TOPHERI WATCHED her as she walked inside the doors to the big hall, my hot and beautiful Christmas gift last night in a sexy and chic off-the-shoulder burgundy dress and high-heeled sexy and strappy stilettos. Jenna’s beauty and elegance made her glow tonight. Nakita ko pa ang pagkatulala sa mukha ni Keith noong pumihit ito at nakita ang babaeng pinaniniwalaan nitong fiancée pa rin nito, since he still didn’t know he’d been fired from that privilege. Kahit ako, hindi ko pa nakita si Jenna na ganito.And I felt proud of her… and of myself, dahil nakikita kong malayong malayo siya sa babaeng iniuwi ko sa bahay kahapon, drunk and defeated.Instead, she bloomed. Like a woman thoroughly loved. I might have helped put that beautiful blush on those cheeks. At gusto kong tumayo at bayuhin ang dibdib ko sa pagmamalaki.Gusto ko lang… nangingiti kong naisip. Jenna had always been pretty, but subtly, because she never deliberately tried to get attention to herself. Sa kabila niyon, napansin
TOPHER HINDI naging madali ang makalapit sa kanya.Paano, hindi lang ako ang nakapansin ng pagbabago niya nang gabing iyon. Hindi lang siya nagpaganda nang husto, naging accommodating din siya sa mga lumapit sa kanya at nakipag-usap.Nakikipagtawanan.Nagpapahawak ng kamay, nagpapahalik sa knuckles sa mga mas mapangahas. Nakikipagsayaw. Sumayaw sila ni Keith, pero nakipagsayaw din siya sa iba bukod kay Tito Markus. Sa paligid ko, naririnig ko ang mga comments na nasurpresa.How lovely she’s always been and it was good to see her so happy and ‘in love’ and that she and Keith were probably going to get engaged soon, if not tonight.Napapailing na lang ako.Not that I cared.Okay, so I did. Only because that simply wasn’t true.Tama?“Chris! I’m glad you came! You want to sit with us?”Nakalampas na ako sa mesa bago ko naintindihan na ako ang tinawag. I wasn’t Chris. It was either I was Christopher or Topher. Why couldn’t they remember this?Pumihit ako at ngingiti sana kay Beryl… i
TOPHERSHE was dancing with another man, at patapos na ang tugtog. Napansin ko siya dahil bumunggo ang likod niya sa akin, and when I looked, she seemed surprised.Pero alam kong sinadya niya.“Topher!” sambit niya. “Jenna,” sambit ko. “Hi. Thank you for coming. Tinuro ka ni Uncle kanina, lagi kang nasa tabi.”Hindi ko mapigil ang ngiti sa mga labi ko. Like an idiot. “I didn’t come with a date.”“Talaga? Then dance with me.”“Wait—” sinasabi ni Barnacle. Mas gracious ang partner ni Jenna. Tumango itong nakangiti noong nag-excuse ang babae sa last notes ng tugtog. I wondered, if Jenna was known to be single, if he would be as smooth in letting her go with his hands, kahit hirap nitong alisin ang mga mata nito sa mukha ng dalaga.Binitiwan ko si Berlin. Beryl. I slid in front of Jenna as she gave me her hand. Pumihit siya in a way na matutulak ang lalaki niyang dating partner sa sayaw kung hindi ito uurong, directly putting him in front of Berna.Na nakatayo roong mistulang naiwan ku
JENNAPARA akong kinakagat ng mga langgam mula sa parteng magkadikit ang aming mga balat habang possessive akong hawak ni Keith sa kamay. Pero hindi ko mabawi ang kamay ko na una kong reaksyon sana noong hinawakan niya ako. Iyon—ang lumayo sa mga hawak nito, at ang mapatingin kay laurel—ang mga iwas na iwas akong gawin ngayong gabi dahil mahahalata agad ng mga ito na may alam na ako tungkol sa panloloko nilang dalawa sa akin. Ayokong malaman niya agad na bistado ko na sila. Ayoko siyang makahanap ng paraan na mai-deny iyon. He still could. He was such a smooth liar. Mas sanay siya sa ganito kaysa sa akin. Kailangan kong mag-ingat.Isa pa, maraming nakapaligid sa amin. They already saw how I danced with Topher. I knew I was getting carried away but I didn’t stop. Doon ko nairaos, sa mga bisig niya, ang galit na tinitimpi ko buong gabi.I was glad I was with him kahit sandali lang. I was glad he got to hug me, and I got to hug him back. Kasi malapit na akong sumabog. His touch gr
