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2024-10-29 19:42:56Cole's P.O.V.
We drive into the school parking lot and sit in the car.
I am so nervous. I just want to break down and cry, I want to tell Xavier to watch out, I want to tell him everything, but he has too much to worry about right now, I wouldn't want to put more stress on him.
"Cole, you seem really nervous, why?" He speaks, with doe eyes and eyebrows knitted together.
"I'm not, it's okay." I reply, not looking at him. I may have been too blunt.
"Is it me?" He softly asks. A hint of sadness in his tone.
"What, no of course not." I reply, still not looking at him. I can't bring myself to. Keeping secrets from him is too much for me to bear. What a fucking coward I am.
My sight becomes blurry, warm tears roll down my cheeks as my jaw clenches along with my fis
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Xavier's P.O.V.He then rushes out of the car."What's wrong with him?" I ask myself."Did I do anything wrong?" I start to panic.I don't want to lose the one person in my life who I can trust. Maybe I could've never trusted him. Maybe he was just pretending all this time. But for what?My head is a mess. School is starting soon, but I'm so worried about Cole. I decide to call him up before I go.The phone rings."This number is temporarily unavailable at the moment-" I hang up. My throat hurts, it constricts and chokes me as burning tears threaten to slither down my face.I decide to send him a text, I don't want him to think that he is alone. I can't give up so easily.X: Cole please don't suffer in silence, I don'
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Xavier's P.O.V.I just stand there.Cole walks me to his car.He sees the tears continue to roll down my cheeks, I can't hide anything now."It's stupid." I say looking away from him and out the car window, now sat in his car. My bottom lip curls under my top lip and my eyebrows scrunch together."Xavier, nothing you say is stupid trust me." He says.I decide to give in. I can't see him like this, and I can't nuture this pain anymore."I drew you in art today..."He smiles."Me? Aw that's sweet, but why are you crying?" He asks."...well, I put everything into it Cole, I...I coloured everything, and I went to go put the pencils away, but, but it was gone, it disappeared, I had a mini meltdown Cole. I wa
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Cole's P.O.V."Please go back to school though, I'll see you later." He then leaves.Shit, I never told him about Shawn, I was going to tell him about the message and everything, but when he got in the car, he looked more distressed than me, I completely forgot.I don't want to go against what Xavier wants. I'll go to school, just for a bit though. But I can't bring myself to drive off. The fear of going to school is weighing on me. I hang my head and watch as my tears patter on my clothes.I exhale shakily. I wish I had Xavier next to me. I look back at the hospital and see Xavier isn't there. He must be in therapy now. I imagine him, strong as he is, going through this.'Exactly.'Great, just what I need.'Look at you, scared of words? Words on a scr
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Cole's P.O.V.Semira looks so nervous. She reminds me of Xavier when I saw him introduce himself. It curdles weird uneasy feelings in me. I decide to ignore them for now."And where are you from Semira? Because you don't sound like you are from here." The teacher asks, laughing at her own joke, I don't even know if it was a joke."Um London. I'm from London, in England." She speaks."Okay, anything else you want to share with the class?" The teacher adds.Semira shakes her head, still looking down at the ground. Her long hair droops over her features."Okay head back to your seat. Semira everybody, make sure to keep her company and show her around the school." Where was this kindness with Xavier?Semira walks back to her seat and l
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Xavier's P.O.V.The nurse finishes up and we both exit the room. I look at the seat Cole usually sits in, but he is not there. A bit of me feels sad, but there must be a reason, maybe he is on his way?The nurse notices it too."Oh your boyfriend is not here yet, do you want to wait for him?" She asks."Umm yeah I suppose so." I reply, feeling anxious."Okay, sit down I'll go get you some chips from the vending machine." She pats my back and leaves.I sit down.I feel extremely tired. I was looking forward to going to Cole's house and having a hot cup of chocolate with him, like we usually did after my treatments.But he'll be here soon and everything will be fine.The nurse comes back with a packet of crisps and a cup of water
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Xavier's P.O.V.I unwillingly step into the car, my mother and father entering after me.I look at my feet, not wanting to make eye contact with the two monsters."Xavier? Why did you run away?" My mother asks, quite sadly. It surprised me. But then i remember, I am still freezing from the weather I walked in for an hour, but they couldn't care less.I don't want to talk to her, so I just stare out the window. My eyes glossy with fresh tears."Fucking respond Xavier!" My father shouts. I flinch, the tears tremble before falling."I f-f-felt uns-unsafe okay?" I stutter."Unsafe? Bloody hell." My father quickly adds as he turns around and starts the car up.My mother seems shocked."Oh sorry Xavier, I never meant for you to feel
