SEA OF INSANITY.

   “Snap out of it Marcel, it’s only for tonight and it will all be over.”

   The girl patted her cheeks trying to regain a measure of normalcy, before tightly shutting her eyes taking loud deep breaths, puffing out a mouthful of air, repeating to herself… “Mike is gone; I’m doing this for mom so her mind will be at peace.”

     After a few minutes she slowly opened her eyes ready to embrace the inevitable ritual, but at the said time her heart suddenly jolted in shock, rapidly drumming against her rib cage as a familiar figure seemed to have glitch in the background of her reflection in the mirror. However, staring intently… or rather, frozen in place afraid of blinking, the shadow seem to have disappeared.

    “Holy shit! I think I’m losing my freaking mind.” The anxious girl hurriedly spun around, fearfully examining each and every corner of her room wondering what on earth just happened. Was she really that paranoid by the entire sacred service?

      “Marcel! I thought I told you to make it quick.” Ruby impatiently called out from below the stairs, immediately drawing the girl’s attention.

    Feeling even more eager to get the ceremony over with, Marcel basically ran out of her room, hastily rushing down the flight of shaky stairs.

    “I’m done, what do I need to do?” She asked in a panicking tone, ready to try anything to get rid of this heavy feeling suffocating her mind and weighing in on every fiber of her being.

    “Just get the candles from the cabinet, your dad is about to lose it.” Ruby whispered lowly patting her daughter’s arms before taking unusually slow steps in the direction of the eating area.

     ‘Lose what? his appetite?’ The girl couldn’t help thinking sarcastically… his sanity was already gone, so what else could it be? On the other hand, if her old man was really that irritated, shouldn’t she have at least heard his grumpy shouts by now?

      Shoving the unnecessary thought at the back her mind, Marcel leaped forward pulling open the antique wooden cupboard, scrambling for a set of votive candles used in honoring the departed soul, but because of her careless actions, her hands accidentally toppled over a nearby vase.

    “Oh no! No! No! This can’t be happening, why did she put this in here?” The girl mumbled on the verge of crying out in fear realizing that her brother’s ashes were now scattered across the floors with a few broken ceramic pieces in sight as she slumped onto the ground frantically trying to gather what was left of the grayish black particles.

     “What’s going on? Now’s not the time to be cleaning, get up from there!” Ruby irritably scolded the already flustered girl, pulling her along.

    “B… but the urn… Mike’s ashes…” Marcel wanted to explain, but was practically forced to stand on her own two feet.

     “Why are you so ungrateful, having your family waiting like this? You should be more like your brother, look how considerate Mike is… keeping your dad company while you’re here wasting time playing with sand… always so childish and clumsy.” The woman continued to complain as though she hadn’t heard her daughter’s worrisome pleas nor seen her pitiful state.

     Stunned by her reaction, Marcel excitedly yanked her arms out of her mother’s grip yelling in grief. “Mom! Stop it! Just stop it! Mike is gone…. Your son is gone... my… my brother is dead and it’s all my fault!”

      As if a flood gate of emotions were let lose, the aggrieved young woman shouted out her inner most confliction of self blame with tears streaming down her cheeks and a glistering red consuming her hazel brown eyes. The numbing pain that had been suppressed for nearly two months now was quickly poured out into the open.

     “It should have been me! He didn’t deserve to die…”

    “Enough! What nonsense are you blabbering? How dare you curse your brother like that?” Ruby’s anger suddenly flared, raising her cracked voice in a commanding tone.

        Looking at the furious expression on her mother’s face, Marcel was no doubt confused, yet at the said time her own struggle of emotional agony would not allow her to sympathize, instead all she wanted was for her family to accept the reality of Mike’s death. 

     “What’s wrong with you? Mike is already dead… look! these are his ashes, his bones…. his flesh… it’s nothing but dust now!” The girl desperately retreated, lowering herself to the floors once more, lifting up a handful of ash. Though her words were said in aggression, the bitterness and hurt could not be concealed.

      “Those… those are just sand for my lilies… put them back.” Ruby held her head feeling a bit mystified, trying to process everything, then abruptly added… “The food is getting cold; I’ll save you a plate.”

    Marcel really didn’t understand what was happening to her mother, was she too drifting into the sea of insanity imagining that Mike was still alive and her dad was finally himself again? There was only one way to find out and for her to see things clearly before it was too late.

    Barely managing to calm her inner confliction, the girl hesitantly got up dusting off her hands taking dawdling steps towards the kitchen. However, inching closer she was almost certain that there was some sort of strange whispering resounded in the air.

     “Mom… Who are you talking to?” Marcel asked in a cracked voice despite the obvious conclusion.

     “See what I mean? Your sister isn’t feeling well. We should take her to the hospital tomorrow.” Ruby spoke informingly, placing a cup of water on the table beside one of the four set of plated dishes, before taking her seat on the opposite side.

      Scanning the empty room, Marcel sighed wearily as she discreetly washed and dried her dirty hands before choosing her usual place at the poorly crafted table, silently observing her mother’s weird behavior, waiting to see how she would explain why the remaining food was left untouched.

     As it turned out, not only was her mother imagining Mike was there, but her father as well.

      “Come on son, eat up. I know how much you like to eat spicy pasta and shrimp….. Oh Max, will you just let me be. So what if he puts on a few extra pounds, as long as our boy is healthy he can enjoy all the food he wants….”

     Marcel sat there listening to her mother’s one sided discussion that seem as though the woman was truly having a conversation that was all too similar to those days when they were an actual complete family… before the tragic accident… before Mike was gone and their father Maxwell was placed in an institution after being diagnosed as mentally unstable.

    Flashes of wonderful memories subconsciously found its way into the girl’s mind as tears of joy lingered at the corners of her eyes… Maybe this was what tonight was about, a time of reflection and reminiscence… a way for them to finally make peace with his death through whatever means they needed to.

     “Marcel do you plan on sitting there all night or are you going to finish your dinner?” Ruby reminded the girl lost in a trace.

    “Huh? Oh… yeah… I’m not that hungry.” Surely it would be difficult for her to swallow even a mouthful of food, when both her body and soul was so completely messed up by the entire situation that her purpose for calming sitting there was soon forgotten.

     Marcel hadn’t even notice when or how the meal portion around her slowly vanished.

    There was nothing but silence in the tiny room until Ruby yet again voiced out her displeasure. “Why aren’t you answering your brother? He asked you a question.”

     “Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention. It’s kind of hard for me to listen to my dead brother talk when I’m still alive.” Marcel blurted out sarcastically.

     Instead of getting angry, the woman’s actions of eating paused as she stood up without a word and walked out of the eating area, quietly searching the halls for something.

     Realizing that this wasn’t going to be easy, a thought suddenly popped into Marcel’s mind as she sprang to her feet rushing over to the nearby corded wall phone, dialing a string of numbers she knew by heart.

    “Hey, are you done with your crappy performance? Great! Then get your ass over to my house right now! I need your help.”

   Something was definitely different tonight and it wasn’t just the ominous air or the mere feelings of being paranoid… 

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