Prologue

I am trying hard to understand what most people call it as the powerful feeling of all, love. It makes me confused whenever I see two people who felt that connection. A string that connects them to each other. Love for family, for a particular person and for other people. I have done interviews, research, but I can't relate to any of them.

"Your father will be so proud of you," ani Mommy, isang umaga habang nasa sasakyan kami patungong probinsiya. Pinunasan niya pa ang luhang hindi naman matulo-tulo. "I am proud of you, Sefira. You're a real Lafuente.."

Some court me. Tried everything to win my heart but no one successfully did. My mom even set me up in different blind dates, yet I have found noone.

Now, I wonder if I'll even find someone to be with. I can't picture myself tying the knot, having kids and living a married life. Ayokong matulad sa mga magulang ko. They're my own epitome of broken love, a love that's once stained and it will never be the same again.

"Don't speak of my father, Mom. It disgusts me everytime you do it."

Pagak siyang tumawa. "Why are you so cruel to me, dear? Binanggit ko lang naman ang ama mo pero nagagalit ka na."

I sighed. If my father's here, he won't let me suffer the way I do right now. He loved me so much. I just cannot understand why he needed to leave us.. to leave me. Kahit pa sabihing aksidente iyon.

I can't accept the truth my father had passed away.

Napatingin ako sa aking iPad ng magvibrate iyon.

Ruby:

Ano na? Ang tagal ka naming hinihintay dito ni Gemma, gaga ka!

Napailing-iling na lang ako. Ruby and Gemma are my friend. When they learned I'm coming home, they immediately contacted me.

"I miss your father. Lalo na ang mga yakap niya sa akin.." biglang ani ni mommy sa malungkot na boses, dahilan upang mapagawi ako sa kanya.

"Can you just shut your mouth, Mom? Hindi ako madadaan sa mga pagpapanggap mong iyan." Naiirita kong turan na ikinagulat niya.

"B-But I'm just expressing myself. Mahal na mahal ko ang ama mo at gaya mo'y hindi ako makapaniwalang wala na siya-"

"If you loved him, you wouldn't betray him! You wouldn't destroy the family you built together! Hindi ka manlalalaki at pipiliing iwan kami kung mahal mo nga talaga si Daddy!" I fired, shaking from anger, throwing all the bad things she had done to me and my father, hoping someday she'll realize what she did.

Natigilan siya. I looked away as I bit my lips, tried hard to focused on the road just so I won't burst out in both pain and anger.

Nanubig ang mga mata ko. I just suppressed myself from crying since the driver's in front of us. I missed my father so much. I missed every little detail of him, he's the one who supported me in every goal I wanted to achieve. He's always there when I needed him the most. He's there to guide me, to make me feel that I am very lucky to be his daughter, something my mother had failed to do.

My mother and I, we have a different kind of relationship. The strings that connects us has been broken for a long time. Back then when she and dad chose to separate, I could've go with her. But I didn't, furious with the idea she cheated on my Dad. On my beloved father who treasured me so much.

"No, no! Kelsey will stay with me! Sumama ka na sa lalaki mo ngunit hindi mo isasama ang anak ko!" Malakas na sigaw ni Daddy sa aking ina, nambabanta, puno ng poot at sakit ang mga mata.

"Anak ko rin siya! She will come with me whether you like it or not!"

As I stare at the both of them, I realized that my family's not perfect as I thought it is. I was seven when they separated. There are nights when I couldn't sleep, wondering why things needed to turn out this way.

"You ungrateful woman! How dare you say such thing after all the things you've done! You betrayed me! Niloko mo ako at ganoon na rin ang anak mo!"

"I just did what my heart wants! Hindi na ako masaya sa iyo! Our relationship was toxic! It's the only way to save myself from agony and suffering you'll cause me!"

"Paano naman ako?! Ang anak natin? Did you even think what are the consequences of your actions?! I cannot believe I married you!"

"So do I! Hindi ako makapaniwalang nagpakasal ako sa lalaking katulad mo! I regret even meeting you!"

