CHAPTER THREE: Soar High

"No matter how life drained your energy, I want you to be strong and brave. "

Lilie

It's Mom's last day today at our house, tomorrow we will bury her. Many were shocked and hurt by her sudden demise. But no one would be sadder and more unbearable to me, when she disappeared I felt like I was dead too.

Many have empathized with Mom's last day. My uncles and aunts are here from far and wide. The rest of them are from another country and have returned to the Philippines.

When I got to the hospital, Mom was already in the morgue. Aunt Ella told me everything.

She allegedly went to our house, she did several calls to our house, but no one answered her until she went to my Mom's room. And she found out that my Mom is lying down and bathing in her blood.

Tita also explained to me that Mom was dead on arrival and begged to be revived, but the doctors had nothing to do. As I stared at her casket. I went back to remembering how I had seen her cold body.

I rushed to the hospital when I got out of Sir Asher's car. I even heard him shouting my name.

As I walked I met many patients and doctors. Some of them are lost and wounded. I just avoided the nurses who are pushing the stretcher into the emergency room. The patient was bloody and unconscious.

When I saw Aunt Ella across from the morgue I quickly approached her. It looks like she was crying for a long time. I shivered while holding her cold hands.

"Auntie, where's my Mom? Where is she? Is she here at the morgue?" I asked weakly so she just nodded.

So I slowly moved inside and my knees just weakened when I saw my Mom in a bed covered with a white blanket.

I cried as I approached her and just hugged her lifeless body. My chest gets heavier because of what I see now.

I want to be angry with her because she did not fulfill her promise to me. I want to be angry with my Mom but I can't. I just sit on the cold floor because I can't take the emotion I'm feeling right now.

I hit my head with my hand to wake me up from this nightmare. I don't care if I hurt myself anymore. Damn! Can someone wake me up! I felt someone hug me and force me to lie down and restrain myself from the pain I was committing to myself.

"Lilie, stop! Your hurting yourself!"

But I let go of his hug and I tried to distance myself from him to stop me from what I am doing.

"It's my fault, it's my fault," I whispered and sobbed. I know it’s my fault why it all led to this.

...

"Lilie, please eat first." I looked at my Aunt Ella who is begging while holding my food. I just stared at the food that she brought for a moment.

"I don't like to eat, Tita, I have no appetite," I replied and smiled sparingly, I thought she was leaving but she lowered the food and sat down next to me.

"Eat at least a little, your mom might be angry with you. All right?" She said but I just cried and hugged her tightly when I heard the word she left.

Aunt Ella was with me through thick and thin, from the time when my Mom died until her last demise. Each day passing by, she was the only one who cared about me and never got tired of my rants about my life.

She wipes my tears when they suddenly flow, I only show to her my weakness. Only to her. She is the only one that I have right now.

While I was stunned by my Mom's coffin, I felt someone sitting beside me. When I turned who is it. It was Alexandra and Rina, they are my friends and classmates.

"Lilie, condolence," she hugged me so I just tapped him on the shoulder.

"Condolence," Rina said and hugged me too. I was surprised when Alexandra suddenly cry.

"Why are you crying?" I asked her a curious question so she wiped away her tears before answering me.

"I just want to help you." So I just chuckled at what she had an explanation. She did not need to sympathize with me.

"Thank you, Alexandra," I said before smiling.

"It's alright, Lilie, what are friends for, right?!" I just frowned when she suddenly hit me on the arm.

"Be strong Lilie, I've always been here with you. Just think that Tita is happy wherever she is now," she added so I just smiled.

"Thank you and that's how it is. In this society, we can't be weak a soul, because when you become weak you will be defeated in the battles that you are facing."

...

Today is Mom's funeral day. I no longer wonder why so many people want to bury her.

My Mom is kind, in fact, she already has everything but why is that? Dad exchanged her with another woman.

I looked at the speaker ahead. He said all of Mama's good manners. Her good deeds did everything and when he was done I stood up. I stood up straight and looked at them one by one.

"For me, my Mom was the strongest person I ever met in my entire life. She's the one who is always there for me when everyone left me. She's my best friend, enemy, and everything. If the universe gives me a chance to live again, I want my Mom to be my Mother again, "I took a deep breath first to stop my tears from flowing now.

"But then, I was wrong, even the strongest person has the weakest point in their life, just like my Mom. I used to remember what she said to me; 'Don't give up, your life is precious. Don't end it. ' But why did you leave me? It feels like it's easy for you to leave me alone, "I said and finally cried.

"I'm sorry, I'm just so emotional right now. I just can't believe that you are gone now. But, I will slowly accept it even if it hurts so bad. I hope you're happy now in heaven. Soar higher, Mom. I love you, "I added and went down.

