I push him away a little, as I am unable to think straight with his body so close to mine. To my surprise, he doesn't try to push me any further. Instead, his eyes are set on mine again with an intense look.
"I said I wouldn't do anything you don't want. So tell me to leave and I'll leave. But deep down inside, you know you want me too. Your body is telling me how much it's longing to feel me on your skin.""You sure you are talking about my body, or is it your body talking to you?" I try to ignore he's totally right. Everything inside me is craving to feel his body pressed up against mine.He doesn't answer. The look on his face tells me he knows he's right and has no doubt at all. With my last piece of my sanity left, I turn to leave."I need to leave, I need some water", is all I mumble before my feet start moving."You shouldn't go alone, I'll take you", his words cause me to turn back into his direction."I live in the apartment underneath Evans, so not far to go. So, suck it.""You live underneath Evans?" The surprise is absolutely evident in his voice.Shit I shouldn't have told him that. Instead of answering, I turn around once more to leave him standing alone."I don't give a fucking damn how far or close it is. You have no idea how dangerous it is. You needn't let me in. But I am taking you, if you like it or not. There are too many freaks out there", he says angry while grabbing my wrist.Oh, I know all too well how dangerous it is, he has no fucking idea. Not wanting to spill anything I try to play it down while walking on."How do I know you are not one of those freaks?"His hands run through his hair trying to obviously calm himself down."Just think about it, if I had that intention the park would have been the best place, right? We are alone out here. I may be a jerk, but believe me that is something I would never ever do, you hear me?", he holds me tight and makes sure I am looking into his eyes while he is saying that.I don't know what it is but his eyes looked like they were hiding some kind of pain and desperation with those words. Instead of fighting I shrug and let him walk me back. He doesn't say a single word instead he seems lost in thoughts just as I am too. Once we reach the apartment I do feel grateful for not being alone. Especially as some drunk guys on the way, did get a little too close to me and he pushed them away."Ehmmm thanks for walking me back. You probably want to head straight back to the party, right? Otherwise I would invite you in for a beer as a thank you."Oh no, what did I just say? Dumb idea Sam, so dumb. I would like to bash my head against the door, for being so stupid. Note to myself, I can't think straight when these green eyes are staring at me, keep away from them. Please say no, and go and fuck some desperate girl up there.Still looking at him though I see him gulp. "Ehhh yeah, beer sounds great."Shit, of course, beer sounds great. I turn around to open the door and feel his presence right behind me. Thank fuck, Emi isn't around. Then again it might have been better, she would have set my mind straight. Well maybe, thinking about it, she probably would have patted my back and wished me fun.This guy follows me into the kitchen. As I bend down to the fridge, I hear him suck in air loudly."Holy fuck. You do know those hotpants are like really really short? My pants are about to burst any second. You are killing me." His hands ruffle through his hair as if he's trying to gain some composure.Shit he is right, and I didn't even think twice bending over like that in front of him. And he is so bold to keep staring."Ok, here's your beer and now eyes off my backside.""Shit do you have any idea how hot your ass is? Ok, I'll keep my focus on those smashing tits instead.""You are such a dick. I knew I would regret inviting you in.""Well I sure don't regret it", he smirks.His hands reach for his mask."Hey, what the hell are you doing? Keep that fucking mask on. Remember, no names, no faces." I say determined."Ah, come on, we left the party, and I know where you live.""Yeah, and I'm already regretting that fact. So, no names, no faces, " I insist sternly.He holds his arms up as a sign of surrender. "Ok, your house your rules. Too bad, I would have liked to see that face behind the mask.""I might be totally ugly, you might be happy I am wearing a mask", I chuckle while leaning against the countertop.He takes a big swig of his bottle before answering. "I've seen those eyes and your perfect shaped body, I doubt you need to hide your face."Fuck why are his words getting to me again. I toss my beer down in one go and lick the rest off my lips, while staring at his well shaped body. (So much for drinking water, stupid girl) His slim shaped t-shirt is barely hiding anything. Shit I can see his biceps, broad shoulders and chest are well worked out and I am nearly sure his abs are too. Those tattoos cover his whole arms and I am sure there are more under his shirt."Finished staring?", he interrupts me."Well as you had your share of staring at me, I thought it would be fair if I did the same.""You aren't quickly