JENNAHABANG kausap ko si Uncle Markus, napansin kong lumabas sa ballroom si Laurel. Napansin ko ring hindi nagtagal at lumabas din si Keith.“So, are you sure? Hindi ka pa sigurado na gusto mo nang ma-engage kaya walang proposal tonight?”Tumango ako sa kanya. “Yes, Uncle. I just… nagising ako kaninang umaga with this giant hangover and my mind made up na ayoko pa. Masyado pa akong bata. Marami pa akong gustong gawin.”Napapailing si Uncle Markus. Good thing, he took my excuse na kaya ako biglang attentive magsaya sa party tonight with other men kasi na-pressure ako ng napipintong pagpo-propose ni Keith. Na nahihirapan akong sabihin sa kanya na hindi pa ako handa maging ganoon kaseryoso.“I thought you really have decided kaya…” Saka siya nagbuntunghininga. “Frankly? I’m also relieved. Hija, alam kong noon ay boto ako kay Keith but I realized I really don’t know him enough. Kung naalala mo pa ‘yong pag-bypass niya sa directors dati, ‘yung joke niya na since magiging kapamilya na nat
JENNAPAGKATAPOS nang nangyaring gulo sa Study, mabilis kumilos ang mga amigo ni Uncle para sa damage control. The guests were led back to the ballroom with the excuse that everything was just a misunderstanding… walang anumang meron sa Study.No, walang proposal or something like that.Laurel disappeared very quickly. Matapos maayos ang sarili at mataboy ang mga guests sa hallway, tumakbo siya palabas, dumaan sa backdoor, at umalis.I didn’t think I would see her again if she could help it. Keith was made to stay to explain. To Uncle Markus, at least. Hindi na niya kailangan pang mag-explain sa akin. Iniwan ko sila sa Study at sinamahan ko si Auntie Claudine sa kanyang kwarto kung saan nangailangan siya nang ilang mga sandali para kumalma. No, she didn’t touch the water. She asked for a shot of her husband’s whiskey.Nakaupo siya sa kama, nakasandal sa headboard. “You poor girl. You knew! Kaya kakaiba ang mga kilos mo ngayong gabi. Sabi ko na nga ba, may nangyari. You were so… so
TOPHER“SO, as I understand it correctly, Keith and Laurel were both fired?” I asked as an opener when Jenna arrived. Nakaupo ako sa bench na kahoy sa gitna ng garden kung saan ko siya hinihintay, napapalibutan ng mababangong mga bulaklak at mga puno at marahang mga liwanag mula sa mga solar na strategically located para makapagbigay ng dramatic na aesthetic sa lugar.Tumango siya. “I don’t think they had to get fired. Kung may mukha pa silang ihaharap pagkatapos nang klase ng pagkabisto sa kanila, ewan ko na lang…” Nagbuntunghininga siya. “I actually pity them now. Pero ako ba ang gumawa nang ginawa nila? In my uncle’s house pa talaga.” At wala nang awa sa tinig nito, kundi nagagalit na naman. Umabot ang kamay ko na nakapatong sa likod ng bench at hinaplos ko ang pisngi niya. “Are you okay?”Kumiling ang ulo niya palapit sa kamay ko at humilig. “Okay lang ako kasi nawala ‘yong pag-aalala sa magagawa niya laban sa akin if hindi nangyari itong gabing ito. But… I still don’t know kung
More than a month later…JENNAI DIDN’T mean to come here. I didn’t mean to think about him as soon as I got back from my vacation. I just couldn’t help myself.So here I was, standing outside his door on the very same day I got off the plane, not sure exactly what to do. I just knew that in this big city, he was the first person I wanted to see when I came back.But I didn’t want him to get the wrong impression. This was just how I felt. He was cool and smart, and he was safe. He was the kind of guy who would not think more than what I was ready for him to think, and I enjoyed being with him. I enjoyed sex with him like I never had in my entire life. He was… comfortable.And exciting.Shit, yes, that’s the crux of it. He was very exciting to be with.I miss him. Kahit pa ano na siya ngayon, kung may nagbago na. I didn’t care. I wanted to be friends.We agreed to prioritize our lives before I left for Bali. Ako, mommy ko at bakasyon ko. Shopping. Reading my long list of TBR.
