Chapter 5

"Hi, Brae!" I turned to face the source of the familiar voice that had called my name and saw Rhea approaching. On her lips was a broad, pleasant smile.

I wanted to give her the same warm and pleasant smile, but both my thoughts and emotions were failing me. Nonetheless, I managed to maintain a tiny and casual smile on my face as I gazed at Rhea, who never failed to capture people's attention with her beauty.

As I glanced at Rhea, time appeared to slow down, causing me to realize a few things.

I haven't asked Caesar why he fell in love with Rhea, but one glance at her and I can tell why. 

Rhea is stunning, but that isn't the only reason people are drawn to her. Aside from her lovely features, she has a kind heart and is a very clever woman. Overall, she is well out of my league. 

"Hey!" Rhea, who I hadn't realized was already directly in front of me, called out to me again, which was what brought me back from my deep thoughts.

Because I was seated on a cement bench with a table encircling a massive Talisay tree, I had to raise my head a little to look at Rhea, who was standing beside me and smiling as she looked at my papers.

"You're writing an essay?" She asked before turning to face me.

"Yes." I replied softly before returning my attention to my papers.

"What is it about?" Rhea inquired once more, clearly intrigued by what I was doing.

"Mrs. Gonzaga told us to write an essay about our environment." I responded quickly.

She made a humming sound. "Environment. Is that why your class was permitted to leave your classroom? To be inspired?"

"Yeah." I know I sounded uninterested in her questions, but for the first time since I understood my affections for my best friend, Caesar, I couldn't hide my genuine feelings. It's as if my mind suddenly decided to cease putting on a show.

It took a few seconds for Rhea to speak again: "Am I being nosy?"

Rhea's voice was tinged with embarrassment as she asked me the question that caused me to stop writing my essay.

A sense of guilt has invaded my heart. I felt horrible for treating her harshly when she had done nothing wrong to me. So I regained my calm before returning my gaze to her, this time with a wide and cheerful smile.

"No. You aren't. Did I make you feel that way?" My voice contains a hint of concern.

"No. I just thought I might be. It's just that once I get comfortable with someone, I get a little nosy, which I know some people don't enjoy. That is why I am asking. I don't want you to be dissatisfied with me and unfriend me." Rhea's candor and directness rather than her use of sweet nothings to soften her remarks struck me as remarkable. She constantly expresses her mind, which is just amazing.

She does not pretend, in contrast to me, who has mastered the act of pretending.

Rhea is a sincere, honest person, whereas I am a fake who hides her true emotions out of fear of rejection from others.

Is it Rhea's honest demeanor that drew Caesar in?

That notion brought a bitter smile to my lips.

"As I thought, I am indeed being nosy, am I?"

I immediately removed the sour expression from my face and replaced it with a welcoming smile. "Of course not. And even if you are, it doesn't bother me." I said this before shifting the subject. "By the way, what are you doing here? Don't you have a class?"

"Mr. Herrera had to leave unexpectedly due to an emergency at their home, so he just left us some math problems to solve during his subject time." And now that I'm done, I'm going to the SSG office to sleep for a little because I desperately needed it after what happened this morning. But then I noticed you and came over to say hi."

"I see—oh, I heard about what happened to your mother. Caesar informed me. Is she okay?"

"Yes. She'll most likely return home this evening after completing some medical checks. She doesn't like hospitals, you see."

"That's good. I hope she recovers as soon as possible."

"She will. She very certainly will." Rhea spoke in a convincing tone, as if she were convincing herself rather than me.

Rhea is now smiling and appears to be well, but I'm sure she's still worried about her mother.

"By the way, where is Caesar? Why isn't he with you?" Rhea asked after a few seconds of silence between us two.

I couldn't stop myself this time, and a bitter smile came on my lips.

Of course, she did not approach me solely to speak with me. She simply wanted to ask about Caesar.

"I'm not sure. He's most likely in a vacant classroom." I responded in a casual tone.

"That's kind of weird to hear from you."

When I heard what Rhea said, I frowned and scoffed. "Why is it weird?"

"Don't misunderstand me. It's only that I never imagined the day would come when you and Caesar would be separated or unaware of each other's whereabouts."

This is the second time I've heard anything like this about my friendship with Caesar today.

Do Caesar and I truly appear to be inseparable? I never noticed it since I've been with him since I could walk and talk, so being with him all the time has been natural to me, which only became unnatural three years ago when I realized I loved him. As a result, I never paid much attention to how others perceived us.

"You and Caesar are like Buy 1, Take 1," Rhea said again. "If we're going to grow closer to you, we've got to get closer to Caesar as well, and vice versa."

"Is that why you wanted to get close to me too?" I spoke it without realizing it, and by the time I realized what I had said, it was too late.

Rhea's expression became further surprising. She might not have anticipated hearing those remarks from me. But it was too late, and I couldn't take those words back. And, while what I stated may sound harsh, it is the truth. I'm pretty sure she just befriended me because of Caesar. Because if she truly desired to be closer to me, she would have done so long ago, given that our paths have always crossed.

Rhea was going to say anything further when Caesar appeared in front of us and began walking towards us.

And my heart was broken once more when the first person he acknowledged was Rhea.

It was once me. He used to look at me first, but now it's Rhea, I thought bitterly.

When Caesar eventually got close to me and Rhea, he asked, "Rhea, what are you doing here?"

He stood between me and Rhea, but slightly closer to Rhea. He was staring at her, not even looking at me, and it made the ache in my heart that much worse.

Rhea put on a fake smile, which I can see was forced. She's probably still taken aback by what I said. "I saw Braelyn on my way to the SSG office. I just wanted to say hello," she explained.

Caesar did nothing except nod.

