That night, I wasn't able to sleep well because of that damn accidental kiss. We didn't made a fuss about it, and Toma even apologized for it… but I can't understand myself, why the fuck am I keep thinking of it!?
Now I couldn't even look at Toma in the eyes.
"Yeah, the exams were hard but Yuji was there to help me study."
"That's good to hear. It's nice to know Yuji is being such a good kid helping his friend."
"He really is great!" I stayed silent the whole time that we were all eating breakfast. I feel like it wouldn't do me good to converse with them feeling so lightheaded because of my sleepness night.
"…by the way, aren't you going to visit your mother Toma?" My dad asked him.
"Oh. There's still a lot of time though, but I'll make sure to visit her too."
"Say 'hi' for me when you visit."
"Sure uncle."
"Hmm, Yuji? You're silent
"It's about that stupid kiss, right?""Shut the fuck up, I don't want to hear a word about it!" He's really trying to push the button. I've made it clear that I didn't want to talk about, but he still did. Toma really knows how to piss me off."I knew it. Yuji, that was nothing! Why are you so sensitive about it!?""I told you I don't want to talk about it!" Damn it, he's too pushy right now."We should really talk about it, I mean, you're not even gay to fuss over that kind of thing… right?" As he said that, I could feel my blood rushing to my face, so I decided to look the other way. "Just shut up.""Yuji, are you… do you…" Somehow, his words made me feel confused and upset. I didn't like the thought of him talking about me that way.I gathered myself and tried to cool down, "I need sleep, okay? It's not really about that. I'm not avoiding you or something and I'm not gay either f
It was a lie that Toma got a call from his mother. He went straight back to the city where his school is, though he doesn't plan to spend his days at the dorm.As he knocked at a door, it took a few moments before it opened and Noru was too surprised to find Toma infront of his door again. "Oh my, you look like a mess." Noru couldn't even greet Toma when he noticed that he looked horrible."Let me stay in for a few days." Toma walked in Noru's apartment without a second thought.Noru was still in shock seeing Toma near him, and what's more surprising is to find the confident Toma looking down on the floor. He tried to talk to Toma to know what exactly happened to the guy. "Hmm, let me guess, were you rejected?" Noru even chuckled."…worse, I… I kissed Yuji." Toma said as he sat on Noru's couch.His statement even made Noru more shocked than he already is."Aaaand then? Isn't t
He didn't came back even after the vacation was done. As I got back to school before the day class resumes, and he still wasn't there. Where in the world could he be right now?"Woah, you looked like you were working out." That's what I first heard from Hino when I got to my first class. And there was still no sight of Toma, he was no where to be found. "Of course, that's what I've been doing this vacation. And so that I wouldn't look like a girl, just like how you've always teased me." I told him.It's true that I just started working out these past few days, instead of being worried and anxious about Toma's absence, I started to work out as a distraction. "Hahaha, great to hear. I guess I'll be looking forward to what you'll look like after a few months.""Yeah. Just you wait and see." I grinned. I'm looking forward to this as well.After the whole day, I tried searching for Toma for atleast an hour but decided to
The two looked pale the moment they saw me."What are you doing here, Yuji?" Toma asked, slowly coming near me."I… I was just passing by-" I wasn't able to finish my sentence when Cami cut me off."This is it. We're over Toma." She said and walked away."Cami!!" Toma only yelled, and didn't even bothered chasing after her. After that, he looked at me with a very hopeless face. I was quite shocked to see something like this. Did they really just broke up infront of me?When tears were on verge of falling down on his cheeks, I walked up to him and gave him the hug he needed. He only hugged back and didn't say a word. "Let's go home, bud." I told him.I didn't know what was the reason why they broke up, but all that mattered right now is to get him back and make him rest first. "…no." He whispered."What? Is there something you're gonna do?" Don't tell me he's going t