Jenna“Mommy?! Anong ginagawa mo rito?” nagawa kong masambit matapos ang ilang sandali habang tinatago na sobra akong dismayado. What the hell was she doing here?Sa halip na sumagot agad ay niyakap niya ako at hinalikan sa magkabilang pisngi. “I came here as soon as I heard na may exhibit ang boyfriend mo.” Pagkatapos ay tiningnan niya ako nang may paninisi sa mukha. “Do I have to learn this from your uncle, Jenna. I wanna let it go but Claud said he’s a really good painter and I wanna see his work. And I love them! I bought a couple. Is it true he’s a really good boy, as well. You did good, sweetie. I’m so happy for you!”Tumikhim ako para lang makasingit sa kanyang litanya, lalo’t nakakatawag na ng pansin ang mga sinasabi niya sa mga nasa malapit. She seemed so happy she hadn’t realized she was being so loud. “Ahm, thank you, mom. Sinong kasama mo? Did you come alone? How did you know to come here?”“With your aunt and uncle and a friend, whom I would like to introduce to you a b
JennaVALENTINE’S DAY.I wouldn’t miss Topher’s exhibit in the world.So, after carefully dressing myself up for him, I drove to where he was going to do his exhibit with his artist friends. And the venue was packed with art enthusiasts and curious folks. I had a special invitation, though, and I was so excited to see Topher’s work on display and quite apprehensive about our two paintings together. Syempre, nakamata rin ako sa paligid ko. Baka kasi totohanin ng mga katrabaho kong dumalo at magkita-kita kami kung saan ayokong makasama sila.Nang maging pamilyar sa akin ang ilang paintings, alam kong nakarating na ako sa spot kung saan naroroon ang mga gawa ni Topher. Mas maraming tao roon at alam kong hindi lang dahil magaling siya kundi dahil isa siya sa mga featured painters. Kahit hindi masyadong alam sa work ang kanyang isa pang karera ay marami siyang followers sa art world.Hinahanap ko siya nang pasimple. Oo, alam na ng mga katrabaho namin ang tungkol sa amin pero hindi pa kam
JENNASo, iyon nga, nagpatuloy ang hapunan. Hindi pa man nangangalahati si Topher sa kanyang kare-kare order ay nagsipag-order na ng beer at cocktails ang iba. I asked for a Smirnoff at gumaya si Topher. I knew, Valerie and Jasmine noted this, too. Pero bukod naman dito ay nakikipagkuwentuhan siya sa iba. Sinasagot niya ang interested na tanong ng mga ito tungkol sa exhibit. Most of them were surprised to find out he regularly had his paintings on private and semi-private exhibits once or twice a year. Topher wasn’t very forthcoming about this part of his life ever since. Ngayon lang.Tapos na si Topher sa pagkain at dumating na rin sa mesa ang in-order nitong dalawang Hoisin pizza para sa gusto pang magtagal doon at uminom noong mahina ko siyang tinanong kung babalik pa siya sa mga kaibigan niya.“Yes. Medyo marami pang gagawin. But let me know when you’re going and I’ll come back and drive you home.”Hindi ko dinala ang car ko kaninang umaga kasi magkasabay kaming pumasok… I meant h
JENNA“MAS masarap ito, ano? Tikman mo,” ani Sandra habang nilalagay sa bibig ko ang piraso ng binalatang hipon mula sa kanyang plato. Nasa isang resto bar kami at may cocktails at seafood sa mesa. Sa halip na umuwi, doon kami nag-dinner at nag-relax paglabas namin sa trabaho. It was a Friday night and it would be a lax day tomorrow. Pwedeng pumasok ng late o hindi pumasok since katatapos lang namin sa isang project kaya nga kami narito. Nagse-celebrate ang team namin.Hindi namin kasama si Topher. Last weekend na kasi ito bago ang Valentine’s Day Exhibit kaya busy siya kasama ng kanyang mga artist friends. Sini-set nila ang media hall na gagamitin sa isang mall dito sa BGC para sa event.Baka nga hindi ko siya makita buong weekend.Habang nginunguya ko ang hipon na sinubo ni Sandra, nakikinig ako sa mga usapan sa paligid ng mesa. I actually was just busying myself while I waited for a message from my… what do I call him now? Boyfriend ko na ba siya?Parang ganoon na nga yata. Pinig
