Chapter 1

#OnePromiseWp

Chapter 1

I glanced up the sky. Naghahati na ang kulay sa kalangitan. Unti-unti nang kinakain ang araw at napapalitan na ito ng dilim.

Ngumisi ako, knowing that day would probably be different from the usual days. Hoping that the good news I would bring home would change something to my family.

I happily entered the house, ready to tell Mom and Dad the good news. Nawala naman agad ang ngiti sa aking labi nang marinig na nagsisigawan na naman ang aking mga magulang. Itinikom ko na lang ang aking bibig bago pumasok sa loob.

Iniligid ko ang mga mata ko sa buong bahay. My heart felt heavy and scared. Kita ko ang mga bagong basag na baso at pinggan sa gilid. Magulo ang sala, nawala sa ayos ang iba't ibang gamit sa bahay.

Once again, I lost hope. It felt like my heart couldn't seem to hope for a better life anymore. I thought, until when do I have to experience that same shits of life? It was tiring. Very tiring. I wanted to scream and ask God, why? As if He'd answer that.

"Ayan ang mahirap sa 'yo e! Wala ka nang inintindi kundi ang hilig mo sa pag-iinom! Parang awa mo na, Theo! Ihinto mo na 'yan dahil hindi mo alam ang mga bagay na kaya mong gawin kapag lasing ka!" sigaw ng aking nanay.

Mariin kong ipinikit ang aking mga mata. Normal. Ganoon naman kami lagi e.

My dad snorted. Marahas niyang pinahiran ang kanyang ilong. He was leaning his back in the sink. Marahas din siyang dumura sa lababo.

Ngumiwi ako sa takot na baka madawit sa kanilang araw-araw na away.

I was eleven years old that time, and life was so tough for me. Gustong-gusto ko nang sumuko. There were times, I was so tempted to do so. But then, I couldn't. If I would give up that time, who would fight for us? No one. Not Mom. Not Dad. Simply no one.

"Ano ba ang pakialam mo, Chezka? Asawa lang kita. Hindi ka diyos para sambahin ko at sundin," Dad slurred as he shouted back to my mom.

Napapikit ulit ako nang mariin pagkatapos marinig ang sinabi niya. I may only be eleven that time, but I was literate. Alam ko kung gaano kasakit ang mga sinabi ni Daddy kay Mommy.

Tumahimik ang kapaligiran. Napadilat ako dahil doon at panandaliang nagulat nang magtama ang aming mga mata ni Daddy.

Ngumiwi siya at kumunot ang noo. Halatang-halata na lasing na naman siya. Dad was crazy when he's drunk. He had issues with his drunk side.

Tinalikuran ako ni daddyDat hinarap niya ang lababo. Nanatili ang mata ko sa kanya, pinagmamasdan ang bawat galaw niya. Nakita ko ang pagpilit niyang pakalmahin ang sarili.

"O, anak! Nandiyan ka na pala." Nakuha ni Mommy ang atensiyon ko. "Ano 'yang dala mo?"

Nilapitan ako ni Mommy. Pinipilit niyang ngumiti pero kitang-kita ko kung gaano siya nasaktan sa sinabi ni Daddy dahil sa nagbabadyang luha sa gilid ng kanyang mga mata.

My heart ached for my family. I thought, why am I the less fortunate ones who had to experience these shits? Why do God punished me with this? What did I ever do to Him anyway?

It hurt a lot, but I couldn't do anything about it. This was my family after all. Surely, God placed me here for a purpose. Maybe I was still young to figure it out, but I wouldn't lose hope in doing that.

"Mommy, I got a big A+ in my art class and exams today. I did really well and my teacher even praised me for my dreams!" Ipinakita ko kay Mommy ang lahat ng test papers ko, including my newly crafted furnitures using styro.

"Mukhang pinaghirapan mo siya a! Ang ganda at ang galing mo na sa ganitong bagay." Malungkot na ngumiti si Mommy. She took a glance at my papers and she even praised me for my craft. My childish happy self felt proud with how Mommy appreciated my works.