When it was already the weekend, Toma and I planned to hang around at some place to make him feel better after his break up. Though I hate myself whenever I feel weird about Toma when the littlest things happen: like whenever we slightly touch, or whenever he stares at me, or even whenever he would call my name."…hmmm, is there something troubling you Yuji?" I didn't noticed that Toma was near me, so when I saw him beside me, I freaked out."What the hell dude! You're too close!" I immediately pushed his face far away from mine."I'm just worried, you know! You looked like you were deeply thinking about something.""It's nothing. None of your business.""Oh really?" He looked at me with doubtful eyes."Really! Geez, just leave me alone." Argh, I just can't stand this weird feeling. I tried hard avoiding his gaze so he couldn't see my face turning red."EH!? Didn't
When we were going back to our dorm, it was a coincidence that we suddenly ran to Yuu. I thought he'll just ignore us since he was walking with a group of friends, but he came to me as soon as he saw Toma and I."Hey! It's been a while!" He greeted."Yuu, nice to see you again." Toma said.Then Yuu shocked me as he completely ignored Toma and talked only to me. "How have you been Yuji? I was really looking forward to hang out with 'ya.""Oh uhh…" I suddenly felt uneasy with him around."Hmm." Toma frowned as he was ignored by Yuu. Anybody would be really upset if they were ignored like that after all. I just sighed and tried to talk properly with Yuu. "I'm fine. How about you?" Damn, it feels so awkward right now."Same, same. I'm hanging out with a few friends.""Cool.""Yeah, so I'll see you later.""Okay.""Bye Y
I'm not that stupid not to realize these recent feelings. And it's not like I haven't felt this way about Toma before. Ever since we were in highschool, sometimes I'll get this kind of feeling whenever he would get too touchy with me.Why do I feel like this about Toma? I hate it. It's just frustrating me very much, and it's not like Toma feels the same way. I should get over this. If I only can change myself..."Yuji." Ah, here it goes again."What is it this time?" I asked Toma.We're currently studying for the upcoming pre-examination and like usual, I help Toma study. He sat next to me and showed me his notebook."Here, I don't get this at all. What does it mean by that? And…" He keep pointing at all the things he couldn't understand from his notes, which is actually everything. But I couldn't focus my attention on what he's asking because I was stuck staring at his face.Was hi
Pre-examinations were already over. I survived the stressful week somehow, and it was a miracle for Toma to survive too. When we were already on our way back to our dorm to take a rest, Toma told me about his other friends that invited him to a party."They wanna celebrate that the exams were over, though there's still another examination coming again after two weeks.""That's cool. Have fun there.""Don't you want to come with me?" I'd like him being polite by asking me that, but I never really enjoyed parties. And I wasn't even invited there, so…"Nah, I'm good. I think I'll just sleep the whole night because exams drained me.""Aww I really wanted to go with you though." He said, looking really down."We always hang out. Don't you get tired of seeing my face all the time?" I know he really likes me to be with him, but I think he'll get tired of me eventually.But
By the time the man finally left, mom even gave me loads of money so I could stay away from her. It was then I decided to cut ties with her. I was done dealing with her… "It was a mistake to stay here. I'm leaving." I never should've come back. "W-Wait!" Before mom could stop me, I quickly got to my room and brought all my stuff with me. "Toma, please! Please hear me out!" "…IT'S TOO LATE FOR AN APOLOGY! Don't even think that I'll ever forgive you." I told her while I was running down the stairs. She just kept pulling my stuff to make it more difficult to leave. "No, Toma! I can't—" "Don't stop me!" I glared at her, "I don't want anything to do with you ever again."
