I've never been like this, hindi ako kailanman naghabol, hindi ako naghabol kasi lahat ng gusto ko madali ko lang nakukuha kung nanaisin ko.
Kayang kaya kong magpaikot ng isang tao para sa sarili kong kasiyahan.
Pero pagdating kay Luhennce, handa akong maging sakim. Para sa kaniya, handa akong maging tanga.
"Miss Amanda?"
"Yes?"
"Meeting at 3 o'clock miss."
"Thanks!" I nodded at her before fixing my dress.
Tiningnan ko ang oras at ilang minuto nalang ang natitira at magsisimula na ang meeting ko. Kailangan ko ng matapos, ng makaalis agad ako at magawa na ang paulit ulit kong gustong gawin.
The meeting lasted for almost one and half hour. After that ay nagmadali na akong umalis, letting my secretary handle things for me. I'll pay her double for that.
I received a message from my tracker, nasa school pa si Luhenn. Good thing, maaabutan ko ang paglabas niya. Silly Amanda, its becoming your habit to see his annoyed face. Tanggap ko na 'yon kesa nung limang taon na kahit anino niya, hindi ko nakita.
To hun:
Hey! Can we go out for a coffee after your class?
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Just 30 mins, my treat.
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Okay, 20 minutes? Just a coffee nearby .
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10 minutes? Madali lang promise.
Sunod sunod ang text messages ko sa kaniya, pero kahit isa'y wala siyang nireplayan. Nakakainis! Kahit manlang sana magreply siya ng ayaw niya!
I tried calling him but he didn't picked up. Mabilis akong nagmaneho paputang Dastan. With my sunglasses on, I walked out of my car and leaned on it, waiting to see him. Pinagtitinginan na ako ng mga estudyante, but that doesn't bother me...I'm busy looking for my man.
My heart almost jump when I saw him, hands on his pocket...wearing his uniform as a professor. He looks really hot with his glasses. Some girls like guys who completely have that badass styles, but me...Luhennce is my totally type. Serious, bookworm, smart and charismatic.
The smile on my face vanished, as my brows shut. My lips pursed as I watched him slightly let out a smile while talking to someone. I might accept it if he's with Mitsuika, but he's not.
I guess that woman he's having a good time talking to, is one of the faculty.
She looks infatuated with Luhennce and that is not a good idea, as much as possible...I don't want anyone to take him away from me.
Mabilis akong naglakad para harangan silang dalawa. Ang ngiti sa labi ng babae, ay unti-unting mawala ng mapansin niyang nakaharang ako sa kanila. Luhennce eyes settled on me and his calm face becomes tensed as his eyes glared at me.
"Hi hun! Have you forget what we talked about?" Nilingon ko naman ang babae at mukhang napapahiya na siya sa akin.
"Who is she? A friend? Or another woman, you wanna bet at. She's not even your type."
"Amanda," mariin at nagbabantang suway ni Luhennce sa akin, pero tinaasan ko lamang siya ng kilay at nilingon muli ang babae.
"A-I have to g-go Luhennce..." Mabilis na itong tumalikod and when luhennce's about to chase after her, I immediately grab his hand to stop him.
"What the fuck are you doing Amanda?!"
"What? I am just making her know that you're mine."
"I am not yours Amanda!"
"I owned you Luhennce." Mariin na sabi ko.
"You owned me yes! But it was all in the past now! I am not yours anymore so move on!"
"You're still mine Luhennce, all mine...and you can't just tell me about moving on over you cause I won't. You'll not gonna like it if you keep on pushing me away...I can be a bitch you always thought I am." Humalukipkip ako sa harapan niya at matapang siyang hinarap, nanghahamon at naniniguro na kayang kaya kong gawin lahat ng gusto ko.
Things will go on my way Luhennce, if you want to make things hard for me...I'll find way to make it easier.
He ruffles his hair out of frustration. It
"Now you sounds like you're going to blackmail me? That's too cliche Amanda! Stop with your childish acts and accept whatever shit happened between us! You ruined us! So better shut the fuck up and leave me the fuck alone!" I was stiffed the moment he was throwing me those words while pointing me. Gigil na gigil siya sa akin ngunit hindi ako masyadong nagpatinag. He was about to leave me when I made him stop without even moving.
"To blackmail you isn't included on my plan on getting you back Luhennce...but if you'll keep pushing me away, you know how cruel I can be. And when I becomes cruel, everyone around you will suffer on my wrath."
