Chapter 2

Melek

I walk from one end of the shack to the other, I can't go back home, my grandfather is going to kill me, everyone will know that Habbab rejected me and I will be marked, I can see in my mind how the whole town will turn their faces away when I pass by. My family is important in the village where we live, everyone attended my wedding and they will know what happened to me. When I look out the window, I see that it is getting dark, I haven't eaten all day and I don't care, I am beaten and worn out, I have cried for hours and I have no idea what I should do…

“You are going to die, Melek, grandfather Çakir is going to make sure of it,” I said to myself.

All my life, Çakir Erdoğan, my paternal grandfather, has hated me, I have never understood why I am not blessed in his eyes. For years I had to remain in silent, not even moving to avoid his outbursts of anger and insults, I can't go back there anymore. I make a decision, I am going to die no matter what, he and my family will make sure of it. So, I will take my own death into my hands, I will not let anyone decide about my life, not again.

There is a chandelier full of oil in the corner of the room, which Habbab used to light the fire last night, the very thought of his name fills my chest with pain. I sniffle my nose, also furiously wiping away the tears running down my cheeks. With determination, I take the chandelier with oil and start pouring all the liquid everywhere I see. I fill the bed, the furniture, the blankets, everything. I find the matches and drop one on the mattress, which takes seconds to catch fire.

Here, in this deplorable shack, Habbab Argent, or Arslan, whatever his last name is, took care of murdering my reputation, as well as ripped out my heart. But he forgot to annihilate my physical body, so I will do it. I take off my engagement ring and my weddithem ring, leaving them on the night table, I let myself fall on the sofa, while I wait for the flames to consume me, I am aware that the pain will be unbearable, but nothing can be worse than the rejection of my husband.

Soon the smoke manages to make me lose consciousness and I fall asleep... I have no idea how much time has passed, I hear the wood crackling and I feel the heat surrounding my body, strong hands cling to my waist and my chest jumps from happiness. Habbab is back, he's saving me, I manage to smile as the heat leaves me.

“Habbab, you came back,” I whisper happily. “You saved me.”

I fall asleep again, although I am aware that we are in a car. My mind is very confused, I'm still coughing from the smoke I swallowed and also, and I'm not able to open my eyes, but I feel safe, he's back, and everything will be fine. We stop and I feel him carry me again, he bends down and lays me on what I hope is a bed, but no, it's a cold stone floor. I can't move because of how weak I am, I manage to open my eyes and see how Habbab's car drives away from me, the bustard has done it again, he has left me stranded, and he hasn't even allowed me to die at my leisure.

I try to sit up and succeed, then I realize where I am and how everyone is looking at me. He has abandoned me in the market square, at a time when everyone is leaving work and the town is crowded. Everyone here knows me and starts whispering among themselves.

“That's Melek, Hazar's daughter,” I hear someone passing in front of me.

“Didn't she marry that foreigner? The Argent guy?” Another says.

“He threw her away the day after the wedding, you know what that means, she wasn't pure.”

My breath locks in my chest, as I try to stand up, all I manage to do is crawl through the mud. I crawl until my legs can function properly; I gasp at the desolation this humiliation is causing me. It wasn't enough for him to disgrace me, he also had to make it public. Finally, I can take off running, losing myself in the streets of my city, while the whole crowd is talking about me and whispering behind my back.

When I get tired of running and get out of everyone's judging gaze, I find myself walking like a zombie without a regular course. My wedding dress is in a deplorable state, half scorched, full of mud, and no longer white, it has turned a foul gray that reflects the state of my soul. I listen to the dragging of my heels unable to stop crying, at least I have stopped sobbing, these drops, simply sliding from my eyes like a fountain of gloom.

I guess by pure instinct I reach the door of my house, I try to walk on by, not to be seen, I'm waiting for starvation to do the job Habbab didn’t do. But, since my luck is cursed, my cousin sees me pass by and starts screaming at the top of her lungs that I'm there.

I run out, but she stops me taking me by my hair, I scream with pain and anger, I try to get her to let go, but it doesn't work, instead, I am dragged into the courtyard of my prison. My grandfather is the first to come down the stairs in a fury, followed by my uncle and his wife.