"You dream to be an interior designer, huh? Keep it up!" Ginulo ni Mommy ang buhok ko. "You're still young, but I know one day, you'll achive your dreams."

I always dreamt to be one of the successful interior designer someday. Just like how God blends colors into our lives, I wanted to do the same in my professional life. Hoping, once again, I could change something. Hoping, I'd be enough to save my family from falling deeper.

Ngumiti ako kay Mommy at saka tumango.

I glanced at my dad hoping I'd get the same reaction from him. Instead, I felt disappointed when I saw him frowning. Sa lalim ng gitla at sa pagiging sarcastic niya, ramdam kong hindi siya masaya para sa akin. In fact, he was disgusted and beyond disappointed.

"Ano naman ang napatunayan mo sa pagiging A+? Ano? Ano naman ang nakuha mo sa pagpuri nila sa 'yo at sa mga pangarap mo? Wake up, Naomi! Dreams won't bring you anywhere. Dreams won't give you money," pagalit na ani Daddy.

"May ituturo ako sa 'yo, tadaan mo ito, Naomi: Dreams will never pay the bills. Walang patutunguhan ang pangarap mo. Ang ginagawa lang ng pangarap mo ay ilayo ka sa lahat ng ito, ilayo ka sa masaklap na realidad ng buhay. Doon lang ang pinatutunguhan ng pangarap."

Marahas siyang naglakad patungo sa akin. Niyakap ako ni Mommy. I held her tight too, bracing the million of possibilities dad could possibly do especially when he's drunk.

Yumuko siya hanggang magtama ang aming mga mata. His eyes were red and swollen. Mukha siyang halimaw. The way he glared as he scrutinized me sent shivers down to my spine. "Naiintindihan mo ba 'yon, Naomi?" The venom in his hard tone was evident.

Hindi ako kaagad nakasagot. I was shivering. I couldn't even feel my knees. Mas diniinan ko ang pagkahawak ko sa mga braso ni Mommy na nakapulupot sa akin.

"NAIINTINDIHAN MO BA?" This ,time tumaas na ang tono ni Daddy.

Naluluha na ako sa takot noon. Ang sakit na ng dibdib ko. I felt so scared. Nanginginig ako to the point na namamanhid na ako. I was bracing myself for the possibilities that dad might hurt me too. "O-opo, Daddy." Pumiyok ang aking boses pagkatapos kong sabihin iyon.

Humugot ako ng malalim na hininga para mahinto ang nagbabadyang mga luha. Napapitlag ako nang marahas niyang hinatak sa akin ang bagay na pinaghirapan ko bago lumabas sa may garahe.

For a moment, umasa ako na baka magustuhan niya—na ma-appreciate din niya ang masterpiece ko just like what Mom did. For a moment, umasa akong he'd appreciate my efforts. I was really hoping.

I wanted Dad to understand my dreams. Gusto kong suportahan niya rin ako sa pangarap kong maging isang interior designer. Kaya gustong-gusto kong nagha-hangout sa art class. To prove to myself that I can achieve my dreams. Mom was always supportive, but I never felt Dad was.

Deep down, I was still hoping despite of those continuous disappointments I'd experienced. I never forgot to trust God, that one day, everything would be better. But fate was cruel. Minsan iniisip ko, bakit nagkakalakip ang lahat ng mga piraso upang lumikha ng ganitong malupit na kapalaran? Pero, kahit gaano pa kalupit ang kapalaran sa atin, ito pa rin ay kapalaran.

Mom was too late nang inilayo niya ako sa bintana para matakpan ang aking mga mata. I saw how Daddy brutally destroyed my craft. He cursed loudly as he stepped on it. Patuloy niyang tinatapakan iyon, at nakita ko ang iba't ibang gamit na nagtatalsikan sa kung saan- saan. Hindi pa na kontento si Daddy roon. Pinulot niya ulit ang bagay na iyon at sinunog pagkatapos.

Naiiyak ako with what Daddy did. I worked hard for that hoping, they would appreciate it. It wasn't for me, it was for them! I wanted them to see a future in me. Na kaya kong tumayo para sa pamilya namin. Tumulo na ang mga luha ko. Mommy hugged me tightly as she continuously cooed me with soft whispers. Mahinhin niyang pinunasan ang mga luha kong patuloy na bumabagsak.

