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7. Finn
Last Updated:
2024-10-29 19:42:56
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Resisting the Beta 8. Naomi
/He’s not going to hurt us/ Impes offers. But that’s irrelevant. I know that. I know he’s good and loyal. That his kisses make me feel like a sinner and a saint all rolled into one confusing, delirious mess. I know he won’t ever reject me, and he only wants to lift the grey cloud of doom from around my head. All of this is clear and obvious, yet still I’m keeping him at arm's length. Until he calls me clever little Kharkov anyway. Is it still a cheesy line if he says it to himself? I step quietly back into the room, wondering if he feels how blatantly I’m staring at the hemline of his black pants. I’ve lost my mind. It’s official. There is no way what I’m contemplating is in any way sane. But it’s what I want. Even when shouting with Leona, in the back of my mind, Impes was reminding me I’d left Finn naked in his room. So I try to correct myself, swerve back into normal. “I’m leaving with Leona. We’ll work through every book. I’ll do the trips up and down to restock. I’l
Resisting the Beta 9. Finn
The reality of Naomi’s desperate little noises is far superior to any of the fantasies Adamo has allowed to fly through my head since she returned. My only lie was promising I’ll try to wait. The time we spend pretending we’re not meant to be a couple feels like a waste. I know myself. Now I have had a taste of how it could feel, I can't give it up. I don't blow up with rage or start smashing things up when things dont go my way. I’m like my father. I go in on myself. Implode. It happened a week or so after Naomi left. Doubled up when Leona gave birth. It wasn’t her fault, but my heart and wolf were in meltdown. Every scream I heard bellowing out of the Kharkov residence, my mind created images of Naomi undergoing the same, but alone. Alpha Zeke tried to talk to me whenever he visited, swearing to me that he would look after Naomi. Even so, my world caved in. My size became my biggest weakness. It felt like everyone was wondering what my flaw was. What had Naomi seen abo
Resisting the Beta 10. Naomi
Rising Star soon behind us, my head hit the headrest. I got that so wrong. Everything. How is it possible to lose sight of everything in a day? This mate bond, it’s too much. Finn is just... /I know/ Impes nudges softly. I was so close to just confessing the truth. How he wasn’t the reason I stayed away from Cragstone. That I had every intention of returning after Rami was born. Try and start a conversation about our bond. Until I couldn’t. It was never meant to turn into almost two years. He wasn’t meant to just crash through everything and fill my head with all these thoughts. Time trundled by in the truck, awkwardness scaling new heights. “I think we need to talk?” Leona opened. I saw the tension between them before we set off. She’s got it so wrong. My beautiful sister. So strong in every way, including her convictions. I sigh. “Go on, what did you tell Finn?” “The truth.” Impes groaned. /We were so mean during the war. Bitching about everyone like we were unt
Resisting the Beta 11. Finn
Way too much time had passed by the time I got up there. I couldn’t race my quad any harder over the roads and it still wasn’t quick enough. I weighed up just shifting and sprinting the final miles but then what use would I be turning up naked to a disaster zone? She can't be dead. Selfishly I don't think of many others. Only Naomi.Adamo attempted and failed to keep me calm, assuring me there had been no damage to our bond. It doesn't matter. Until I see her face there is no way I can think straight. Guilt twists my insides when I realise we were intimate without either of us offering a word of commitment.What the fuck has happened!It doesn’t take much tracking down. The thick column of smoke from the still-burning truck guide me to the spot. Cillian has kept the mindlink blocked. I hope because he's trying to kill off rumours and talk. Which only increases the worry, but then again maybe this isn't the exploded vehicle Shadowlands is dealing with right now. Maybe they got the p
Resisting the Beta 12. Naomi
