[Carnelia] I know that Ona is trying to help, that she wants Primus and I to find a way to connect but I am still so unsure of what I really want. It’s been two days since we made that deal, but part of me is hoping that she will fail. I’m not sure if I can face him, especially considering how earnest he has been with emotions and how muddled I still am with mine. Do I love him? I don’t even know him. How can you love a person you don’t really know? Am I ready to commit to him? Again, just because our bodies have an immediate, chemical reaction to one another doesn’t mean we need to be together. I know that Primus feels this deep bond, but I can’t say that I’m feeling anything nearly as intense. Except for when we argue. That infuriating dragon sets me on fire in a way that no one else has ever been able to do. Hate is a type of passion, I guess, but it is not love. Do I still hate him? Did I really hate him before? Oh yeah, no I definitely hated him before. Damn infuriatingly
[Primus] “Go away, wench, leave me be.” “Not today, Little Brother. I know Carnelia is waiting for you. She’s always waiting for you. She sits outside your arboretum waiting to see if you’ll walk by.” Ona pokes at me. I roll over, attempting to ignore her as I pull a pillow over my head. “Oh no you don’t!" She grumbles as she hops on the bed and begins hitting me over and over again with one of my other pillows. “I made a promise to her that I would get you to talk to her and today is the last day I have to do this, damn it! Get up you lazy goose.”
[Carnelia] “...and so I said to the sailor, ‘I’d put a cap on that if I were you,” I can hear Ona cackling before I even turn to pass the arboretum. I wonder if we have a guest because I haven’t seen anyone arrive, but she is having a good time with someone. Now I understand why Ona was being so cryptic when she told me to dress up tonight. Looking down, I’m glad that I decided to pull one of these gowns that Primus had made for me out of the dressing room. It has been weeks since I’ve worn anything that didn’t resemble a glorified sheet. It feels strange wearing the corset and petticoats again, but at least I will look good for whoever is in the main hall making Ona laugh. “Sister, enough!” he chuckles. “No more! I just can’t I…” The smile I was wearing to greet our guest falls suddenly from my face as I forget how to breathe. Primus is sitting at the head of the table with Ona to his right. She is holding up a large glass goblet of what appears to be wine, but knowing
[Primus] I set the crystals to sing and pulled her close to me. “Thank you,” I smiled down at her. “For what?” her large golden eyes shine brightly under the lamplight. “For giving me a chance to be near you again. I…I am so sorry for how I behaved. It will never happen again. I promise you, Carnelia, I will never force you to do anything you a
[Carnelia] “You jerk!” I scream at him, my dress and hair are surprisingly dry for having just rushed through a waterfall. “That was not nearly enough warning.” His large belly laugh echoes through the chamber, his body rattling me as he holds me tightly in his arms. I punch him hard in the chest and he drops me. But instead of hitting hard stone, I find myself lying on top of a soft silk cushion. Surprised, I look down to find the cushion is not alone, it has several
[Primus]I scoop her into my arms, pulling her up to me so that our faces are at the same height. She feels so light, so small, and so very fragile. But there is nothing weak or timid about how she claims me with her body, wrapping her arms around my neck and her legs around my waist as I push her up against the wall. We are both breathing quickly, the sound of her heart beating a rapid rhythm as I take a moment to marvel at her beauty. Her sunshine hair is tousled, coming free of her simple braid, the tightly curled strands floating around her. Her cheeks are freshly flushed as she blushes, darkening to a sweet berry brown as my eyes drink her in, her tan skin warming at my touch as I place gentle kisses along her chin.Smiling at my good fortune, I begin to kiss her neck, the hollow at her throat and as she gasps, I cannot imagine a world without the sound of
[Carnelia] I didn’t think my heart would break any more until he left me, again, uncertain of his love.Rejected.I cried myself to sleep that night, cried until I ran out of tears. Curled up in my bed, I ignored the curtains as they were drawn by the maids, and ignored the breakfast left at my bedside. I was angry at Primus, but also angry at myself. I promised that I would never lead him to a place where he was unsure of his welcome, but I did. I opened myself up and then shut it all down, unable to make that final, crucial move forward.Do I want to be his mate? If I do, why can’t I commit to him? Why can’t I give my heart over to him freely, to join with him and accept his love fully?
[Primus] As she walks away from me, my heart begins to burn for her, to crave her. My hands are shaking as I try, and fail, to set our mating bands back on the table. I wait until I feel the door reseal behind her before I let my rage loose. I promised to let her go if she wanted to leave, but making that promise and seeing out are two very different types of torture. One is only potential pain, the other is actual, and in this moment I cannot think with the same logical brain that knew that she might someday choose to seek out her own life, to be free of me. All that is left is the part of me incapable of thinking, the animal, the beast,