Chapter 5: Something Green

Laughing at myself I retrieved my clutch, walking out of the house within minutes. Once I arrived I parked my car in the employees section, and felt the fluttering of waves rooted deep inside my stomach as I saw the influx of cars, the people, felt the air. Saturdays were always the busiest as people came to relieve their weekdays with great food, a few drinks, and a good live performance.

They came, and for once, they saw me sing. They saw me at my weakest, at my most vulnerable. It was terrifying and thrilling all at once, and I felt as if I were walking above air. It never quite lost feeling.

I walked through the back doors and into the backstage area, quickly coming into contact with Justin who came to me and smiled.

"They're here for you, Emily. I hope you know that."

I grinned and rolled my eyes. "I'm just background noise. They like it when they eat. "

He gave me a look over, then settled straight into my eyes with those pretty blue ones. "You're the reason this club has lifted, ask the owner. And these people here adore you. I adore you. So shut up and kiss me.”

1 kissed his cheek, chuckling, and took the bottled water he gave to me.

"Don't let those lights blind me too much, okay?

And the curtains shouldn't fall godsmack on my face either-"

He gave me a crooked smile and walked away.

Then I was hounded by the makeup artist who was annoyed with me for not giving her anything to

work on.

I was alone for a few seconds before the band came to me to go over a few pointers, and I let the lyrics of the song play silently in my head as the band spoke to me, or to themselves.

It was jazz tonight, beautiful jazz, and I knew I needed that rasp in my voice. That vibrating tone.

Facials sensual and sultry, but alive with emotion.

"We're on in two. We'll start easy with Ella Fitzgerald. Then we'll do modern. Nora Jones."

"Got it,"' I said, nodding at the pianist. I took a few more sips of my water before I heard Justin's voice from the sound system, announcing my name and that of the band.

The curtains opened slowly, and I walked to the microphone, the heels of my shoes sounding against the floor. It all became quiet. The lights were a heated beam over my face. But I kept my composure even as my heart seemed to gallop, and gave my most natural smile.

"Welcome, everyone, we're very glad to have you join us tonight and we hope you enjoy what we have to offer. My name is Emilia Burke, and this is our incredible band," I motioned. "We're going to start with a classic piece of jazz, by the greatest, Miss Ella Fitzgerald."

They clapped for us, set down their glasses of scotch or bourbon. I knew I'd have to win them over tonight.

Softly at first, I began to sing.

The song sprang from me, out of my body, my soul.

The music was tender and forgiving, captivating them, and me.

I moved with the words, closed my eyes if only to feel happiness, and I forgot myself and everything around me. I let myself sing.

Gingerly I opened my eyes, ready to smile, and as I looked ahead of me into the dark carpeted room, I felt my heart stop. My smile faltered.

"...I hope that he turns out to be, someone who'll watch over me…”

1 could have stopped singing when I felt my throat become closed, but my voice trailed off and into the air, sounding polished when I just wanted suddenly to turn around and walk off stage.

He was standing in the far end of the room, his form tall and dark. His arms were crossed at his chest, and he was looking right at me.

Leon, He was so far and still his eyes managed to be that same penetrating green, but now they didn't leave me, and God, I wanted them to.

I looked away from him and finished the song, but I felt a spark of anger at not being able to give it my all. Still they clapped, and I drank some water, my hands shaking, before I moved on to the following piece.

I forced myself not to look in his direction.

Anywhere at all but at him. The rest of the night blurred by in song, and only at the end of my last number did I look up at him, expecting to find an en empty space where he had stood. But he was very much there, and his eyes hadn't strayed.

I thanked the audience as quickly and professionally as I could manage and was off the stage before Justin could drop the curtain.

Quickly I told the crew I would be leaving. It was only past midnight, but I would not stay a second longer if I could have it my way. My songs were done, and the rest would be instrumental.

I was free to go. To run.

Justin hadn't been able to reach me before I was out through the back door and stepping on the pavement of the lot.

For some unidentifiable reason the songs became a mesh in my head, one string of lyrics clashing against the other. My hands were shaking, something I couldn't control, and my steps were purposely brisk. Then I felt him there.

He brushed up beside me and the tips of his fingers grazed over my hand.

I stopped in my track, brought my hand to my chest and turned to him.

"Emilia."

"Leon."

His face was somber, but then he smiled. That same charming grin that promised to hurt me later at night, when I was able to remember this.

"You were great tonight."

"Thank you," I said, looking behind him before settling again on his face. I gave myself just three seconds.

And yes, he had changed.

The slight curls of his light brown hair were smoothed back, sliding over his ears and neck. His skin was the same bronze caramel, but somehow faded. I could assume that he hadn't seen much sun, at least not as he used to.

But his body had changed. He was taller yet, and bigger. His body had been made into that of pure strength and the length of his shoulders alone could encompass me. He towered over me by more than a foot.

And those eyes were very green. Unmistakably his.

I felt suddenly small and ugly, but I squared my shoulders and didn't let him notice my discomfort.

"Will your parents come get you?" he asked, his eyes careful. "I can drive you home-"

"I have my car, but thank you." I smiled.

He seemed taken aback for a moment, but he nodded once and watched me. His lips were poised softly into a line. I knew then that he was lost for words.

I took advantage of his silence, and wondered in the back of my mind why we was staring so.

"It was a nice coincidence to see you again, Leon. Enjoy your time back home," I spoke, walking away toward my car.

His voice was smooth. "It wasn't a coincidence. You know that much.

I stopped, looking behind my shoulder and at him.

My brow arched high into silent question.

"I looked for you, Emily.”

"Don't call me that, please. And you shouldn't have," I spoke. "It wasn't necessary.”

I left him standing there and drove away, watching him from the rearview mirror as he all but faded into the background.

I couldn't go home like this. Not with my eyes red and my body shaken. Not when I couldn't even speak without fear of my voice clogging and simply stopping.

I drove toward the beaches and parked as close as I could to the sand. But not even that was close enough, and I took off my heels and held them both in a hand.

I was so stirred that I couldn't remember to be scared at the darkness surrounding me. The water was pitch black, immense. And I thought of me, of the need that I had felt for Leon Maverick not so long ago.

It had been just like this; immense and scary and dark and endless.

And here I was standing before it as if nothing had changed. But it had changed, and I had changed, and I wasn't the same weak woman who had been helplessly in love with her old friend.

I had to suck it up.

Quietly I walked to my car and sat into the leather.

I found myself thinking that I hadn't eaten in a while, and drove away.