I asked, Why is daddy so cruel? Ano ba ang nagawa ko sa kanya at galit na galit siya sa akin?

"Anak, tahan na," Mom cooed.

My heavy breathing and clogged nose made it harder for me to calm down.

"Sshh . . . strong ang baby girl ko, di ba? 'Wag ka nang umiyak, anak. Gagawa na lang tayo ng bagong craft, okay?" Mom softly wiped away the tears on my face. She chuckled, as she playfully pinched my tears. "Tahan na. Ang taba mo lalong tingnan."

I pouted. My glittery, teary eyes was puffy.

"Don't let it bother you, my love. Let's just pray Daddy to God, okay? God will help us change Daddy."

I snorted. Pinunasan ko ang luha ko gamit ang braso ko. Para akong batang naapi.

"Okay, Mommy. We'll pray Daddy to God para He'll fight for the demon that's clouding Daddy's brain."

Mommy smiled. "Yup! That's my baby girl. Go wash upstairs na, so I can tucked you to bed."

I followed Mommy's orders. Mahinhin akong umakyat sa hagdanan. Mom was looking at me. I took a glanced outside the window. Nakita ko si Daddy na naninigarilyo sa labas. I felt disgusted. Hindi pa siya nakontento, he also kept bottles of that damn alcohols. He loves drinking too much.

That moment, my heart was overpowered by anger. I wanted to curse Dad beyond hell. He made our life a living hell, and all because he was drunk. He lost his rationality along with his humanity. For me, he was nothing but a possessed, drunk, demonic monster.

But then, I would always remember Mom's soft whispers. Mom used to remind me that as long as there's hope, I could still hope that God will be strong enough to change Daddy one day. It might not be soon, but He would. I'd just have to believe. There's always a second chance for everyone. If God was able to change Saul from someone who persecuted Christ disciples to someone who blindly followed Jesus as one of his disciples, I believed in God's power too. I would trust to Him my daddy.

Sinunod ko noon ang bawat utos ni Mommy sa akin. For some reason, I couldn't sleep without finishing a chapter or a book. Hindi ko alam kung bakit. It was nothing to me at first, then out of curiousity, I started noticing that common trait. I tried changing it but I couln't seem to take it away from me. Maybe because stories helped calm me from this wrecked life. That in every book I read, I could always have my own comfort zone by creating imaginary bubbles.

Mom knocked twice kaya napahinto ako sa pagbabasa. I placed my book down before I looked at the door. I saw my mom leaning on the door frame. Malaki ang ngiti sa kanyang labi habang nakahalukipkip.

"Mind if I come in?" Mom arched an eyebrow.

Ngumiti ako habang umiiling. "Mom, since when did you start asking permissions before entering my room?"

Umayos ng tayo si Mommy bago naglakad palapit sa akin. Mom was pretty. She was always smiling and no matter how much Daddy hurt her, she'd still forgave him. Mom's smile would forever be her most priceless asset. Maybe that was why Dad fell for her. But then, I thought, if Dad loved my Mommy, why did he hurt her? Why did Dad continuously hurt Mommy? Was that what contains Dad's love for Mommy? If so, then how tragic that love was. How disgusting. Mom never showed anyone the burden she used to carry. Mommy was my ideal inspiration in life. No matter how cruel life was, she never lashed out, she never blamed anyone. She always hope and pray that God would change those devil.

She truly believed that God would be the one to punish those who hurt His people.

That time, I reflected, how could someone stay this loyal to God despite of all the trial and hardship He let you experienced? What was too much for God anyway? Until when will God be satisfied so He'd stop letting you experience all these shits? Would that time ever comes?

I didn't know and probably would never understand the way God's mind works. All we could do was pray, trust, and believe in the power of our Almighty God that He already had this all planned out.

"Anak, bukas ba, pupunta ka sa Sunday school?" maingat na tanong ni mommy.

Umupo siya sa gilid ng aking kama.

Marahan akong tumango kay Mommy. "Opo."

