Chapter Eighty-Nine

Regan’s POV

It had been three days since Luke came home and I could still feel the awkwardness between us.

Lena had still not relented in her mission to pretend he did not exist and for the most part, I felt sorry for him.

Lady Zara was getting along famously with the ladies, who went out of their way to include her in every activity they performed.

They had even taken her to their favorite place at the stream and it was clear to see that Lady Zara was thoroughly enjoying her stay in our pack.

For my part, I was mostly confused.

I did not know whether to have Luke perform duties around the pack, just as I normally would.

But it was not the same.

I did not even know if o could still refer to him as my Beta. We had not had a single meaningful conversation since his return.

On one hand, his mate was the last relative of the deceased Alpha of Redclaw pack, which meant that he could take up the leadership of the pack as its Alpha if he chose to remain there with her.

On the other hand, if by some divine intervention, he chose to come back here and remain as my Beta, I did not know what would happen with his relationship with his mate.

I could never ask him to give that up, knowing that him remaining at Redclaw presented many advantages for him.

So if he was going to become the Alpha of Redclaw, I did not wish to still treat him as my Beta out of respect.

It was one of the reasons why it had become so awkward between us.

I did not know how to treat him.

And it seemed that Luke was probably going through the same thing since he kept his distance as well.

It went without saying that I had missed him in his absence but seeing him around again did not give me much relief as I had hoped. It was I was aware that he may have to leave again.

And a part of me simply did not know how to cope with it.

The ladies had once again gone to the stream and I found myself with time to spare.

Normally, I would have gone in search of my mate to spend time with her, but knowing what she was up to at that moment, I decided to spend some time by myself in a place that brought me peace and quiet.

Rage’s Sanctuary, as named by my mate, was the only place that came to mind so I headed there once I had finished my work for the day.

When I followed the secret path that led to it, I first became aware that I would not be the only occupant from the heartbeat I could hear coming from it.

I drew the curtain of leaves aside to see Luke, in his wolf form, laying under the tree, just as he had always done when he was still here.

The image was so familiar with fond memories that I felt a small ache at the sight of it.

Knowing him well enough to know that he was already aware of my presence, I simply walked in and moved to the other side of the tree to lay under it, shielded from the Sun by its many leaves.

I lay sprawled out on the soft grass and shut my eyes, allowing the silence and serenity of the moment to deep into me and relax my tense muscles.

I must have dozed off, because I became conscious of my surroundings when I woke to the sound of cracking bones.

Luke was probably shifting into his human form.

I remained in place, making no move to alert him that I had come awake.

I had expected that once he had put on his clothes, he would leave.

I was wrong.

Instead, I heard him fall back on the grass and sprawl out.

I opened one of my eyes to see one of his arm over his head and his eyes closed.

We remained in our positions for a long while.

Feeling the need, I decided to break the silence.

“When are you to return?” I asked.

He was quiet for a short while before responding.

“I do not know”, he finally answered. “I suppose whenever Zara intends to”, he said, before surprisingly adding. “She wanted to come here and meet the family you told her about”, he said, removing his arm from over his head and opening his eyes.

“Ahhh”, I said with a nod. “So it was she who wanted to come”, I said. Leaving the accusation that he did not wish to return to us hanging.

“I will go wherever she wants”, he said. “I simply wish to be with her”, he added, a defensive edge to his tone.

“And no one can ever fault you for that”, I told him. “If Jasmine wishes to leave, I would probably go with her”, I said.

He turned then to look at me, a small smile lifting the corner of his lips.

“Liar”, he accused. “You only say that because you know Jasmine absolutely loves it here and will never wish to leave”, he said, a familiar light in his eyes.

I could not help the smile that came to my lips.

“I know she does”, I said. “But if she ever wished to leave, I would probably leave with her”, I told him.

“And leave everyone you have ever known and loved ?” He asked.

This time, both the smile and light that was in his eyes earlier were completely gone.

Somehow, I felt as though the question he asked was one he had asked himself.

Knowing the importance of my answer, I gave an honest one.

“I would”, I told him. “She is my mate”, I said. “I would never be complete without her. I would never truly be happy. So I would go wherever she goes, knowing that the people I love would want me to be truly happy”, I told him.

His eyes glistened and he looked away.

Staring at the sight of the leaves of the tree above us.

“I do not think the people you love would understand”, he said.