Vowing not to be swallowed up by grief should the worst ever happen was easy. Putting it into practice is impossible. Walking away from Finn and Rami's feast was rude of me. But I needed to get out. I can't stand the idea of everyone hugging, questioning, working out crushed I am when Alpha Cillian and the rest return. But I've nowhere to go.. Before long, my chest tightens, and I'm heaving over a basin. "Hey, do you want to get out of here?" Finn asks like a mind-reader, and just like that, I find myself in his tiny cottage just a few streets away from the packhouse. To be honest, I don't even remember the walk over. I think he carried Rami. But now the numbness is starting to wear off, reality crushes me more every minute. Laid in Finn’s bed with a snuffling Rami, staring up into the darkness, wondering what Leona would think. Finn is scuttling around in the other room, apologising for the mess because he never stays here that often. One kitchen with a table, one bathroom
Resisting the Beta 13. Finn
I'm trying. Fuck knows what I'm getting right or wrong though. Holding her sobbing, exhausted little frame against me in the dark was right. Trying to do the same in the daylight, she recoiled. Plus it turns out that staring at her is my weakness. I can’t help it. She's grieving, lost in the dark. My urge to reach out and hold her isn't what she wants. I’ve been in that place before. So have my parents. Life made both of them retreat into themselves. It’s so tempting for me to follow the same path and back away from her. But I want to make this bond work. Getting to know Rami has been wild. Compared to the tea-party holding cousins with their pretty dresses and dollies he’s a whirling tornado. I think he’s fascinating. His mother even more so. Especially when Naomi changes out of my shirt into baggy black workout gear. Stood at the back of my house, where she thinks none of us can see, the blackness in her spirit lifts, replaced by a grey, bland nothing. She goes through
Resisting the Beta 14. Naomi
“I’m not wearing bright colours. Are you out of your mind? You look insane!” “I don’t want to look like a fucking piece of fruit either but it’s what Mama wants.” Phoebe sulks, sprawled across Finn’s kitchen table, her feet up on the wooden chair. We’ve avoided talking about Finn. The fact I was slumped against the kitchen wall sobbing my eyes out. Even my wolf couldn’t soothe the pain from feeling just how swiftly I killed Finn’s expression, his hope. I miss Leona so much. Even if it’s just to tell her she’s wrong about my mate. To eye roll at Phoebe’s pumpkin-wear. After drying my eyes and comparing our healing injuries, she even suggested the fist-wielding Rami was trying to copy my fighting routines. "Don't be silly Phoebe," before turning away. I don't want to leave this cottage. /Is it strange we know where everything is?/ Impes asks gently as I force myself to eat some toast. /Pantry organised like ours. Cups in the first shelf to the right of the basin?/ Coinc
Resisting the Beta 15. Finn
Her kiss short-circuited everything I had planned. Not that I had a crafty, functioning scheme. I just had to see her. The aim was to check in on her. Quietly. Cillian suggested it over the mindlink. Following my distant dust trails were Sawyer and Easton. /Naomi and Rami are staying at yours. Hard day./ /Okay/ I replied back, unsure of how much Cillian even knows about the state of play. /Did you find anything?/ /Yes. But let me check on her first./ If silence could growl, it would be the rattling impatience in Cillian’s measured response. /Don’t be long. Seriously./ Leaving the quad outside Cragstone, I ran back to my place. Knowing she was there gave me a chance to hope. All day long, the temptation to throw up my hands and retreat was overwhelming. Surrounded by the scars of the explosion, useless, charred up bits of books and hundreds of bits of paper floating about it all felt too hopeless. Sense suggested I should just invite the pain of rejection. Later, it w
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Resisting the Beta Epilogue Four
