The Beginning

The uncertainty of the world always makes me think about how I can find real happiness. Is happiness still relevant in this cruel world? Or greediness makes the people feel the satisfaction they are wanting to feel.

When the pandemic started to blow, I readied myself for the possible event will happen in the future. I always think about what will happen tomorrow, but I forgot to look back on the past to reminisce some lessons.

After the 14-day quarantine period, I was able to go home after 5 months of being on duty. I am a nurse, and the pandemic tested my ability. I am not so sure if I fulfill my duty very well. Every time I see people suffer; I think what I am doing is not enough.

"I missed you so much, darling. No days I was not worried about you." My mom hugged me so tight. Her warm made me feel so safe after being alone for a long time. 

"I missed you too, Mama. Where's Papa?" I asked then roamed my eyes around our old-fashioned house that was originally from her great-great-grandfather.

"He's outside buying some goods. He will cook something for you later. Why don't say 'hello' to your grandpa in the backyard first? I'm sure he will be thrilled to see you. He misses you a lot," my mother said then helped me to organize my things in my room.

I sighed as I remember the days when I was a child, this room was originally for my father. Then passes to me when I was 8, I was terrified back then. You know, sleeping alone in this old house was freaking my 8-year-old mind. But nothing happens, it's just my wild imagination.

After cleaning myself and getting enough rest, I decided to meet my grandpa who's still in the backyard. It is nearing dawn and the cold breeze of September started to touch my skin. My grandfather was a retired army, he slowly losing his eyesight because of his age. He is old but quite stronger for his age. He didn't notice me at first, I watched him looking at his old photos when he was a young man. I bet he missed those days. 

"It was a long time I can still clearly remember how that young lady saved my wife's life."

I thought he was talking to himself until he looked up at me. I was surprised at first but later, I smiled at him. I sat beside him then also examined the photos. They were very old, and some are almost fading. 

"Who's that lady, grandpa? Is she grandma?" I asked him.

He shakes his head. "I don't remember her name anymore, but she is pretty and she's amazing. She was different from other girls in our time. I remember that my best friend was so whipped at her. She got my friend's eyes and heart. But then, she was gone when we came back after surviving a bloody war."

I suddenly felt an unfamiliar pain in my chest when I heard his story. "Why is she suddenly disappeared? Is she dead or went to another place or something like that?" 

"We don't know, but I know one thing, my friend was truly devastated at that time. He will cry every night and you know what was weird?" He paused then looked at me. "He would go to a certain dark place and gazed at the night sky."

He handed me an old picture. It was a man holding a guitar. I bit my lips and suddenly, I feel like crying. I caught my breath then gave back the photo to my grandpa. 

"This is Henry, my childhood best friend. When we returned home after the war, he decided to quit the military. The last time I heard the news about them was he's getting married. I was so relieved that time, I thought he will be a wreck all his life. I am glad that he has Sonia." My grandfather started to put the photos back in the old box.

He stopped then look at me again. His forehead creased. I was confused about his reaction to me. 

"Who are you, young miss?" he suddenly asks.

I smiled. "I am Aliyah, grandpa. I was gone for a very long time. But now, I am here."

"I wished you came back a little early," he said, and I was stunned.

What?

"I-I was doing my job, so I can't go home whenever I want.  But I will stay for months, I promised to take care of you." I stand up then pushed his wheelchair inside our house because the sun is already set, and the cold wind started to blow harshly.

IN THE DINNER, my father was a bit loud. He was thrilled to see me, and I am too. I missed my family so much. But every time I remembered what grandpa told me earlier, my heart will start to ache as if I have heart disease, but I am physically healthy. I will find it hard to breathe and ended up crying. I was so confused about myself. I never met his best friend Henry and his wife. In fact, I never met grandma too. I have never had an interest in their lives. I never heard their stories. 

"What's the matter, dear? Are you not comfortable?" my mother asked me when she notices that I am still awake. It's already past midnight.

She sat down in my bed, waiting for my answer. I was completely bothered by how that Henry man's story affects my whole system. 

"Do you know anything about grandpa's best friend?" I asked my mother.

"Hmm, I met him only once, when I’m about to marry your father. He's a good man, a good-looking man. I was pregnant at that time to you. I just find him weird when he said, 'she's going to be the beautiful and outstanding girl who will capture the heart of a man, and in that time, I was just 2 months pregnant, and your gender was still unknown." My mother shrugged her shoulders.

Who is this man? Who is he? 

I was overthinking things, and I can't remember how I fell asleep. I woke up around noon then I decided to organize my things. I started to unpack the things I bought for my family and some close neighbors and friends. I keep distracting myself the whole. I prevented myself from having even a small to my grandfather. Until now, I'm still worried about myself. I was so eager to know more about his best friend.

"Thank you for the visit and your gifts." The old lady smiled at me. I smiled back.

She’s the same age as my mother. Their family was close to ours, so my mom and I decided to pay some visits. I drifted my eyes on some large photos hanging on the walls. The is prettier than on ours. The largest one was probably their family picture where an old man and lady sitting, and two people were standing behind them. 

My mother was in the restroom when the old lady spoke. "Can you still remember the time you are with him?" she said.

Her words sent shivers down my spine. What is she talking about?

"Huh?" The only word I managed to say.

"Although he was able to marry my mother and have children with her. I know he never loved her. He never loved my mother because of that one girl." She looked at me.

"Do you remember that time, the time you left him?"

I froze.