I don't understand what I'm really feeling right now. It's all mixed up- shame, panic, shock, and a lot more. I’m not sure which feeling is dominating. God, this is embarrassing. My eyes were still wide open while I listen to my son call me outside of this door, while Zandrey looked like he already recovered. He was starting to wear his clothes again. “What are we going to do?” I whispered, but even so, panic was evident in my voice. I’m still fully naked and I don’t even have a towel in this bathroom! It’s already late so I was confident Andrei’s already sleeping deeply. I didn't expect he would wake up! For sure he’ll be confused if he sees his father inside my room. He might think the wrong way! He's still young and he still can’t understand everything but god, that kid’s smart! My worst nightmare of being seen or known that we're doing it, has become a reality. Sure, we were not really seen but still! How are we going to explain this to the kid?! “Why don’t you go fi
It was a good decision to visit Mommy Miranda last week. Because when Monday came, my routibe has become just home-office. I have a lot of things to do in the firm. One of our architects ran away with the funds for one of our projects. I have a lot of meetings and reports just because of what happened. We're all in chaos and it’s really making my head ache. I feel like I will be ill anytime soon. “Should I help you there?” Dad asked. I was talking to him on the phone. I was consulting him with a lot of things lately. My mind's about to explode because of all that arose. If I don't ask for help, I might get insane. “No, Dad. I can do this,” I quickly said. He should spend more time with Mommy Miranda. I don't want him to be stuck in the office when Mommy Miranda’s suffering. “I can help, Aira.” “I know, Dad,” I replied. I massaged the side of my head. It really hurts. I might throw up. “But Mommy Miranda needs you more. If your help is really needed I’ll ask you to come,”
I was at the office the entire week. It was yet another week of no time for my son and other things. I don't get to spend so much time with him lately and I feel guilty. Even though I promised to make up for everything, I still feel bad. “Good morning,” somebody greeted. When I looked up, I saw Daisy smiling at me. She just entered the office and I noticed she also brought some food. “It's Saturday. Why are you working?” She asked. I know she knows the answer to that. I just gave her a smile, even if doing so still costs me energy. “You know... Things happened,” I murmured. “Is the culprit still free and roaming around the world?” She queried. She sat on the sofa, while I was still at my table. I shook my head. "He's good at hiding. We still don't have a lead." “You should take a rest,” she replied. “Even if I want to, but I really can’t sleep these days,” I answered. “No matter how sleepy and tired I am, I still end up waking up in the middle of my sleep. I only ge
It has been quite long since we last kissed. It’s still the same kiss, the same fire. It’s familiar, yet it also feels that it’s still trying to know me, to explore me. It has been quite long since I tasted his lips and I didn’t realize I missed it. The searing kiss wasn’t as aggressive as the kisses we used to have. It didn’t promise a long night, but it brought comfort and made me feel at ease, like all of my worries started to fade away. When we parted, his forehead stayed in mine. He's looking down at me, while I was looking up at him. “Are you okay?” He suddenly asked. I felt his thumb on my cheek. I didn't even notice I was crying. I couldn't answer. I couldn’t lie and tell him I’m fine when I’m here crying in front of him. “Hey…” he uttered. He carefully grabbed me as he gave me a hug. “I know everything’s too much right now, and that’s fine. You can cry all you want,” he stated. I let my tears fall. I don't even care now that's he's seen me crying. I am at my lowes
“Bye Mommy, bye Daddy!” Andrei said energetically when got out of the car. We wanted to walked him until his classroom but the kid insisted on going alone because he's already a big boy and that there’s no need for us to join him. I wanted to insist as well but he was determined to go alone. “He’s growing up so fast,” I complained when we were left alone in the car. We were both looking at Andrei while going inside. His classroom isn't that far and I can see he met his classmates on the way. I saw how he smiled when a classmate called his name. They even put their arms around each other while going to the classroom. I bet he got his social skills from Zandrey. Because I'm sure he didn't get that from me. I have no social skills at all. “He is,” Zandrey agreed. I suddenly don't feel like going to work. It felt good to just do this- eat with my baby and drive him to school. Life feels so easy that way. But I’m quite sure life will never be that easy. We all have our own challen
Zandrey looked like he was shocked because of what I did. I was even surprised with myself. After that quick kiss, that was when we realized we were in public. People saw. People were wondering. And some doesn't even care. But God. What if someone we know saw us? I let my emotions get into me. “I’m going,” I just said. But the truth is I feel ashamed. I didn't wait for his reply and headed to the office. I hope he won’t bring this up next time we meet. That would make everything feel worse. I just really wish no one saw me or recognize me. Because if so, I don't know how to explain what happened earlier. I headed straight to my office without looking back and looking around. I feel like people are looking my way but it might just be my imagination, or maybe I’m just overthinking. I’m not sure anymore. When I reached our floor, I was told that people were waiting for me in the conference room. I braced myself for that. Jelyn was even telling me things while we were on ou