lost for words, are you?" He states with amusement."Nope, not in my nature.""Good, I like loud girls and girls who know to speak out what they think.""You sure? As I still think you are a dick with a way too big ego. You are so full of yourself. You think you are the absolute dream guy, when I am quite sure you can't keep up to half the things you're saying."He has a sexy rough laugh as he comes very close to me again. His body pushing me against the countertop behind me. Shit does his body feel good against mine."Baby, I'd be very happy to show you how I can keep up to every single word. You have just challenged me, you know that? But as I promised, I won't do anything you don't want."His hand slowly runs down my arm and lands on my hip, giving me sweet shivers again. Yep, that was my fault, I did challenge him. His other hand reaches for my face."Hands off my mask", I demand."Baby, those eyes are burnt into my mind, I'll recognize you sooner or later anyway."Well, I sure would recognize his eyes, but I am pretty sure he has seen so many, once he's sober he'll have forgotten mine anyway. Which is for the best. His hand does lower though instead his thumb drives over my bottom lip while he is staring at it. God, I know I am going to do something damn stupid right now, as I pull him a little closer."I want to suck those fucking hot lips of yours", he whispers while leaning so close, I can feel his breath against my lips."Then don't hold back and show me if you can keep up to your words", I challenge him."Fuck you are so fucking hot", he says before he crashes his lips on mine.His full lips are soft and strong at the same time, as his lips part mine part too and I let his tongue glide into my mouth. Our lips melting together in the perfect way, as if they were meant to do nothing else but this."Fuck, why didn't I notice that earlier", he moans.I know exactly what he means, I didn't realize he had a tongue piercing either. Oh, and he knows how to use it. His grip around my waist tightens, his other hand comes down, kneading my ass pulling me against him. As I feel his hard dick pushed against me a moan escapes my mouth.This is so not what I wanted tonight, but right now I don't give a damn. He lifts me on the countertop and pushes himself between my legs while our kiss gets wilder and deeper. For a whole while, we simply kiss and grind our bodies against each other. This feels good and so damn right.His hand rests at the seam of my top, heavy breathing he pulls back from me, looking me deep in the eye. He is looking for approval, I never thought he would be the type of guy to wait for that. Actually, I expected him to take what he wants, which just makes this even hotter right now and what I need. As answer, I take his hand in mine and start moving it under my top.He watches me exactly, and I see the lust shining in his eyes. As he tugs down the fabric of my bra and rolls my nipple between his thumb and finger, I let my head fall back and moan. God, this feels so damn good. At the same time, I am moving my hips, rubbing myself against his massive erection, causing the perfect friction.Through the fog of my brain, I suddenly hear the key in the door and get a little shock."We need to leave the kitchen, my flat mate has just come back."Quickly, I jump off the countertop and head direction bedroom, pulling him along. Once the door closes behind us, both of us laugh before we retreat to what we were doing."I want to see you", he says with a thick voice while pulling at my top.I slowly take off my top and then my hotpants. A low groan escapes his lips as he drinks in my body with his eyes. The groan soaking my panties in an instant."Now your bra", he demands while fixating me with his eyes."I think it's your turn now", I demand in return with a dirty smirk upon my face.It doesn't take him long to peel out of his shirt and jeans. Holy fuck, I do get why all the girls fall for him. He looks like he has just stepped out of a magazine, advertising for Calvin Klein underwear or something."You like what you see?" He asks with a knowing smirk on his lips."Yeah, not too bad", I reply with a little satisfied chuckle, knowing I am teasing him."Well, you will soon find out what this not too bad body can do to yours", he looks amused and full of lust too. "Now drop that bra, I want to see your tits, before I taste them." The way he says it is playfully but demanding too.Even if his voice is demanding it sounds fucking hot, especially as his voice has turned husky with it. I do as asked and I very slowly slip out of my bra watching his reaction. For a split second it comes to my mind again, I shouldn't be doing this, especially not with these eyes I know they will be on my mind after it. But fuck it, I wanted the whole student package, boys, booze, party and fun. And tonight, I am having all of it.The moment my bra drops, he sucks in the air deep while staring at me, making me feel sexy. His body moves slowly in my direction, like a predator to his prey, while he states. "Hot as Fuck is underestimating this."Taking control, he pushes me gently