Two halves

I stayed up all night again; now, how do I face Lilith? "How foolish I am."

"Do you like her, right?"

"Even if I do, it's none of your business. Go away!"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to make you angry."

I didn't see him anymore.

I spent an hour looking at myself in the mirror, hoping that it wouldn't be noticeable that there's a child with me. I think I'm forgetting something; I should think about what I saw. But now I can't; my head hurts too much, and I have to go to university; I'll be late again.

"Why are you stopping in front of the car?"

"Good question, kid. I don't even know."

I get into the car, but I can't start it. "I think, I believe that thing might appear again."

"Then look."

"It's not that easy."

"Yes, I'm behind there."

I look slowly behind, and I see only Liam, who, even though I don't know exactly who he is, is somehow more reassuring.

I'm in front of the university, but I feel that something is wrong. I feel something inside me desperately wanting to come out; I hold on as much as I can, but I can't.

My head doesn't belong to me; my body doesn't belong to me. "What am I saying?"

I can't see anything in front of me; I only hear that voice calling me.

"Why, why do you call my name?"

"I want you to see me, Isaac."

"But I just want to forget."

"Why, Isaac?"

"Because it hurts, so much that my body shatters into a thousand pieces."

I continue to wander like a zombie in front of the university entrance. "I can't go in, damn it! Everyone is staring at me."

After all, it's a nice show to watch.

Lilith was approaching me, "now she'll think I'm crazy."

"Isaac, come, let's go aside."

Why are you so kind to me, what do you want to achieve?

The more I looked at her, the more beautiful she seemed, of significant beauty.

"I'm sorry for being a walking mess."

"Don't worry, I'm a mess too."

"Really?!" I exclaimed surprised.

"Yes, you know, it's hard to be oneself."

I understand her perfectly, but I think I'm about to feel sick to my stomach; I vomit all my breakfast behind a bush.

"Nice way to make an impression."

"Come, I'll take you home."

We get in the car and head towards my house.

Once we arrive, I give her the keys to open it, but I can't even do that.

We enter the house, a small apartment with a living room that incorporates the kitchen, a bathroom, and a bedroom.

She stops to look at the pictures of my parents.

"Are these yours in the photos?"

"Yes."

"You never talk about them; why?"

"No one ever asked me."

"Well, I'm asking you now."

"Okay, they are my adoptive parents; I've been with them since 2009. She's a teacher, he's a laborer."

"They did a nice thing."

"Yes."

She sits on the couch and turns on N*****x.

"Shall I prepare something to eat? Do you want?"

"Yes, thank you."

I start cooking some pasta, hoping it turns out at least edible.

After a while, I get my favorite spaghetti with chili and toasted bread crumbs.

"Come, it's ready."

"I'm coming."

She sits next to me and starts eating; I watch her hoping she doesn't notice, but it's not like that.

"Do you want to tell me something?"

"No, it's just that no one except Jimmy has come to my house."

"I feel honored, thank you."

"Why does she seem apparently fine, and yet I feel her pain?"

"Thank you, Isaac."

"For what?"

"For seeing me."

Strangely, I perfectly understood her words nowadays, and it's rare that someone truly sees you.

As soon as she finishes eating, she gets up and goes to the bathroom, which is in my room. This makes me nervous; no one except Jimmy has seen my room. "I hope she likes it."

"So, you really care about her."

Here's that child again, "no, not now. Go away! Go away!" Meanwhile, without realizing it, I'm punching the table, I can't stop.

She comes running and sees that pitiful scene.

"Isaac, calm down, everything's fine."

"I don't want to, I don't want to."

"What don't you want?"

"That he's here, that he's in my head."

"Who are you talking about?"

"Him," I point to the couch.

"Isaac, there's no one there. I think you should call your parents."

She's so kind, "why are you so kind to me?"

After a few minutes, encouraged by Lilith, I pick up the phone. The phone rings, and anxiety starts to rise; I feel my heart slowly accelerating until I hear a voice on the other end.

"Hello, sweetheart, what's happening?"

"My mother has, like, a radar; she immediately understands that something is wrong."

"I think I have to go back to Lowell; I don't feel very well."

"Of course, sweetheart, we'll come pick you up right away."

I look at Lilith with the hope that returning to Lowell, the town where I grew up, this is not a farewell.

We sit silently staring at the turned-off TV, and I decide to light a cigarette.

"Do you want one?"

"Yes

, thank you."

The cigarette seemed endless, and the more minutes passed while waiting for my parents, the more uncomfortable I felt.

"Can I ask you something, Isaac?"

"Sure, go ahead."

"Where are you from?"

"I'm Canadian; I was born in Calgary."

Perhaps my appearance is very slim with green eyes and curly black hair like ash.

I hear my parents' car arriving; I didn't notice, but an hour has passed.

My mother knocks on the door, and I hurry to open it.

"Hello, sweetheart, you're pale, are you eating enough?"

"Hello, Mom, yes."

The looks of my mother and Lilith meet; my mother simply says.

"Thank you very much."

I didn't exactly understand for what; evidently, the situation was slipping out of my hands.

I get into my parents' car, and through the window, we wave goodbye to Lilith.

In the car, we are all rather silent; perhaps no one has anything to say. After all, what do you say in these cases?

We arrive home, I walk to my room when my mother grabs me by the arm.

"Isaac, can we talk, please?"

I don't know what to say; a part of me would like to tell her about the child from the absurd dreams I have at night and the female voice I hear in my head, but something is blocking me, I don't know exactly what.

"Now I'm tired; I want to try to sleep a bit."

"Okay, sweetheart."

She continued the journey to my room.

I open the door, and he's there, looking out the window. "It's not possible! I'm really crazy, then."