Happy Anniversary

“Heads up!” was all I heard before I felt something slam into the back of my head, knocking me to the ground. Why did I bother coming today of all days? I could have stayed in my comfy bed. Oh, how beautiful the thought of you is you amazing, wonderful bed… But no, I chose to go to school and go to cheer practice. Where did that get me? Oh yeah, sprawled across the astroturf after a freaking football nailed me.

“Holy crap! Jamie, are you okay?” Callie, yells from somewhere above me.

“Ugh… Fine.” I blinked. She extended her hand toward me, and I took it, pulling myself up to my feet. Great, I just washed this uniform last night. With both hands, I quickly brushed off my uniform and pulled it back into place.

“Collin! Watch it! You could have killed her,” Callie snapped at the quarterback as he stepped up to retrieve the ball. I see it now: Jamie Summers, death by football to the head. What a way to die.

“I said heads up,” Collin shrugged, tossing the death ball to another team member.

“Oh! And I suppose that makes it all better then, doesn’t it? Are you that dense? Apologize now!” Even when we were kids, Callie always had my back. I stood awkwardly staring at Collin. Being the jerk he is, I wouldn’t be surprised if his response was something crude.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m sorry,” Collin teased through his helmet. “I’m sorry your friend won’t be making the football team in the future. She sucks at catching things.” There it was… Callie scowled as he pranced back to his team.

“Who the hell does he think he is?” Callie growled. “Let’s see him catch my foot in his-”

“Let it go, Callie.” I cut in, “He’s not worth it.” Though, I did envision many times beating him down, stripping him to his boxers, and tying him to a stake in the fifty-yard line for a Friday night game. Collin Masters was a prick.

“I will not let it go!” Her strawberry blonde hair was coming out of her ponytail from the first workout we did. “Was he raised by monkeys? Who in their right mind just hits someone and runs away making jokes about it?”

“Clearly, he isn’t sane,” I replied, pulling her back into formation as Coach T came back from the restrooms.

“Darn right he isn’t sane.” She grumbled. I turned and made my way back to my spot on the other side of the formation.

            After practice, the squad walked back to the girls’ changing room. Callie continued to carry on to the other girls about how horrible Collin Masters was and how badly he needed to get what was coming to him. I stood at the back of the crowd, watching the girls go in. My thumb twitched, I raised my hand feeling like I had forgotten something, and then it dawned on me, I forgot my water bottle on the practice field. I jogged back to find it.

The field was peaceful when no one was on it, just trees rustling around and the wind blowing softly through the bleachers. I stood there in meditation. After a few breaths, I remembered what I came out there for. My water bottle was still at the foot of the bleachers. I snatched it up and turned back toward the gym. Just before I reached the doors, something pulled my attention back to the stands from where I was. A guy was standing at the top, he looked like a senior, maybe? His shaggy black hair hung just slightly above his ears. He wore a blue button-up, that hung slightly over his tattered blue jeans. I hadn’t seen him on campus before. Suddenly I realized he was staring at me, probably wondering what I was looking at. Tearing my eyes away awkwardly, I shook it off and ran the rest of the way to the entrance. My toe knocked the door stopper as I tripped into the gym. I prayed he didn’t see, then again, what did I care?

“Jamie?” Callie called at the lockers. “Has anyone seen Jamie?” I sighed and turned the corner.

             “Oh, there you are!” She exclaimed, back to her normal peppy self. “We have to get into homecoming prep this weekend.”

“You do know homecoming isn’t for another two months, right?” I pressed my water bottle to my lips, taking long sips of water.

“Whether it’s two months or next year we need to have it planned, Jamie.” She put her hands on her hips for emphasis. “Homecoming is everything! We need to have it perfected now so nothing can go wrong later.”

“You will jinx it saying that.” I rolled my eyes. Truth was, I didn’t want to do a homecoming, and I didn’t care about the dance or the game. Heck, I didn’t even know how I feel about cheer anymore.

“What do you want to do today Jamie?” Callie asked, waking me from thought. “Want to go window shopping for a new dress?”

“Not today, I already have plans,” I replied, grabbing my backpack from my locker.

“What are you doing today? You didn’t invite me.” Callie put a hurt look over her face.

“Yeah, I planned a cleaning day for myself so that when people come over they don’t think I’m a pig,” I laughed, which was only half true. I did want to clean the house.