Nakatitig lang ako sa kanila. Holding my teddy bear as my innocent self witnessed how my family's slowly tearing apart. Kung paanong gumuho ang pamilyang pinakaiingatan.

I asked myself, do I deserve this? Bakit kailangang ang pamilya ko pa?

I can't do anything, no matter how I want to. I'm just a child, incapable of fixing my broken family with only myself.

"Nandito na po tayo, Maam."

Napalingon ako sa driver nang magsalita siya. I looked outside and noticed we're at the ancestral house of my grandparents. Mabilis akong nagtanggal ng seatbelt at bumaba, hindi na hinintay ang inang nagmamadali akong sinundan.

The cold breeze immediately touched my skin. I wandered around, there are trees everywhere. Hindi gaanong mataas ang sikat ng araw na tumatama sa aking balat, sapat lang para mainitan kami.

"Kelsey, wait for me, dear!"

As my eyes wandered around, towering the four-story mansion in front of me, I had to get a grip of myself and remind me what's my intention here. I began reminiscing my life here, particularly when Dad had to leave me in my grandparents just so he could focus on his work more.

"Kelsey, apo! Mabuti't nakarating kayo!" Ani aking Lola Andela sabay yakap sa akin. I hugged her too, a bit smiling. "Kasama mo ba ang ina mo? Aba'y talagang pinaghandaan namin ang pagdating niyo. Lalo ka na! Nang pumanaw ang tatay mo, halos lahat kami rito sa bayan ay nagluksa. Idagdag pa ang mga utang na kanyang iniwan sa iyo."

I smiled sadly. Wala na namang mababago kahit magluksa pa ako. The important thing is, I keep moving. Tutal iyon ang gusto ni Daddy na gawin ko kung nandito siya.

"Kelsey! You didn't say madami palang mosquitoes rito! It's-It's biting me!"

Our eyes drifted to my mom when she screamed in high pitch. Maarte niyang pinaghahampas ang binti gamit ang kanyang designer bag. She stopped when she noticed Lola Andela and I are looking at her. Napaayos siya sa pagkakatayo.

"Mackenzie, nandito ka pala. Hindi kita napansin." Si Lola.

My mom exaggeratedly laughed. "Oh, Mama! It's fine. I'm actually enjoying watching the two of you there." Bumaling siya sa akin, pinanlalakihan ako ng mga mata. "We have a exhausting flight, right, anak? Pwede na ba kaming pumasok sa loob, Mama?"

"O, sige pumasok na kayo! Alam kong mahaba-haba ang byahe ninyo lalo na itong apo ko." Lola then guided us inside. The maids immediately formed a line before greeting us.

Kali-kaliwang bati at papuri ang natanggap ko. Lola guided me to my old room. While my Mom, according to her own request, will fit in one of the guestrooms since she never lived here, even my dad.

Nagkibit-balikat na lang ako bago pumasok sa aking kwarto. The strawberry scent occupied my nose, the little version of me likes. Puro kulay pink ang kwarto ko. From the curtains, bedsheets, carpets and pillows. Kung hindi naman ay iyong mga design ng wall.

I stared at the picture frame on the bedside table. Ibinaba ko ang gamit ko at tinitigan iyon ng mabuti. It's both my father and mother with me, eyes were telling genuine happiness with a smile formed on our lips.

Napangiti na lang ako sabay kuha sa sumunod na frame.

"Oh my gosh.."

It's a picture of me, really young, with a handsome boy while we're playing mud. Nakangiti ako habang nilalagyan ng putik ng mukha ng mas matandang batang lalaki. He seems a bit annoyed, making me ashamed of myself!

I remember him. Kababata ko. Nakakalaro ko dati noong tumira ako dito sa probinsiya. Well, I'm quite fond of him, actually. Hindi ko na nga lang nakita ulit dahil may kanya-kanya na kaming buhay na inaalala.

Naaalala pa kaya ako no'n? Malamang hindi na. I'm just a childhood friend after all. Paniguradong maraming babae na ang nagpapakaloko roon ngayon.

