Fated 04: Running Away

Athena’s P.O.V.

Nagulat ako when this time, hinawakan naman niya ‘yong kabila kong kamay. Hindi na ‘yon kasing sakit tulad nang ginawa niyang panghihila sa akin kanina. It became gentle now, na para bang nag-iingat siya na baka muli niya akong masaktan. But I guessed, mas nagulat ako sa sinabi niyang…

“H-Helena… s-samahan mo naman ako, kahit ngayon lang.”

Nakatalikod pa rin ako sa kanya. Why does it feel like the wall I built between the two of us… suddenly collapsed?

Would it be much better if he called me Athena? Would the feeling be much better if he uttered my real name?

Napapikit ako kasabay nang pagpakawala ng isang malalim na buntong-hininga.

Wait! What’s wrong with me? What was I thinking and why was I even affected? Remember, Athena… you are Helena and you are here because of her! No other things should matter. I reminded myself.

Speaking of what happened, if not for the sake of Helena’s name, I would have killed him the moment he dragged me out of the garden! I would have even crashed his skull with his bawd ex-girlfriend’s! Ang sarap lang nilang pag-umpuging dalawa! ‘Yong isa, malandi at siya naman… tanga!

He should be thankful enough that I was still able to control my temper. If not? I didn’t know what would happen next, that he might end up… cursing me to the fullest. The moment na sinigawan niya ako ng ‘Shut up?’, gustong-gusto ko na siyang sapakin eh. Baka hindi ‘yong lalaki ng ex niya ang maging duguan ang mukha in the end.

Lumingon ako sa kanya kasabay nang pagtaas ko ng isang kilay. “And what makes you think that I’ll stay here with you, Rivera? After what you did to me? For your information, no one had ever laid their fingers on me and dragged me out like the way you did! And now, you still have the guts to ask me a favor? You’ve got to be kidding me! For the second time, I’ll tell you this… you’ll never worth my time!” pagtataray ko sa kanya sabay hila ng kanan kong kamay.

I lied. How many times did my own father laid his hands on my face and drag me before? I already lost count.

Akala ko ay maaapektuhan siya sa mga sinabi ko pero lalo lamang akong nainis sa naging reaksiyon niya — bigla na lang kasi siyang tumawa.

“What’s funny?” I glared at him.

“Hmm, wala lang. Ngayon ko lang na-realize na hindi pala bagay sa personality mo ‘yong pangalan mo. Ang taray mo kasi eh! The name Helena sounds more of an affectionate and thoughtful person… but you’re the complete opposite,” tumatawang sagot niya sa akin.

I was caught off-guard. I wanted to kick him so hard to the point that he wouldn’t be able to stand up!

So you want to know a secret, huh? Yes, you’re right! Helena doesn’t suit me because that wasn’t even a part of my name! My real name is Athena! You heard me? It’s Athena Cari!

I wanted to shout those words at his face but I stopped myself. “Ang dami mong alam eh, ‘no? I’ll go now, I’m just wasting my time here!” I said as I walked towards the exit.

“Uy, teka lang… Miss Walkout Queen! Ayaw mo niyon? Hindi ka pa nga pumapayag na samahan ako, napapatawa mo na ako. Ito naman, masyadong pikon! Ganyan ka ba talaga? But kidding aside… sorry talaga kanina, Helena ha? Kung nasaktan man kita. I want you to know na hindi ko sinasadyang higpitan ‘yong pagkakahawak sa kamay mo. Hindi ko rin sinasadyang masigawan ka… I’m sorry.” He slightly bowed at me.

Well, mukha namang sincere ‘yong paghingi niya ng tawad sa’kin pero hindi ko na siya tiningnan pa. “Apology accepted but next time, you have to do these three things. First, do not let someone stab you in the back. Second, do not trust people so easily. And lastly, do not ever let love win over you. Kaya utak ang mas mataas kaysa sa puso, utak ang mas gamitin mo… utak ang mas pakinggan mo.” Those were my last words before I left him all alone in the Music Room.