“What is the meaning of this?” Çakir shouts, looking at me as he always does, with hatred and contempt.

“She was dumped in the square, in her wedding dress,” my cousin explains, throwing me at my grandfather's feet. “I told you, grandfather, you should never have accepted that Habbab took her, I was supposed to be his wife, not this tramp”

“Shut up, Irem,” his father warns her

“Dad!” I start calling, he's the only one who can save me from this. I try to stand up to look for my family, but my grandfather knocks me down again with a slap, the hit causes me to cut a cheek because of the rings on his fingers.

“Your father is at the market, and he won't save you from this. Why did your husband leave you? What did you do?”

“I didn't do anything, Dedem, I swear, he just dumped me. I didn't do anything.” I explain, trying to make them believe me. 

I can't help crying as I explain to my grandfather what happened. He can't help but slap me again, it's his natural state with me. My head bounces off the tiles of the house, causing a gash across my forehead, and blood starts pouring down my face.

“What could it be? That girl didn't make it to marriage pure,” says my viper of an aunt. “That's why her husband disowned her, we're finished and now the whole town knows it.”

“Father, we can't allow this, if that man doesn't come to claim his wife we are finished. Our last business deals have been made with that Argent; he owns half of our company. What is going to happen now?” Says, my uncle.

My Dedem grabs me by the hair and I complain about the force he is using, I try to get away without any success, I start begging him to let me go, I ask him not to hurt me and I am ignored as usual.

“This is all your fault, you are a daughter of the devil and I curse the day you were born, Melek.”

This time it is his knee that hits my stomach, I scream when it hits me, and I feel like vomiting as the pain spreads throughout my belly. I fall to the ground again, as I sob uncontrollably. I knew it, this would happen, and it's all Habbab's fault, because of his rejection my family thinks I didn't make it to marriage pure and that's why they threw me out. My grandfather begins to stomp on me, I do my best to cover my head to avoid any mortal injury, although I am sure that my final destination will be death.

Every hit I receive is extinguishing the fire in my heart, that love I had for Habbab, is slowly dying, burning inside me until it turns to ashes. I give a shriek of pain when one of Çakir's feet lands on my shoulder, I hear a horrible crack and I am sure he has fractured my arm.

“Daughter!” is the voice of my father, who throws himself on my injured body to stop my grandfather. I open my eyes to watch my mother cross the threshold next to my sister, both running to protect me as my father demands answers.

“This whore was thrown in the square in her wedding dress,” my grandfather howls. “Now, you tell me, Hazar, what is going on here? Your daughter has ruined us. Habbab is nowhere to be found and he has taken away with half of our company on his hands.”

“Don't you dare talk about my daughter like that, father, or I swear you'll regret it,” my dad replies, pushing his own father away from hurting me. “Daughter, please tell me what happened.”

“I don't know, dad, I swear,” I keep crying, even when my mother tries to comfort me. “He took me to a shack in the middle of a road, told me that what happened there would stay there, and then left the next morning, telling me that his last name wasn't Argent, that it was Arslan.”

“What did you just say? Arslan?” he asks, worried. I nod and see recognition in his eyes. He knows that name, my father knows the truth of why they did this to me.

“What do you mean, Arslan? That family is finished, I made sure of it,” Çakir answers, getting nervous.

“I swear by Allah that was the name he gave me. He told me that Erdoğan's sentence had come.”

“Yes, and it's you!” Says my grandpa blinded by fury, then pulls out his gun and points it at my head.

“No!” my mother steps in the way and pushes him away, “Don't you dare hurt my daughter, she is not guilty of any of this. I'll kill you if you do something else to hurt her.”

“Get out of the way, Senay.” He screams.

“Not a chance.”

“That's enough!” My father shrieks, while my little sister tries to cover my head so no one will hurt me. I can't control the crying that makes my whole body tremble. “No one is going to hurt my girl, if you do anything to her father, I'll never forgive you. I’m going to take my daughter and take her to her room, so she can rest and we can figure this out.”

“No way, that bitch has to die is the only way to restore the honor of the Erdoğan family.”

My Dedem pushes my father and points at me again, telling my sister to get out of the way, she refuses and starts a monumental tantrum so he would leave me alone if only that could save me.