Mabilis akong nag-ayos saka napagpasyahang bumaba. I found myself taking my way to the dining room, a little nervous since I was expecting to see my relatives. I'm not wrong when I saw my mother together with my aunties, titos, grandparents and cousins. Halos lahat ay masama ang titig sa kanya.

She doesn't seem to care, though.

"Kelsey! Ikaw na ba 'yan? Mas lalo kang gumanda, a!"

"You're just a little kid back then! Ngayon ang laki-laki mo na!"

"Ako 'yung nag-alaga sa'yo dati! Can't you remember me?"

"Parang dati lang sipunin ka pa! Ngayon sobrang ganda mo na! Iyan ba 'yung tinatawag na glow-up?"

Natatawa na lang ako sa mga sinasabi ng aking mga kamag-anak. Lolo Samuel signalled us to sit then ordered my cousin, Romeo, to lead the prayer. Taimtim naman kaminv nagdasal.

"Let's eat." Si Lolo Samuel sa isang makapangyarihang boses.

I sliced the beef steak on my plate. Napatingin ako kay Mommy na mausisa pang tinitignan ang mga pagkain bago nagkibit-balikat at nagsimulang kumain. I widened my eyes at her but she seems too concentrated on belittling the powerful family of my father!

Napaisip tuloy ako kung hindi ko siya isinama rito.

"We are all surprised when grandma told us you'll come, Kelsey! Ang tagal naming hinintay ang pagbabalik mo!" Si Janine, isa sa mga pinsan ko. "Though, it's sad to know Tito Franco's death. Parang kailan lang noon tinuturuan niya pa akong magbisikleta."

I smiled humbly. "It's urgent, actually. I didn't know Dad has debt here before the accident so we have to fix all his problems. Hindi rin naman kami magtatagal rito."

"That's sad. But atleast you're healing now, right?"

"She will be healed if you will stop mentioning her father's name, Janine." Biglang sabat ng aking ina kaya napatingin ang lahat sa kanya.

"S-Sorry, Tita." She said, embarrassed.

Natatawa namang sumabat si Tito Piolo. "Janine did nothing, Mackenzie. Ano bang pinagsasasabi mo riyan?"

"Aba! Your daughter's keep mentioning my deceased husband! Paano makakalimutan ng anak ko ang sakit kung patuloy niyo iyong ipapaalala?"

Inis kong binalingan ang ina. I can't understand her! I supposed there's nothing wrong with what Janine had said! Why can't she just sit still and keep her mouth shut? Tuloy ay kailangan ko pang pumagitna sa pagitan niya at ng aking mga kamag-anak.

"Mom, calm down. You're overreacting-"

She glared at me. "I am not, Kelsey! I have to say this!" Sabay baling niya sa aking mga tito't tita. Sa galit na mga mata ay itinuro niya ang mga ito. "Simula nang mamatay ang asawa ko, wala akong narinig sa inyo kundi ang awa, pakikiramay at kung ano-ano pang kaplastikan! You don't even know how difficult it was for him to carry this family! He worked his ass off just so his parents will be proud of him! Or atleast would say nothing! Siya ang bunso sa inyong magkakapatid pero kung tratuhin niyo siya no'ng nabuhuhay pa, parang hindi niyo kamag-anak!"

"Mas mabuti na iyon kaysa ang ipagpalit siya sa ibang lalaki ng taong mahal niya!" Sigaw ni Tita Urzula.

"Can we all just calm down-"

"Yes, I cheated on him! But that doesn't lessen my rights to say this in front of you! In front of his beloved family who treated him poorly!" I stiffened when I saw my mom's eyes welled up. Naiiyak siya, hindi ko man alam kung tunay o pagpapanggap lang iyon pero nakaramdam pa rin ako ng awa.

She might be cruel, a humiliation to our family, but I won't just sit and other people throw harsh words at her. Nanay ko pa rin siya, gaano ko man hiniling na minsan ay sana hindi na lang.