I don't know if I can go on with life without someone who makes me strong and resilient.

...

It was the afternoon when I got home. There I first hung out at Mom's grave and there I cried until my eyes got drained. But nothing has changed. It still hurts. It still hurts a lot.

As soon as I opened the door, the silence and darkness of our house welcomed me. So I slowly went in and roamed my eyes. My tears started to flow so I quickly wiped them away.

Bullshit, Donatella! Don't cry, you're not a baby anymore.

This house witnessed everything, everyone, every day that we were here. As I roamed my eyes, our happy memories came back to me. I just took a deep breath.

As I made my way to my room I remembered Dad. I just clenched my fist when I remembered why we were like this.

I don't know, since he left us and went with his woman. I just got more and more upset with him. I want to blame him for Mom's death.

But, I can't do it. I feel that it's also my fault. Maybe, if I only knew that this would be the case. I wish I had stopped Mom to kill herself.

I went up to the second floor and went to Mom's room. I miss her already. I first sat on her bed and walked around the room. I just stared at the side table and there I noticed a white sheet of paper so I took it and opened it.

It was my Mom's letter.

Lilie,

I know you will be mad at me after what I did. But I want you to remember that you need to be strong and once you read it, I hope you will forgive me. Mama wants to say sorry to you. Please, don't be like me, I already gave up. Always remember that, no matter how life drained your energy, I want you to be strong and brave. Always remember that. I love you.

I know one day or someday we will see each other again in another life, where there is no pain and misery. I'm scared that I will forget you, but I know that in your heart I will always be there.

Your guardian angel,

Mom

After reading her message to me, I started to cry. I promise right now, I will be brave and strong. I lay on Mom's bed as I hugged her the letter that she wrote to me.

...

When I entered university there are so many stalls that are standing. I just remembered that it was our foundation day today.

Am I so sad that I didn't know we had an event?

I have met students who are very funny and laugh loudly. I also noticed the group who are poking fun at one of their friends causing her face to turn red.

I stopped at a booth and read the article above. Along Baba's magical ball. And because I was intrigued I read what was glued to the door.

Do you want to know if your boyfriend has a paramour? Can you get married? Will you pass or fail the exam or graduate from college?

What are you waiting for! Let's guess which Aling Baba has the longest chin I mean she's the best fortune teller in our school.

When I entered, instead of laughing, my whole body trembled. After all, who would sensibly wear a death costume, right? Who else, the woman prophesying now in front of me.

I sat in a chair and watched them both. The woman is prophesying, there are two chairs opposite each other and you will see a round table, and in the middle of it is a round glass.

She closed her eyes and touched the round object. "What is your boyfriend, Johanna?"

"Man," when the woman said that she opened her eyes and glared so I couldn't help but laugh softly.

"I'm serious, what course?" She asked with her eyes closed again.

"Nursing student," the woman replied. We were just shocked when she suddenly hit the table and glared at the woman she was guessing.

"Oh, that's why. All right, you can leave now, your boyfriend has a mistress and three more than you think."

So the woman quickly stood up and came out. I would have been next when suddenly the female fortune teller spoke.

"Are you going to guess, beautiful lady?" She asked so I shook my head.

"It's free I just want to see your future, come on, sit down," she said and pulled me up and made me sit opposite her.

"Is it free?" I made sure so she laughed and nodded.

"I'm Aling Baba, maybe you know why," she said so I nodded. "Because my chin is long."

She shuffled the cards and arranged them on the table.

"What's your name?"

"Lilie."

"Okay Lilie, pick three cards and give me an upside-down so I can't see," she explained so I took three and gave it to her in an upside-down.

When she looked at it, the emotions I could see in her eyes were mixed.

"Risk, luck, and love." I would like to ask what is she talking about. I almost shouted in fear because she suddenly shakes her body

"I need money," she said while trembling as she sat down so I was surprised.

"What?" I asked her nervously, she suddenly looked up and laughed at my priceless reaction.

"I'm just kidding! Look at your face!" She said while giggling and suddenly serious.

"You will be in danger, you will find luck and love. So be--" she explained but I interrupted her when I suddenly stood up and spoke. I can't finish what she was saying because I was terrified.

"Thank you very much, I'm leaving," I said then stood up and turned my back on her.

I was about to walk out the door when she suddenly grabbed my arm. When I confronted her, her palm was outstretched so I was surprised to see it.

"Did you pay?"

I thought it was free?

So I just shook my head and grabbed some money from my wallet. I reached for it and left it in front of her. I almost laughed and shuddered, people nowadays, tend to scam.