“Dedem, stop it, you can't kill her in front of the whole family, think about it, no one would forgive you,” Esat, my cousin, speaks. I look for him with my eyes and see that he has been crying, probably from the shame of loving me. “Let me take her and I'll take care of everything.”

“No, son! I'm not going to let you become a murderer, I'd rather die than let something like that happen.” Says my aunt, giving a step towards him.

“Shut up, Mom. Don't get involved in this. Dedem, allow it now.”

I watch as Çakir lowers his gun and for a second I breathe easy, then he sends for his men, who take the whole family to their rooms, I try to hold on to my mother as we both shriek in despair. I don't want to die, not like this. Habbab even took that away from me, the way I wanted to leave this world.  They drag all the people I care about away from me. Çakir hands the gun to Esat and tells him to take me away and throw me off a cliff. My cousin grabs my hand and pushes me out of the house that saw me grow up.

“Esat, please don't do this. I don’t want to die, like this. I beg you,” I beg him in the middle of a sob.

“Shut up, Melek, just shut up.”

And just like that, my fate is done, I am going to die at the hands of my cousin, with whom I grew up, and who days ago confessed his love for me and I rejected him. I was a fool, If I had accepted Esat this would not be happening, and Habbab would not have had the power to hurt me.

After a few minutes of driving, he takes my hand in consolation.

“You are very cruel, cousin, you are going to kill me and you comfort me first. Don't bother.”

“I'm not going to hurt you, Melek, but I had to get you out of there.”

I open my eyes in total surprise.

“You're not going to hurt me?”

“Of course not, I'm going to take care of you, we're leaving town, are you okay with that?” He speaks, embarrassed and worried. “For a while, our family will think you are dead, but I promise you will come back to talk to your parents, but for now, I need to hide you, I have a place on the outside of the city, trust me, please.”

I relax in the passenger seat, Esat is not going to hurt me, I trust him. I don't care if I disappear it's best for everyone. I look at him, he looks tortured, it hurts him to see me suffer, I understand he is never going to let me go and I feel sorry for him because I am not sure I can return that love. My heart belonged to Habbab for two years, I was in love with him, and I thought that he loved me back, but I was wrong. I shouldn't get Esat's hopes up, together we don't have a future, I hope he understands that.

I'm not paying attention to the road, I'm too sore, exhausted, and in my own thoughts to do so, so my cousin's braking catches me off guard. I look out the window and it's as if Hades himself is coming out of the ground ready to kidnap Persephone. Walking towards us comes Habbab, pointing a gun in our direction. Now what?

My cousin gets out of the car and I mimic him. Behind Habbab is his best friend and right-hand man, who is also pointing a gun at us.

“What do you want, you son of a bitch?” asks Esat, walking angrily towards my husband.

“I'm going to take Melek, and you're not going to stand in my way. Melek, come here,” he orders, holding out his hand for me to take.

“Once I took that hand, and it took me to my death, I'm not going to do it again,” I replied, giving a step back.

“Melek,” he says offended. Offended? That can be, I am here, bleeding from my lip, from my forehead, with a burning stomach and a possibly broken shoulder. And he is the offended one? Fuck him, I'll never go with him again.

“I'm not going with you, Habbab, you dumped me like garbage in the middle of the square, now get out of here. You didn't let me die in peace, and you won't let me live in peace either?”

“What are you talking about? What do you mean by I won't let you die?”

“From what you did today, I tried to burn the hut, and everything in it, including me. Then you showed up, took me out, and left me lying there for everyone to see. Get out of my life, Habbab Argent, or Arslan, or whatever your name is, just leave me alone.”

“Melek...”

He takes a step forward and I take another step back. I need to think fast. I won't go with him; I'll never be by his side again. And it's not fair that Esat sacrificed his life to save me. My family is disgraced and will never forget me, the Erdoğan will make my life hell and my grandfather is going to kill me anyway. So, I make a decision, it's not worth living anymore. We are on a bridge that crosses the deepest river in my country. I run towards the edge and jump; I will leave this world when I want to as I want to. Maybe I couldn't die by fire, now it's the water's turn to do the job. I fall, hoping that the pain gets over… Just hoping.