Nobody ever knows about it.I kept that very dark secret of mine all to myself. I can't even bother myself to tell my mom about what happened to me, I know she won't give a shit about it. And so, everything that I ever experienced from that man was written down on a journal. That was the only way I could vent all the stress and anger I had.While she was still on a relationship with that man, I would always hide from him so he won't be able to lay a finger on me. But there were times that he would sneak in my room just to make me suffer for his disgusting pleasure. He would often leave with a threat so I wouldn't dare tell anyone about it.I was really scared… no one was ever there for me. But instead of letting myself suffer even more, I try to make myself distracted when I'm out of the house.Y
We moved into a new neighborhood when I was at the age of eight. That's when I met Yuji, the guy who became my best friend… the guy who I came to like. And the one who I fell for.He became the person who I would run to whenever I'm at my worst. Yuji would always welcome me at his house, both his parents treating me like I was a part of their family. I really loved his company, it lets me feel all the things I lacked on my own family."Tomakawa, don't your parents worry if you spend the night here without telling them?" Auntie asked.I shook my head and gave my brightest smile. "They won't. Mommy said it's okay if it's at my best friend's house." It was a lie, and I was not guilty one bit. I don't really want to go home that night."Hmm, alright then."A
When I was about five years old, I can remember how my parents would argue all the time. It eventually led to physical violence, and sometimes I get hurt as well. It was really scary for a child to experience something like that from his own parents.If I remember well, the one who's most at fault for all the arguments was mom. Dad would always come home late and drunk, then mom will start to complain. They argue, fight, and mess up the house."Stop telling me what to do, woman!""I told you a million times already, haven't I?! Stop getting yourself drunk whenever you go home!""Shut up and lock yourself in a room. Seeing your face ruins my mood!""Why, you!… you should be the one locking yourself in a room! You're a wretched mess!"&nb
Since I was kicked out of school, the only place I can stay at was at my mother's house. It sickens me to go back there but I have no other choice. "Hm. And what do you think you're doing here?" Mom asked. Just when I arrived, I didn't expect to see her outside the house to water the plants. Usually, she fools with every man she brings home most of the time. "I'll be here for a few days, I'll leave as soon as I find another place to stay at." "Heh, I heard you were kicked out of school." "None of your business." I just ignored her comments and got inside the house. Seeing this place only reminded me of the past I always wished to forget. Every room, every corner… it was all too disturbing for me. After opening the lock on my room, it was just like how
That was it.Everything is over.I no longer have anything to do with him. When I got back from the hospital, I learned that Yuji's father had storm at my place and took all of Yuji's belonging. They said he'll transfer his son onto another school because of me, though he had never mentioned to the faculty the reasons. But rumors seem to have already spread because of Yuu."How disgusting! The school should expel him.""Is it really that guy?!""I heard he was sexually assaulting his roommate, that's why the father of the victim took away his son.""That fag is a scum!"Many people kept whispering behind my back as I walk on the hallways. I couldn't care less about what they s
As the sun rises, Toma immediately went to the hospital for Yuji. He hopes to see him conscious when he arrives, though it was unfortunate that he found Yuji still sleeping. He also discovered something worse, his worries on Yuji has double.Toma quickly calls for help and as the doctor arrived, things were explained to him. "…we have seen this through our observation on the patient last night. These tiny red spots you see on his skin is called petechiea. It's a symptom for many diseases. We're currently testing from which disease it comes from.""How come I was not told about this!? I—" the doctor cuts him off before he could throw a fit."We have already informed his father sir. We thought you must have been informed through him."Toma was stunned to know that Yuji's father didn't told hi
"…Yuji." Toma muttered while he was sitting on a chair near Yuji's bed. When Yuji was admitted to the hospital, he stayed beside him the whole time after he settled things with Yuu at the police station. He also informed Yuji's dad about the situation because he needed extra hands on this.Toma can't keep his eyes off Yuji's broken hands. It pains him to see that it was wrapped in thick bandages because the doctor told him that every bone in his hands were broken into bits. This would mean that Yuji won't be able to use his hands anymore, he can imagine how devastated Yuji will be when he finds out about his hand.'That damn Yuu. I'll get him for this.' He suddenly wished he beaten up Yuu just as bad as how Yuji was beaten—no, he wanted to double the pain, because aside from Yuji he was also hurt to see the one he love like this.Th
Toma was greatly bothered when Yuji got to the campus earlier than him. It made him doubt that Yuji might have been troubled by something, and it annoyed the hell out of him that he can't figure what it was."Haa. I lost interest attending first class." He muttered.And so he spent most of his time laying on his bed, reminiscing about the cheerful times he had with Yuji. Now that Yuji's gone to school, he never felt this lonely before. He tries to find comfort in every memory he shared with Yuji.When he got bored of it, he decided to have lunch at his favorite restaurant. But on his way there, he encountered a familiar face, though he wasn't noticed by this other fellow. It was Yuu. One of his acquaintances, though he was mostly ignored by Yuu because he seemed more interested in Yuji."Wait…" b