I went straight to the library. I wanted to be alone and enjoy my ‘me’ time completely. That was the reason why I was in the garden, but little did I know that some disgusting people would treat the place like a motel!

Pretending to look out for books across different shelves, thoughts kept on running around my head and that made me blankly stare at something.

Why is there a lot of people who used to be blinded and miserable just because of that stupid love?

Like my Dad — he had been blinded by his love for Helena to the point that he still wanted her to live forever… as if there was actually forever? For me, forever doesn’t even exist. It already ceased even before it exist.

Even for once, even for a little bit, did he… ever try to love me?

And that Rivera — what I knew so far about him was that he was an intelligent student. A smart one… and there was no question to that. But for Christ’s sake! In terms of love, he was nothing but a fool! We always had choices in life and he undoubtedly chose to be… imprudent!

Ni hindi man lang niya nalaman na ‘yong girlfriend niya ay may boyfriend pa palang iba? At mas nauna pa pala sa kanya, so siya pa pala ang kabit kung tutuusin. And what did that his ex do to him? She treated him like a piece of crap… a rug… a slave!

Too frustrating for a smart guy, tsk!

That was the reason why I would never ever succumb to that stupid thing called love! Being alone would have been much better. For me, it was more than exciting and fun. You would get to know more about yourself and definitely, you had more time to love yourself. It was indeed best to be alone than being with a wrong person.

After looking around for any psychological books, nothing had piqued my interest so I just sat at the corner of the library.

I wanted to become a Psychologist someday. I wanted to study each and everyone’s personality. I wanted to master how a person thinks and behaves. I wanted to understand why some people had this so-called dissociative or multiple personality disorder — how did they get that, what triggers that and what would be the cure for that.

I set aside my thoughts. I unzipped my bag and searched for my tablet, then I opened my Famebook account. Gumawa ako last year ng bagong Helena Mari Delgado social media accounts — Famebook, Tweeter and Chinstagram. Masyado man kaming malapit sa isa’t isa ni Helena, we respected each other’s privacy so I didn’t know her passwords and it was simply, vice versa.

And certainly, I could no longer open and use my real accounts because I already died as Athena. Too sad! Baka magkaroon pa ng on-line craze at sabihin ng mga netizen na nagmumulto ako over social media. But I just realized, it could be so much fun! Ma-try nga minsan…

Using the new Helena’s account, I searched for my old Famebook and read the posts from my real timeline. All public posts came from my original schoolmates and I just couldn’t help but roll my eyes.

Oh come on, people! One year na ang nakalipas, puro ‘rest in peace’ pa rin? Can’t you just move on? You, guys, only pretend that you were concerned about me when you were really not. Plastics!

Bukod kay Helena, wala naman na akong iba pang kaibigan. Dad decided to separate us in school dahil malilito lang daw ang mga tao sa amin. And what would I expect? He would sometimes cut his work just to personally fetch Helena after class… and what about me? I had no other choice but to wait for Mang Carding. Well, Daddy didn’t care if I went home past curfew hours. Of course, I didn’t exist. Pero kahit tapos na silang mag-dinner, Helena would still join me in the long table because she doesn’t want to make me feel alone. Napakabait lang talaga ng kakambal ko.

So in my school, I doubted if they knew I had a twin sister. I didn’t talk to anyone, except teachers. Most of the time, I preferred to be alone.

Oh, let me rephrase that — I always wanted to be alone. At least, alone but not lonely. I loved just being with myself and that was ‘self-love’ as they say.

What would you do to so many friends when you didn’t know who would bite you like a real snake? Well, it was true when people say that snakes in the forest are now living in the city. And what would you gain from friends who would just betray you in the end? Nothing, only hurt and heartaches. I had more than that because of my father, ayoko nang dagdagan pa nila ang sakit. So I always had trust issues and I was proud of it.

I was still the same Athena when it comes to my thinking. I did improve a little in terms of academics but overall, I was still me. Ni hindi ko nga alam kung paano ko na-perfect ‘yong exam kanina sa Physics! Nagpanggap lang naman ako na nagre-review sa bahay kagabi. But then, I believed that only my name died and that… nothing really changed because I was still a bitch.