By that time, I was already sure that we were no longer speaking about me, but about him.

“They would”, I told him. “They would be afraid to have me so far away from them, they would wish I could stay, and they would miss me very much”, I said. “But they would understand, because my happiness is important to them”, I said.

He was quiet for a long time, simply staring at the leaves that swayed from side to side.

“Would they ever forgive me?” He asked, no longer trying to make it seem that we were not speaking of him.

“They already have”, I told him.

He scoffed and turned to look at me.

“Lena would not acknowledge my presence”, he said. “And you barely say anything to me”, he pointed out. “Somehow, I feel as though only Nana is happy to have me home”, he said.

I took a deep breath, trying to control my emotions and choose my words wisely.

“It is not that I do not wish to speak to you”, I said, feeling guilty that he had noticed. “I simply do not know what to say”, I confessed, looking away from him. “I have never truly envisioned my life without you in it”, I went on. “I had always thought you would find your mate and live here together. I thought our pups would grow together as siblings just as we did”, I said and paused. “I never thought you would be so far away”, I said. “I had not yet come to cope with the knowledge or your absence, so having you here leaves me somewhat confused”.

He listened quietly as I spoke and was silent for a while before speaking as well.

“I understand what you mean”, he said quietly. “I wrote many times while I was away”, he said and turned to me with a self-mocking smile. “I never had the courage to send any of them”, he said at my questioning look.

I understood what he meant since I had experienced the same thing.

“I simply felt the letters were never enough”, he said. “They could never hold the thoughts I had, so I could never send them”, he said.

“You should have tried to respond to Lena’s letters at least”, I told him. “She was very upset”, I said.

Surprisingly, his face broke into a grin.

“I believe it was her letters that convinced my mate to have us visit sooner”, he revealed. “If I had responded, she would not have sent so much”, he said.

I could not help the low chuckle that escaped me at his reason.

“Lena is sure to make you work hard for her forgiveness”, I told him.

“And I would deserve every moment of torture”, he agreed with a smile.

I laughed again.

It felt good to talk and laugh with me like old times.

“You should apologize soon”, I advised. “She will not be here forever”, I remind.

The smile slowly melted off his face at the reminder.

“I know”, he said, letting out a deep breath.

I suddenly realized why I had found it hard to cope with Luke’s absence.

It was because, somewhere in the back of my mind, I had known I would have to let Lena go soon, so finding out that I would have to let Luke go as well had simply been too much for me to handle and I had resorted to deluding myself by pretending that all was well with me.

“I cannot imagine it”, I confessed aloud. “Not having the two of you around”, I said. “You both have always been there”, I said, a sadness weighing heavy on my heart. “It is hard to imagine the pack without you”.

We were both quiet before he broke it.

“It is harder for us”, he said. “At least you will have Naba, and Mari and everyone else in the pack”, he pointed out. “We will have just our mates”, he said before continuing. “A part of me wants to stay, but I know I cannot live without Zara”, he confessed. “It is like you said. She completes me”.

I smiled, happy that he had found the same thing I had, and happy that all three of us had found it.

Trying to liven the atmosphere, I decided to stir the conversation to lighter topics.

“Did you notice Jasmine’s cousin?”I asked, truly not knowing if he did.

He frowned a little, trying to remember.

“The strange eyed beauty?” He asked.

A teasing smile came onto my lip.

“So you did notice?” I asked.

He shrugged. “It is hard to not notice. She is beautiful”, he said. “But Zara is the most beautiful being to exist”, he said with conviction.

I could not help the chuckle that escaped me.

“It is good you think so”, I said, nodding in approval.

“What about her?” He asked.

“She is a witch”, I said. “And Jasmine says she is powerful enough to create a portal that will help us spend more time with Lena when she leaves”, I shared. “She says it would almost be as though she never left”.

His eyes widened in surprise.

“Is it possible?” He asked.

I shrugged. “Jasmine believes so”, I said. “Her cousin is from the direct line of the Earth Goddess and is supposedly very powerful”, I told him.

“Then it is a good thing to have her on our side”, he noted.

I nodded in agreement. I had thought the same thing.

“What is not good is how foolish our warriors become at the sight of her”, he said with a low chuckle.

I laughed at that, remembering how my warriors had made fools of themselves at supper on the night we returned home from our journey.

Recalling the event, I turned to tell Luke all about it.