This whole conversation makes me shattered millionth times. Kahit anong tapang at kasamaan ang ipakita ko sa kaniya ngayon, deep inside me I was hurt, in pain and suffering.
"Stop it Amanda, we're over! Gaano ba kahirap intindihin 'yon?"
"Yes we were, but I am here to fix everything! I want you back, all I want is a chance to prove myself to you. Just one chance to fix what I've ruined. I know you still love me, you're just mad Luhennce...so please...I am begging you, please give me a chance. Don't leave me again, like how you left me without knowing my reason." Napayuko na ako, I don't want him to see my eyes. I never cried in front of him. Siguro kung may pagkakataon na nakita niya akong umiyak? Noong lasing ako.
"Do whatever you wanted to do, you want to ruin me? To show me how cruel you are? Go on, I am so full of your bullshits that I am starting to get used to it. Go on Amanda! The floor is all yours, I am not even bothered." Pagkasabi niya noon ay mabilis siya naglakad papalayo at lumapit sa natitiyak ko'y kotse niya.
Galit na galit akong pinanood siyang magmaneho palayo. My hands fisted as I stomped my feet on the ground because of irritation. Ramdam ko ang pangingilid ng luha ko kaya agad kong sinuot ang sunglasses ko to hide it.
I pursed my lips as my jaw tightened.
Let's see how long could you take Luhennce. Kung hindi kita makuha sa pakiusapan, kukunin kita sa paraang hinding hindi mo na mahihindian.I am not called bitch for nothing.
Malas ng mga babaeng lalapit at aakit sa'yo.The nuance tastes of dark coffee tenderly washed over me as I sipped my warm mug of nostalgic memories.All I could think about was the soothing tones, Luhennce used when he was talking to me before. The warmth of his love and care. Picturing those smiles we shared and reminiscing those times we cuddled, when the weather was only a couple of degrees above zero.The night wind embraces my skin, nanatili ako sa veranda, nakaupo at nakatingala habang paminsan minsang umiinom sa tasang hawak ko.I've tried to send him messages but I've got zero response from him again. When my phone vibrated, I was so excited to look for it only to see some emails from mu trusted tracker.Kumunot ang noo ko ng makita ang ilang attachment doon, naglalaman ng mga pictures ni Luhennce with the same woman he's with a while ago.The picture was taken minutes ago. And it was stated on the email that he's hanging
I texted him again in the morning. Like nothing happened last night. Binati ko siya ng good morning and I even asked him to have some coffee and breakfast with me, outside. Kahit papano umaasa ako na sana, magreply naman siya. Pero wala nanaman akong napala. That's when another email notified me. Mabilis ko iyong binuksan at hindi ko nanaman nagustuhan ang nakita ko. May kasama naman pala siya, kaya hindi niya ako magawang replayan at samahan. I asked my tracker to send me some details about the girl. Hindi naman ako nito binigo at ilang minuto lang ay may naipadala na siya sa akin.Name: Clarisse H. LopezDegree: BSED Major in EnglishCAS- instructor IAge: 28 years oldStatus: SingleBinasa ko pa ang ilan niyang job experiences at address. Pati ang socio-economi
"Gusto mo bang sabayan kita kumain?" Nilingon ko ang nagsalita at mabilis na napairap."I don't need your company." Napayuko naman siya, ngunit hindi siya umalis...instead he sitted down in front of me."Hindi ka ba pagagalitan? Bumalik ka na roon! I don't need you."Mariin kong binagsak ang tinidor na hawak ko at naiinis na napabuntong hininga. Si Luhennce dapat ang kasama ko eh!"He's the same guy who dragged you away last night. You love him right?""Who the hell are you to talk to me like that?! Get the fuck out of my sight! I don't fucking need you loser!" I don't care how offensive my words are. Inis na kinuha ko ang wallet, susi at phone ko bago nagmadaling lumabas.How dare him to look at me like that?! Naiinis ako sa klase ng tingin na binibigay niya, I don't need anyone's sympathy! I don't need someone's pitty! Lalo na kung galing sa lalaking katulad
