Chapter 17: Renee

Renee

I know who is at the door before they even knock. I don't know how Alex found me, but I don't want to see him. I am hoping he will smell another male here and leave. So, when he does know I can help but whimper. He can not come in here. I don't even want Fenrir to open the door. I can't rest. He may be able to smell the difference in my scent to what he once knew it was. So, when Fenrir growls towards the door, getting to his feet, I jump up, every ungraceful like. But I am able to get in front of him before he answers the door. I stand with my arms and legs spread out. It works. He stops and gives me an odd look.

"Please don't answer it." I beg with a whine. I never wanted any of this and if this is my last day I don't want it ruined. Because Alex is if he thinks I am what I am he will take me and claim me without second thought. I don't want that. I will never be free to be who I am around him or my old pack. I can't go back.

"Do you know who it is?" He asked me. I don't want to answer him. I don't know what he would do if he knew the truth. I'm still confused about Jace's reaction last night to what he saw. But I know I can't lie. I hate my own morals sometimes.

"I do." I tell him carefully. Hoping that enough of an answer. The growl of warning he gives tells me it's not. "He's my mate." He growls again. "Ex mate really. He rejected me, so I left and he, for some reason he found me again."

He looks to the door and growls this time. When he tries to take a step to it, I place my hands on his chest. He stops and looks at me seeing how distressed I am he makes a move with his hands. I don't know what he was going to do but when I flinched, he dropped his arms and starts to purr instead. My hands being on his chest I can feel the vibration.

The vibration from his chest reverberates through my body, calming my frayed nerves. I had felt the power of his purr from across the room, but this close, it's overwhelming. I want to step back, but my body refuses to move. I'm drawn to him, and the thought of laying my head on his chest, feeling that vibration against my skin, is irresistible.

But I can't—I won't—do that. I force my hands to push against his solid form, feeling the strength and warmth of him under my palms. I must stay strong.

"Please let me handle it. You can't open the door." I can't let that happen. I can't, I just can't. The vibration increases. The panic trying to work its way back up has been beaten back again.

"What can't happen?" He says in a gentle voice and I look up to meet his eyes.

"I said that out loud didn't I" Fuck I really need to work on that.

"You did. Please, tell me what is going on. What can't happen." I have never heard any man let alone on alpha say please. And that makes me want to explain. But I need to be careful about it.

"I will explain. But you need to listen to everything. Until I tell you I'm done." I tell him to be as stern as I can when my alpha refuses to show her face. See? Never around when I need it. He moves slowly, just his left arm bringing his hand to cup one of mine, which in all honesty I didn't realize was still on his chest, he squeezes gently. Then nods his head as another knock more aggressive comes from the door. I flinch and realize I am running out of time.

I stood in front of him, my expression serious. "Buckle up, buttercup," I said, my tone firm. "This is going to be fast and dirty."

He looked at me with confusion in his eyes, not understanding why I was suddenly being so serious. "What do you mean?" he asked.

I took a deep breath and began to explain. "Alex was once my mate," I said, my voice filled with a mixture of pain and hate. "He knew it, and I did not know it, because I didn't feel the full pull until much later."

I looked down, unable to meet his gaze. "Because all through growing up, he was always meeting me in secret," I said, my voice shaking with emotion. "I was the nerd, the one who was constantly bullied. I enjoyed his attention and let it happen."

He reached out to touch my shoulder, but I flinched away. "And when I finally found out and went to tell him about the bond, he rejected me," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

"I am so sorry." he said, his voice filled with sympathy. I could also hear the anger in it.

I took a step back, my heart aching with the memories of the pain Alex had caused me. "I don't want to open that door again," I said firmly. "I don't want to risk him trying to take me as his mate now. Which if what he said is true last night he wants to. But if I talk through the door then maybe he will leave, if I open it he may take my choice."

He looked up at me, his eyes filled with sadness and longing. "I understand," he said, his voice barely audible because he is trying to hold his growl. "But know, I will not let him take the choice from you."

I hear a loud knock at the door, causing me to jump in surprise spinning to the door. The sounds of his knocks are now angry and frustrated. I feel Fenrir as he positions himself behind me, ready to protect me if needed.

"Renee, I know you're home. Answer your fucking door," Alex growls, his tone full of aggression and impatience.

I try to compose myself, knowing that Alex can be unpredictable when he's angry. Taking a deep breath, I respond, "I am not dressed, Alex. What do you want?"

I can hear Fenrir's low purr and have a feeling he is fully ready to defend me. I feel his presence behind me, a comforting and protective force. I know that he will not let anything happen to me. I love and hate that all at once.

"I need to talk to you, Renee. It's important," Alex says, his tone softening slightly but it's like nails on a chalkboard.

I can't help but feel a twinge of fear at his words. I know that Alex can be manipulative, and I don't want to fall into his trap again. But a part of me is curious about what he has to say.

"Can't it wait? I'm not really in the mood for a conversation right now," I reply, trying to sound firm and uninterested.

"No, it can't wait. I need to talk to you now," Alex insists, his voice growing louder again.

"What is it, Alex?" I ask, trying to keep my voice steady. Still not waiting to open a door.

"I swear to the Goddess, open the fucking door!" He uses his Alpha bark and I whimper. Taking a step to the door.