Ngumiti si Mommy, she softly touched my hair, and caressed it. It soothed me so much. "That's good, baby girl. Tama 'yan. Never lose your sight to God. No matter how painful you're experiencing, talk to God all your problems. The world may abandon you, the world may curse you for being you, and there will be a time when you'll feel you have no one but yourself, never ever let go of God's hand. He's always open to reach out. He's always there to listen to every pain you're feeling. Talk to Him for God is your Everlasting Father. Never ever lose hope in believing God who will strengthen you with strength and wisdom to overcome those trials, okay?" Niyakap ako ni Mommy. I hugged her too. "They're just trials, anak. Isang test na pansamantala nating madadaanan. Mabigo man tayo sa resulta 'wag tayong sumuko. Pagbutihan na lang natin, para sa susunod, hindi na tayo mabibigo."

Tumango ako kay Mommy, taking everything she said by heart. "Opo, Mommy."

I didn't know how long we stayed that way. Mommy kept rocking me while I feel sleepy and tired.

"Mommy, bakit po ganoon si Daddy?"

Napahinto si Mommy sa kanyang ginagawa. I didn't dare to glanced at Mommy right after asking that.

"Bakit po parang galit na galit po sa akin si Daddy? May nagawa po ba ako sa kanya na puwede niya pong ikagalit?" I innocently asked.

Those years, I was really frustrated with answers. I wanted answers as to why Daddy acted so disinterested with me.

"Anak, may mga bagay kasi na mahirap i-explain. Bata ka pa para maintindihan mo, but your Daddy doesn't hate you. Mahal na mahal ka ng daddy mo. Tayo, mahal niya tayo. He's just, expressing it in a different way. Just understand your daddy na lang anak."

Pinagpatuloy ni Mommy ang paghaplos ng aking buhok.

Umiling ako. "No, Mom. Sigurado akong galit sa akin si Daddy. If he loves us, hindi niya tayo sasaktan nang ganito. He'd treat us with the outmost respect. He'd treat us, like his life depends on it."

Mariin na pumikit si Mommy. "Your Dad has a rough childhood, anak. Hindi sanay ang daddy mo sa ganito. He was abused. He had an abusive family. No one was able to save your father from growing in that family, anak. He grew up planting too much hatred inside him. When I found him, I was already too late. But your dad only had us. We just can't leave your dad alone. No matter what your dad has become, I still love him for who he is. No one's perfect, anak. Everyone has flaws. And in your dad's case, this is his biggest flaw, kaya buong puso kong tinanggap 'yon. Masakit, oo, pero I wouldn't want to give up your dad. Hanggang may pag-asa, mababago natin siya ."

I felt awful for saying that. At the same time, I felt struck by my mom's words. I can feel how much Mom is hurting with everything, but what Mommmy always assured me was that it's okay because that was how much she loves Daddy.

For my mom, love and her trust to God was just strong enough to overpower the pain and sorrow.

"But can you promise me something, anak?"

"Ano po 'yon, mommy?"

"Promise me na kahit gaano ka saktan at apihin ng daddy mo, you'll never give up on him, okay? Together, ilalakad natin siya kay Lord, unti-unti natin siyang i-save. Promise me, you'll fight. Promise me, you'll achieve your dreams, kung ano man 'yan. I'll always support you."

Hinarap niya ako. Determinado akong tiningnan ni Mommy.

"Make sure na matupad mo ang promise mo okay?"

Nag-aalinlangan akong tumango.

Ngumiti na si Mommy that time, I know it was genuine. 'Yong ngiti na bihira ko nang makita sa kanyang mga labi.

"That's my baby girl." Ginulo ni mommy ang buhok ko. Ngumiti naman ako dahil doon. "O sige na, matulog ka na, Nao-Nao. Bukas, maaga ka pa sa Sunday school mo."

I grinned back. Mommy tucked me in bed bago niya nag-dim ang mga ilaw. Her soft lips touched my forehead.

That night I made a promise to myself.

I promise, Mommy. I'll make sure tutuparin ko ang one promise na 'yon. I won't give up on it.