back on the bed, his lips meet mine again. Our hands are reaching all over each other's bodies, while our kiss gets more and more passionate. He sucks my bottom lip in between his, making it swell slightly. Then his lips leave mine, kissing and sucking my neck causing me to moan.As he reaches my nipples and lets his piercing glide over it, I clutch my hands into his hair, tugging it slightly, earning a lustful groan from him."I knew you'd like that", he whispers while keeping up his torture.He blows slightly at my wet nipple before keeping his tongue going. Then he starts moving down further."I bet you taste good, I want to try your taste", he tells me while pulling down my thong.He starts kissing my thighs and sucking slightly in between before reaching his destination. I am already squirming underneath him. Once he reaches my sweet spot, he holds my hips steady. His tongue starts playing my clit, his piercing gliding over it is giving me sweet sensations, sending heat waves through my whole body. He licks and sucks repeatedly. As his tongue glides through my slit my hands dig into the bed sheets."You taste even better than imagined", he groans. "Watch me", he demands.Again, I do as I am told, watching him just makes it hotter. His eyes focus on mine at the same time. When he starts pushing a finger into me my back arches. His tongue and finger pleasuring me at the same time. The way his mouth and fingers are going down on me, feels amazing. Shit he sure knows what he's doing and that piercing has me going insane.In this moment, he owns my body, like no other before him ever has. Relentless his tongue and fingers pleasure me until there's nothing left but this overwhelming feeling."Oh my god", I scream out as he kicks me off the edge.Before I am even back to breath, I push him up so he is kneeling in front of me. I feel like a vamp right now, but I want to taste him too.First, I start kissing him passionately, tasting my own arousal on him, which is fucking hot. Slowly but surely, I leave his lips and start touching and kissing my way down. He exhales loudly under all my kisses.Giving him a wink, I demand. "Watch me" and he groans.My tongue starts gliding from the bottom of his shaft right to his tip. As he did, I use my piercing too. While I lick the pre cum off his tip he moans, much to my pleasure. I gently nibble the tip, giving me more moans and groans from him. Slowly, I take him into my mouth, using my hand to massage the bottom of his shaft. Looking up at him, I start moving down, taking more and more of him in while he's watching me with lust in his eyes. Which isn't easy, as his size is quite impressive. My tongue massaging him at the same time as I start moving up and down. Always letting my tongue play his tip, too. Sucking faster and taking him to the full, making him call out, while his hands clutch into my hair, and he thrusts into my mouth."Holy fuck, yes Baby", him calling out sends heat waves right to my core.His hooded eyes watching everything I am doing to him. I feel him build up being very close."Jeez Baby, you better stop." He pants out of breath.Instead, I increase the speed until I feel him throbbing in my mouth. I suck as long as the waves spread in my mouth, swallowing every bit of his cum down."Holy fuck, that was the best head given to me ever", he states while gasping for air.He lays beside me and starts kissing and touching me again."I am not done with you tonight. I want to fuck you until you are only able to crawl. That's if you want me to fuck you?"His kisses keep coming and even after just sucking him off, I feel him getting hard right next to me again. He pushes his hard dick against my hips."Feel what you are doing to me? If you allow me I will keep this up all night," he whispers softly against my lips causing sweet shivers to run down my spine."Don't promise too much Fuck Boy", an amused laugh escapes his lips at me calling him this and I can see a twinkle in his eyes."You know I won't deny I am a Fuck Boy, but I do have a name I would rather you call that out", his fingers softly playing with a curl while he talks only inches away from my lips."No fucking names.""Ok", he gives in reluctant.At least he is honest and doesn't pretend he is not a man whore. God, I still can't believe I am in with this. Guess him being so skilled has it's reasons though. In next to no time, he's got me panting again."I want to fuck you", he says with desperation in his voice and I know it's a question at the same time."Condom?", I ask a
Emily comes back to my room. She knows I am an awful mess right now. She always knows how I feel. This fucking party and my initial longing for a one-night stand definitely backfired. I don't do relationships ever since what happened. Instead I have fun to shake off my past. Seems like last night it was a very dumb idea, I should have stuck to Evans. Emily interrupts my thoughts making me look up at her."I think Evans is really in to you. What are you going to do about it?"I sigh heavily. "I have no idea. I mean I like him too, he doesn't seem the jackass type like most of them. And he sure is hot. But he's my neighbour, I can't just have a one-night stand with him and then pretend nothing happened.""And if you don't just go for a one-night stand? You could try dating him," she carefully suggests.Dating him? Could I try that? I mean, he obviously still is a total stranger I only met beginning of the week. But he sure has something interesting about him."You know I don't do date