"Tita, just please stop. Hindi nakatutulong sa mga bata ang ganitong usapan-" they cut me off.

"At talagang proud ka pa?! You're such a whore!"

"And you're a bitch!" My mom fired back.

Natigil ang lahat nang magpaputok ng baril ang aking lolo. Napasigaw ang lahat sa gulat, kahit na ang mga nakikinig lang sa komusyon. I was left holding my mother from slapping Tita Urzula when Lola gave both of them a sharp knife.

"Ito, mga kutsilyo! Magsaksakan kayo hanggang kailan niyo gusto! Walang aawat!" Galit na kanyang bulyaw.

"Ma..."

Both of them calmed down. Even I, it shocks me what my grandparents did. Never in my life I thought they're capable of doing that.

"If you two want to kill each other, go on! No one's stopping you. Ngunit ang hiling ko, huwag sa aking pamamahay. Madudungisan ng maruruming dugo ang pinaiingat-ingatan kong tahanan!" Nakatatakot na sigaw ni Lolo at wala nang nangahas pang magsalita pagkatapos niyon.

I looked at my mother, sighing, before I gritted my teeth. Hindi ko na dapat siya isinama rito! I should've known she'll do this! Hinding-hindi na siya magbabago.

"Let's eat. But this time, peacefully." Mas malumanay na ang aking lolo ngayon, malayo sa galit at halos sumabog na bersyon niya kanina.

I have no any idea how I sat there for so long, with the deafening silence around us. Mga tunog ng kubyertos lang ang maririnig, tanging masamang pagtitig lang ang nagagawa ng lahat sa aking ina habang siya'y maligayang kumakain na parang walang nangyari.

It's not a secret to me that all of my relatives here despise my mother. It was because when she cheated on my father. Nagkaroon man ng maayos na pagtatapos ang relasyon nilang dalawa, hindi gano'n ang dating sa aking mga tiyo't tiyahin.

I just don't know what my lolo and lola say regarding the matter.

Nasa garden ako, nakahiga sa duyan at nagbabasa ng paborito kong nobela, nang matanaw ko ang dati kong mga kaibigan dito sa probinsya na palapit sa akin.

"Waaahhhh! Totoo nga ang balita! Nagbalik na ang reyna ng Palanan!" Eksaheradang sigaw ni Gemma.

"Siyang tunay! Akala ko iniscam lang tayo ni Theo kanina na nandito na si Kelsey!" Si Ruby.

"Mga sira. Kumalma nga kayo, ako lang 'to." Biro ko't agad kaming nagyakapan.

They are my friends in high school. Tulad ko, anak rin sila mula sa mayayamang pamilya kaya madali sa amin ang maging magkaibigan. They're different from all the spoiled girls I'd met back then. Hindi sila mayabang, marunong pang makisama at masayang maging kaibigan.

"We've heard about your father, Kels. Condolences," pakikiramay ni Gemma.

"Condolence, Kelsey."

I smiled to shake that off. "Let's talk something else. H'wag muna nating isipin si Daddy."

They looked at me worriedly. Alam nila kung gaano ko kamahal ang aking ama. They witnessed how I treasured him so much and to lost him is my downfall too.

Nagkaroon kami ng kaunting kwentuhan. We catched up at each other's life, especially the things we've missed. Nalaman ko rin na malapit nang ikasal itong si Ruby sa isang mayamang businessman tulad ng nakagawian sa kanilang pamilya. I didn't give any comment, though.

"Alam mo, 'nong wala ka, talagang sa magazine ka na lang namin nakikita! Sefira Lafuente, one of the highest paid model in the world! Pak! Baka sinasampal-sampal ko lang dati 'yan."

"Ako sasampalin sa'yo makita mo." Natatawa kong turan.

Umiling-iling si Gemma sabay kuha ng binalatan kong hilaw na mangga. "Ilan taon ka na ba ulit, Kelsey?"

"Twenty-four na. Gurang na nga, e."

"True! Alam mo 'yan!" Sabat ni Ruby kaya sabay-sabay kaming natawa.

