Chapter 5

After that lunch with Zandrey ay kanya-kanya na kami ng lakad. He still has his classes, while I have to go home. 

It was still weird for me to be friends with him. Hindi naman kasi ako friendly lalo na sa mga lalaki. Nagtataka pa rin ako how everything happened so quickly. Kanina lang I was determined to avoid him and now we have this weird connection.

Or maybe he was just that good in making friends.

I still have plenty of free time kaya nang makauwi ay tulog agad ang inatupag ko. But I set an alarm for two hours. Hindi naman pwedeng tutulog lang talaga ako maghapon. Hindi ako pwedeng mag-cram sa mga gagawin ko kasi mababaliw ako. I'm not much of a multi-tasker.

When I woke up from my nap, I proceed to doing my plates hanggang sa makaramdam ako ng gutom. Timingly, Daisy was done with her classes and texted me she's on the way. Nagpa-take out na lang ako ng pagkain so we can eat it together.

"So you're telling me na he suggested to be your pretend boyfriend para tigilan ka na ni Charles."

I told her about everything about what Zandrey and I talked about earlier. When I began telling about her about it, ang dami niyang side comments I had to shut her up para matapos agad iyong kwento ko.

I was done eating by the time I finished telling her everything. While she still has half of her food.

Tumango ako bilang sagot sa sinabi niya.

"So... close na kayo?"

"I think so?" I replied. I then took a sip of my coffee. This is sort of my dessert for tonight. May mga gagawin pa kasi ako so I need caffeine.

"Wow. That was quick," she commented with a grin. Alam ko anong nasa isip niya so I have to dismiss that.

"Well, he's nice," I mumbled. "He's not as smug as what most guys are. I don't hate his guts that much," I added. "He's a nice friend."

"Friend daw," she grumbled teasingly. I rolled my eyes at her. Just because he's a guy and we're kind of close doesn't mean we're going to be more than friends. Pwede naman kasing maging magkaibigan lang ang isang babae at isang lalaki. Itong mga tao lang talaga sa paligid ang nag-iisip ng kung ano.

"So... should I accept his help?" I asked. I really needed her perspective on this. Kasi kung ako lang, ayoko sana. Pero ayoko rin naman na lagi na lang umaaligid si Charles. Ang dami ko na ngang iniisip na plates, dadagdag pa siya.

"Wala namang mawawala kung susubukan," Daisy answered. "Agree rin ako sa sinabi ni Zandrey na baka this time, irespeto niyang may boyfriend ka na. Alangan namang ipilit niya pa sarili niya sa 'yo kung may jowa ka na, diba? Ang pathetic naman 'non," she added.

"Nakakainis lang. Kasi kung ganoon nga, it means he doesn't respect my words and me as a woman. Kailangan pa talagang umabot sa ganito?"

"Baka iniisip lang kasi 'non na pa-hard to get ka lang. Akala niya siguro porke't gwapo siya at mayaman, magugustuhan mo na rin siya. May mga ganoong lalaki eh. Gusto ng challenge."

"It just makes me think they take it as a game. They want a challenge so they keep on playing kahit na game over na. Can't they understand when there's really no chance at all?"

"I don't know about them," she murmured. "You know what, just accept Zandrey's offer. Feeling ko naman hindi ka niya ipapahamak. He seems nice, don't you think?"

I frowned at her and chose not to answer.

"Ikaw 'yong magaling sa red flags, girl," she mumbled. "Medyo tanga ako diyan kaya papayag talaga ako. Ewan ko sa 'yo."

It made me think again.

I couldn't see anything wrong about Zandrey's intentions. Mabait naman siya and gentleman. Maybe it will be not so bad if I agree.

"Maybe I'll give it a shot," sagot ko. Daisy grinned at me and even gave me a thumbs up.

I guess I can say I'm quite desperate here.