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Xavier's P.O.V.I climb the stairs and enter my 'new' bedroom. I cry at the sight. The window has been blocked with pieces of wood nailed to each other, the colour of the room is an off yellow colour, all my posters and things are gone. My bed still remained the same, it's like they hadn't touched it at all. This is good, I think this is where I last left my book that Cole -he -couldn't find. I grab the extra pens from inside my pillowcase. I rush to my pillow, I had never been more excited to take off a pillow case. My book and two pens fall to the ground.I still feel scared though. I don't know when my father will get home and what type of mood he'll be in. Usually he'd come home drunk and always smoking. Sometimes he would be so angry he would storm up to my room and shout at me for no particular reason. It hurt a lot.In movies and books, the
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Cole's P.O.V."Okay stay in the car, I'll go ask." She exits the car.I wait, nervously.I try and call his mobile again."This service is not available at the moment, please call back later."Fuck.Moments later my mum runs out of the hospital, by herself.Oh no."He is not there, I asked the nurse and she said that you were waiting for him outside." She explains.I sit there dumbfounded."Well, I called his phone. He is not available." I say."I don't know where else to go." My mum says, I see in her eyes that she is scared. Scared for Xavier's wellbeing, scared if he is not okay? Is he even alive?I'm scared too. Terrified even.
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The professional tone of the young adult's psychiartrist echoes. Her hooded eyes scan the room. The bedroom. What was supposed to be a sanctuary was just a reminder. A reminder that she was still alive and would wake up in the same place every, single, day.Change was needed. But change was too scary, too hard, too risky. The young adult saunters cautiously around the room. Cautiously being the keyword. You are too careful. You are just existing.But things were worse and could, at any moment without her knowing become worse again. So maybe being careful was her only choice.Her eyes caught on an object, an old friend. Her doctor's voice repeating, 'bring something to me next session, something that helped you get better'. She was far from better, but was a little further from worse.Her fingers tightened around the object, and her scars tingled. The ghostly pain she inflicted on herself months ago taunted her but she
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Cole P.O.V. I walked home from the hospital that night. Hal offered me a ride, but he has already done too much. An uncomfortable moisture hung about in the air. The streets were empty but they felt crowded. Like he was there, he was everywhere. The grass reminded me of him. The grey clouds screamed his name. Yet he wasn't here. I finally reach the front door of my house. My mum opens the door. I stare at her jolly face, for a moment I feel like yelling at her. Ignorant. How could she be happy right now? But I bite my tongue, she doesn't know Cole. I give her a brief grin, lips tight in a line before heading up to my room. The house feels empty. Yet the couch, I swear I could smell him and see the dint in the cushion his body left. I stop halfway up the stairs and turn to see the kitchen. Clean. Whatever happened to yesterday? Did yesterday even happen? I lower my eyes and head off to my room and close the door behind me. "Xavier?" I call out. Yes?"I'm sorry." I respond. I hea
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Xavier's P.O.V.All the memories from last night are rushing through my mind. The intense hurt, love and peace that coursed through me was unmatchable. I could feel myself laying on a comfy bed. Cole's. He took me back inside. Hopefully we can patch things up. The sun seemed to be shining straight down on me, through the curtains, it was so bright. The birds, they were chirping.But I as I listened closer, something about the bird's chirps were weird, they were so... perfectly spread out from each other. So automated. I listen closely. It doesn't sound like birds anymore, more like a monitor or a system, a familiar sound. A haunting sound.I open my eyes. The sun is right above my eyes, blinding me so. I open my eyes again, squinting to make out the light source above me.Wait... that isn't a sun... it's a light, attached to a ceiling. I look t