JENNAKUMABOG ang dibdib ko nang makita kong may kotseng nakaparada sa labas ng gate ng bahay ko noong makarating ako roon.It really was almost impossible to believe he could get here before me because I left the parking lot of the restaurant with him still inside the place but… he must have driven here like crazy.He’s coming out of the car.Topher.He looked mad.Uh-oh.Pinarada ko ang kotse ko sa unahan ng kanya sa tabi ng kalsada. Noong bumaba ako, nasa tabi na siya ng kotse.“Did you kiss him?”“Hah! Did you think I’ll have time—”Nahaklit ako sa kanya.And he was kissing me bad. It was rough and angry and bruising. But I was just happy he was there. And then I was happy he was angry. I didn’t think my kind and gentle Topher could be like this. And it’s…Hot.Umangat ang ulo niya. “Did you kiss him?”“No,” parang mabait na tupa kong reply.“Is there anyone else in the house?”“Noone.”“Let’s go inside.”“The cars—”“Inside, baby.”Oh my God, natunaw yata ang matres ko!We were
JENNA“I INVITED him, actually,” paliwanag ni Auntie Claud nang maupo na rin si Topher at sa pagitan pa nila ni Greg, err, Glenn. “I also invited another girl pero Portia couldn’t make it. Akala ko nga hindi makakarating itong si Topher,” sabi pa niya. “’Buti na lang kahit busy ang sched mo you made it!”Portia? Sinong Portia? “You’re setting us all up for a blind date, Auntie?” hindi ko napigilang itanong. Hindi ako makapaniwala na gusto niyang i-blind date pati si Topher!Napatingin silang lahat sa akin. At nag-init ang mga pisngi ko. Napalakas at napataas ang boses ko.Nanatili ang ngiti sa mga labi ni Auntie Claud. “Why, yes! Binata si Christopher, single… as well as you, Greg and Portia, my dear. Why not?”“Hi!” breathless na bati nang isang pambabaeng boses.I don’t believe it, bwisit kong naisip. Akala ko ba hindi makakarating?“Portia!” excited na walang mintis na sambit ni Auntie Claud.“Iha,” gracious namang sabi ni Uncle Markus. This time, siya ang tumayo para mag-request n
JENNAI AM so much in trouble.It had been a full three hours since I parted with Topher. I still didn’t know what happened, because we just didn’t fuck inside that office – thank you very much. Kasi, kung iyon lang iyon, bakit ayoko nang tumuloy sa date ko tonight?I lied to Topher. Or, it was a half lie. Totoong nasa parehong dinner si Uncle Markus, pero hindi sila lang kundi ang date na in-arrange ni Auntie Claudine para sa akin. Hindi ko alam kung bakit napahiya pa akong umamin kahit alam ko namang nakakarating sa kanya ang pagpa-party ko at ibang mga kabulastugang pinaggagagawa ko nitong nakaraang mga araw. If only canceling wouldn’t make Auntie Claudine think that me and Topher had a secret relationship ay nagkansela na ako talaga.Ganito kasi ang nangyari. Iyong pagkukunwari namin ni Topher sa kanyang Mommy at stepfather at Maxine na iyon bilang magkasintahan, nagkaroon ng consequence. His mother asked questions and it reached my Auntie’s ear. Ipinaliwanag ko sa dalawa
TOPHERI KISSED her–hard–because I missed kissing her and I wanted her to know.I kissed her the best way that I know because I wanted all other kisses from other men gone from her memory. She kissed me back as hard and as hotly. I pushed her with my body towards the door and she knew why because it was her hand that reached for the knob behind her to lock it. Sabi ko na nga ba. Para sa aming dalawa, walang halfway-halfway. She wanted me, too. As in now.But I was me, stupid me. At napaungol ako pero kailangan kong gawin ang sunod. Inangat ko ang ulo ko at tumingin ako sa kanya hanggang napilitan siyang magmulat ng kanyang mga mata.“Yes,” she replied before I even asked the question.“Oh, Jenna…” paiyak kong tugon dahil sa sobrang relief. We still synched, she and I. As I reached for the hem of her short dress, she was unbuckling my belt.“Topher, who still wears belts?” reklamo niya.Natawa ako habang nakasubsob sa kanyang dibdib. I was right. She was wearing a strapless bra. I
TOPHERI TRIED not to listen to rumors. Pero hindi maiwasan. Pinag-uusapan siya kahit saan.Sinasabi nilang nagbago na si Jenna. She was all over the place, flirting with anyone who would flirt back. Mula noong bumalik siya sa office, laman na siya ng parties kahit hindi naman siya palalabas before. She went out with friends, wearing hot clothes and stilettos, having a great time with girl friends and male admirers. They were fascinated with the new Jenna. Somehow, her actions didn’t shame her. Kasi maganda. Kasi sexy. And single. And she could move, and dance. And she just came out of a rather stupid relationship. She deserved it.Kasi spontaneous, nakakadala ang mga halakhak niya. Nakakainggit kasi hindi kayang gawin nang iba ang ganoon. Pero masayang kasama. Nakakawala ng problema.She’d become notoriously famous.She didn’t care what people think now. But sometimes, she looked lonely. Sabi.Minsan daw natutulala pa rin. Kapag naririnig ko iyon, natutulala rin ako.I sent h