It's been ages since I've been in a halfpipe or, to be precise, a pool. Or been able to grind somewhere decently (and I'm talking about my board, not on a guy). Back home, we don't have skateparks and grinding some small stairs, or the pavements aren't the same. God, I have missed this. The last time I went to a skatepark, the world was totally different for me. Evans is keeping up quite well, better than I would have ever imagined. He is skilled with the board, but nowhere near my level. It's still fun with him.We take a small break, sitting near the pool to have a drink."Gosh, you did kick my ass in. Is it bad that I find it hot, to be defeated by a girl on a skateboard?"He makes me blush. "Nope, it would be terrible if you'd hate me because I am better in skating.""Your heelflip, tailslide, and nosegrind are nearly perfect. Never seen it done so good before, "Evans admires my stunts.From behind us, I hear a familiar voice appear. "You know mine are perfect."Both of us turn a
"You look like shit.""Thanks for pointing that out to me," I roll my eyes while Emily hands me my cup of coffee."Was your date with Evans that good or that bad?" She wriggles her eyebrows at me. "I didn't hear you come back. It must have been late.""You were curled up in front TV, watching Shadowhunters without me. Or shall I say, you slept to it?""Yeah, I probably ended up wanting to have it off with Jace after seeing him do his workout, so I could only fall asleep to have that in my dreams."I chuckle at her boldness. "But you are distracting me now. Is that a bad thing?" She brings us back to the topic."Jake turned up," I sigh.Emily gasps loud. "Wait, what? What happened?"I tell her the whole story, how I kicked Evans's ass and Jake appeared and challenged me. How I escaped with Evans and we spent time in the park talking about how we texted and Jake's eyes haunting me that I couldn't sleep.She lets out a long sigh after I have finished my story."So, Jake didn't spill the
I see he is staring at me while he comes straight to us."Hey Evans, you're here early today. Thought you need to work?""Yep, well I need to leave soon as I start working in two hours.""You lost your shirt," Jake says mockingly.Evans chuckles, "It was kinda my only chance of winning this battle today. You saw her yesterday. Thought I'd distract her a little, seems like it worked, "he says while smirking dirty in my direction.While Jake's look has changed, he is now glaring at me. "You staying Skater girl?" he asks in a rough voice.I decide to pretend I didn't hear him and trail off in the direction Emily, who now is staring at Jake."What the fuck?", she exclaims whispering to me."Sorry I know you were enjoying this, but can you help me get away from here asap? I don't want to exchange a fucking single word with him.""Sure Babe, I'll take care of it. Just stay here and sit down for the moment."She walks off talking to Evans pretending not to know Jake. God she is good, even be
"Wow what a show", one of the guys laughs.Emily meets my eyes and I see the worry written all over her face. I simply shrug it off. Deep down inside I know it fucking hurt me to see him like that, it's something I will never admit to though.Instead I decide booze and fun is what I need right now. As I've already had three Tequila and four sour shots I decide to stick to beer now instead. One thing I always keep an eye on, is who is handing me my drink and watch it being poured. No way I am letting anyone drug me. Emily is already quite canned and enjoying a hot dance with James, making me chuckle. She knew exactly what she wanted and she's getting it. You go girl, I think to myself. Evans follows my view."You know, she might be the girly type wearing dresses and such stuff. But you are so damn hot, you don't need anything like that.""Evans are you just trying to woo me?" I laugh."Told you I wouldn't give up. And right now, I am certain to be quite wasted and unable to keep mysel
⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️AN: Trigger warning: This chapter might trigger you if you have been through abuse in any kind of wayStrong arms wrap around me, lifting me off the ground into a cab. His arms don't leave me and I am seated on his lap. Tears keep streaming down my face."I've got you Statement girl. We are taking you back home now, ok?" Evans whispers soothingly.I simply nod, while the sobs get even louder."Can you stay tonight Evans?", I hear Emi ask. "I don't know if I can handle this on my own. In all those years I've only seen her once like this and that was the night it all happened.""Don't worry as long as she needs me, I'll be right there."I hear him sigh loud. "I had no fucking idea.""She doesn't talk about this, she's been through hell because of it. And what you heard tonight is only a very small part of it.""Why didn't she mention she knows Jake?" He questions. "That's not for me to answer. You will have to ask her yourself and to be honest, I don't know if she is going to