Rhea spoke again, her voice unsteady for some reason that I don't want to know. "All right, then, I'll go ahead. I don't want to bother you two any longer." However, just as Rhea was about to go, Caesar spoke.

"Will you go to the hospital after class?" Caesar asked.

Rhea nodded and replied, "Yes."

"Can I accompany you then?"

After hearing what Caesar said, I held my breath.

He's been texting Rhea all weekend and was with her this morning, but he wants to see her again.

"Would that be okay? I don't want to bother you any longer."

"I've already told you that you're not bothering me. But if you don't want me to accompany you, that's fine."

"No!" Rhea's abrupt raising of the voice and cutting off Caesar surprised not just Caesar but myself as well. Even a couple of students from our class who were nearby turned to gaze in our direction. Rhea's cheeks reddened as she realized what she had done. "I mean, it's fine to accompany me. I... I actually would love that," she said, looking into Caesar's eyes as if trying to express her feelings to him through words. "I'd love for you to come with me and spend some time with me again."

I froze. Rhea's words sounded like a confession. Anyone with common sense would recognize this. And Caesar has a lot of common sense.

As I waited for Caesar to say something, I felt like someone was squeezing me, choking me, and making me unable to breathe or swallow my own saliva.

I had a peek at Caesar. His expression indicated that he was still astonished, but that surprised expression had gradually evolved into something I couldn't place. His face was not expressionless, but he was also not glowing. It's as though he was unsure how to react, which rendered Caesar dumbfounded.

This may sound strange, but when I saw Caesar's expression, I was filled with gratitude and hope. I was grateful because Caesar's unnamed expression indicates that he is still undecided whether he wants to be in a relationship with Rhea, and I am also quite hopeful that their relationship will not progress any further than this, as Caesar had told me that he has no plans to confess to Rhea.

To be honest, I wish I could smack myself right now for having these thoughts and feelings after everything I've done and told Caesar.

Even though I knew this was going to happen and had already prepared myself, I still couldn't help but be sad. But I also know that this is part of the process of letting go of my love for Caesar. And this is only the beginning. More grief and heartbreak are on the way, so I need to build bigger and stronger walls around my heart, or it will collapse.

I began to worry about Caesar's response to Rhea. A part of me wants to leave them alone, but another part of me wants to stay and hear what Caesar has to say.

I held my breath as Caesar opened his mouth. But before Caesar could say anything, Rhea spoke out again, saying, "I'll wait for you at the gate later." And then she ran away, not even looking back.

Rhea's actions reminded me of the day I found Caesar had a crush on her.

Caesar fled as well, but unlike Rhea, he fled without saying anything or letting Rhea know how he felt.

My lips were painted with another bitter smile.

I wish I could escape my emotions as well.

"How's your essay coming along?"

When Caesar unexpectedly approached me, I was taken aback. He was standing behind my back, his chin resting on the top of my head, and his hands were imprisoning me on both sides.

My heart began to race after being frozen for some time. My heart was racing so fast that it was all I could hear and feel.

"Drinking water and sanitation? That's a good topic." Caesar said this while remaining in the same position.

He sounded calm as usual, while I was unable to move and afraid.

I kept telling myself to calm down and act normally, but for some reason, I couldn't do so today.

It's not like comparable situations haven't occurred before, and I've always persevered, keeping my sentiments and emotions in check and not letting them show. I used to be able to quiet my heart whenever situations like these arose, but I just can't do it today. I can't seem to stop my heart from racing nonstop.

I lost track of how many times I mentally scolded myself, telling my heart to settle down and praying for my heart rate to return to normal.

Seconds turned into minutes, and my heart continued to race. So, fearful of being discovered, I nudged Caesar's hands on each side of me and said, "Get away from me. The temperature is already hot, and being so close to me is making it even hotter.”

I didn't even bother looking at Caesar. I appeared to concentrate on my essay even though I had no idea what I was writing.

Caesar took off his hands and sat beside me, his brow furrowed. "What exactly do you mean by hot? You're sitting on a bench with a huge tree shielding it and the wind blowing on it, so why are you feeling hot?"

My cheeks turned red. The temperature is hot, but not where I am sitting. But I couldn't think of anything else to say, so I said something foolish and embarrassing instead.

"I'm just feeling hot. Why? Am I not permitted to feel hot now?"

Instead of responding, Caesar simply shook his head and began reading his prepared essay, revising it, and ensuring that it was precisely written.

"You're going with Rhea again?" I couldn't help but ask a question.

You, Brae, are an idiot. Why do you have to ask this question about Rhea when you already know it will just hurt you? Are you a masochist? I silently chastised myself.

"Yeah. She may not show it, but I know she's worried about her mother. I just wanted to be there for her if she needed anything."

I made a hum. "Don't you have anything to say about what Rhea just said?"

I couldn't help but ask once more.

This appears to have just verified that I am a goddamn masochist.

It was a long time before I received a response from Caesar. He seemed to be thinking about what he would say to me.

"What exactly do you mean? To which of those sentences are you referring?" I laughed. So he's pretending he has no idea what I'm talking about, huh?

"You know what I am talking about, Caesar."

"I certainly don't."

"Caesar—"

"Cut it off, Brae." He eventually glanced at me. His attitude is serious, as if he is warning me not to bring up the subject again, as if he doesn't want me to pry any further. "Stop thinking whatever you're thinking right now. I simply and sincerely wanted to be there for her as a friend and assist her if she needed it. Brae, that's all there is to it. What I told you this morning remains unchanged. I'm not going to confess to her. So, please, please stop it. Stop trying to pair me with her."

I let out an uncontrollable sneer.

I really wanted to believe it. I wanted to believe what Caesar said, but after what had happened between him and Rhea over the past few days, I couldn't.

And I said quietly, 'Yeah, yeah. As if you can back up your words.'