3. Returning home after a long trip

Kalina's POV

I… Have a very happy family.

My father has a good job, my mother loves me very much, and I have a younger sister who is two years younger than me, who works very hard and often does housework for me. I must feel that life is very happy.

However, sadly, I don't feel happy. I am the eldest child in the family, the person everyone cares about the most, but all I see is suffering. Strange, where have all my happy cells gone?

In the eyes of others, I am really lazy, and everyone accepts that happily. Seeing that, I also consider myself very lazy, but in reality, I tried harder than everyone else, it's just that no one saw it.

People don't see it, so they think I'm lazy, often using jokes to mock me.

I don't know how to do housework like my sister, in return, I can earn money. I don't know how to to comfort others with words like my sister, in return, I can craft gifts for them when they are sad. I don't know how to be a warm person like my sister, in return I can stand to shoulder the anger of family members.

I know… I can't talk as much as my sister, so my efforts fade. But they all treat me very me, so I don't notice it.

Since everyone treats me so well, I force myself to feel happy. For a long time, I felt too tired, then I tried traveling to relieve myself for a while. Once, twice, gradually I became addicted to traveling, no longer wanting to return home.

Sometimes I go on a trip with my family, but never with anyone alone because I feel distant from them. Anyway, it's always been like that, my parents are very polite to me, it was only when I was young that I felt like their child.

Only Alva, my young sister, never gave me a sense of distance. Honestly, I hate her a lot because she always makes me look like a failure, but she doesn't realize that on her own and treats me so well. I can't refute her, nor do I have reason to hate her.

So Alva is the biggest reason why I feel miserable.

I'm 25 years old, but I haven't started a relationship yet, I just travel all day. Alva knew a boyfriend, and she brought him home to meet his family, I wasn't at home at that time so I hadn't met him. But I guess he's a very nice guy because Alva deserves to be happy.

Alva saw me growing apart from our family, always trying to get me home. I was annoyed because she kept making me look ridiculous, but then after so many other trips I also started to get tired and had to go home. Of course, this is what I want, not for Alva's sake.

“How are you? We miss you so much.” My mother gave me a hug after many years apart.

This hug is so warm, for a moment I really don't remember the gloomy times of my childhood. I used to have some mild psychological phobia, it was all mom's fault, just no one knew it but me.

"I'm fine, how about you?" I began to put on my industrial smile, showing that I was happy to come home. It's just a smile, I'm not so stingy that I can't give it to my family.

“Everybody is fine.” My mother smiled kindly, as usual telling Alva to carry my luggage in for me. This time I suddenly snatched my luggage back, saying, "No need, I can bring it to my room by myself."

After all these years, I don't want them to treat me like a lazy person anymore. At lunch, I actively went to the kitchen to help Alva cook even though I always bought food from outside. After all, cooking has always been something very difficult for me, I got oil splattered in the face.

Seeing this, my mother rushed to the kitchen and forbade me to cook, thus the distance between us widened. She was so polite that it embarrassed me.

"Sister, it's been a while since you've been home, so you should rest and leave everything to me." Alva saw that I was about to wash the dishes and intervened.

I stood a few feet away from her, but obviously, I couldn't reach her anymore, because we weren't like family. I looked like a guest who came to visit for a few days, then had to leave to return the space to their family.

“I also had lunch like you, so why not let me clean up?” I casually asked.

Alva put the washed dishes in the cupboard, and smiled at me, "It's okay, these works are mine."

“I really don't look like this family member.” I left a sentence behind and returned to my room, locking the door. The possibility is that I was born mentally weak, so I can't stand the impact of the people around me, thinking that they are hurting me.

That's not true at all, maybe it's just me being selfish.

I decided to leave this house soon, but in the end, I couldn't go anywhere because of the new outbreak of disease. At home I continued to be a useless and weak person, living off my parents' allowance, life was so boring that I had to look to novels to pass the time.

By accident, I came to know a fictional character named Alva. But unfortunately, the Alva in the novel is completely unlike my sister except for a name, so I don't have much interest in reading about it.

At sunset, the sight of my father taking care of the flowers suddenly became strangely attractive, it inspired me to draw. Since I had nothing to do, I decided to spend all my free time just drawing.

That's right, I forgot I used to love to draw, now I'll draw the family in my eyes. A glimmer of light inside my soul, perhaps the distance between me and my family can be shortened, we still have a lot of time together.

I should make up for what my family has done for me. If they're happy, I'm happy too.

“Sister Kalina, give me some advice.” Alva approached me, staring at the unfinished painting on the table, speaking carefully.

I didn't know what she was alluding to, put down the brush and started to reminisce about the time before I returned home. After a while I remembered that Alva had used the excuse that her boyfriend had abandoned her on the street, wanting me to come back and teach him a lesson.

Currently, Alva wants advice? No, I don't even have friends so I can't give Alva advice.

“Why did he do that?”

Alva said: “Does this still need to be investigated? What I need is some advice on how to handle him and either way his actions are wrong.” After that, she smiled mischievously.

“Then break up, it makes no sense for you to think so much about his bad behavior. Or you can just ignore it and continue being his girlfriend, that's your choice." I said nonchalantly, making it clear that I didn't want to care about this.

But Alva didn't understand that, trying to get me to meet that boyfriend of hers. It's okay, that's my sister's boyfriend, I'll go see him.

Alva and I went to a coffee far from our house, slowly waiting for Alva's boyfriend to show up. Although he had not met him yet, his impression had become extremely bad when he let his girlfriend go to the place where he lived. I'm not sure but he should come to pick up Alva, shouldn't he?

Going this far is very dangerous, even a frequent traveler like me can't accept going such a long distance just to meet once. If Alva had to come to see him like this every day, I would do anything to get Alva to break up with him.

"Alva, I don't like him." While he hasn't arrived yet, I'd like to think a little bit about their relationship.

Alva seemed used to waiting, picked up a glass of water, took a sip, and asked, “Why? You haven't even met him yet."

"It's just a hunch, you don't have to pay attention."

Traveling through many parts of the world, I have encountered many dangers when in unsafe countries, from which it was imperative to train my intuition correctly to avoid danger. But the time at home is so peaceful right now, I can't be sure my intuition is right.

The drop of water on the glass dripped onto the table and landed on my hand. A chill went straight to my nerves that startled me a little, then I realized that maybe I was overthinking it. That's right, I haven't even met him, how do I know what kind of person he is?

“Actually… I talked about marrying him at the time, but he didn't agree so I got out of the car in anger.” Alva spoke more softly.

Oh, so it's Alva's problem, so it's still the boyfriend who's wrong?

Girls are hard to understand… I asked in a low voice, “Then why wouldn't he agree?” People often say that marriage is a matter of life, but I don't think so, marriage is only valid in developed countries, apart from the effect of marking a partner, it is no different from having a boyfriend. 

Moreover, he can divorce if he wants, there was no reason why he would refuse to marry Alva when they had known each other for three years.

Unless Alva isn't someone he loves and wants to live with, I can't think of any other reason. Over the course of three years, as Alva's only sister, I've heard a lot about their relationship, and it always sounds so ideal.

"I don't know, he's very superficial when it comes to marriage like he's trying to avoid it."