Ok, how do I answer best to this question. Yes, I like to fuck around in between and have one-night stands wouldn't really help getting away from the image of being a whore. Which I'm definitely not. Evans doesn't seem to be the guy to judge people that fast and I still feel guilty not telling him about what happened with Jake this week. So, I guess sticking to the truth as answer is my best option."I hope you don't get me wrong for what I am about to tell you now and besides Emi no one knows about this", his eyes are soft and full of curiosity."First of all, I hope you don't think bad about me after what I am telling you now, but I want to answer your question truthful. As mentioned I lost my virginity that night. The moans, the smell, the touches just everything about it, is burnt into my soul. After everything that had happened I wasn't able to trust anyone and didn't want to either. Two years ago, I started working in a pub in a nearby town. I did notice I still feel attractio
9 months later"Babe, could you please step down a bit with your work?" I hear Jakes concerned voice as soon as he enters the room."Jake, you know exactly exams are due in three months.""Yes, I know. But baby number two is due anytime now. So why do you have to do this book right now on top? Can't you push it a little longer?""No, I have a deadline. Gosh Jake, this is the first book I am getting published. Not many have that kind of luck. Can you push your deadlines while doing your screenwriting?"Jake has been driving me crazy with this for weeks now. Guess he's simply freaking out because of baby number two being on its way. He's even suggested for a midwife to live with us for a couple of weeks, just to make sure someone is there during birth. The doc has warned us that this birth will probably be just as fast. If I feel the slightest difference or contraction to call the ambulance immediately. Well, at least we know what we are in for this time. But I am not going to hire a mid
Jake's POVAll this waiting is killing me. Sam is up there in some room with Emi and Tracey. What if they tell her to think twice? I mean, she still could realize she can't deal with our past, right? What if she does a runner? My heart is breaking just by the thought of it. Damn, I couldn't even be with her last night, because fucking Emi said, if we want to have it traditional we need to stick to this rule. I would have loved to tell her to fuck the rules, but I know how much she has helped Sam in the last few weeks. Not having any family here, is damn hard for her. Another reason I am worried about her right now.At least I had Cara partially with me today, keeping me a little sane. She says mummy is going to look like a princess, and she is too. Cara is nearly as excited about this wedding as Sam and I are, only out of a different reason. For her, it's more like the fairy tales we read out to her each night. And she wants to be a princess so badly. That nearly made me chuckle if I
10 months laterSam:One week to go, and I am a nervous wreck. Today is the day to pick up my wedding dress. Yes, me Samantha Jones, who hates wearing dresses, is going to wear a dress on my own free will, even all in white and all traditional. Jake and I tried to figure out the perfect wedding for us. We did have some crazy shit in store. But then we both realized, for once, we wanted it to be traditional. Even my crazy soul, who hates all this fancy stuff, has realized that when it comes down to the actual wedding, I want to have at least a part of it traditional. Today is my final fitting, Emi and Tracey are in tears when I step out of the changing room. Much to their pleasure, we are being served Champagne. Seriously, we should drink plenty of that stuff by the price of this dress. "You think he's going to like it?" As this dress is so way out of line for me, I feel very insecure all of a sudden."You kidding me, Sam? Shit look at you, you are going to look amazing. Of course, he
Jake's POV:Ok, I am officially more excited than ever before in my life. Today, I am taking my two girls to the fairground. Sam thinks it's ridiculous and way too early for Cara to be going to a fairground. This time, I was the one to stay stubborn.So Cara would be exhausted enough to stay in the buggy, we spent an hour on the playground with her, after her lunch nap. She did want to go to the beach again, but it would have meant showering her repeatedly before going to the fairground. Once she found the swing and the slide, she was happy too. Cara's so funny with her habits. She always wants me to push her on the swing, and it has to be mummy going down the slide with her. I mean, I'm lucky. I'm nearly sure my tall broad build would never fit into that slide. My ass would get stuck and never move again, yet it's a funny habit. Watching Sam slide down with her puts a smile on my face every single time.Sometimes, I chuckle about Sam. Today is such a day. Sam and I are skater and bik
