4. Regrets

TRIGGER WARNING: NON CONSENSUAL TOUCHING

CAMILLE

"Why are you late?" Christine, my boss didn't pass up the opportunity to nag me when I clocked in late for work the next day. I had no memory of last night or how I even ended up home. It was scary to wake up to a clean slate memory when living with someone like my father.

I spent a lot of time checking my body to make sure I was still intact. I was passed out and he could've taken advantage of me.

"What's the fucking hold up in there, huh?" he yelled right outside the door when I took too long to get out. "Are you fucking yourself? You goddamn drug addict!"

The last thing I remembered was asking a complete stranger for his cigar, and God! That was reckless.

"I'm taking it out of your pay," I heard Christine mutter, flipping her rainbow coloured hair as she walked out, leaving the others to stare at me with an amused and cocky expression.

They've been looking forward to my humiliation for months. The self-righteous one, the most hardworking and diligent Camille, gets scolded by the boss. I'll never hear the last of it.

She's probably in a bad mood and I'll have to apologise by the end of the day. I put it behind me and walked right to the cashier post where the snobby brunette was made to fill in for me.

Nora's eyes flashed with anger as she made room for me.

"Thank you-"

"Don't even!" she glared. "I'd gladly let you get fired if I could."

I knew that but I said nothing and to make it up to her, I took the next ten orders but she scoffed and walked out like she was entitled to it. Everyone had a shitty life, I just needed to make sure I wasn't bothering anyone with my problems.

I tried to remain in the present moment instead of allowing my mind wander to last night. I finished my shift at the café quickly then hurried to the restaurant where I worked as a waitress from noon till 5pm. Then my last part time job was at a bar downtown.

"Late again?" Jacob handed me my outfit once I rushed into the dressing room.

"I overslept. Thanks." He did the courtesy of turning around to give me room to change but it was a public space so both genders changed here.

"That's odd for you. What happened?" he questioned. I flung my jeans over his shoulder for safekeeping.

"Em… dad and I kinda had another fight. Had to stay outside for a while."

"Your pay?"

I nodded, forgetting he couldn't see me.

"Camille?"

"Yeah. The pay. He got pissed and figured I was lying but there's nothing he can do about it so he resorted to violence." The door opened just when I threw on my shirt and the dumb face of Billy came into view.

His eyes disgustingly ran me over before he smirked and walked in. He never passed up an opportunity to 'eye-fuck' me as Jacob would call it.

Time to get out of here. I pulled up my stockings, grabbed my jeans off his shoulders and stashed them in my locker, locked it, and we bounced out.

"God! He's disgusting," I shivered in disgust, dramatically and we both headed to the bar.

"Tell me about it. I caught him peeping under Jane's skirt and he got the full view."

"It's her fault for not wearing any underwear." The bar already dressed us as sluts. I was wearing a crop top wrapped under my boobs, the first three buttons open. If I bent over, my skirt would barely cover anything.

"Whatever," Jacob whirled around to hold my gaze. "You sure you don't need the money back? I mean since you don't want to move in with me or get your own place. He's not going to bother you for one day and let you be. You may sleep outside tonight."

I threaded my hand in his soft blonde hair-- I bet the man in the alley was much softer. Why didn't I touch it? "I'm fine. He can't do more than threaten me."

"Cam, there's makeup on your neck. He grabbed you, didn't he?" his face fell with disappointment, he sounded concerned. He always saw through the disguise. It was his own fault that I sometimes tried to avoid him.

Maybe it was time to quit and find another job, I wondered. He wasn't making our friendship any easier for me. I knew how this was going to go.

"Move in with me," he began, grabbing my wrist in a firm grip yet his eyes were gentle in their aim to persuade me.

"You know I live all by myself. We'll split the rent and the food."

The bar looked full tonight. The girls would need an extra pair of hands soon. Men were seated, eyes scanning who they could grab, play around with, and tease. They had their eyes glued on skirts and asses-- oh, they loved it when Jane was bent over cleaning a table.

Most of them were here for her. I heard gossip that she did some "after work service." Whatever that meant-- probably hookup?

"Camille?"

I blinked at Jacob's frown and he sighed, letting me go. "The offer is always open. As long as you're alive," he added with a shrug. "Just don't let him leech off you too much."

I nodded with a tight heart, wearing my fakest smile that Jacob scoffed and saw through again but didn't say anything. We cleaned tables, served drinks-- I had my ass grabbed once or twice but it was just what I needed to snag my thoughts from him.

Was he still in the alley? I glanced at the time a lot, moved quickly, avoided small talks-- anything to move faster and call it a day already.

"Walk you home?" Jacob called as I dashed out, fastening my belt and fixing my shirt.

"No, I got it."

He frowned, "Hang out this Saturday?" I nodded, just so he wouldn't think I was avoiding him. He waved me goodbye and I briefly returned it before rushing back home, taking the shortcut Old Willy warned me to stay away from.

The closer I got, the faster my heart raced and jerked in my chest. Would he be waiting and thinking about me? My face flushed, cheeks turning bright red as I kept my eyes down. I couldn't remember much from last night but I hoped to God I didn't make a fool of myself.

Please tell me I hadn't said anything about wanting to sleep with him. Oh God!

