Chapter 2: Out of the Fire into the Spotlight

[What's wrong, El? Is everything alright?] I heard the voice ask from the opposite end of the receiver. Upon hearing the voice which occasionally comforted me in the middle of the night amidst the nightmares, I felt the tension and weight on my shoulders be lifted. It was real. The barrage of emotions came crashing down like a dam, I couldn't help it. It's been so long...

I tried to compose myself as best as possible, but the emotions and pain which had built up and been accumulated for over three years suddenly burst out of my body, engulfing me in a sense of relief. Something I had not felt in many years after that incident. The conflicting emotions in my heart grew tumultuous. They rumbled, tumbled, and jumbled up all my emotions, throwing together a great feast of emotions for me to enjoy. There was the joy of meeting my long-lost friend, the sorrows which escaped my heart and wished to be told to her as well as thankfulness. Although God did not respond to me back then, he still gave me a second chance at life, together with Maya, who was still alive, thankfully. Had I not heard her voice, I would've sunk into a deeper sense of despair. Something so inextricable that I would have to end up wrestling with the devil to regain my soul. By then, my soul would have long been too worn up to put up a fight. Only then, would I succumb to the darkness forever? 

“I’m alright, I’m alright.” I sobbed, trying to comfort myself the best I could. I tried getting my emotions in check to calmly respond to her despite the torrential storm brewing in my heart.

[Tell me what’s wrong? Do you want me to come over?] Maya frantically asked.

“No I’m really okay, I just woke up from a nightmare,” I replied, breathing slowly to calm myself.

[That must be some nightmare. Are you really okay?] She asked, her voice filled with worry. [Do you think you would be able to go today?]

Confused, I asked her, “Go where?”

[The audition you were telling me about.] She explained. [You were so excited to go, who was the one who decided to text me at 3 am to tell me how she couldn't sleep due to all the excitement? But seriously speaking, if you’re not feeling well we can find you another one you can go to.]

Audition? I tried my best to remember what she was talking about. What happened on August the fourteenth?  

Pale Eyes

It was one of the movies that became a blockbuster despite having an upcoming female director.

It was a tragic story about a pair of lovers where the female lead was starting to lose her sight, and how the male lead supported her throughout her journey, but at the end when they were having a date the male lead sees a child almost getting hit by a truck, he saves the child and dies. The female lead was left standing at the sidewalk calling out to him, unknowingly he died in front of her.

Of course, Maya and I bawled our eyes out, the performance from the actress was so outstanding that she won the Rookie Actress award that year.

However, the actress didn’t last long. To be honest, I have to admit I couldn’t remember her name, just the fact that she got caught up in a drug scandal that actually had nothing to do with her. But unfortunately, it was already too late when it was proven.

It was one of my regrets back then, I had assumed that it was just a cheap audition so I didn’t take it seriously.

[Elena? Are you still there?] 

Snapping out from my thoughts I replied, “Yeah, I was just thinking.”

[So are you going or not?] She asked.

“I’m not sure,” I replied hesitantly.

[Elena, It’s okay if you want to back out. We can try next time.] Maya said, [Just know that I’ll always be your biggest fan. Well aside from your dad, your mom well…]

A burst of small laughter bubbled from inside of me, a forgotten emotion I had not felt for a long time. 

‘Ah, I’m going to cry again,’ I mused. But I knew that the tears I’m going to shed isn’t out of despair but of joy and relief.

“I know,” I voiced, a small smile forming on my lips.

Even back then, Maya had been my biggest supporter. She wanted to own a small restaurant and I wanted to be a performer. We wanted different things, she wanted a simple life and I wanted to stand on the world stage. Despite that, we were best of friends. When did that change back then? How did we separate ways and place a large distance between us?

It doesn’t matter, that distance hasn’t happened yet and it never will. I’ll make sure of it, even if I have to let go of my dream of being an actress.

Admiration given to a performer is a fleeting thing anyway. I don’t want it, it only brought me nothing but suffering and despair. 

However, I know a part of me wants to retake my spot on that stage. 

“Should I do it?” I unknowingly mumbled.

[Of course! We’ve been dreaming for this moment.] Maya exclaimed.

“We?” I repeated.

[What you thought you’re the only one invested in this?] She boasted. [I want to have a celebrity best friend you know. So you can introduce me to the hunks, like Leo Capri or John Sail]

Amused, I replied. “Is that why you stuck with me all these years? So you can sell me out to get the hunks?”

At this moment I had almost forgotten all the torment I had experienced in my past life, it felt like it was really just a bad nightmare. But that nightmare whether it was real or not, it left a large imprint of anguish on my very soul.

[No! I want to help you achieve your dreams as you have helped with mine.] She said, her voice expressing her heartfelt emotions. [You’ve wanted this since we were in kindergarten, it would be a shame if you surrender now. But if you really want to stop. Know that I’m with you, forever and always.]

Forever and always. 

Those words, it was a prayer when she was hanging on for dear life battling cancer and my lifeline when she passed away. Something started to spark inside of me, the desire to act and perform in front of people.

But standing on a stage again in front of those people… I looked up staring at the only mirror in the room and saw myself. For those three years I’ve suffered, I begged to be saved and now looking at my reflection, a thought came to me.  ‘Maybe this is a message from God.’ I thought. ‘Telling me to build up my strength again to save myself.’

I carefully deliberated on what I should do in my second chance. When I reached the point of resolution, I composed myself and confidently said to the phone receiver.

“What time does the audition start again?”