Kabanata 4

Pinagpapawisan ako nang malapot habang pilit nangangapa ng puwedeng idahilan. Nakatingin siya sa akin, halatang naghihintay ng sagot.

Napalunok ako. Halos matawag ko na lahat ng santo sa ilalim at ibabaw ng lupa, hinihinging sana ay may malusutan pa ako.

"Who's she?" ulit niyang tanong.

Fish tea. Wala na. I'm still groping for an alibi, or any possible escape! Can he not wait?

"T-that's my . . . " It's not even the right time to stutter!

Unti-unting tumigil ang tricycle, hudyat na nasa hotel na kami. "Nandito na po kayo," imporma ng driver sa amin.

Saved by the bell! Sana ay hindi na ito maungkat pang muli.

Bumaba na kami at pumasok. Nang makarating sa kuwarto, ipinatong ko sa tabi ng unan ko ang mga librong binili namin. Surely, my days and nights will never be boring with all of these entertainment stuff.

"So, it's a science fiction, huh?" Biglang nagsalita si Third habang nakaupo sa gilid ng kama niyang katabi lang ng aking kama, hawak-hawak ang notebook ko. "It was mentioned that science and bible should never collide, even if they are already contradicting in almost every information. Hindi dapat sila magkabangga because it'll bring chaos with the opposite system. They both have evidences to perform, so we, as learners, shouldn't compare them into what's better and acceptable or what is not."

I was amazed by his comment, and thankful also that our conversation was diverted. Buti na lang, medyo na-delay ang pagkakabuking ko. Hindi pa ako puwedeng mabuko ngayon!

"Good feedback. But there are times that they are already bumping into each other, carrying their proofs to support their stance. Example, the origin of the universe."

He averted his eyes to the window and started to look around. I heard his soft breath, his inhales and release.

"Yeah." He nodded. "Bible simply say that universe is created by God."

Tumayo ako at sumandal sa may bintana kung saan siya nakatingin. "While the other way around, there were a lot of scientific evidence, some are contradicting, some are not enough, some were flawed. The first was the Theory of Relativity, saying that the universe has neither boundary nor center but is self-contained within the curvature of space-time."

"But again, this theory is too weak to believe." Third shrugged. "Inflationary Theory came next, a theory based on phase transition model made by Allan H. Guth."

"But like the first one, it's still too weak. Nag-cover up pa ang Grand Unification theory at Steady State theory. Now, the clearest and most acceptable theory that the learners believe is the Big Bang theory."

Third nodded and continued what I stated. "This one explains us that the universe known today came from a dense tiny fireball and exploded within a second, and the particles became separate entities that are now the elements of the universe. Yes, universe is just from a small singularity." 

Sabay kaming ngumisi ni Third as we reached the conflict. "But the question is . . . " Binitin ko ang linya ko at sabay namin itong tinapos.

"Where did that small singularity come from?"

We stayed looking with each other and then laughed together as if it's really funny after all.

"So you're against," he said after we recovered.

"I'm a Christian," I answered.

"So am I. But in that theory, clearly pro here."

"Seryoso?"

"Kidding."

"Akala ko talaga you believe Big Bang."

"Either way, that plot of yours will be hard."

Yes, he's right. Mahirap nga ito. It is catchy indeed. Science and Bible. It is not a common story plot in today's generation of readers and writers, but I am positive that some are still interested in it. 

Para akong gumagawa ng position paper at gagawin ko lahat ng patong para ang pader ng aking paniniwala ay hindi agad-agad matibag ngunit hindi rin naman dapat ihambalos. Ah, mukhang nagkamali ako roon. Dapat pala wala akong aayunan sapagkat lagot ako sa siensia kapag nagkataon. It's a part of life, anyway.

"Mag-ingat ka lang. Nawa'y balanse ang pagbibigay mo ng statements dahil kung hindi, it'll bring chaos. I'll be a reader of that too."

"Yeah, right."