We were both trying to catch our breath when we parted for a while. Our faces were still so close to each other that I could feel his minty breath. “Are you sure about this?” He asked. “Yeah,” I replied. “Do you want this?” Zandrey chuckled. “Who wouldn’t?” I smirked. Yeah, who wouldn’t? He grabbed my waist and moved his body even closer to me. I automatically wrapped my arms around his neck as he claimed my lips. But it didn't last long there as his lips went to my jaw, then to my neck. It was like he was in a rush, which I understand because even if this is an empty room, anyone can walk on us right now. So this is a quickie, huh? He exchanged our positions, making my back pinned on the wall. His kisses went back to my lips, while his hands made their way down my body. I was wearing a dress so it was easy for him to pull it up and pull down my panties. I helped him with it and when we finished, I helped him in removing his clothes. Zandrey’s still wearing his white coat and
“Where are we going, Mommy?” Andrei asked. I woke him up early so he can take a bath. Now, I’m currently fixing his clothes. “We’re going to visit Grandma,” I said. I’m not even sure if Andrei will recognize her. I’m afraid he’ll understand what’s going to happen. I know he'll get hurt if he gets what is happening. As much as I want to spare him from the pain, but I also want him to experience his last time with Mommy Miranda. He grew up with her and I’m sure she has become a huge part of his life too. I just have to be strong for anything that might happen. “Niceee,” he mumbled excitedly. Right now, I'm already hurting. After taking care of Andrei, I let him stay with his dad. Zandrey’s already waiting for him downstairs. Zandrey volunteered to go with us to the hospital. His shift will be tonight so he has some time. I let him come with us because I needed it. I know some things will happen later that will break my heart. I just needed someone to lean on. And I’m sure it
Zandrey should know because he's a doctor. I wanted to ask him, but I suddenly felt conscious. Even if we've done it many times, I still have an ounce of shyness in me.I saw him walk towards me. He's carrying our son in his arms. I saw how the kid ran to him earlier and how excitement filled his face when he saw his father. And now, the kid was talking non-stop while they were on the way towards me, yet Zandrey's gaze remains on me.He has that usual smile on his face. He looks so carefree and problem-free. He's always glowing. I feel like the world is really unfair because those who has stressful jobs are the ones more glowing. Zandrey is a walking example. He's busy with his job and does not have much time for himself, but he still manages to smile like that.He radiates so much positivity, and I just realized how much I needed someone like him in my life. I feel like we compliment well. Even when we just knew each other, we already clicked. I know he's a good person and has a good
"Are you joining in the van with us?" Daisy asked. They're currently loading all the stuff we need to the van. Dominic will be driving. All their stuff are already inside. They just dropped by here to get the stuff we will bring. After that, they'll go to Mommy Emily to get her. As for Zandrey, I'm not sure. He's not here yet. "I'm not sure," I answered. They did almost everything, while I just sat there watching them. I wanna help but I know lifting heavy stuff isn't for me, especially right now. I get clumsy sometimes so I should move as less as possible. "Where's Zandrey?" She added. He has work last night. I just don't know if his shift is over. His schedule often changes and he wasn't able to inform me. "I also don't know," I replied. I kind of feel sad that he's not here yet, but I cannot do anything about it. "Can you give me some of that?" I added. She was eating some chips and she was eating it with gusto that I felt the need to eat some as well. She handed me the pack. I
We weren't able to push through our plan of going to the beach after my birthday. When I knew I was pregnant, I told everyone we can't go because I was not feeling well. Maybe I lied well in that part because they never doubted me.However, maybe we were bound to go one way or another, because Daisy decided to set another date. And this time, I was not able to invent a lie, unfortunately. "This will look good on you!" Daisy mumbled. She handed me the hanger with a pair of swim suit. I frowned at her. I shouldn't wear something like that. I'm not sure how visible my bump is. We're currently at the mall, buying stuff for our beach getaway which wil happen this weekend. She wanted to buy some new stuff for herself so I just tagged along. She ended up choosing things for the both of us. "I don't like that," I said. "This really suits you," she insisted. I shook my head and tried to look for something else. I don't want something so revealing. "What do you want?" She asked as she put
