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The Master's Scars
Huling Na-update:
2022-07-19 19:55:36
Kaugnay na kabanata
Ruins of a Sinner The Slave's Trauma
SA AKIN ka lang, Ava... Sa akin ka lang.Hinihingal na napabalikwas ako ng pagkakabangon dahil sa masamang panaginip— isang bangungot na palagi akong dinadalaw sa bawat gabi.Napasabunot ako sa aking sarili habang hinahabol ang bawat paghinga. Naninigas at nanginginig ang aking katawan. Dama ko ang pagtulo ng pawis mula sa noo ko. Kaagad kong tinakpan ang mukha ko ng aking mga kamay habang sinasabi sa sarili ko, "Panaginip lang 'yon, Ava."Every night— every damn night, I would wake up from a nightmare, crying and scared. These nightmares were mostly flashes of tragic memories with Nick and how he owned my body and selfishly used it like a toy."Panaginip lang 'yon, Ava." I wiped my wet cheeks because of tears before my gaze went to the strong arm wrapped around my waist.Doon ko lang naalala na katabi ko si Zach at dito siya natulog matapos sabihin sa akin ang lahat ng tungkol sa masama niyang karanasan noon. Kahit paano, humupa ang takot ko dahil nandito si Zach.Bumaling ako ng tin
Huling Na-update : 2022-07-20Ruins of a Sinner Done With Running Away
I DON'T have the energy to wake up this Sunday because of everything that happened last Friday. Yesterday, because of that event, I did nothing but to sulk and moped around. I was staring blankly until the day ended. The fear, anxiety and the trauma kept me up the whole Saturday night and up until dawn today. Nakatulog lang ang namamaga kong mga mata mula sa pag-iyak dahil sa pagod. I stared at my ceiling as the alarm of my cellphone keeps ringing. Flashes of what happened last Friday night came back on my mind and my body automatically shivered in fear. Hindi ko inaasahan na gustong gawin din sa akin 'yon ni Zach. Sobrang natakot ako na baka pilitin niya rin ako gaya ng ginawa ni Nick. Natakot ako sa sakit at matinding panliliit na muli kong mararamdaman kung hinayaan ko siya. I would never have anal sex again. Not that disgusting thing again. Kumuyom ang mga kamao ko bago huminga nang malalim. Kinalma ko ang aking sarili nang unti-unting bumabalik sa alaala ko ang mga ginawa sa a
Huling Na-update : 2022-07-21Ruins of a Sinner The Overdue Confrontation
HAWAK nang mahigpit ni Mama ang kamay ko nang pumasok kami sa loob ng bahay. The nostalgic feeling invaded my system as I walked through the familiar stone pathway towards the front door of our house. Nakapalibot sa bahay namin ang iba't ibang halaman na inaalagaan ni Mama. "Woah, may mga roses ka nang tanim, Ma?" tanong ko bago kami tuluyang pumasok sa front door. Napako ang tingin ko sa isang paso ng rosas sa gilid ng mismong pinto namin. My mother giggled before she looked at me with so much appreciation. "That was the plant you gave me as a gift four years ago, Ava." Natigilan ako sa sinabi ni Mama at napaawang ang bibig ko. I looked back to the red roses and stared in awe. Sobrang tingkad ng kulay pula ng mga bulaklak nito at saka halatang naalagaan talaga nang maayos. Naalala ko ang tinutukoy niya. Nick suggested to me the idea to give my mother a plant as a gift for her birthday. Nakakabaliw lang na matapos ang isang taon, magugulo at masisira ang pamilya namin dahil sa ka
Huling Na-update : 2022-07-22Ruins of a Sinner When You Love... Don't Consume Yourself
"OKAY ka lang ba, Ava?"I forced a smile at Cora before I nodded. Halatang hindi siya naniwala sa sinabi ko pero hindi na niya ipinilit pa.Nagpatuloy siya sa mga ikinukwfvvento niya sa amin nila Ven at Xie tungkol sa nalalapit na kasal nila Joven at Zach. Masaya ang dalawang kaibigan ko at kitang-kita ko kung gaano sila ka-excited sa darating na Biyernes— ang araw ng kasal nilang dalawa. That is exactly two days from now.Habang ako, parang pinupukpok ng martilyo ang puso dahil sa matinding sakit. Cora told us that Joven and Zach were both busy for the final touches of their wedding and for the rehearsals. Hindi ako naka-attend ng rehearsals kahapon dahil hindi ko kaya. Hindi ko kayang makita si Zach kasama si Joven.Unti-unti akong binabalot ng sakit at konsensya. After going to my nephew's death anniversary, there were realizations that kept me up all night for the past few days. Doubts and conscience started taking over me.It didn't help that I haven't heard from Zach since Frida
Huling Na-update : 2022-07-23Ruins of a Sinner Patch Your Broken Wings