Pinanood ko siyang tumayo at nagsuot ng jacket. "Gonna buy some food. Babalik ako in 20 minutes."

I answered him with a nod and watched him left. Napabuga ako ng hangin nang sa wakas ay wala na siya. Gustong-gusto kong nakakasama siya, pero may parte sa akin ang nakakaramdam ng guilt at takot, mas nangingibabaw ang mga iyon. Being with him here makes me feel happy, yet uncomfortable.

Inilabas ko na lang ang phone ko at nag-browse sa F******k. I have to calm myself for a while. Last day, I posted a question in my dummy account. I simply asked my writer friends why they are writing.

I tapped the notifications to see the twelve comments.

Michielokim

Nagsusulat ako para maipahayag ang aking saloobin at makaimpluwensya ng marami sa mabuting paraan. Pagsusulat rin ang libangan ko. Pangarap ko rin kasing maging matagumpay na manunulat balang araw at makakilala ng kaibigan sa pamamagitan nito.

That's a great reason, indeed. Pagpapahayag ng saloobin at makaimpluensiya sa mabuting paraan. May mas mabuti pa ba riyan? But the part 'para makakilala ng kaibigan sa pamamagitan nito' is contrary in my case. Wala akong naging kaibigan, except from my buyers. Hindi naman kasi ako nakihahalubilo at nagpapakita. I hope I have the courage as she has.

shawnixx17

To express my feelings. Writing makes me calm and I think it is the place that I felt I'm belong. I also write not to impress everyone but to share my experiences in life and unique ideas too.

In writing, I can also feel home. I am the only one who can decide if I belong here and the first person who can fight for that fact when everybody contradicts.

misterfourth

Why are you writing? Writing is a form of art, thus it is a medium where I express my inner feelings which I can not tell it to others nor I can't voice out. I don't write for anyone (except if it is for a project, work, or for a special someone), I write for myself—in order to satisfy what I feel on a certain time. Writing can build you into a holistic individual. :)

Perfectly stated. Because if I'm not really that vocal with my thoughts and emotions, how can I let them be heard? Paper and pencil will speak for me. Also, I am writing not just for my self but for everyone. I want to inspire though I don't really know if I am able to. I just . . . write.

MacCzel

I write not because I want to be known by everyone. I write not to ingratiate oneself. I write simply because I want to express my feelings and thoughts that no one have ever understand in a creative way (pero parang hindi siya creative kapag nagsusulat ako). That's all. Thank you.

You don't need to be unique. You just need to be true. Because no matter how unique your work is if it didn't touch your heart, how can it touch the readers'?

imariauthentic

Why do I write? I write when I fail to utter the words in my head. I write before I might suffocate myself in the smoke of ideas running in my head. I write 'cause I just love the sounds of my pen whenever it kisses the clean, white paper. Lastly, I write because words are just beautiful, and it's more beautiful if I create them to a masterpiece.

My jaw dropped—that's when I was being hit by something I knew but never realized. Do what you love and create something more beautiful out of the already beautiful thoughts inside your head. I love the choice of words, yes. I'll note it.

modernongdyosaa

I write when I can't speak. I write when all the thoughts caged inside my mind was wildly asking for it to be free. I write to speak up all the things, thoughts I can't even speak up for myself. I write to be free from all the judgments and pains from reality.

They ask you and let them be. You're the only one who have the power, not anyone else. Your words will never be seen unless you show them.

Camsy_Classy

Sapagkat nasa puso ko ang pagsusulat. Sapagkat ito ang gusto ko. Lahat ng mga bagay na hindi ko masabi, idinadaan ko na lang sa pagsusulat, sa piyesang aking nililikha. Hindi man ako kasing galing ng mga sikat at kilalang manunulat dito sa Pilipinas, masaya pa rin ako na ibahagi ang mga gawa ko, mabasa man nila ito o hindi.

An aspiring writer should never give up. You aspire, right? Excellent writers nowadays also became a newbie. The world is round. Have hope.