It's fun having them again. Nakalimutan ko kahit papaano ang sakit na dinulot ng pagkawala ni Daddy. They keep me entertained that I didn't expect it's almost evening when I noticed the sun.

"Sa totoo lang, hindi ko alam ang gagawin ko kay Daddy! Ayoko kasing magpakasal! Malay ko ba kung matandang hukluban ang lalaking mapapangasawa ko!" Frowning, Ruby started with her rants.

"Malay mo naman gwapo pala. Bahala ka, sinasayang mo ang opportunity!" I joked.

"Ah, basta! Ayoko talaga! Neknek siya, siya kaya ipakasal ko roon?"

Tumikhim si Gemma. "You know what, girls, I have something on mind. May gagawin ba kayo after?"

Sabay kaming napailing ni Ruby.

She grinned widely. "That's good! I'm meeting up someone in the club near enough. Gusto niyong sumama?"

"Go lang ako! Maraming pogi d'yan, haha." Tawa ni Ruby kaya sabay silang napatingin sa akin. I arched a brow. "Ikaw, girl? Bawal ang pabebe dito kaya sumama ka!"

"But I'm feeling a little lazy-"

"Walang pero-pero! Sasama ka!" Pagdedesisyon niya sa buhay ko kaya wala akong nagawa kundi ang sumama na lang.

After I took a bath, fix myself and chose a short black dress to wear, I found myself in the sea of people, feeling out of place since clubbing isn't really my thing. Nayayaya man ng mga katrabaho at kapwa modelo, madalas ay tumatanggi ako.

"Hi, Miss. You looked good tonight."

"Hello, can I get your number?"

"What's your name? Can you be mine?"

"You're beautiful. Magiging maganda ang mga anak natin."

I cringed to every sweet words I received from countless men. Well, I know my charms. Maganda ako pero minsan nakasasawa na ang maging habulin ng mga lalaki. Especially when I have no interest at all!

"Jino!" Sigaw ni Gemma nang matanaw ang lalaking tinutukoy.

He reserved us a seat. Napatayo agad ang lalaki at isa-isa kaming binati. His eyes landed on me with so much adoration. Bigla ay nahiya ako.

"Sefira Lafuente? The famous model?" Medyo gulat niyang tanong.

Shyly, I nodded. Natawa naman sila Gemma. "Pagpasensyahan mo na, Jino. She's really shy. Di tulad ng ibang babae na kapag hinainan mo ng grasya, sunggab agad!"

Humagalpak sila ng tawa.

Ibinaba ang drinks na inorder nila para sa amin. I wandered around the club. Masyadong malakas ang music, lalo na sa dance floor kung saan napakaraming tao. I looked away when I saw two girls giving a guy a head. Napasapo ako sa noo dala ng pagsisisi.

"Ito, o, si Kelsey, wala pang boyfriend. Ligawan mo, Jino!" Bugaw sa akin ni Ruby dahilan para mapukaw ang atensyon ko.

"Huh?"

"Ano ka ba?! For sure Kelsey's taken! Marami 'yang choices at idadagdag lang si Jino sa mga manliligaw niya." I don't know if it's just me but Gemma's voice held so much bitterness.

Ngumiti lang si Jino.

The party went on. Iniinom ko lang ang lahat ng binibigay na drinks sa akin, kaya nama'y ako na mismo ang kumukuha dahil hindi ako makasabay sa pag-uusap nila.

"She's Sefira, right? 'Yung sikat na model!"

"What is she doing here?"

"Hala, Ryza, magpapicture tayo! Idol na idol ko 'yan!"

"Sa true lang! I watched her runway walks and damn! Ang galing rumampa! Talagang professional!"

It's the uneasiness I'd felt that didn't help to lighten up the atmosphere. Marami ring dumating sa table namin at halos magkakakilala silang lahat. Ako lang ang hindi pamilyar. I was feeling a little bit dizzy too. My eyes went to Jino. Nakatingin siya sa akin, may ngisi sa labi. I immediately looked away.

