ETHAN It was late at night when I landed in London. I took a taxi to the apartment I maintained in the city. I was mentally exhausted. My phone was filled with unread messages and missed calls, which I had decided to ignore throughout the flight. I knew they were from my brother and Will, but I did not incline to deal with them. At the moment, all I needed was sleep, as I had been awake for over twenty-four hours. My mind hadn't stopped for a single second since she left me on Saturday. Making the decision wasn't easy, but I couldn't accept that things would continue as they were, no matter how much I loved her. And as before, I knew work was the only thing that would keep my head straight. And I thought maybe distance would make things easier too. It seems I was right after all. I could never give her what she wanted. I tried, but it seemed like it wasn't enough for her. Even after I suggested she move in with me, she said no. What else could I do? What did she expect me to say?
ELLIE I spent the whole week in autopilot mode as if nothing else made sense. I didn't feel like going to work or doing anything, but I did it anyway. The anger and despair had subsided, leaving only a deep void. I missed him so much. I thought I would never have to go through this again, but everything seemed even worse than the first time. The worst part is that he didn't dare to talk to me; he simply left. Did he care so little? Did I not even deserve an explanation or a message? I had to hold myself back all week from calling him or sending a message. Sometimes, I thought about cursing him and saying the worst things possible, but other times, I just wanted to tell him I missed him and that I didn't want to live without him. I still couldn't believe it was all over. And the reasons seemed so insignificant. I truly loved him, and these problems seemed so trivial compared to what I felt. I had plenty of time to think since he left, and it made me realize I was willing to compro
ETHAN It was Saturday night when Neil knocked on my door. I stared at him, confused. He hadn't mentioned he'd be paying a visit. "Is everything alright?" I asked. "It's you who should be answering that. Just look at yourself." "I was working. What brings you here?" I gestured for him to come in. "I figured you would be, and that's why I'm here. I thought I'd pull you out of this damn apartment before it's too late, and you meld into the furniture and walls," he said, entering. "Actually, I'm not really in the mood to go out." It wasn't a good day. Especially because tonight, I should have been with her, celebrating. In fact, we would still have the whole day ahead of us, if I were in New York, due to the time difference. "Take a shower and get dressed. I'm not letting you work yourself to death on the weekend, either. I know it helps keep your mind occupied, but it's not healthy." "And what about Rosie? Did she agree to this?" "She and Phillipa are having a girls' night out o
ELLIE I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing. But it was too late to turn back now. Two hours after reading the note, I took a flight to London. A flight that would last seven hours. This would give me more than enough time to torment myself, questioning whether I was being a fool again for following my heart. The last time I did that, things didn't end well. He just showed up with someone else to push me away, and it hurt so much that I was devastated. Maybe this was a bad idea, but I knew I would never be at peace if I didn't clear things up and make one last attempt. It might seem a bit masochistic, but I needed to hear from him that it was all over and that he was really giving up on us after everything. There was also the fact that I felt a bit guilty for giving him an ultimatum. I wasn't very reasonable. And maybe I wanted to believe that he was just feeling pressured and not really giving up. He couldn't be leaving me for work. But I had to consider the possibility that
ETHAN I was in the shower when Charlotte knocked on my door the next morning. Maybe I had made a mistake the night before when I agreed to meet her at my apartment. When I opened the door, her gaze traveled over my body, down to the towel wrapped around my hips. It was strange to think that she had once meant everything to me, and now all her gaze could provoke in me was disgust. I cleared my throat, bringing her attention back to my face. "Sorry. I guess I arrived too early." "It's okay; you're already here; come in," I said, stepping aside. "Just give me a few minutes to finish my shower." I continued as she walked past me into the apartment. This was probably the worst idea I've ever had. I didn't want to see her, let alone hear her. Her presence was enough to make me irritated and bring back all those horrible feelings. But I needed to try if there was any chance of putting all of this behind me. After closing the door, I left her in the living room and went back to the bath
ETHAN Rosie hadn't managed to find out anything in her attempt to talk to Ellie, and after seven hours of a long flight back to New York, I was almost convinced that all of this could be connected to Chalotte's presence in my apartment. But it would be too much of a coincidence for Ellie to have seen her. And how could that be possible if she didn't even know her? Fate must be playing games with me. I was exhausted, and she continued not to respond to any of my messages, leaving me increasingly desperate. It was already late afternoon when I landed in New York and went straight to her apartment. But when I knocked on her door, she didn't answer, causing a new wave of frustration to hit me. I persisted for a few minutes, wondering if she might be ignoring me, but it seemed she wasn't even home. Where the hell could she be? I had to resort to the last option I had. If there was one person who might know where she was, it was Anna. I dialed her number while still standing in front of
ELLIEI never thought I would meet the woman who had given birth to me one day, so when my mother called me, telling me that this could be my last chance, the circumstances couldn't be worse.Seeing her like this, lying in a bed, giving her last breaths, after having rejected and judged her for abandoning me my whole life, only served to show that I was nothing but a huge egoist and a terrible person.She wasn't to blame for anything, she was just another victim, an addict, and yet I refused to know anything about her. And looking at her face now, and realizing that I would never discover what her voice was like, or her smile, made me feel even worse. I threw away any chance I had, and I would have to live with that forever.Since I arrived, I couldn't stay away from the bed where she was, and I had no idea how many hours I had been awake. The doctor said she only had a few more hours, and I wanted to stay with her until her last second, even if it was killing me inside.Standing by th
ELLIEHe didn't leave. Damn it. Why was he chasing me?"Don't make me call hotel security," I said as I unlocked the door to my room."I told you I'm not going anywhere, especially not now.""I just want to be alone, please, go away.""No. Not this time."I closed my eyes, taking a deep breath. I felt drained, too tired to argue anymore. My head was so full. But I knew I wouldn't get rid of him without hearing him out."What do you want, Ethan? Why are you here?""We need to talk."The weight on my shoulders made them sag."No. We don't need to. It's over. You left. And I... my only mistake was going after you. Now I see. So please, don't make things even more difficult, I have too much to deal with right now." I said, still staring at the door.I felt him approach, stopping behind me."Let's talk inside."Being near him was the last thing I wanted right now. While I felt devastated, I was also so angry. A huge emptiness seemed to grow in my stomach. But I didn't have the strength to f