Naomi (Continued) “I meant to ask you something,” Finn murmurs sleepily as we watch yet another shooting star go by. “Did it bother you that we never had a ceremony?” “No…no it just never felt the right time, then we had been together so long it almost didn’t matter?” “It’s a shame. Your sisters had all promised to walk together.” “We did it for Matilda. If things had gone differently, we would have walked for Eleanor and Rhett, but it all broke apart. I'm just glad we all found happiness, even if it wasn't in the same town square.” “Did Sia give you an address for Eleanor?” “Yes but I left it alone in the end. She knows where we are. She’s made a choice a long time ago,” I whisper sadly, clutching my King’s hand tightly. I know every wrinkle and line in his muscular frame. I could make his replica out of clay in every pose. The feel of his body is a memory I constantly revisit. “I found my memory box the other day when we were packing,” I add. “I didn’t know you had o
Resisting the Beta Epilogue Three
Naomi It’s been fifty years since we took over as Alpha and Luna this full moon. Fifty years. Time has the cruellest ability to just vanish from underneath your feet. I swear I was a feisty, opinionated, quad-bike obsessed woman in her twenties just the other day. Now, creeping upon me like a riptide, I'm a content, slow-moving little fossil. I’m his girl, his Queen. He is my King. Now and forever. The quad-bike-revving beast of a man who only ever cares for us. I love the fact I’m still his girl even as time eats away at our vitality. My hair is no longer fiery red. I’ve conceded to grey. He insists it only makes my brown eyes all the prettier. I’d blush, except I love every word he says. I still find any opportunity to stand above him and bring my face to his, marvelling at the lack of wrinkles on his relaxed, still-boyish features. We’re currently down on the very south of the Shadowlands coast, in Finn’s old family home, left to him by his parents. I wonder if all o
Resisting the Beta Epilogue Two
*** SEVEN MONTHS LATER*** PHOEBE It is strange when the life you thought you always wanted lands in your lap. Except they don’t feed your soul. I lecture students on human and shifter history. An expert in my bitterly-learned field. The contrasting versions of events. The dangers of automatically believing the only side of the story you have access to. The fact history is always told from the side of the winner. I stride the corridors, my wedding band and bumblebee pendant permanently part of me. But it’s not enough. Jane and Wren are so incredibly kind. The hours I've spent talking through Huli and those momths with them have been cathartic. Even so, they know Rising Star isn’t what I want. Not without Sawyer. Of course, it would have been ungrateful to protest at Alpha Finn’s decision. Two people voted for me to die. Including my own sister. Alpha Finn saved me whilst yanking Sawyer away. It’s been seven months, yet every night, I lie awake. I think of the same mom
Resisting the Beta Epilogue One
*** 7 MONTHS LATER *** ALPHA FINN “Alpha!” That fake-serious, minx of a voice forces me to pause. Not ideal when halfway across the Jackson’s roof, retrieving Rami’s misplaced arrow. Again. Considering he is meant to be an archery prodigy, he seems to fire it up into that thatched cottage’s eaves with annoying regularity. “This is your fault, Luna!” I shout back, fully aware of her laughing from the packhouse. When she sends a bolt of seriously dirty thoughts across our bond, I almost put my foot into the chimney. Thankfully, Diane is with Beta Tucker again, straightening out his boredom-driven drinking via pure seduction. "IT WAS ME!” Rami adds with glee. Naomi innocently claims the practice targets Rami uses simply must face the Jackson’s cottage. I don’t argue. Not when my girl slinks around in dark bodysuits that leave my hands twitching to wrap around her waist. I have no arguments, only desires. Any argument she has formulating just vanishes away at the soun
Resisting the Beta 45. Phoebe
My mouth drops open, but there is nothing to say. Nikolai doesn’t suffer the same issue. “Now just fuck off a minute-” but Cillian doesn’t even flinch. Zeke and Freya step forward, their eyes wide with surprise. "You haven't discussed this with us?" “Look, my father was never born an Alpha. He rose. He proved himself. Calm in danger, braver than any of his peers. Any Shadowlands Alpha should follow the same route. I haven't. I've made it this far by the skin of my teeth. So I want you all to endorse and support and give your backing to Finn. Alpha Finn Penkov and his Luna, Naomi Kharkov of the Shadowlands.” The only person to make a sound is Rami, who starts clapping wildly and shouting “KING FINN! King Finn and Prince Rami! Haha, I'm in charge!!” He doesn’t seem to realise everyone else is in complete shock. He’s just thrilled his favourite person in the world is getting a promotion. And by default, in his eyes anyway, himself. “Do you accept?” Cillian says, not really givin