"M-Magbabathroom lang ako.." I then excused myself.

Tumango na lang ang aking mga kaibigan dahil abala sila Ruby at Gemma sa pag-eentertain sa kani-kanilang mga kaibigan.

However, in my way to the bathroom, I was dazed because of the neon lights. Kinakailangan pang humawak ako ng suporta sa isang lalaki para lamang makatayo.

"Are you okay, Miss?"

I nodded and dismissed him. Hindi ko alam kung dulot ba ng alak o ano ang pagpunta ko sa dancefloor, imbis na sa comfort room. I danced with the rhythm, lasing na. Swaying my hips to the man behind me, I closed my eyes. Umiindayog ako at nakikisabay sa musika nang maramdaman ko ang lalaking sinapo ang aking dibdib.

Agad akong napalayo.

"What the fuck is your problem?!"

I glared at him. Nagkaroon ng komusyon sa amin na napahinto pa sa pagsasayaw ang ibang tao. He looked tipsy and submissive. Umingos ako at naglakad na lang papalayo nang inis na inis.

The fuck is the problem with people? We are just dancing! Hindi nakikipaghipuan! 'Pag sayaw, sayaw lang. Walang manghahawak ng dibdib.

Palabas ako ng club nanng may dumakma sa aking braso. I wasn't able to utter a word for he has covered my mouth using his dirty palms, shuting me off. Nanlaki ang mga mata ko at agad na nanlaban ngunit kinaladkad ako niyon sa dilim, kung saan walang makapapansin sa amin.

"L-Let me go!"

Even if I'm drunk, I still tried to fight. Pero gano'n na lang ang dagundong ng puso ko nang magsilputan ang tatlo pang lalaki, dahilan para mas lalo ang magulat. They're faces are covered with masks, making them unrecognizable.

Umiling-iling ako at pilit na kumawala kahit pa nang isakay nila sa van.

"She said let her go."

But what really shocked me is the hear the baritone voice of a man outside, holding so much danger. Kahit sa malayo ay nakita ko ang dilim ng titig niya sa mga lalaki, bago dumako sa akin. I swallowed hard especially when our eyes met, heart's pounding so fast.

"H'wag ka nang mangialam, tol."

"Hayaan mo na lang kami dito."

That voice's kinda familiar. Hindi ko lang talaga napagtuonan ng pansin dahil nagsimulang maglakad papalapit ang misteryosong lalaki. Walang pakialam kahit pa may hawak na mga baseball bat ang mga lalaking nakamaskara.

They attacked him. I jumped and screamed in so much fear when the mysterious man singlehandedly knocked them out. Kitang-kita ko ang pagsipa niya sa tiyan ng mga lalaki, pagsuntok gamit ang kamao at ang pagbalibag niya sa mga ito dahilan para matakot ako.

"A-Anong.."

His ruthless eyes gazed me. He was heaving, a bit sweaty, before he walked towards me. Napaatras ako hanggang sa tumama ang aking likod sa van. I could picture myself like a prey, and this one is my predatory.

"Are you okay?" Even his voice wasn't gentle, it's full of viciousness.

My lips parted. Dahan-dahan akong tumango at pinagmasdan ang siya ng mabuti. His body's defined perfectly, sculpted like a greek warrior in ancient times. His prominent jawline is something that captivates me, from his thick furrowing eyebrows, thick and long lashes and eyes of a cruel man possessing no emotion at all, it amazes me how flawless he is. Sa  matangos niyang ilong, labing maninipis at kulay pula, sa kanyang balat na mamula-mula, hindi pa ako humanga ng ganito sa tanang buhay ko.

"Never I'd expected to see a woman here being harassed. I hope you're okay."

The side of his lips rose, eyes are menacing. Hindi ko maiiwas ang aking paningin gaano man nanlalambot ang aking mga tuhod. My heart's ramming against my chest. Kinakabahan ako.

Because the moment our eyes locked, I knew I will be in trouble.

Shandreev