"R-RUPERT."Kaagad akong napapikit muli dahil sa pagkahilo na naramdaman ko. It took me a couple of seconds before I opened my eyes again.My gaze was greeted by white ceiling before I averted my eyes to Rupert.Rupert was standing beside the bed where I was lying. He got this concerned expression on his face as I felt him held my hand. The warmth coming from his hand calmed me."Do you want water?"Tumango ako. Nanunuyo ang aking lalamunan at medyo nahihilo pa rin ako.Rupert gets the glass of water on the table beside me and assisted me from drinking to it. Nang madaluyan ng tubig ang lalamunan ko, mas guminhawa ang nararamdaman ko."N-Nasaan ako, Rupert?" Inalalayan ako ni Rupert na makaupo. Nilagyan niya pa 'yung unan sa likod ko para masandalan ko.Rupert pulled a mono-bloc chair and sat on it. He crossed his arms over his chest before he heaved a deep sigh. "Nawalan ka ng malay kanina. Hindi mo ba naalala?"Napaawang ang bibig ko bago unti-unting bumalik sa akin ang mga alaala b
Huling Na-update : 2022-07-25Ruins of a Sinner Standing by the Ledge
WHEN I love Zach and decided to stay with him even though he's dating Joven back then— I got no problem about holding on to our relationship and waiting for him to come with me when he got a chance.Ayos lang sa akin ang lahat basta nandiyan si Zach. Basta sinasagot niya ako sa tuwing magsasabi ako ng 'I love you' sa kaniya— hangga't sinasabi niyang mas mahal niya ako kaysa kay Joven.I was selfish.Again.If someone would ask me the 'why' of my decision in staying with Zach as his other woman— silly as it may sound— but I only got one answer: Nagmahal lang ako.Yes. Love can be this addicting and cruel. When others were saying 'All is fair in love and war' — I know for a fact that love would never be fair. There were people who would have love easier and happier while there are people, like me, who would have it in the messed up way.It's nice to fall in love not until you have to face the reality that your love wouldn't be able to sail because it was wrong.My love for Zach was wron
Huling Na-update : 2022-07-25Ruins of a Sinner The Way the Mistress Will End This
THERE'S an art in letting go— it could be the art of selflessly loving someone; or the art of compromising; or the art of making a decision for universal gain. In short letting go in relationships is a very altruistic deed that a sinner like me couldn't do. But then again, I guess it also true that repentance comes to all kinds of people. No matter how big and worst your sin was, there would be a time that reality would smack you hard on your head and make you realize how wrong you were and how much damage you inflicted to the people around you. Repentance may come earlier before sins you did harvest the worst consequences; and repentance may also come too late that you're already paying the price of your sin. I guess, my repentance was the latter. It was too late for me to regret everything because the bad karma was now in front of me, grinning like a criminal and with a sharp knife to stab me. "Dearly beloved, we have come together in the presence of God to witness and bless th
Huling Na-update : 2022-07-26Ruins of a Sinner After the Mistress's Repentance
Zach's P.O.V. *** Decisions. Unless it is for business, I suck on making them. People will say — you know things when you got older. You gain wisdom and become better in decision-making. Sadly. I was living this life for almost three decades and yet decision-making and crossroads were still mysteries for me. I tend to weigh pros and cons in business to come up with an appealing solutions and options— but I figured out that I couldn't do the same thing in real life. Life is too complex to just base your decisions in pros and cons. It's not white or black. It got an endless possibilities and paths to take. As a human, we all strive to live not just to survive. And Ava made me feel how it was like to be alive. That's why I don't understand why I am standing here with Joven... "Are you okay, Honey?" Napabuntong hininga ako nang mag-iwas ng tingin sa akin si Ava. Ibinalik ko ang aking tingin kay Joven. "Yeah. I'm okay," I answered, holding her hand firmly to stop myself from runn
Huling Na-update : 2022-07-27
Pinakabagong kabanata
Ruins of a Sinner Special Chapter 10: Revelation