Pretending to be Helena was not easy… and what made it even more harder was the fact that I had to feign to being a complete opposite of what I was! It looked like I was a nightmare dressed like a daydream all along!

“Helena…”

Nagulat ako nang bigla na lang may nagsalita sa likod ko. Sa sobrang gulat ko, muntik ko pang mabitiwan ‘yong tablet ko. Not knowing what to do next, I immediately placed it back inside my bag.

Shit! ‘Yong totoong Famebook ko pa ‘yong nasa screen no’ng tablet… nakita kaya niya?

“Ikaw na naman? Alam mo bang nakakainis ka na? Bakit ka ba sunod nang sunod sa akin ha?” I lowered my voice so as not to disturb the other students in the library. “K-Kanina ka pa ba riyan?” I asked him while silently scanning his reaction if he would tell me the truth or not.

“Kararating ko lang. Hmm, bakit?” tugon ni David.

“S-Sigurado ka? W-Wala kang n-nakita?” tanong ko ulit sa kanya.

“May dapat ba akong makita?” kunot-noong tanong niya pabalik.

“Hmm, wala!” pagpapatay-malisya ko. “Sige, aalis na ako,” agad akong lumayo sa kanya.

“Teka, Helena…” habol na naman niya.

Lakad-takbo na akong lumalayo sa kanya pero ang kulit lang niya. Sunod pa rin siya nang sunod. He really creeped the hell inside of me. I did all my might to run but it seemed like he just didn’t want to leave me alone. Nakalabas na nga ako ng school pero sumusunod pa rin siya sa akin.

Who would have thought that I, Athena Cari, the rebellious Delgado daughter, would run like this? My goodness! Wala akong kinatatakutan. All my life, I was intrepid. I would never do this even in my dreams. And when Helena died, I know… I had nothing to lose.

But I was just a transferee here. I wasn’t able to memorize this place and I didn’t have any plans to do so, lalo pa’t sanay ako na laging hatid-sundo gamit ang aming sasakyan. Ang kaso, sa kaliliko at katatawid ko para lang makaiwas sa kanya ay ako naman itong naligaw.

Hay! Pahamak ka talaga, Rivera! I stomped off my feet like a child when I realized, I couldn’t make my way back to the school.

After turning left on the last corner, I got trapped at a dimmed alley even though it was still daytime. For that, I stopped. Tatlong pangit na lalaki ang nasa harapan ko ngayon na tingin ko ay lulong pa yata sa droga.

“Hi, Miss Byutipul. Naligaw ka ‘ata sa lugar namin? Tara, ihahatid na kita. Ako nga pala si Jonathan but you call me Athan for sure,” pakilala no’ng isang mataba.

I narrowed my eyes while stepping backwards. Did he mean, for short? Oh my God, RIP English!

“And so? No one is asking for your name, idiot!” I shouted back.

“Uy, inglisera! ‘Wag ka nga, pre. Girlfriend ko ‘yan eh, dinadalaw lang ako! Hehehe,” sabat naman no’ng nasa gitna na may mapula at namamagang mga mata.

“I would love to become an old maid for the rest of my life, instead of becoming your girlfriend even just for a minute! You crazy son of a bitch!” I screamed whilst stepping backwards.

“Ano raw ang sabi? Gusto mong pumunta tayo sa beach, honey? Mga tarantado kasi kayong dalawa eh! Huwag niyo kasing gagalitin ang guardian angel ko na bumaba pa sa langit. Baka bumalik ‘yong pakpak, lumipad siya ulit. Tingnan niyo, ang ganda ng mga mata oh — green!” sabi no’ng pangatlong halos palito na sa sobrang payat, sabay hawak sa braso ko.

“Aray, ano ba? Bitiwan mo nga ‘ko!” pilit kong hinihila ‘yong braso ko mula sa mukhang ulupong na ‘yon. Amoy na amoy ko ang baho niya!

Bwisit! Mukha pang isang buwan nang hindi naliligo ‘tong mga ‘to ah.

