Chapter 1

Mini Preface

When I met Habbab, I was sure that love had finally appeared to rescue me... I could never have been more wrong, the man I married was my personal undoing and the one who fill my heart with so much hatred and desire for revenge.

Chapter 1

Melek Erdoğan

My heart beats so fast as I stare at my reflection in the mirror. I feel beautiful, even more than I felt inside my red bindalli, the night before at the henna party. I can't believe it, I, Melek Erdoğan, am going to become the bride of the perfect man for me. I have never been happier. I stroke my lips, trying to cover the perpetual smile I've had since I woke up. I spin around, filled with ecstasy, my veil tangling around my body and I guffaw at my clumsiness, as I try to get out of the tangle of white tulle fabric. The dress was given to me by my future husband and his family, I am so honored to wear it and to know that he is such a thoughtful man who has even thought of the smallest details.

There is a light knock on my bedroom door and I turn to see my mother walk in, her smile mimics mine and shows me the love she has for me. I will leave her side and yet she is happy for me, I couldn't ask for a better parent.

“Mother,” I say, extending my hands in her direction to intertwine them.

“Look at you, my child,” she caresses one of my cheeks as she tries to control the tears that are forming in her eyes. “You look beautiful, I've never seen a bride as radiant as you.”

“You say that because I'm your daughter, nothing else,” I peck my eye as a symbol of complicity. My father, my mother, and my sister have been the pillars that have kept me standing during the darkest days I have spent in this mansion.

“I'd say it even if I wasn't your mother,” she pinches my nose and I laugh at that. Come on, your boyfriend will be here soon to pick you up, we have to hurry.

I let her hold my hand and we walk out of my room, across the terrace straight to the stairs. As I walk down, I contemplate the beige concrete that for years was my personal prison. For so long, I have been waiting for a prince charming to take me out of this place, with his white horse and his loving gaze on me, and today my dream is finally coming true.

We finish descending the stairs, where my father and sister are waiting with ecstatic expressions. I make a huge effort to avoid the rest of the stares, especially since most of them are filled with hatred and dislike. Most of all, I ignore Esat, my cousin, breaking his heart was the hardest thing I ever had to do in my entire life.

We stop in the main courtyard of the mansion and just then there is a knock on the door of the house. My heart jumps inside my chest, I'm sure I'm going to throw it up if it keeps beating like that, but there's nothing to worry about because when the doors open the pumping stops suddenly and I skip a beat... There he is, my fiancé, my boyfriend, the man who has answered my prayers. Habbab Argent, the love of my life.

His hair is neatly combed, and he is wearing a black suit his entire outfit is the same shade, except for his tie which has been chosen to match the red ribbon that my father will have to tie around my waist in a few minutes. His emerald eyes pierce my soul and melt my entire body. He enters the house and I am pulled into his presence, as if by an invisible rope, but my little sister stops us both.

“Habbab!” She shouts at the top of her lungs, jumping in front of him. “To take my sister, you have to pay for a dowry.”

The audience laughs, it's part of the tradition, though demanding it that way, it's just my sister being herself. He drops to one of his knees to find himself face-to-face with the little imp.

“Don't think I've forgotten about it, Esme,” he replies amused. How much money do you want?

“I told my dad that you should pay for diamonds, but he said it was rude to ask for a lot of money and gave me a few bills to keep me quiet.”

I hear my mother complaining about how outgoing her youngest daughter is and I can just laugh along with the others. I know Habbab won't mind, nor will he be offended by Esme's cunning, he loves her very much.

He pulls out a huge wad of bills, there must be some considerable millions of lire in there and hands it to her and she jumps up in surprise.

“You can take my sister with you, while I count this.”

My father takes her by the hand and carries her so that she doesn't run off to hide the money, she is such a rascal that she is capable of burying it somewhere and taking it out as she pleases. At this point all the guests continue to laugh at the girl's witticisms, then Habbab comes over to take my hand.

My father asks him to take care of me while tying a ribbon around my waist, signifying that I will bring luck and goodness to my new home. Honestly, I don't pay too much attention to what my father says, I only have eyes for my groom, who gives me the most tender of looks, I can only see love in his eyes. This part of the ceremony is over and Habbab shouts to play a Reyhani, a typical dance from Mardin, a state of my country Turkistan. In the music and dance, they are mixed in a marriage ritual. It is a dance that expresses gratitude to God, as well as being an oath of loyalty to the loved one.

I concentrate on every step I take, not wanting to mess anything up, although all my thoughts are clouded by the intense way Habbab dances. He sees me like a lion would watch a little lamb, I never understood why women made such a fuss about love, beyond that feeling, I longed for a protector. Then I met him and everything changed, my whole world began to revolve around the way my lion loved me.

No one ever thought that I, the fat ugly duckling of my family, would marry a man as attractive as him... No man in fact, but I kept hoping that I would be rescued from this witch's nest. And I am sure that my life, my happiness, starts right now, with Habbab Argent.

***

Hours later I sat nervously next to my now husband. We boarded his car when everyone was distracted. We have slipped away like a thief in the night as tradition demands. My hands are sweating, and shaking at the same time, it will be my... first time, as it should be, I have saved myself for this moment and I don't want to disappoint him. The route we have taken is an unknown one to me, after all, it didn't leave the mansion too much, but I'm sure we were not going to the hotel where Habbab was staying.

“We're not going to your hotel?” I dare to ask.

“No," he replies dryly. “We are going to consummate our marriage in a place, especially for a woman like you.”

Special? What does he mean? I'm sure nothing bad will happen to me, he’s my husband, and I trust him, also I know he loves me and wants the best for me, but even so, I get nervous. I imagine him taking me to a beautiful room full of rose petals.