Jake's POV:2 years laterMy eyes scan every inch of Sam's body as she comes walking down the beach up to Cara and me. Fuck, she knows how much I love this red bikini on her. Red bikinis and lingerie are definitely my favourite on Sam, and she knows this weakness of mine too well.My eyes roam up and down that mouth-watering sight.Cara is well occupied, mushing with the wet sand between her hands. Which we've already been playing with the last two hours. So I get up and walk over to my beautiful girl."Cara's awake, and you are killing me, my Sexy. You badass know exactly how much I love that bikini on you.""Well, that's the point in wearing it, Skater boy," she says, smirking. Knowing she's got the upper hand on this at the moment.Putting on that seductive sly smile, she has me in overdrive as always.My arms wrap tight around her, pulling her flush against me, while I give her a long, passionate kiss. I've been so looking forward to this holiday and especially to today. "Daddy w
2:43am Feeling restless, I wake up looking at the alarm clock. That's when I notice dampness between my legs.Oh my god, this is it. A sharp pain takes hold of me, and I squeeze Jake's arm. It was only a short contraction, but obviously, my water broke. So this must be it, right? And that was a contraction, right? I mean, how the hell am I supposed to know how contractions feel like? All I know about it is what I read on the internet as there is no one around me who could tell me. About five minutes later, there's another one of those pains."Jake?" I squeeze his arm again."Hmmm?" He hardly replies, keeping his eyes shut."Jake, my water broke, and I think I have contractions."In an instant, Jake is wide awake, sits up, and switches the light on his night table on."You sure?" I hear the panic in his voice."The beds wet, and I sure didn't pee in it. And aahhh damn," I squeeze his hand. "Yep, I'm quite sure."Jake is about to freak out and jumps out of bed. "Then let's get going,"
3 months laterExcited, I watch Jake from the porch while he is setting up the new fence to make things safe for our little one. I could have told him to wait until the autumn as our baby isn't even born yet and sure won't be escaping our garden that fast. But hell, in autumn, this wouldn't look nowhere near as good as it is now. It's the middle of July, and the summer heat is fully there. "You think we should give them a beer or something?" Emily asks, and Tracey nods while her mouth hangs open.The three of us are enjoying our view to the full. Jake and Evans only in low waist shorts, no shirts, just toned muscles. Their tanned skin glistening with sweat. Fuck, I never knew how hot sweat can look until I met Jake. This is mouth-watering. Hard working men right in front of us. I watch every muscle move on that hot body of my Skater boy.The way they flex with every move lets my temperature rise rapidly."Well Tracey, what do you think about tatts now?" I ask her as she said before t
4 months laterEmi wraps her arms around me while I take a last look around in my room and take the last thing standing on my night table in the hand. A photo from Jake and me as youths. Emi had taken it secretly during one of our first kisses. My heart skips a beat looking at the happy couple. Little did we know what we would have to go through. I press it hard against my chest, cherishing it."So much for boys, booze and party," she sighs."We can still stick to party. I may be pregnant but not sick. I'll just skip the other parts. I'm sure some distractions won't harm me."Emi came back during the night of the gun shoot after Evans had given her a call. I know how sorry she is about not telling me the truth about how my mum got killed and what really happened with Michael and his family. She stuck day and night with me, taking terms with Evans while I was crying my balls out. I don't think me or our little baby would have survived the shock of all what happened if it hadn't been fo
"So was this is what you thought I'd hate you for?"Jake's voice sounds pissed."I don't want to put pressure on you or whatever. You don't have to deal with the consequences. I'll cope with it. Damn, I know we are far too young for this, and it's not what we planned for. But I can't give this baby up. It's a miracle that it survived the crash and all the medication. Of course I know it's your life too and please Jake live it to the full. Live it as you had planned. There doesn't need to be any consequences for you. I'm not demanding anything from you." I think I've never spoken this fast in my whole life, rambling down the words as fast as I can."Sam are you fucking serious?" He's fuming, his hands running through his hair and ruffling it, while walking back and forth. I knew this wasn't going to end well. "Is this what you think about me?" He yells, and I fight back the tears. This is my fault. I have no right to cry."Calm down, mate," Evans interferes."Calm down? The love of my l