"What the hell are you doing?" Kunot noo kong tanong kay Kendrick. "Uh, setting up the place?" What the hell?! Seryoso siya?! "Stupid! Anong tingin mo sa gagawin namin dito, maglalaro ng bahay bahayan?!" Nangigigil na tanong ko ng makita ang ginagawa niyang pag dedecorate sa kwarto ko. Leche! Pinapagawa ko ngang medyo seductive 'yung place, ginawang parang pang prinsesa! Bwiset! Bakit ba kasi ganitong lalaki ang kasama ko dito!? Tinatayuan ba ang isang ito?! Napakainosete amputa. Napakamot ito sa ulo niya."Sorry, I'm useless." Napailing ako at pakiramdam ko'y mahihilo ako sa kaniya. My god! Nasan na ba kasi si sab! Pinapabili ko 'yon ng mga alak at pills ah!"A-ano ba kasi talagang balak mo?" I rolled my eyes on him."Hindi pa ba halata?" "G-gagawin mo talaga?""Of course! Matagal narin naman naming ginawa 'yon. I would make him fee
Nagising ako ng sobrang sakit ng ulo. Pagmulat ng mata ko'y likuran ng isang lalaking walang suot na pangitaas ang tumambad sa akin."Kendrick," mabilis niya akong lumingon at may kinuhang baso ng tubig at gamot bago umayos ng upo, upang makita ako at inabot iyon sa akin. "Drink this," Agad ko naman iyong tinanggap at ininom. Pasimple kong sinilip ang katawan ko at napabuntong hininga. Tumayo na siya at inilapag ang ininuman ko sa gilid."Why?" I started to ask."Huh?" mukhang malalim ang iniisip niya."Bakit hindi mo ginawa? I gave you permission.""Kasi hindi tama, we don't even have any relationship at hindi pa tayo matagal na magkakilala. Mataas ang respeto ko sa'yo at alam ko ang limitasyon ko. Hinding hindi ko gagawin ang bagay na 'yon sa'yo, unless we both love each other." Hindi na ako nagsalita at bumangon nalang. Suot ko ang t-shirt niya kaya wala siyang
"What happened?" Bungad sa'kin ni Sab pagka-uwi ko. I rolled my eyes before walking inside my kitchen to get some cold water. Baka sakaling lumamig ang ulo ko."Disaster! Why you even sent Kendrick, if you can just message me?!""Bakit ba? Wala ka namang kasama eh.""I have! And that's Luhennce and Clarisse." Napasinghap siya."Woooooah! Sorry bitch, my fault." I massage the bridges of my nose."And I blamed kendrick for ruining my plan. Kung hindi sana siya dumating I could act to Luhennce, at makita niyang wala sa'kin sasalo, e'di kahit papano papansinin niya ako! Tapos magseselos si Clarisse mag wawalk out siya, masosolo ko si Luhennce, shempre hindi ko siya papayagang sundan 'yung gf niya! But that plan was all ruined because Kendrick was there! Mas lalo akong di pinansin ni Luhennce kasi may kasama naman ako.""Sorry! pero sana hindi ka naman magalit kay Kendrick. Hindi naman niya alam eh, ang sinabi ko kasi wala kang kasama
I was trying to choose a hair style that suits him, ngunit wala akong makuha dahil bagay naman sa kaniya ang style ng buhok niya.Okay, color perhaps. I've tried to search one and end up looking at myself in front of the mirror. I snapped my fingers, before turning my head to look at Kendrick who's busy roaming his eyes around the salon."Nina!""Yes miss Amanda?""May naisip na akong hair color for him---silver blond, pa assist please.""Yes miss," agad nitong inaya si Kendrick na maupo. Habang ako'y naupo sa couch at pinag-cross ang binti. Halatang kinakabahan pa si Nina, habang inaasikaso si Kendrick at madalas ang pagtitig nito sa lalaking nakapikit lang naman at hindi siya pinapansin.I bit my lips before letting out a sigh. Mabilis akong tumayo at naglakad papalapit sa kanila. Huminto ako sa likuran ni kendrick at pinagmasdan itong nakapikit, at hinihintay lang na gawi
"Teka baka naman malasing ako neto?" I narrowed my eyes on him before sitting in front of him. Marahang kong inabot ang hita niya gamit ang paa ko, as I rested it in between of his knees...nagulat pa siya sa ginawa ko kaya ngumisi ako at uminom saglit sa beer na hawak ko."Don't worry, I won't rape you." Nakangisi parin na sabi ko na kinamula ng mukha niya.Ibinaba niya ang inabot kong beer at umayos ng upo, mukha namang gusto niyang nasa pagitan ng tuhod niya ang paa ko at di niya 'yon inalis. Well, its warm...and I like it. Remove the pervert ideas cause I just really did it to find warmth."Ano bang unang gagawin? Anong una mong ituturo?""I will teach you how to flirt.""What?!""Oh come on Kendrick, if you want to snatch a girl away from her boyfriend, you should know how to be attractive and flirt enough.""Kung gusto ng isang babae ang isang lalaki, ka
