BITTERSWEET

Sabor rushed me into his bedroom, closing the door behind us, just in case John came back. I got on to my hands and knees, pulling out a black bag that was hidden under the bed. I sat it on the mattress, looking over at him. He crossed his arms, standing tall, giving me a little nod.

"Are you ready for this?" He asked. I could hear his sadness in his voice. I walked over to him, looking him in his eyes. I placed one hand on his check, ignoring the bumps in his skin. He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath. Was he missing my touch already? His long arms wrapped around my neck as he pulled me in as close as he physically could, squeezing me. I buried my face in his chest, fighting back any tears. He rubbed my head as he sniffled. 

"Don't cry…" I said. 

"How can I not?" It was a good question. After three years together, since the age of fourteen and fifthteen, we had been together. Now, we were separating and we had no idea how long it would be for. 

Elias Whiskley, Sabor if you're his family, was the only constant in my life. Growing up, I was moved from family to family. Being assigned to different foster homes every six months to a year. At some point, I was reluctant to get to know anyone because my relationships with them were always cut short. It was hurtful. It was meaningless. So I learned to keep to myself. Others didn't take that well. I was either the weird, anti-social girl, or the girl who thought she was better than everyone else. I was picked on. But after my first fifteen years of life, I had no fight in me. Then, one day, Sabor stepped in. He was this big shouldered, large armed boy with face piercings and tattoos. He kept to himself as well, but because he looked so threatening, no one bothered him. From the day on, he was always by my side. He was the only person I was close to. And I couldn't believe I was leaving him behind. 

"I got something for you." He interrupted our hug, reaching into the side pockets of his jeans. He pulled out crunched up bills, placing them in my hand. I stared. 

"You found his box?" I questioned, looking at the cash. Sabor nodded. John had a box where he kept his savings. He didn't believe in banks. He had this notion in his head that there would be a day where the government would take everyone's funds, and treat us like slaves. His paranoia was evident when he talked about it. 

"This should last you a while. I just took what I could fit in my pockets." I shook my head at the thought. I had my own money from being a server at the local sandwich shop just a few blocks away. I have been saving for a few months now. I know two grand wasn't going to get me far, but I had another job lined up. The pay was better and I was willing to quit school so I could work full time. 

"You know, if I take this… he's going to be pissed. He's going to blame you." 

"I can take the blame," he said back. I playfully punched him in his upper chest. He chuckled but I could see a wince as well. 

"What is that?" I asked. He shook his head, like I would brush it off. I grabbed at the collar of his checkered blue and white shirt, pulling it down. There was a cigarette burn on his upper chest. I stared, feeling hurt in my soul. This is what I saw last night. Sabor struggled and he ever shed a tear. This was his pain. "Why didn't you say anything?" 

"What were you going to do?" He asked. I closed my eyes. Could I really leave him? 

"Elias…" 

"Sincere." He paused. "Don't feel bad for me. In a few short months, I'll be right behind you." 

"And we will be together again." He nodded. That was our promise. Even though we're separating right now, this was only temporary. I turned to stuff the money into the bag. 

"I'm going to check into the hotel. And then I'll go to the shop and pick up my final check. This weekend, if you can get away… meet me… okay?" He nodded. Odds were slim that he'd be able to, but hope was an important thing. 

"Let's get you to the bus." 

We had done our research well. The bus drove up to the curb at exactly 10:05am. We had walked five blocks in silence, hand in hand. I know this needed to be done but this was gut wrenching. Was I supposed to celebrate the ending of living in first homes with shitty substitute parents? Or should I break down in tears because I was leaving him behind? I was torn. 

The doors to the bus opened, and the few people who waited alongside us began to climb in. 

"It's just a few months." I reminded myself. "The next time we get together our circumstances will be better. I'm going to work hard so you have a place to call home when you turn eighteen." He nodded. That was the plan. It was always the plan.  This time we didn't bother to hug. If we did, we wouldn't be able to let each other go. 

"Take care of yourself," he said as I stepped forward, stepping up. "Sincere…" I turned back to look at him. "Happy birthday." I grinned. I hate the bittersweet goodbyes. 

I've walked around this city too many times. I didn't bother to pay attention to the buildings or the people on the street as we passed them. I instead, looked at my reflection. I was an ordinary girl. Big, yet dull brown eyes; the color of dark chocolate. My nose is long, bridged and sits perfectly in the middle of my face. My bottom lip is plump, but the top is thin. It often tucks itself behind the bottom when I'm deep in thought. The beautiful pink that comes right before sunrise is its natural color. Honestly, this is probably my best feature. I sit at the height of 5'9, a bit taller than most of the men I've met in my life, usually by a few inches. I'm skinny all around. My lack of appetite is the reason. Life seems to be too stressful, too busy, so I snack throughout the day, just to keep the growls away. My skin tone is a clay brown, very soft and smooth. My hair is black as night, very kinky, and rests just past my shoulders. I'm not someone that you take a second glance at. I'm just a loner existing in this world. Not many cared that I was born and not many will care when I pass. 

I got a room for a month on the other side of town. The bus trip was almost two hours with the number of stops. It was in the outer banks of the city… a short term maybe twenty minute drive and you'd hit the outskirts of the suburbs. The motel room wasn't the best, but I was cheap. I didn't plan on spending much time here. It was just a place to shower and lay my head while I saved some more. The rate was $250 a week. Saber helped me take care of the first six weeks, giving the date of my birthday as the check in date. Once I was safely behind doors, I looked over the cash that Sabor had stolen for me. It seems he purposely stole the big bills, as everything was in a hundred and fifty dollar bills. My heart felt heavy as I counted the amount. A few grand was missing from John's box, he was definitely going to notice and he was going to be angry. I hoped Elias could handle it. I looked around the room, peering into every nook and cranny. The mini fridge was empty, but smelled. The little microwave sitting on a round table by the small window needed a good wipe down. I wasn't even sure about the mattress. It looked clean, but the state of the rest of the room made me wonder what could be lying in the sheets. I shuddered at the thought. Suffering from bug bites and roaches wasn't ideal, but I had to remember the end game. Currently,I didn't see anything, but again… sometimes you see a place, and you know. I'll just be sure to keep it clean. I won't eat here. I'll look for vending shops set up around the area, and a few fast food spots as well. See… I knew it was good that I didn't have a big appetite. 

I had given myself just enough time to shower before heading to the diner across the street. The location of the motel was very ideal for me, considering I was an eighteen year old woman living alone in an isolated part of the city. The pay was a whooping one dollar more, but again I would be working full time and could accept tips, unlike the sandwich shop. I had my first shift starting at 1pm and I'd be there until 8 tonight. Once I got off, I'd travel close to the town home I just left to pick up my final check. Hopefully I'm lucky enough to get back by midnight.