(After Ava's burial)CORA'S POV***Ilang segundo rin akong nakatayo sa gitna ng dating kwarto ni Ava. Nandoon pa rin ang mga gamit niya. I guess, hindi pa pumupunta ang kahit sino sa pamilya niya para ayusin ang mga naiwan niyang gamit dito.I was frozen on my place with hands clenched on both of my sides. My tears blurred my vision as I roamed my gaze around the room. It's been three days since she was buried... And it's been three days that I hated my father to death."I'm sorry na hindi kita nailigtas, Ava," I murmured as my heart ached for my fallen friend. "I should've listened to my guts."Pagsisisi.At matinding galit.Iyon ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.One year ago, I got a hunch that something is different from the way my father is looking at my best friend. Pero dineadma ko iyon, thinking that he is seeing him like his daughter because she's one of my closest friends. Kaya gano'n siya mag-alaga at mag-alala para sa kaibigan ko dahil para niya na ring anak iyon. Five months ag
Ruins of a Sinner Special Chapter 9: In Another Universe III
AVA'S***Kaagad na dumiretso ang aking likod nang sa wakas ay nakita ko na rin si Mama pagkatapos ng ilang oras na pag-aabang ko sa labas ng silid niya rito sa ospital. As much as my heart was yearning to hug her and to say sorry to her, I stopped myself from doing so.Nakuntento ako sa kinalalagyan ko at tinanaw lang siya habang nasa likod niya si Papa na siyang tumutulak sa wheelchair na kaniyang kinauupuan. Kasabay ng matinding kirot dahil gustong-gusto kong yakapin si Mama ay ang matinding hiya ko at pandidiri sa sarili ko.Masasaktan lang si Mama kapag nakita niya ulit ako. Wala na akong ibang ginawa para sa kaniya kung hindi ang saktan siya. That's the reason why I can't go to her.Ilang minuto kong pinanood ang mga magulang ko bago ko napagdesisyunang umalis na. I wiped the tears in my eyes before I walked away. Mula sa ospital, dumiretso ako sa sementeryo kung nasaan ang musileyo ni Gavin.I clasped both of my hands as I enter. Nang makita ko ang ultrasound picture ng pamangk
Ruins of a Sinner Special Chapter 8: In Another Universe II
AVA'S POV***Ilang beses akong napabuntong hininga habang mahigpit ang pagkakahawak ng aking mga kamay sa aking mga tuhod. Halos malamig ang butil ng pawis na tumutulo sa gilid ng aking noo at sobrang nanliliit ako sa aking pwesto.Bago ako pumunta rito, pinag-isipan kong mabuti ang mga sasabihin ko. Buong magdamag kong inisip kung ano ang dapat kong gawin kapag nasa harapan na ako ni Ate Agatha.But I found myself tongue-tied and feeling nauseous, now that I am actually in the situation. This is suffocating... Being in front of her... and the man who introduced to me the wrong concept of love— Nick.“What now? Nagkalakas ka na ng loob na harapin ako? After making the same mistake again, Ava?” She snorted before she harshly tapped the table between us. “Ava, hindi ka ba nahiya? You became the mistress of your best friend's father! Hindi ka na naawa sa mga magulang natin sa mga kahihiyang dinadala mo sa pamilya natin.I heard the anger and shame on my sister's voice. Hindi ko rin kina
Ruins of a Sinner Special Chapter 7: In Another Universe
AVA'S POV [NOW... JOVEN'S AND ZACH'S WEDDING: THE SUICIDE DID NOT HAPPEN] *** It was suicide. I intended to die and leave this world. I was a coward and I don't have the courage to face all my mistakes. Sigurado na ako na iyon ang gagawin ko. Sobrang sakit na ng lahat at wala na akong nakikitang paraan para itama ang mga pagkakamali ko. But now that I am standing in front of the church, in front of the big crucifix in the middle of the altar, watching my man to exchange vows with another woman...then, all my plans changed in an instant.Death turned out to be scarier than what I expected it to be. It is something not easy to decide no matter how miserable someone's life is. Humigpit ang pagkakahawak ko sa panyo sa kamay ko habang unti-unting nanlabo ang mga mata ko dahil sa mga luhang nagbabadyang tumulo. Then and there, I saw it. Nag-flash ang lahat ng posibleng mangyari sa akin kung magpapakamatay ako ngayon dahil lang nasasaktan ako. I shook my head as my body started to tre
Ruins of a Sinner Special Chapter 6: Torture
ZACH'S P.O.V. *** "Cora, let's talk!" "I DON'T WANT TO TALK! NOT TO YOU! I HATE YOU!" Napahilamos ako sa aking mukha nang lagpasan niya ako. I didn't know where she came from but having her furious reaction towards me, I know for a fact that she's probably with Joven— and I know Joven told her. "Cora! I'm still your father!" Sinundan ko siya at kaagad na hinablot ang kaniyang braso para pigilan. Pero kaagad niyang iwinaksi ang kamay ko. Then she looked at me with so much disgust and hate. Para akong pinagsakluban ng langit at lupa sa pandidiri sa mukha ng sarili kong anak. The shame and conscience took a toll on me and I found myself taking a step back from Cora. No. I don't want my daughter to hate me. This is so fucked up. "Totoo ba? Totoo bang si Ava... ginawa mong k-kabit ang kaibigan ko?" Cora was crying. Her tears falling from her eyes like an endless river. Her eyes were begging me to say 'no'. Kita ko ang sakit sa mga tingin niya sa akin. The fact that she's still gi