"Ready man?" my eyes drifted on Jhanzen, I smirked at him before getting another shot."Which one?""That morena chick...fuck her for 10 minutes." itinuro niya 'yung babaeng parang kinapos sa tela kaya mahina akong natawa at uminom. That was so fucking easy for me."How much?" Walang ganang tanong ko. Balewala para sa amin kung magkano ang ipupusta, what matters is the consequence kasi alam ng bawat isa, na hindi 'yun madali."If you'll make it, We'll pay you 1.5 Million of course each, and if not...you'll face the consequence." Tumango tango ako at nagsihiyawan ang iba ko pang mga kaibigan. Isang shot pa at tuluyan na akong lumapit sa babaeng halatang halata na kanina pa nakatingin sa akin.Mabilis ko siyang inakbayan at nilapit sa kaniyang tenga ang mga labi ko bago bumulong."Hey, wanna have some fun tonight?" Naramdaman ko agad na gusto niya, kaya mas lalo akong nawalan ng g
When Kendrick and I broke up, there's so much realization hits me. Unlike when Luhennce and I broke up.Luhennce maybe my first love, but Kendrick taught me so much in life. Nang dumating siya, maraming nagbago, he challenges the bad sides of me that I don't know anymore the difference between love and obsession. But with the help of Sabria, I find it out. Kung hindi pa dumating si Kendrick hindi ko maiisip na I was just obsessed over Luhennce, dahil nasanay na ako sa presence niya, nasanay ako na ako lagi ang inuuna, nasanay ako na lahat ng gusto ko nakukuha ko at nasanay akong ako lang ang babae sa buhay niya.Kendrick left great impact in my life, from being selfish to selfless, from being desperate to have self-respect, from loving someone too much, to love myself first. From getting what I want, to give someone a hand. From being close-minded to being open-minded, and become one who is wiling to see the reality behind my ambitious perso
Kinaumagahan ay sinabi ko kay Kendrick ang tungkol kay Dambie at kahit ayoko ay siya parin ang nag settle ng lahat. Hindi ko alam kung ano na ba ang meron sa amin, pero wala na akong pakialam. I want to stay with him, I want to be with him...may label o wala.Ayoko namang pilitin siyang maging kami na. Hahayaan ko nalang na sumabay sa agos, ano man ang maging katapusan, wala akong pagsisisihan.Napasimangot ako ng ilibot ang paningin sa bahay ni Kendrick. Wala siya ngayon hindi kami sabay na umuwi dahil may pupuntahan daw siya. Ako lang ang mag-isang bumalik sa bahay niya para tapusin ang trabaho ko.Mag-isa rin akong nagluto ng lunch and snacks, hindi ko alam kung may balak pa bang umuwi si Kendrick. I am also done with work at wala akong nagawa kundi manood nalang muna. Passed 6 and he's not still at home. Pinili ko nalang mag-iwan ng note at umuwi na muna.Dumaan ako saglit sa grocery store, naalala ko kasi
Halos gusto ko nalang magtago sa likod ni Kendrick habang kinakausap niya si Fellie na talagang literal na nakanganga habang nagsasalita ang lalaki.Hindi ko nga alam kung may naiintindihan ba ito sa sinasabi ni Kendrick dahil kung ice cream lang si Kd ay baka kanina pa ito tunaw."In exchange I'll help you to market this restaurant for more customers, we'll expand the area and I will hire more staff to help you." Napasapo ako sa noo ko ng talagang walang kareareaksyon si Fellie, hindi nga yata niya naintindihan sinasabi ni Kd."Fellie," Tumikhim na ako bago siya tawagin. Kulang nalang sapakin ko ito, dahil hindi talaga matinag. "Fellie!"Hindi parin, susko! Ano bang meron sa mukha ni Kd eh gwapo lang naman 'yan!"Fellie!""Ay gwapo ka!" Biglang napatakip ito ng bibig sa gulat. Kendrick brows shut, mukhang naiinis na ito kaya hinawakan ko ang braso niya to calm him."O-oo! I mean yes! pwedeng pwede." Halat