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Xavier's P.O.V.We freeze. I just hang where I am. Time stops and his warm touch turns cold and feels invasive. Blinking, I step away, my nose burns as well as my eyes. My eyes trained on a distant spot in front of me.My arms were stretched out in front of me, I felt like a stone statue, or rather, the statues in Pompeii. Burnt and frozen.Cole's posture thaws and I see his slight movement. I lift my wide eyes towards his hooded ones. His mouth contorted in regret and guilt. For the first time, I see the ugliness of him. Even through my blurry and shaky vision, his features seem sharp and painted with a cruel brush. Like my whole body realised, my skin feels hot but cold. Shrouded in this greyness of betrayal and hurt, like no other."I'm sorry." He mouths. His voice is too distant for me to hear. Muffled. Like I was under water. Everything was slow, stilll and quiet. But the excruciating pain was deafening and all I co
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Cole's P.O.V.I wake up feeling excited, butterflies swirl in my stomach. I creep out of bed carefuly, trying not to pulll the blankets off Xavier's sleeping body.I walk into the bathroom and freshen up, it's been two weeks coming. Today, is going to be Xavier's day. His condition is deteriorating. Each day that he wakes up, his jaw becomes more defined and his face hollow. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and stare at this deathly person before me. His skin is getting as white as the moon that shines in our bedroom at night and illuminates his ghostly face.On the outside, he wasn't the Xavier I knew and it hurt me that I could find him resistable. It really hurt.Sometimes I my eyes will open and my heart would leap into my mouth.Is he dead? I keep on asking myself at night when I wak
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Cole's P.O.V.I tear my mind away from these dangerous thoughts and took in my surrondings."A music store..." I exhale in wonderment. Xavier and music huh? Why did I never know this? It hurt a little and only made those dangerous thoughts stronger. "Come." Hal smiled and walked into the store.Instruments were hung and some were laid on the floor. I saw a drum set and was instantly taken back to my childhood. I stopped and just admired them. Hal noticed and stood next to me, he had a lopsided smile playing on his face."Are you a drummer?" He asks, hands in his pockets. I raise my eyebrows. "I thought I was going to be." I admit. I look back up at Hal, my heart pounds a little faster. He turns his head to the drums. "Not too late." With that he continues strolling down the aisle leaving me feeling a whirlpool of emotions I've never felt before. It scared me.I didn't know if I was just phsyically attracted
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Cole's P.O.V.I watch Xavier enter the building. His little body in this huge, grey towering building. My heart breaks and beats for him.All of a sudden, my mind screams at me, no, it begs me. I need to show him how much he means, before it's too late. Wait, it won't ever be too late, he'll be cured and we can live out our lives together. Get out of this God forsaken town and go somewhere fascinating. Italy, France, anywhere. We can grow our own fruits and vegetables, pick strawberries by day and seductively eat them at night by the romantic moonlight.Yes, that is what will happen. I know it. I need to show him now though. I pull my mind out of this fantasy and remember it's the last day of school.I shake my head.One day is all I need, to create a memory that will last a lifetime.I decide to ditch school. My stoma
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Xavier's P.O.V.I get out of the shower, dry myself and head back into the bedroom to see Cole sitting on the bed in a black tank-top and black skinny jeans. His toned arms and legs on show. I blush at the sight."You can go have a shower now." I tell him, avoiding his gaze whilst folding the dirty towel and placing it in the corner so I could put in the wash later."Nah it's all good. I'll have one when we get back." He says chucking his phone to the side of him and falling back onto the bed, his arms behind his head."So are you having a treatment today?" He casually asks. His tone kind of irritates me, but I wasn't sure whether I was annoyed at him or at my illness. I decide to throw the idea away."Uh, yeah I guess." I reply, laying across Cole's body in the opposite direction, so the back of me was rest
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Xavier's P.O.V."Boys!""Boys!""Cole?"I open my eyes, they feel so heavy. I blink a couple of times to get used to the light."Xavier? Cole?" Cole's mother's voice echoes from the stairs as I hear her heading towards Cole's room. I look around, my mind is as sharp as it should be when I just wake up. I see Cole next to me, sleeping peacefully. His body in a sort of star fish position. He has no shirt on. I look at myself, I also don't have a shirt. I lift up the blankets and see we both have no pants on either."Shit." I mutter through a stifled laugh."Guys, I'm coming in," I hear Cole's mum call from outside. Panic sets in, she can't see us like this. I quickly push Cole off the bed, making it look like we hadn't sleep together. I then pull the blankets up to c