He was a bad influence and I knew I should keep my distance but what other chance would I have or what other man would I be attracted to? Jacob was taken. The other boys were disgusting and perverts. The men at the bar were either married, about to be married or single but they all had one thing in common; they all fucked around with Jane and I didn't want to get in an entanglement.

Up until now, I've only ever ignored whatever desire sprung up. It's why I never made a move on Jacob. That and he was the only friend I had. I didn't want to ruin that with sexual stuff.

I bet he was into bad stuff. Like loan sharks-- heck, he could even be a mafia boss who liked blood and couldn’t get enough of killing. But for once, let the consequences be damned, alright? Maybe I was judging by his looks-

"… hey, you heard what happened to Ice-T last night?"

"Maaan! Dude thought he could play both sides. Big Mac don't fuck around. Gave his ass two shots and he dropped."

Their laughter shook me and I held onto my bag tight. These boys were from the local gangsters around the neighbourhood and they were trouble. It was too late to turn back now, I was headed in their direction.

There were three of them at each side, leaning against a wall and smoking something foul-- did I mention that I hated the very act of smoking? Yuck.

I hoped to pass by quietly, lowering my head and trying to look invisible in their midst.

"Well he learned the hard way. Big Mac said that was too easy. Next time, it's going to be family and then you gon sit your ass uptight-- h-hey, look who that is."

God! I recognized that voice anywhere. I hastened my steps with a frantic heart but my path was blocked and jerked, taking a step back to avoid slamming into him. He would like that. The sick fuck could hardly stop himself from trying to touch me.

Standing before me in his black tank top, showcasing a lean body build and a wide smile, Hector spread his arms wide. "Camille."

"Hector," I replied with a stiff nod, looking around and feeling a tad relieved as the others were still in their position. "Hello." I failed to meet their eyes.

Big mistake.

They chuckled and fed off my fear, checking me out so boldly.

Take the main road next time, the warning flashed in my thoughts. I should take the main road next time. I glanced around, searching for him but my heart sank when I saw no trace.

A hand brushed my cheek and I flinched, slapping it off.

"You finally came running back to me, didn't you?"

"I'm just going home," I tried to move but he stepped right to the side, blocking me again. He still grinned like it was funny.

"Camille, come on. We both know you're here for me. Why else would you be here at this hour?"

"She knows you'll be doing the saving at the end of the day," one of his friends cheered and egged him on, swelling his ego.

"There's nothing to save, Hector," all attempts to sound brave flew out the window when they all laughed and continued to tease him.

I saw him grow bolder under their praise. His eyes changed towards me and he now approached with desire lurking behind them.

Hector and I were nothing more than street mates. He saw me once in a while, tried to tease and get me in his bed. He was pretty good-looking but anyone could tell he was young and influenced easily to do bad stuff.

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously, blushing in front of his peers. "I'll walk you home. Want to hang out-"

"I'm older than you," I stated. "By a lot."

"Aw c'mon mama, you ain't that old." one of them whined.

"Even if you are, I'll let you in on a secret."

Whoever said that was suddenly beside me, his heavy arm thrown over my shoulder so quickly and he whispered loud enough for the others to hear, "My boy’s packing and them girls keep coming back."

"Don’t touch me!" I shoved at him hard and lost my balance, landing hard on the floor.

Instead of being mad at how hard I shoved him, he laughed. He was probably too high from his blunt. "Anyone can be a cougar. Just allow yourself to have fun."

They were never going to stop if I didn't get out of here. I scurried to my feet, held onto my purse and started to back away, "No. I'm not interested. Good night."

They surrounded me immediately, forming a very small circle. Their bodies brushed against me no matter how much I turned.

"Stay a while, Camille."

"You smell good, Camille."

"Let him hit, love. Or better yet, all of us."

They laughed, having their sick twisted fun while I tried to squeeze myself out. They were closing in on me, brushing against my ass with every chance they got, touching me.

There was no chance for an escape. Their grinning faces creeped me out. Their laughter made me dizzy and the heat from their bodies, terrified me.

I had no one to blame but myself, losing my virginity after all this time to six local gangster boys who probably had more STDs than I could list.

Amidst their laughter, noise and the ferocious beating of my heart, I heard footsteps . I glanced to the side and I froze, my blood running cold.

There, just where I came from, he approached, eyes glued on my face, then his eyes flicked over to the boys.

Finally! I heaved, feeling the relief warm up my insides. The worst was finally over. He was here. The boys hadn't noticed him yet but just looking at him made me know the worst was over.

But it took a while to notice his eyes. He stared with no emotion in his eyes; no concern, no worry, no interest. They were dim with no light, pitch black like a bottomless pit of nonchalance and ignorance.

The relief I tasted washed out slowly. He continued to walk away, looking away from me like he didn't see the fear in my eyes, the hope he brought or the situation playing out.

I was alone. Why did I think he would help me? Why did I believe he would step in? We were strangers. Just because he shared his cigar didn't mean anything… I turned my head to look. He was smoking at the mouth of the alley-- where we both stood last night.

"Eyes here, Camille-"

It happened fast. My hands moved and struck the face of the one who touched my chin.

I heard something snap. Silence rushed around me before I heard his grunt and he grabbed a fistful of my hair, tight in a devil's grip.

"I'll make you fucking regret that!"