Walang_Forever67

Nagsusulat ako upang mailabas ang aking mga saloobin. Gusto kong matakasan ang reyalidad kahit sa pagsusulat lang. Pati siguro sa kagustuham ko na ring magsulat. Nakakatuwa at nakaka inspire na magsulat ang mga librong nabasa ko na. I just really love It, I guess.

Kung talagang napamahal ka sa isang bagay, kahit anong pilit mong kumawala, mas lalo ka pang kinukulong. Love is the strongest force on earth that you can't even notice you've already been trapped. It is what you like? Chase and cherish it.

epitomeofpain

Tbh, the first time I wrote my story, my ultimate goal was fame. Until I found myself drowning with inks and bloods I shred to my papers. Writing became my soul, my escape plan, my secret haven, my outlet, my saviour, my everything... writing is my oxygen in this world full of toxicity.

Escape. In writing, you can stay in one place and let your imagination take you to places.

EmmaJaneNacion

I write to express my thoughts. I write to escape from reality and create my own world where I'm the one who can control and decide about things... a world where I, myself, is the destiny.

I love the thought about creating her own world and everything inside it is under her control. But sometimes, in my case, the readers' demands are already the one manipulating me.

proudtobenothing

Bakit ako nagsusulat?

Una, self-actualization. Feeling ko naaabot ko 'yang stage ng Abraham Maslow's hierarchy. Ang sarap sa feeling na nagsusulat. Bata pa lang ako, sumusulat na ako ng story. And I think, It is my fate to be a writer (with or without active readers).

Pangalawa, kapag hindi ako nagsulat baka sumabog ang utak ko kapag hindi ko naisulat ang laman. Nangangati kamay ko. Hahaha. Parang PMS kapag di nakakapagsulat sa isang linggo.

Pangatlo, bonus na 'yong may matuto, umiyak, kiligin at kung ano pang emosyon ang ibibigay ng readers. Pero inspirasyon ko rin sila.

Wala na akong masabi. Ang gagaling nila at na-motivate naman akong huwag sumuko at magtuloy-tuloy lang. Hindi ko kailangang maging sigurado bago ko simulan. Dahil maiisip ko na lang, naroon na pala ako.

I want to comment all my feedbacks, but I chose not to. In-off ko ang phone ko at inilagay sa bag kong nasa tabi ng kama.

I was just about to crawl over my pillow when I heard the door banged open. My eyes shaped in wide circles as I saw Third hyperventilating, sweat is dripping from his forehead.

Anger and pain is evident in his blazing eyes. Taas-baba ang kanyang d****b at bahagyang umiigting ang kanyang panga habang unti-unting lumalapit sa akin. Napansin ko ang nakakuyom niyang kamao na halatang nanginginig pa dahil sa kadahilanang hindi ko rin alam.

I wasn't able to move as he started to walk fast in my direction. In just one swift he's already above me, sweat all over his body and hands are in both side of my head. Nakita ko ang pagkagat niya ng kanyang labi na para bang pinipilit kumalma.

"I saw your latest picture on social media. You just took the modelling photoshoot while being partnered with the man I loathe so bad. Didn't I tell you that you can be partnered to anyone living above this fucking earth except from that bastard? Why didn't you get it, huh? Why?!"

Nanginig ang labi ko sa sigaw niya. Third is seriously angry and I can't help but to tremble. Damn. I was about to push him away when the least thing I expected him to do is what he exactly did.

He pinned me hard and kissed me torridly. Wala siyang pinalampas sa aking bibig, ginalugad niya ang bawat parteng nasasakupan ng kanyang makasalanang labi. I groaned in disapproval but he didn't hesitate to deepen the kiss even more. That is, if I can still call it as a kiss. It seems like he's trying to crush my lips until they turn numb.

Third, I am not her. I will never do it if it's me.

I want to shout so bad and tell him everything just to set my self free, but my thoughts were imprisoned like how he locked my lips by his.

Shiyuri my twin, what have you done?