry and smelled the scent of blood.I tried to locate the sound. The door of the innermost unit on the left was left ajar. The sound was coming from that direction.Trodding lightly, I approached it. Indeed, Colin forgot to close the door. Perhaps he was in a hurry or he had seen something scary. I peeked inside from the door slit. Just one look and my eyes turned glossy.A wheelchair had flopped to the side. Felix sat motionlessly on the floor with his back against the couch. His body was lifeless, and his eyes were empty. There was a huge cut on his forehead, where crimson blood cam
The caller left a few reminders before ending the conversation. Felix, on the other hand, looked even more disheartened.Colin didn't know it'd be a congratulatory call from his colleague. Otherwise, he wouldn't have answered it.Felix was once Mr. Popular of the school. He was smart and handsome. He had the look of a business elite. He even received offer letters from various mega corporations in his final year of university.When he worked, he was as professional and confident as Colin. If it weren't for that accident, he would have had a bright future ahead of him.But that accident took everything from him. He couldn't stand nor see the sun. The successes he was due to achieve would no longer be his. How could he not feel hopeless?He had resigned to survive instead of living his days. But that phone call that brought good news managed to shatter his will to survive.I stood by the door, concerned. I made sure they wouldn't notice me.I knew looking after Felix would be chal
"Felix, I'm telling you this one last time. I can give you my eyes, my legs, or anything you want except for Lulu. She's my treasure and my bottom line. I won't allow you to take her from me."I cried even harder, so much so that I struggled to contain myself. The hands over my lips were trembling, but I felt something fuzzy inside me. How lucky was I to have found such a loyal man?I took out my mental note and gave him 20 flowers.That said, I couldn't just wait passively for him to bring me comfort and solace. I wanted to reduce some of his burdens too."But what about me, Colin? I have nothing left. What should I do?" Felix groaned in despair."Get up, Felix. We can talk about this later." Colin leaned down to pick up Felix.Then, Felix went berserk. He shoved Colin away as his hands flailed around aimlessly. He dragged his numb legs and crawled on the floor.Colin was caught by surprise. He fell backward due to the force, and his back hit the handle of the wheelchair, produ