Resisting the Beta 44. Phoebe
The truck ride certainly gave me time to think. For one, I am eternally grateful Huli was no longer with me. I don’t miss having a wolf. The agony she would have been putting me through had she still held residence in my consciousness made me instinctively reach for my wrist. The only sign of that former life, one that could be years ago instead of just a few months, is a faint, grey scar on my wrist. It used to be so red and angry. Now, it has settled down to almost nothing. Genevieve picked up on it whilst she came to say goodbye. “I know you’re scared.” “I am. But only because it’s what I deserve.” “Well, if it helps, Nikolai and I are attending this meeting too. Cillian has asked for Rising Star as well.” "Oh." That absolutely does not help in any way. It only means Matilda will have even less influence. It makes me think Cillian is preparing to make an example of me. Genevieve has been kind enough to lend me a cornflower blue and white gown. Its swirling blue remi
Resisting the Beta 43. Sawyer
Nikolai explained, in a much more brutal and dickish way than was necessary, that we only got one night's stay at White Forest Castle. After all, he has sworn to help Alpha Cillian and Zeke, the pair of them bound in a trio of voting and veto. I don't care. We have each other right now. Every day seems to be swinging us to the extremes, and now we are just waiting for the biggest and hopefully final one to go our way. “I think we need to switch our brains off for a while,” Phoebe sighed, our brown dust-covered bodies flopping onto the bed of our small little room. “I can’t keep thinking about next week. It will drive me insane.” “Cillian could just exile us. Or maybe be so taken up in making Heath pay that we are nothing to him. Matilda will have an influence.” “I killed my mother and put him, Naomi and Finn into a trance. I stole a child…” “Not you. Your fucking wolf. You were just the vessel,” I sigh, too weary to go round the grisly roulette wheel. Phoebe rolls herself
Resisting the Beta 42. Phoebe
Clutching his silver goblet, our nameless, very-well rested hostage was almost chirpy, insisting he had a brother in law in the next town he could call on for a ride. But Sawyer shook his head when the time came to abandon him in the dark. “No…no it’s not right to take this. Can you drop us at the border? Keep the truck.” “From here, your nearest pack is Rising Star?” “That works just fine,” Sawyer replied. Walking through the night, keeping away from the towns and villages, Sawyer found us fresh water to drink, before killing and cooking a fish over a small fire. I’m probably endlessly naive, but to me, it was a perfect night. Because finally, there was not a single obstruction to just being with Sawyer. The man who patiently explained how you can catch a fish bare-handed. Explaining why he purposely ignored one section of the river, walking another mile upstream. I said nothing when he stripped to his underwear to stand in the shallows. I whooped and laughed instead when
Resisting the Beta 41. Sawyer
I felt Phoebe’s fear rise at the sight of Cillian. I saw a chance. Our opportunity to finally put things right. I just need him to listen to me instead of immediately heading to decapitation. His wolf's eyes were entirely golden, burning anger at the forefront of his intent. Cillian didn't even attempt diplomacy. No Shadowland envoys to King Heath, not even a personal visit to Bridgend to ask if there was truth in any rumours. He’s ended up straight here, shifted into wolf form, and shredded his way through at least twenty human men. What if this isn't the first prison he's tried? What will be the fallout from the Alpha's desperation? I couldn’t get Matilda’s cell unlocked in time. The heavy collection of black and silver keys was impossible to gauge. With the gag still in her mouth, Matilda wasn’t coming to our aid anytime soon. Plus, I know how it feels to be obliterated by wolfsbane. Sluggish, dopey. She might not even believe this is even real if they’ve really pum