“Alright.” She shrugged. “Let me know if you change your mind and decide I’m better company than dirty socks and trashcans.”

“Will do.” I shook my head, fixing my bag on my shoulders, and began my walk.

Most of the school was empty except for all of its students in sports, staying for all hours of practice. I passed through the grounds without catching anyone’s eye, surprisingly. My old self would love to get the chance to talk to anyone, to go shopping for a dance that’s months away, to go to Callie’s and talk about nothing but planning for events to come, but this year that has all changed.

 I pushed past the old creaky gate of Shadow Creek Cemetery and went down that long winding path I knew oh so well. The trees that hung over me were so thick I couldn’t see the sky. Finally, I made it to the creek, and I crossed the old wooden bridge to a huge tree with three tombstones that reside below it.

“Hey guys,” I said weakly, sitting down in front of them, “Happy anniversary.”  The tombstone on the left read ‘Thomas Summers, Beloved Father and Beloved Husband,’ the middle one read ‘Hannah Summers, Beloved Mother, and Beloved Wife,’ and the one on the right read ‘Nathan Summers, Beloved Son, and Beloved Brother.’ Last year they were all taking a vacation, but I, of course, had to stay so I could try out for cheer captain. I made it. I came home to Sam’s police car. Sam had always been there for us, he might as well have been my Uncle Sam.

“Sam.” I had said, “What’s wrong? Why are you here?”

“It’s… your family, Jamie.” He had tears in his eyes and told me I should have a seat. I did so at the kitchen table as he continued, “On the way to the airport, an eighteen-wheeler hit their car, running a red light at an intersection. No one survived the accident.”

“What?” I couldn’t believe it. I had just seen them hours ago right before school. Nathan teased me about my frizzy bedhead, and then hugged me and wished me luck at being captain just before I left. Dad kissed my forehead as he always did in the morning with that coffee smell on his breath. And Mom. Mom hadn’t woken up yet because she had to work late the day before. I didn’t even see her that morning, the day she died. I slid off the edge of the chair and onto the floor staring down at my hands. The tears stung my eyes but hadn’t begun to flow yet, and I begged over and over for this to all be just one big mistake, that this was all just a dream, that Nathan was going to walk through that door with that dorky smile on his face and say just kidding and have a big laugh about it… and I waited. But, as I waited and waited, I finally realized that was never going to happen. I will never see that dorky smile. I will never smell the scent of coffee from the hallway my dad made every morning. My mom won’t be there to help me get ready for the dances or tell me to suck it up when I think the world is falling apart. My family, they were all gone. The tears came then.

After that Sam helped me move into his two-bedroom apartment. He let me have the master bedroom so I could have my own bathroom.

 I told him I just wanted a small memorial, one that only consisted of close family friends.

“I don’t want anyone at school to know,” I told Sam. But then how could that even be possible? Shadow Creek was a small town after all. Callie wanted me to move in with her, but Sam insisted I moved in with him as he was my legal guardian now. I didn’t have grandparents that I knew of or any other immediate family members, and I was only sixteen so I couldn’t live on my own yet. Neither of my parents kept ties with their families. Sam, though, would keep me on track, and he was good at keeping me sane. For the most part, it had worked out for the better. I got a goldfish, one of those celestial cross-eyed ones. His name is Gojo, and he is the only one besides Sam and Callie who have been to this apartment. I’m not ready to talk and be the social butterfly I used to be. I don’t know if I’ll ever be again.

Now I’m here on the anniversary of that day, talking with my family. Nathan’s body wasn’t even here. The police said his body was destroyed during the accident. But my parents were here, so I still pretended Nathan was too.

“I got hit in the head today by Collin Masters. He is the captain of the football team, but he is a complete jerk face, Nate. The type you would love to go rough up yourself!” I told the stones, “Callie took your place though, she wants to have a go at him. Yes Mom, the same Collin Masters she has had a crush on since second grade. The guy is a nut case, I honestly don’t see what she sees in him, but to each their own, right?” I sat there in silence waiting for a reply but got none in return. What was I expecting? Them to materialize in front of me this time and just start chatting as if nothing had happened? Well, I guess a part of me wished it would, but I knew that was a fool’s wish. They were gone. As strange as it sounded, it made me feel sane when I insanely talked to these stones in the ground. It gave me some closure, pretending they were there in spirit, listening to all I had to tell them.

