Healing

[Carnelia]

I know that Ona is trying to help, that she wants Primus and I to find a way to connect but I am still so unsure of what I really want. It’s been two days since we made that deal, but part of me is hoping that she will fail. I’m not sure if I can face him, especially considering how earnest he has been with emotions and how muddled I still am with mine.

Do I love him? I don’t even know him. How can you love a person you don’t really know?

Am I ready to commit to him? Again, just because our bodies have an immediate, chemical reaction to one another doesn’t mean we need to be together. I know that Primus feels this deep bond, but I can’t say that I’m feeling anything nearly as intense. Except for when we argue. That infuriating dragon sets me on fire in a way that no one else has ever been able to do. Hate is a type of passion, I guess, but it is not love.

Do I still hate him?

Did I really hate him before?

Oh yeah, no I definitely hated him before. Damn infuriatingly