Pumasok ako sa trabaho ko kay Kendrick, at hindi parin niya ako pinansin. Para akong tangang nakaupo sa couch, niya walang ginagawa at naghihintay na balingan niya."Sir, need help? May maitutulong ba ako?" Pinili kong maging malumanay."Just go make me a coffee." Malamig na sabi niya na medyo kinainis ko at tumungo sa kusina. I sighed while brewing coffee.Patience Amanda, you know him...kahit noon pa medyo may pagka-moody talaga siya. Nang makapagtimpla na ng kape ay agad na akong lumabas at marahang nilaapg ang kape sa harapan niya. Hindi manlang niya iyon sinulyapan kaya napa-ikot nalang ako ng mata ko."Sir, may galit ka ba sa akin?" Hindi nakatiis na tanong ko habang nakatayo parin sa harapan niya."Do I have a right to be?" Kumunot ang noo ko dahil hindi ko narinig ang sinabi niya."Sir pardon?" Hindi niya ulit ako pinansin kaya napabuntong hininga ako. Gosh! naw
Pinagmasdan ko si Kendrick na naglalapag ng mga inorder niya para sa'min.It was raining outside, good thing nandito na kami sa convenient store bago pa umulan kanina. Ito 'yung convenient store kung saan din kami nagkita noong nakaraang araw.The store was playing mellow music, saktong sakto sa oras at panahon.Dalawang noodles, dalawang order ng siomai, dalawang cup of hot coffee and cheese burger ang nilapag niya roon, na pinakatitigan ko muna saglit bago siya hinintay na maupo sa harapan ko. Pasulyap-sulyap ako sa labas to watch the rain. I love rain.I love this kind of weather, while listening on my favorite music and a hot coffee on my favorite mug. And I can't believe I was spending this kind of time with Kendrick.At this moment, something comes in my mind. When I was still chasing Luhennce, I should've realize that we're not on the same page anymore. That he's too close on the epilogue and I wasn't even on the ris
I've prepared myself, matapos mailipat ni Dambie sa magiging room niya ay umalis na ako para pumasok sa trabaho.Six nang mabilis akong pumasok sa restaurant ni Fellie. "Oh akala ko dika papasok?""Kailangan eh saka biglaan ang balik ko,""Mabuti naman! namiss ka ni Sir Stevan." Nanunuksong sabi niya na kinailing ko. Hindi ako interesado kay Stevan for pete sake."Hindi ko siya gusto Fellie. Tigilan mo na kakatukso sa aming dalawa." she tickles me, to tease me more."Pahard to get ka pa eh nasa trentahan ka na." Nailing nalang ako at iniwan siya roon na nangaasar, lumapit ako sa kakarating lang na customer at binigyan sila ng menu.It was all good, maraming customers, naging abala ako at kahit papano naging magaan ngayon dahil kompleto kami.Mga alas nwebe ng isang customer ang pumasok wearing leather jacket with a plain gray shirt underneath. May dala itong boquet ng bulaklak at balloons.
My gripped on his wet shirt tighten. Unti-unting bumaba ang mga kamay niya sa likuran ko, and just by his sudden touch on my skin brought to much electricity. Para akong napapaso, ramdam na ramdam ko ang epekto noon sa sistema ko.I leaned closer to him and tilted my head a little to give him more access, he pushes his tongue inside my mouth, nipping and sucking on it. Making me feel so hot and wanting for more.I lift my warm hand on the back of his neck and my body pressed against his. It was like time unspooled, carrying us back when we first did this. The first kiss we shared, the first make out and the first time he do me. He lifted me up, and wrapped my legs around him still not breaking our kisses. One moment and he put me down on bed. He immediately toss his shirt off before he pushing me back, propped his elbows and nibbled my ear, my chin, touching my face with his fingertips.He nuzzled against me, his lips on my n
"Bakit hindi ka pa mag-asawa Amanda?" I sipped on my glass before facing Ruby. Nasa isang circular table kami sa may pool side, sa kabila namang parte ng pool ay may sarili ring grupo ang mga lalaki.Kasama ko sa table ang mga kaibigan ko at kasama sa organisasyon dati. Naririto rin si Clarisse, Mavis at Sab."Wala pa kasi akong aasawahin, may irereto ka ba?" Natatawang biro ko na kinatawa rin nila. Binatukan ako ni Sab dahil doon."Gaga! nayan na ang hot na si Fafa Kendrick papareto ka pa?!" sinamaan ko siya ng tingin at sumulyap sa table ng boys sa kabila, they are all laughing. Pag talaga mga lalaki nagsamasama."We're not even together," I groaned."Pwede naman kayong magbalikan.""Ako ba dapat makipagbalikan?" Nailing ako ng sabihin ko iyon bago tatlong beses na nagshot."That's not my thing now, kapag ayaw, d'wag." I sounds like a bitter coffee but at least