●•

It's lunch time. I already had a sandwich while my previous class was ongoing kanina kaya hindi na ako lumabas para kumain. I just stayed at the classroom where we just had our class to scan my notes. Kaninang umaga lang kasi nagsabi ang Prof namin na magpapa-quiz siya. Buti na lang I paid attention to his class last time kaya tamang skim na lang ako.

There was no one else here in the classroom kaya I texted Zandrey to just meet me here. I asked him early this morning what's his schedule and timingly may klase siya sa malapit lang na building kaya hindi na rin masyadong hassle sa kanya kung papuntahin ko pa man siya dito. Pumayag naman siya and said he'll be here after his class.

I was highlighting some important parts on my note when a hand holding a cup of coffee appeared in front of me. I quickly looked up and saw Zandrey smiling at me.

"Thought you might need some caffeine," he murmured. He asked earlier if we could just have lunch but I told him I can't because I already ate a sandwich. Hindi naman ako nanghingi ng kape but here he is.

Kinuha ko iyong kape kasi sayang naman. Isa pala sa benefits ng pagiging magkaibigan namin ay nakakalibre ako ng kape. Not that I can afford it. It just felt... nice.

I took a sip from the coffee as I felt him sat on the seat beside mine.

"You know my usual?" I asked. I looked at him and raised a brow. The coffee's exactly the usual coffee I always order from the coffee shop nearby. Hindi naman pwedeng hinula niya lang 'to.

"Saw Daisy at the coffee shop. Tinanong ko siya," he answered. Nice. For sure Daisy will tease the hell out of me later.

"Thanks," I said as I looked away.

"Wow. That's a very detailed notes,"I heard him said. Nakikibasa na pala siya sa notes ko. Bigla naman akong nahiya so I hurriedly closed my notebook.

I cleared my throat and stared at the white board in front of us. "I thought about it..."

"And?"

"And I thought maybe I'll give it a shot," I answered. "You see, I really want him to stop annoying me. Actually, I'm desperate. I guess you already got that."

"Alright."

"So?" I asked, still staring at the front.

"So?"

"So? What's gonna happen?" I queried. I never did something like this before so I don't have any clue.

"First, you have to look at me while talking," he replied and the next thing I knew, nakaharap na ang upuan ko sa kanya. My eyes grew wide upon realizing he successfully tilted my chair. And he did it with me sitting on the chair!

The last time I checked, I was not that light!

I cleared my throat again and tried to calm my insides.

Freaking heart.

"Are you uncomfortable?" He asked.

"I'm okay."

"Aira?"

"Okay nga lang ako. I'm just... Hindi lang ako sanay, okay?"

"Yeah, I figured. You really don't have much guy friends, no?"

Parehong kilay ko ang kumunot dahil sa sinabi niya. "Bakit mo alam?"

"Daisy."

Ano pa kayang ichinismis ni Daisy dito kay Zandrey?

"Anyway, for this to be effective, we have to look like a real couple."

"I know," I said.

Iniisip ko pa lang na gagawin namin mga ginagawa ng mga mag-jowa, kinikilabutan na ako. But I need this to work out. I need this thing with Charles to be over.

"Are you really okay with this?" He asked.

I like that he's really concern about what I feel. That's so nice of him. Kapag talaga naging successful pagpapalayo ko kay Charles, ang laking utang na loob ko nito kay Zandrey.

"We only have to do this here at school, right?" I asked.

"Yeah."

"You already know I've never had a boyfriend before, right?"

"Yeah."

"So you know... I don't... I mean, I don't know how to be a girlfriend... or how to act like one."

"I figured," he said. I saw him suppressing a grin or a smile whatever, so I slapped his arm a little. Hindi naman ganoon kalakas. "Why?" Natatawa niyang tanong.

"'Wag mo 'kong pinagtatawanan!"

"Hindi ako tumatawa!"

"You are!"

"I'm not!"

"You're suppressing it!" 

This time, he really laughed. Parang gusto ko na lang tuloy 'wag na lang ituloy dahil sa hiya. Pero nakontento na lang ako sa pagtingin sa kanya nang masama.