“Pare, ang tapang naman ng guardian angel mo. Pero okay lang, ‘yang mga ganyan ang trip ko sa lahat eh. ‘Yong mga tipong pa-hard to get pero gusto rin naman!” sabi no’ng mataba.

Ginamit ko ang lahat ng lakas ko para lang makakawala sa patpating lalaking may hawak sa akin at hindi naman ako nabigo. I pushed him in the chest as I continued flinching backwards… hanggang sa may nasandalan ako sa likuran ko.

“Helena, okay ka lang ba?” nag-aalalang tanong niya. Hindi agad ako nakasagot nang hinawakan niya ako at hinila papunta sa likuran niya.

“Sa tingin mo, okay lang ako? This is all your fault!” I shouted at him.

“Just stay here. I got your back,” mahinahon pa rin niyang sabi kahit sinigawan ko na siya.

I didn’t know why, but the way he said those words? It was just full of assurance. It made me think that he could actually fight those freaks for me without any doubt.

At humarap na nga siya sa mga adik na ‘yon. “Teka, mga brad! May problema ba tayo? Pasensiya na kayo sa girlfriend ko ha? If she accidentally trespassed your territory, ako na ang humihingi ng sorry. Sige na, aalis na kami,” nakangiting sabi ni David.

I frowned. What? Girlfriend ka riyan, batukan kaya kita? Gusto ko sanang sabihin.

Akma na kaming aalis nang magsalita ‘yong pangalawang lalaki, “Baliw ka ba? Girlfriend ka riyan, eh girlfriend ko ‘yan eh! Akin lang siya… ‘di ba, baby?” Mabilis na lumapit ito papunta sa akin pero bago pa niya ako mahawakan ay naundayan na siya ng suntok sa mukha at sipa sa tiyan ni David dahilan upang dumiretso sa lapag ‘yong lalaki.

“No one touches my girl, dude! At hindi ako ang baliw rito, ikaw!” sabi pa niya habang naghahanda na siya sa magkahiwalay na pagsugod no’ng dalawa pang mga kasama nito.

I was just silently watching David while he was fighting them. What was missing here was just a bowl of cheesy popcorn and I would be all set! I must admit, he was really good at hand-to-hand combats and he definitely knew how to use martial arts. Natuwa nga ako no’ng binigyan niya ng upper cut ‘yong matabang lalaki bago niya tuhurin ‘yong mukha nito, pagkatapos ay walang hirap na hinagis naman niya sa katawan nito ‘yong isang patpatin na nagsabing ako raw ay guardian angel niya. In the end, those three idiots were unconsciously lying on the ground.

Hinawakan ni David ‘yong kamay ko at magkasabay kaming tumakbo palayo. This time, hindi na ako umiwas. I never experienced in my entire life that someone fought for me, not even my own father.

Nakarating na kami sa school nang magsalita ako, “Tara sa clinic nang magamot natin ‘yang mga sugat mo.” May putok din kasi ‘yong kaliwang parte ng labi niya at may tama rin siya sa kanang pisngi at mata.

“Okay lang ako. Bakit mo ba kasi ako iniiwasan, Helena? Classmate mo naman ako. Isa pa, hindi naman kita sasaktan. ‘Yan tuloy, muntik ka pang mapahamak sa eskinitang ‘yon! Paano na lang kung hindi kita nasundan?”

Wow, at kailan ka pa naging concern sa akin? I didn’t know why but I secretly smiled. Iba rin pala ‘yong pakiramdam nang may nag-aalala sa’yo na hindi mo kaano-ano.

Pero mas pinili ko pa rin ang tarayan siya, “Do I have a choice? Eh ang creepy mo kasi! Tell me, bakit ka ba sunod nang sunod ha?”

“Naiwan mo kasi ‘yan sa library kanina. Ibibigay ko lang naman sana sa’yo ‘yan kaso bigla ka na lang tumakbo na akala mo naman ay nasa marathon ka!”

Nanlaki ‘yong mga mata ko nang inabot niya sa akin ‘yong panyo ko — ‘yong panyo kong may burdang Athena. I dithered, for I was thinking twice if I would get the hankerchief. Pero kinuha ko rin naman ‘yon sa huli.