“You may be a bit disappointed in me though, Mom. I’m thinking about quitting the cheer team. I know it was something we shared but I am thinking about getting a job instead. I know Nathan is probably making a few jokes of his own now, but that’s what I’m planning to do.”

 I sat there again for a few minutes, then I turned and leaned against the tree between the stones of my mother and brother. I closed my eyes and listened to the autumn sounds. The trees were swaying, the air was cool and crisp. I took a deep breath and opened my eyes. The landscape was relatively bare around my parents, so I guessed the land was recently added to the area. It was beautiful, the tree branched off to make long pathways in different directions. The creek ran all around them as if making this spot a remote island of its own. I never really explored the trails. Sam always told me about wild animals living in the woodsy part of the land and I didn’t think being chased by a boar sounded fun, so I let it be.

The sun was going down, which told me it was after five. I picked up my things and began to walk back towards the bridge.

“Hey, Jamie!” I turned and saw Sam, still in uniform, heading towards the bridge with a bouquet in his hand. I didn’t reply, only nodded.

“I thought I’d find you here,” he said as he made his way to me from the bridge, “I brought flowers. I cannot believe it has already been an entire year.”

“It feels like yesterday,” I replied shortly. He nodded in response,

 “I’m sorry I’m late, Blue Jay. They held me up at work for a while. I did everything I could to get here sooner.”

“It’s okay,” I motioned toward the flowers. “Those are pretty.”

“Er, yeah.” He held the flowers over to me, “Lilies’ were always your mother’s favorite.” They are mine too, another thing that helps me feel her now that she is gone. I took the flowers and helped separate them into three different bundles as we both walked back to their graves. I placed equal bundles on each of the stones. Sam put his arm around my shoulders when I stood back up.

“Fine people,” Sam said to no one in particular. Then, to the stones, he said, “Tom, you were the best friend anyone could ask for. You were a good provider for Hannah, but you sure were a lousy fisherman.”

 I smirked as I remembered the time dad and Sam went to the lake for an all-day fishing trip. Mom and I were preparing the coolers, we made sure we had plenty of space for all the fish they claimed they would catch. Nathan was playing basketball with his friend Cade in the front yard. He was very sure he wasn’t supposed to help out in the kitchen since he wasn’t female. But that evening when dad and Sam came home, we all ran out to the old pickup truck to help bring the catch in only to find they had only caught a small handful of fish. Nathan made his jokes until my mother shooed him away. Sam kept insisting my father was just bad luck and my father just picked up the fish and took them to the house.

“Hannah,” Sam’s voice woke me from my memories and brought me back to the present, “you were a wonderful woman, full of spirit and wistful humor. I miss your laugh. It made us all laugh along to it.” I looked up in time to see a tear trickle down his face and quickly looked away. It seemed too private to watch him like this.

“And of course you, you gangly, young lad,” Sam chuckled. “You were always like a son to me Nathan. You had your mother's laugh and her spark. I’m so sorry you had to end your life so early. If I could, I would take your place in a heartbeat. I love you Nathan, Tom, and Hannah.”

  Tears started swelling and seeping down my cheeks. I shook a little, and Sam wrapped me in his arms and held me until I stopped.

“You ready to go home, blue jay?” Sam asked, nodding toward the exit. Blue jay, that’s what he and my dad always called me, since before I could remember. It made me feel a little warm inside, a reminder that I wasn’t alone here. I still had Sam.

 We walked through the now dark cemetery in silence. The wind had picked up and I pulled my jacket closer around me. Leaves crunched below our feet. Sam stopped and looked over in the trees and pulled his flashlight from his belt.

“What’s wrong?” I asked as he scanned the bushes and trees.

“Nothing, I just thought I saw something.” He walked closer and after a few minutes of silence, he pushed the flashlight back into its holster and walked back to me. “It must have been my imagination. It’s been a long day.” He shook his head tiredly and we pushed through the gates and walked over to his police car. I buckled in and peered out the window. I still didn’t see anything. As we headed down the road, I looked in the side-view mirror and I could have sworn I saw that kid from school earlier standing behind the cemetery gates watching us drive off.