"Tapos ka na?" I asked a moment later when his laughter slowly died down.

"I'm sorry," he mumbled.

When he finally looked serious, that's when I resumed talking.

"I know there are things that a couple should do... in public... to you know, really look like a couple..."

"Yeah. Pero pwede namang hindi gawin if you're not comfortable. There are couples who are not into PDAs."

"Right," tumango-tango kong sabi. "Have you had any girlfriends before?"

"I did."

"Dito sa College?"

"Yes."

"Were you... Were you showy? PDA?" I asked shyly. I was really dreading asking him this question. Baka isipin niyang interesado ako. But this is necessary. So I had to ask.

"I'm a clingy boyfriend, Aira. So... I was."

That made me think for a while. Kasi naman, kung clingy siyang boyfriend, dapat maging "clingy" rin siya sa akin kasi paano sila maniniwala na mag-boyfriend kami?

Am I risking too much if I go for this?

"Why? Do you want me to be clingy with you?" He asked. There's the suppressing of grin again!

"I don't want that... at least not for me. Okay, for me! For this deception to appear real. Para paniwalaan nila. Para tigilan na ako ni Charles," mabilis kong sabi. I realized how defensive I sounded pero wala na akong magawa kasi nasabi ko na. Ang magagawa ko na lang ay mahiya sa mga pinagsasabi ko.

I really am so desperate for this to work.

"Okay. So let me just ask for this to be clear," he mumbled. "You're okay with PDA?"

"As long as you ask for permission."

"Alright."

"Okay."

We stayed at the classroom to discuss more things about what's to be done or not. We agreed into holding hands, occasional akbay, and... kiss if really necessary. But the kiss doesn't have to be on the lips. My God, no! I already told him cheeks and forehead are okay, but the lips is off limits.

Of course I still want my first real kiss to be with my real boyfriend.

Pareho kaming may klase after lunch kaya sabay na kaming lumabas ng classroom na tinambayan namin. Medyo maaga pa naman kaya "ihahatid" niya daw muna ako sa susunod na klase ko para kapani-paniwala na mag-jowa kami kasi ganito daw ginagawa niya sa dati niyang girlfriend.

And the start of our charade is here.

Hopefully in a week, everything will work out.

"Should we have dinner later? Daisy invited us, by the way," he asked. Malapit na kami sa classroom and as we pass by the hallway, almost everyone looked our way... to our hands. Medyo kinikilabutan pa ako but I have to endure.

"Okay," I replied.

Just a few meters from us, I saw Charles. He was with his friends and they were laughing. But one of his friends saw us and pointed at us. That made Charles look our way.

"Wow. Never thought to use the necessary thing this soon," I heard Zandrey murmured.

"What?" I asked. I was looking at Charles' direction and I could feel my hands starting to sweat but Zandrey squeezed it.

"Permission to kiss you?" Zandrey whispered.

"Ha?"

My mind's suddenly having a hard time processing what he just said.

I felt him squeezed my hand again so I squeezed it too.

I decided to look his way to assure him it's okay.

But the moment I did, I felt a soft thing touched my lips.

I know for a fact that it was just for a few seconds but I felt like it happened for an hour or more. The drumming inside my chest was a proof it really happened.

I was too stunned to move or speak.

"Shit," I heard Zandrey whispered.

I couldn't look at him. He was too tall for me. I can only look at  his throat.

At nakita ko kung pano nagpababa-taas iyong Adam's apple niya.

"I'm sorry, but you should get inside," he whispered. I felt him squeezed my hand before he let go.

He took a few steps back. Doon lang ako nagkalakas-loob na tingnan siya.

"Alis na 'ko," he mouthed before he turned his back and walked away.

I was sure as hell everyone in the hallway saw what happened, but I couldn't will myself to go inside.

All I could do is listen to the stupid beat of my heart.

And remember how soft his lips are.