Devastated

"I have always wanted to go somewhere out of the castle. Father always has protected me, and I shall be forever grateful for that, but he has always protected me in a way that is disrupting my interests and dreams--I mean how could I ever get married without getting out and knowing the man I may soon love? Or is father going to arrange a man for me?", I asked the maid who was gently stroking my hair with my brush while having a genuine smile on her face.

She had always taken care of me like her own. Father had arranged her for me ever since mother was sick and got bedridden.

So many thoughts were baffling their way into my mind. Mrs.Hanzah asked me to put these thoughts away and go to sleep but, Oh, how could I ever? I knew she wouldn't let me write in the diary as she wanted me to sleep so, I had just pretended to be asleep till she had left.

Waking up from the pretended sleep, I kicked the duvet out of my way and bent upside down below the bed so that I could take the diary which I had treasured to write in it about my day and thoughts to calm myself down as it was the only article of privacy that I knew father couldn’t see.

Anxiously, standing up I went towards the door and locked it so no one could see that I was awake, or it could alert my father and I could lose my only source of privacy.

I wanted to marry the man that I had chosen to love and cherish throughout and for the rest of my life, but my father had never let me get out of my room and even if I ever did, it could only be once or twice a week.

I felt like I was trapped. I think he is going to arrange a man for me.

Huffing out of frustration, I started to think about the chances of me marrying a man that my father has arranged for me.

I mean--there is nothing that is under my control, not even my marriage, for god’s sake! I was always dominated but this time I wanted to take the stand and prove my bravery.

Maybe—just maybe--!I could ask father for the last time, to let me get out of the castle. I don’t mind any guards and all following me or me being covered fully!

I wanted to take a sight of what the world may look like beyond the doors of the castle. From the size of rocks to the average length of a plant--I wanted to see it all.

I had made a choice and a brash one at that, and it was that if my father wouldn't let me have even a sight outside of the castle, then I would take control of my life and the things which were supposed to be under my rule in the first place.

Keeping my diary under my bed in a secretive place that only I had discovered, I went towards the door to unlock it as I turned on my heels and marched my way back towards the extravagant bed that father had bought for me.

Waking up to the voice of Mrs.Hanzah as she opened the curtains and let the sunlight inside my room and into my eyes which were not quite used to it after waking up from heavy slumber.

I then remembered my plan for what I do today.

I got out of bed and made my way towards the bath. After, that I was done, I quickly asked Mrs.Hanzah to bring me the gown that I had asked the other maids to stitch for me.

I wore it with the motherly maid’s help and then opened the door of my room.

Walking towards the area where my father was resting on his throne. He had some guests over, and so I got there and waited for the guests and his conversation to end.

After that it did. I held the layers of my gown up so that it won't trouble me for moving towards my father.

"Father, I have a request, if you oblige, which is, that would you let me out of the castle doors? I do not care if someone is there to keep an eye on me, all I want is to have the sight of the world that is beyond the doors of our castle.", I said with all might and emotion bundles up the tone of my voice, but all he replied with was a sigh followed by him shaking his head as a no.

Shock and anger coursed through my veins as I felt the rush of adrenaline. Getting angry, I controlled myself and let out a disappointed sigh filled to the brim with frustration.

"Alright then, thank you and good day, your majesty.", putting more pressure on 'your majesty' and strode my way out of the door

I was beyond devastated. I did not know that he would decline my polite and innocent request. I had done and asked for the same thing many times over the years, but he had always rejected my pleads, and I had had enough of it.

He never let me get out of my room more than twice a week. He always listened to the demands regarding clothes or jewelry, but never the things that I had a powerful desire for.

I did not know what to do anymore.

My dreams and heart were shattered and every time that it was, I always had gone straight towards the room of my beloved bedridden mother who was also trapped in her room allowing her to only walk in the insides of her room. And so, I went towards the room of my mother yet again.

The door creaked open, and I pushed it further to see my mother looking in my direction and smiling gently as I did the same.

 I went towards her and sat on the chair beside her bed. She had always listened to me and gave me advice on what to do. She was my adored mother and always had the solutions to my problems. I carried on about my day and listed my problems with my father while she just looked at me and listened intently.

"Oh, my dear mother what shall I do? I want to meet someone that I love and marry, I don't want to have a man that is already arranged for me mother.", I told her to which she smiled at me and did not answer the question that I had proposed. "Dear mother, all I want to see is the beautiful and marvelous world behind the doors of this castle. I can't even look out the window anymore, Mrs.Hanzah has put the curtains on it because apparently, someone outside of the castle had sight of my face.", I added. "Oh, dear! I am so sorry, I thought that you would be at least able to look out of your window.", There it was, the sweet and velvety voice of my mother which I had missed. She never talked, only listened, and every time that I had listened to her voice had my eyes getting teary from happiness.

I hadn't realized the time as it had flown by so fast. I had come to her a little afternoon and after some time for me that I talked to her, the dusk had fallen so rapidly, it was almost night, and I heard the voice of Mrs.Hanzah calling out for me.

My mother had heard it too and she just smiled at me as she realized that it was time that I had to leave. I then took her fragile hands in mine and bought them closer to my lips.

I loved my mother more than anything, but I had made a harsh choice, but I knew and felt that it was the right one.