Since we haven’t told anyone yet about the pregnancy, we were very careful when it comes to doing things. He wants me to stay at home for now, and maybe work from home too. But I don't want to. People will definitely wonder why I’m not doing my normal routine. So here I am, in the office and doing all the things I’m supposed to do. I even drove myself coming here while Zandrey drove Andrei to school. “Good morning, Ma’am Aira,” Jelyn greeted when she saw me coming. I smiled at her and gestured to her to follow me to my office. This time, I was not wearing heels and was walking as carefully as possible. I'm still afraid I'll trip and fall. Of course, I don’t want that to happen so I’m being extra careful. Jelyn then proceeded to tell me all the things that I need to do today. That includes some meetings and site visits. But I declined the site visits. It's too risky for now. “Can you ask my Dad if he can do the site visit instead?” I asked. “Yes, Ma'am. I'll inform him
I’d like to think that this is my pregnancy hormones craving for Zandrey, craving for his presence and all of him. I’m definitely not the clingy type but I have this feeling that I just want to see him all the time. I want to feel his presence all the time. I want to hear his voice all the time. I’m getting used to this feeling of wanting him to be just around all the time. It has been two weeks since we knew about my pregnancy. I haven't said anything to anyone just yet. Even Zandrey hasn't said anything too. It’s just the two of us who know I’m carrying his child. We have already been to the OB-Gyne. I was so nervous. I was reminded of the time I also went to the OB-Gyne when I was pregnant with Andrei and Andres. I was also very nervous that time. But unlike now, I have someone I can hold when I’m trembling in fear. Before, I used to go to my appointments with Dad or Mommy Miranda. But being accompanied by Zandrey hits different. The entire time I was being checked by the d
I feel like I look like a kid waiting for her parents to come home. I was sitting on the balcony of my room. I could see the gate from up here and I could see anyone coming. I sat there patiently, waiting for a car to arrive- waiting for Zandrey to arrive. I already cleaned myself after puking. I'm already wearing fresh clothes. I don't want to go downstairs just yet. I wanna know he's already there before I go down. While I was waiting for him, I was also thinking about a lot of things. I was thinking about when I should tell the people close to me about my pregnancy. I need the perfect timing. Mommy Miranda just passed away and Daisy lost her baby. I'm really not sure if it's okay to tell them just yet. I really have to think about it. I'm also not sure how Andrei would react. The kid would be thrilled, I can imagine. But I also don't know if I should tell him already. I probably need Zandrey’s perspective on this. While thinking about things, I saw Zandrey’s car parked o
"Daisy," I called. She asked me to meet her at a restaurant just near my shop. I don’t know what’s going on. She didn’t tell me anything, but I know something is bothering her. Her calling out of the blue and asking me to hang out somewhere definitely tells me something. "Oh Ai," she murmured. She motioned me to sit in front of her so I did. "Why did you call me again? Is something wrong?" I asked the moment I sat down. She smiled at me. I’m just not sure if it was a genuine or forced one. She suddenly became hard to read. Before, I could read her by just looking at her face. It seems she has become better at hiding what she really feels. I don’t know if that’s a good thing. "I just needed someone to talk to,” she answered and then she stifled a sigh. I suddenly feel bad. I don’t know just yet what’s really the reason why she’s like this, but I already feel so bad. "Tell me what's wrong," I grumbled. "A lot of weird things are just happening in my life lately,” she replied and it
The thought that I am pregnant didn't register in my head right away. I still can’t believe it and the idea’s still out there, in the abyss of my thoughts and is refusing to be acknowledged. We ate the ice cream together, but that was just it. We barely spoke a word, and I don’t know what to feel about it. I know Zandrey is also thinking about a lot of things right now. When he left, I was left there with my thoughts. It was surrounding me that I almost thought I was drowning. I tried swimming and then gave up. And then there it is… It finally sinked n. I am pregnant. Andrei’s going to have a sibling. Dad will have another grandchild. Daisy will have another niece or nephew. God, Daisy… I don’t know why but I suddenly felt guilty about getting pregnant unexpectedly. I’m not sure how it happened. I was prompt with my pills… or was I? I know it happens, but it’s crazy to have happened to me. We were careful, since we started the agreement. Were his sperms that strong? Does t
Zandrey’s POV I don’t want to agree on the arrangement Aira wanted. I’m not just after her body. I want to be in her life, to be in our son’s life, to be included in her priorities. But I can't just push that thought, can I? I want her for myself, but I don’t want her to think I’m selfish. In every decision I make since we met again, she was in my head. Every step I make, it’s her that I consider. I just wanted to win her back. But destiny has been so playful. We see each other, but she doesn't like seeing me. But still, giving up on her was not in my plans. I’ll do everything I can to win her trust again. If it means waiting for her until I turn seventy, then I am okay with that. She’s worth the wait, so I am willing to wait. Giving her pleasure was so important for me. It’s always her over anything. Even if I don't get mine, I'm fine, as long as she’s satisfied, and I make her moan for my name, I’m good with that. Nothing feels better than that. Everytime she scratches