Ruins of a Sinner Special Chapter 5: Triumph
JOVEN'S P.O.V.***"Hey, Joven. It's nice to see you again."I stared at the man who broke my heart into pieces while I was wearing a veil and a white wedding gown.I didn't bother to put up a smile. Walang emosyon ang tinging ibinigay ko sa kaniya. "You know I'm not happy to see you again, Zach. This is painful," I honestly said before avoiding his gaze.Napadako ang tingin ko sa tasa ng kape na nasa harapan ko. I couldn't believe I agree to meet him today.He said he has to say something so important— kahit nagdadalawang-isip, pumayag akong makipagkita sa kaniya sa Wednesday Cafe. The place was cozy and has a beautiful ambiance but I couldn't enjoy it specially that my heart was broken and the man who did it was sitting across me."I know. I'm really sorry, Joven.""Sorry would never make up for what you did to me and to my child." Napahawak ako sa aking tyan at marahang hinaplos iyon.Narinig ko ang buntong hininga ni Zach bago niya muling sinabi, "I'm really sorry."I had a tragi
Ruins of a Sinner Special Chapter 4: Lie
NICK'S P.O.V. *** "Ma, Pa, this is Nick— boyfriend ko po," I bowed my head in front of my girlfriend's parents. I readied the gentle smile when my gaze met the eyes of Agatha's father. Gaya ng inaasahan, masama ang tingin na ipinupukol sa akin ni Mr. Lazarte pero ayos lang 'yon. Alam kong kapag nakilala niya na ako, gagaan din ang pakikitungo niya sa akin. Kabaligtaran ni Mr. Lazarte, mas magaan ang naging pagtanggap sa akin ng nanay ni Agatha— sabi niya tawagin ko na lang daw siyang Tita Lucia. Well, Agatha decided to finally introduce me to her parents after three months of dating. Hindi naman ako tumanggi dahil mahal ko siya. Yes. After years of being a notorious playboy, someone came to finally take my heart and own me— body and soul. Masyado pang maaga para sa iba upang malaman kung para sa iyo ba ang isang tao sa loob ng tatlong buwan na relasyon. Pero kay Agatha ko lang naramdaman 'to. Isa pa, hindi na rin ako bumabata. I'm nearing my thirties and I'm actually planning t
Ruins of a Sinner Special Chapter 3: Wrath
AGATHA'S P.O.V. *** Wala akong ibang gustong gawin after a sixteen-hour shift kun'di ang matulog at makapagpahinga. The hospital was busier yesterday and I think I wasn't able to even have a good dinner last night because of the patients I had to attend to. Sana maabutan ko ang asawa ko bago siya pumasok ng trabaho. I know, after I see his face, this fatigue and restless feeling will be a lot better. I heaved a deep sigh when silence greeted me when I entered the house. Oh, it's always like this. Since it was just six in the morning, everyone in the house was still asleep, specially that it's school vacation for my younger siblings. Naalala ko bigla si Ava. I had to ask her if she's really sure about taking STEM strand in SHS. I mean, hindi ko pa rin nakakalimutan 'yung madalas niyang sabihin sa akin noong nasa elementary siya— she said she wanted to be a writer. If that's the case, I don't think STEM was the strand that she should choose. I made a mental note about that. Tahimi
Ruins of a Sinner Special Chapter 2: Regrets
Rodolfo's P.O.V.(Ava's father)•••"Starting from now, I'm no longer your father," tiim ang bagang na saad ko bago nag-iwas ng tingin sa kaniya."Papa..."Galit. Awa. Sakit.Galit ako kay Ava at sa ginawa niya sa kaniyang kapatid. Galit ako kay Nick at sa naging relasyon nila ng ikalawa kong anak.Naaawa ako sa sinapit ng panganay ko at ng apo ko. Hindi ko inakalang kailangan kong masaksihan ang pangyayaring 'yon— napakaraming dugo at wala akong nagawa nang tuluyang mawala ang apo ko.Higit sa lahat, masakit. Masakit para sa akin ang lahat ng ito. Hindi ko alam na hahantong sa ganito ang pamilya ko— na dadating ang nakaka-putanginang pangyayaring 'to sa pamilyang binuo, itinaguyod at pinrotektahan ko.Kahit saan ko tingnan, mas kailangan ako ni Agatha at hindi ko makita sa sarili kong patawarin si Ava sa nagawa niya.She could've stop herself from having an affair with that bastard if she values her sister! Putangina."Huwag mo na ulit akong tatawagin na papa, Ava. Wala ka nang karap