“Tsaka bulag ka ba? Itong itsurang ‘to, creepy?” at nag-pogi sign pa siya sabay kindat sa akin.

Hindi ko alam pero sa gitna ng kaba ko ay bigla na lang akong natawa, “Well, ang kapal ha? Alam mo, parang hindi ka galing sa breakup! Let me remind you na parang kanina lang eh akala mo ay kung sino kang naagawan ng asawa!”

Tumahimik naman siya saglit. “Okay na ako. May napaglabasan naman na ako ng sama ng loob eh, tatlong punching bags pa!”

Noon ko napansing hawak niya pa rin pala ‘yong isang kamay ko kung kaya’t hinila ko ‘yon. “It is so unusual to meet someone who is running for the valedictorian title and yet, basagulero pala,” I said while smirking at him. No wonder, I was already teasing him. “Pero kanino ka naman natuto ng self-defense?”

“Sa best friend ng ate ko. Tsaka uy, hindi ako basagulero ah! First time ko ngang makipagsuntukan kanina eh. Binabastos kasi nila ‘yong girlfriend ko! Pinagtanggol ko lang…” sabay ngiti niya sa akin nang nakakaloko. He even emphasized the word girlfriend, na para bang may gusto siyang iparating sa akin.

Hinampas ko naman siya sa balikat. “Hindi mo ako girlfriend, bwisit ka!” I wasn’t sure but I guessed, my cheeks went red on what he said.

“Aray, masakit ‘yon ah! Nakipagsuntukan na nga ako para sa’yo, hindi ka na nag-’thank you’ tapos dinadagdagan mo pa ‘yong sakit ng katawan ko!” he said while pouting his lips.

Napatitig ako sa kanya. Teka, bakit parang ang cute niya?

“Hoy, Rivera! In the first place, I didn’t ask for your help and may I remind you this — I wouldn’t be able to get there if it wasn’t all because of you! Hmp!”

“Hindi ko kasalanan na hindi mo naman kabisado rito pero kung saan-saan ka nagsususuot! Tsk. Tsaka isa pa, hindi literal na girlfriend ang ibig kong sabihin, ‘no? Girlfriend as in girl friend — babaeng kaibigan! Ang malisyosa mo namang mag-isip. Bakit, chicks ka ba?” pang-aasar niya.

Doon na naman na-trigger ang inis ko sa kanya. “Kahit pa babaeng kaibigan lang ‘yan, we’re still not friends and we will never be friends! Asa ka! Tsaka pwede ba, Rivera? Just stay away from me. Huwag mo na lang akong sundan pa, maliwanag ba? Matalino ka naman, ‘di ba? Siguro naman ay maiintindihan mo itong sasabihin ko… ayokong makipagkaibigan sa kahit na sino at lalong-lalo na sa’yo!” Umalis na ako at dire-diretsong lumabas sa gate ng school.

Me? The ever gorgeous Athena Cari? Hindi mukhang chicks para sa kanya? I hate you even more, Rivera!

Actually, hindi ko alam kung saan ako pupunta. Tatawagan ko na lang siguro si Mang Carding para magpasundo sa kanya.

I was busy searching for my cellular phone inside my bag when I realized that I was already crossing the street, not even on a pedestrian lane and a fast car was only a few meters away, ready to bump me. I knew it was too late for me to avoid that car so I just closed my eyes and waited for the next thing to happen.

Oh my God! Makakasama ko na ba si Helena?

Akala ko ay huli na ang lahat pero bago pa ako mabundol ng kotseng iyon ay nagulat na lamang ako nang biglang may humawak sa kamay ko at hinila ako papalapit sa kanya. Napasubsob ako sa katawan niya dahilan para ma-out of balance kaming dalawa. Kasabay nang pagkalaglag ng bag ko, pareho kaming bumagsak at nakadagan pa ‘yong katawan ko sa kanya.

Pag-angat ko ng mukha ko, alam kong may nangyari at hindi ako pwedeng magkamali…

Oh my God! Did we really kiss?