Minutes later we stop at a shack in the middle of the road, I don't understand why he has brought me here, but I don't ask questions. As we do so, it starts pouring rain, so when we get out of the car we have to run for cover. We enter the place and it is very simple and even empty. There is a bed in the middle of the room, an unlit fireplace, and some furniture with no cushions. Habbab lights the fire while asking me to sit on the bed, I listen to him and wait for him to come to my side.

Once the fire is burning, he turns to look at me, there is an intensity in his eyes that I cannot understand.

“Before we start, Melek, I want to make something very clear to you, what is going to happen in this cabin, will stay in this cabin. Understood?”

Without understanding very well what he means, I nod quickly. Then he takes my hand and invites me to stand in front of him.

“Take off your clothes,” he says…

***

The next morning, I stretch out on the bed and quilt. There are parts of my body that I am fully aware of them now, I didn't know what they could do or how they could behave, but thanks to Habbab today I know. Still half asleep, I reach for him with my hand, but find nothing but a cold surface. That's when I open my eyes and see him with his back to me, he is putting on his shirt and the rest of his clothes are already on his body.

“Do we have to leave so fast?” I ask him, as I stand up to look for my dress. “It's too early, and although I'm glad we're leaving, I'm anxious to get to know our new home.”

I put on my nightgown from the night before and look for where the heck my underwear has been.

“Tell me something, do your aunt and cousin would live with us? I want to know so I can give them some power so they don't feel like I'm replacing them.”

I continue talking for a few more minutes until I realize I'm not getting anything out of him. I reach over and touch his shoulders, trying to hug him, then Habbab shakes away from me and I don't understand what's going on.

“Habbab? What's wrong? You're worrying me.”

He turns to look at me and I back away immediately. His gaze has changed, it's not the one I know, full of love and devotion, no, this is one full of anger and hatred, it scares me so much it chills my bones.

“You don't know me, Melek,” he says with a deadly tone that I had only heard from my grandfather.

“What do you mean by that? You are Habbab Argent, my husband.”

He finishes adjusting the collar of his shirt, then coldly takes a step in my direction, grabs my chin, and forces me to look at him.

“Arslan, that's my real last name,” I blinked in confusion, why would he lie to me? What's going on? “And you, you are nobody to me.”

I freeze, as he releases me and walks past me, what is he saying, what does he mean by that? We just got married, we're husband and wife, what's going on?

“Habbab?”

I turn to see him; he's putting on his jacket as if nothing happened.

“How's that? We got married yesterday,” I tell him, about to burst into tears. “You are my husband, my prince. You are Habbab, my Habbab.”

“I'm nothing to you, Melek, and you are no one to me either” he roars. “Do you think this is a fairy tale?”

“What do you mean by that?”

“If you think this is a fairy tale, I'm sorry to say you're wrong. This fairy tale, princess, is over. Our story ends here, Melek Erdoğan.”

He turns his back on me again to grab his watch from the ratty nightstand. I cling to his arm with all the power of my hands and even dig my nails into it.

“What are you telling me, Habbab?”

“That this was all a big lie and nothing more. I only wanted to sleep with you, and I succeeded.”

My head starts to ache, and while my heart won't stop beating as uncontrollably as it did on our wedding day, the only difference with this pumping is that now reflects the pain that grows with every word he says.

“Why are you doing this, what have I done to you, why are you lying to me like this?” I question him, holding back the tears that are building up in my throat.

“Ask the Erdoğan family, tell them my real name, so that they will understand that the day of their trial, no, better said, of their sentence, has come.”

My legs can't hold me anymore and I fall to the hard floor, he finishes dressing and leaves leaving the door open, leaving everything behind. But no, he can't do this to me, doesn't he know what happens when a husband rejects his wife? I stand up quickly and run towards him, I stop him before he reaches the stone path that led us here, I notice that his car has disappeared and I have no idea why.

“You can't do this to me,” I scream at him while my hands try to stop him, by resting on his chest. “Don't you know what's going to happen to me? If I go back home, without you, if you brand me as a rejected woman, it will mean that I am a slut, that I have tarnished my family's honor and they are going to kill me.”

“I don't care anymore,” he answers without even looking at me, starting to walk again, but I don't let him. I grab him by his jacket and make him move in front of me, my hands imprison his face, trying to cause him pain.

“You can't go, don't leave me, please. If you want to, please lock me in your house or take me away, don't let me go back to the Erdoğans.”

“This is enough, let me go, Melek. I'm getting angry.”

“Why would you drag me to my death? Was it all a lie? This last year? How did you fight for my grandfather to give me to you? Was it all a lie?”

“It was!” he shouts, pulling back so I can't hold him anymore.

“You told me you loved me, Habbab. You said I could go as high as I wanted and that you would fly with me, you said you would protect me. Habbab, please don't do this to me. You said you loved me” I am desperate, filled with millions of feelings that change so quickly, it is even confusing to me. How could he cause me so much pain?

“I told you last night, what happened in that shack, it stayed there. To me, you stayed in that disgusting place. Don't come after me, do you understand?”

“No!” I shout angrily, as I try to grab his hand and hold on to it. Frustrated with my attempt to not let him go, he pushes me by the shoulder making me fall to the ground. “Habbab! Habbab! Habbab! Habbab!” I keep calling out to him, but nothing works, he continues to walk away from me, as if nothing, and that's when I let myself sob and scream as much as I want. “I swear you're going to regret this, Habbab, your heart will break when you see that I'll never be yours again.”

I shrink on the cold earth; I look up searching for him... He's gone, he's gone, leaving my heart broken into a million pieces. He's left me stranded like trash; I'll never forgive him.