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Out of Focus
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2024-10-29 19:42:56Two weeks before leaving for the third leg of their world tour, that would take No Return to Asia and Eastern Europe until the end of the year, Jim had a fight with Barbara, the woman he’d been dating for the last two months.
He heard his front door slam shut, a revving engine, a car skidding away. He ran down the stairs to the living room, his shirt open over his chest, still breathing heavily after the violent argument. His eyes moved slowly around the dark, empty room as he took his phone out of the back pocket of his jeans.
He dialed and waited, dropping himself on the couch.
“Don’t you dare call me ever again, you fucked-up son of a bitch!”
The hand holding the phone slid down as he sank in the black leather cushions, still trying to catch his breath.
Fine, he’d said too much, and not for the first time. Well, maybe he’d been a little too sarcastic. And things had gotten a little out of control when Barb had started crying and throwing th
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No Return U There
The notification woke Silvia up a couple of hours before dawn. Guillermo was still sleeping, and she moved carefully to keep from waking him up. Nothing on her phone. Good. Her siblings hadn’t been arrested, robbed, killed, and she didn’t need to rush to the rescue. Then what? She saw she’d left the tablet on and grabbed it, frowning. A DM? It was four AM on a Sunday in Argentina, and Jim had never written to her on his Saturday midnight. The message itself swept away any trace of sleep. “U there?” Her heart hammered her chest as she replied, “You okay?” She got out of bed and grabbed a blanket to tiptoe out of her room, cursing every second Jim took to answer. What could’ve happened to him? Was he alright? His second DM found her lighting a cigarette by the dining-room table. “Gimme a # 2 call u.” Shit! What happened? She sent him her number, the cigarette trembling between her fingers, and
No Return Under Pressure
Jim got back together with Barbara, but things were still on the mend when he left for Asia, and she didn’t want to travel with him. She argued they could use that time away, and missing each other would be good for them. He and Silvia had never mentioned the subject again, back to their task-of-the-week routine. However, it was plain to see that after Jim left, their game would depend on the tour’s tight schedule. So they agreed to post whatever they came across, be it writings, pictures, music, no task required. No Return left LA by the time spring managed to kick winter away from Patagonia. But on its way out, winter told spring about Macondo. And while it rained nonstop and everything was damp and muddy, and people asked each other what did a blue sky look like, Silvia found herself facing unexpected hard times. Her little brother entered an angry-teen stage that was a complete first for him, and Silvia wasn’t quite sure what to do about it. Mika had alwa
No Return Six Days Off
Jim thought it was weird that she almost didn’t post anything but comments to what he uploaded, but he didn’t ask. They didn’t do asking.Silvia led a regular, ordinary life, and it was logical that he always had more news to share than her. So he kept updating the Hey, Jay!, knowing she followed him in her own way. Every day she would leave at least a few words to what he’d posted the day before; sometimes a question, sometimes only exclamation marks or a heart.She was his secret companion, going with him to every country, listening to every concert, walking about every city, trying every food, scolding him when he got out of line, laughing with his silliest jokes.Sometimes, when he was taking a picture for the Hey, Jay!, he would find himself already thinking its title as he took it, something smart to catch her attention. And more than once, waiting felt too long until he was left alone and free to update their blog
No Return Wish You Were Here
“Hey, dude, let’s go for a walk,” Sean said, ignoring the mayhem left in the room after the party. Jim didn’t seem to listen, cursing under his breath as he went through the phone menus. “Jimbo.” “Fuck!” “What’s up, man?” Sean grabbed a beer from the minibar on his way to his brother. “I can’t fucking find it! I deleted the DMs by mistake and now I can’t find the fucking number!” “You looking for a phone number?” “What’s the time in LA now?” Sean frowned, puzzled. “About four AM? Why?” Jim ignored his question. “So it’s seven AM in New York. One or two more hours. She should be already awake,” he muttered under his breath. Sean didn’t hear him do his math and asked, “You mean you lost Barbara’s number when we changed phones in Tokyo?” Jim frowned up at him. “What?” “Aren’t you looking for her number?” “Whose number?” “Barbara’s.” “Why the fuck would I wanna
No Return Back Online
“You’ve been humming that song for days,” said Guillermo. “Want me to play some Pink Floyd?” Yeah, she’d been humming Wish You Were Here for three days already. It’d also been three days since her mood had finally improved, and she’d focused on helping her little sister get ready to leave. A couple of days later, she sat her little brother down to talk. She told him that if he wasn’t capable of keeping basic manners, she wouldn’t either and she would pretend he didn’t exist. After a whole week of ice treatment, forced to cook his own meals, do his own laundry, and being completely ignored, the boy gave up and agreed to restore diplomatic relations. Silvia cooked his favorite meal, did all his laundry and spent a couple of hours gaming with him. Truce was signed. Mika’s farewell party worked out just perfect, and Silvia hugged her little sister goodbye on a windy November morning, making the girl promise she would stay in touch often, not only if she
No Return Little Wing
But the year wasn’t quite over yet. Two days later, Jim updated the Hey, Jay! “Task of the week: the song to illustrate this year,” he wrote, followed by YouTube video. His post found Silvia at home with Paola and Claudia, like any other Friday night. Her friends saw her drop on her chair with the tablet in her hands, moving her lips without a sound. “What is it?” Paola asked, concerned. Silvia looked up at her, pointing at the tablet. Claudia stretched in her chair to see the screen and frowned. “What,” she said. “The— The song,” Silvia mumbled. “Yeah, Pearl Jam’s cover of Little Wing,” said Claudia. “So?” Paola narrowed her eyes, suspicious. “Jim?” she asked. Silvia managed to say a whole sentence before her voice broke. “His pick for a song to illustrate this year.” “And what’s wrong with it? It’s a hell of a song,” said Claudia. Paola kept her eyes on Silvia
No Return Honesty, Such a Lonely Word
Silvia had actually thought about a song for such a strange year before Jim came up with the task, because it was something she used to do every December, just for fun. But Jim’s pick shook everything up. Little Wing wasn’t just any song. And even though she’d tried to look confident and sure in front of her friends, she still didn’t know what to make of it. Yeah, it was the perfect picture of them in many ways, but it was the last song he should’ve sent her. Because it was true, both of them had been there for each other, and the song might also refer to that funny evening at the inn, drinking, singing, dancing. But no matter how many references and interpretations she might possibly find, Little Wing was a love song. Hendrix wasn’t singing about a friend but about someone he loved, be it his acid dealer, his favorite guitar or a woman. And a straight man dedicating such a song to a straight woman wasn’t talking about friendship but about love.
No Return A New Year
On New Year’s Eve, Silvia sent Jim a DM.“Did you notice our years don’t start at the same time? Happy Argentinean New Year, Jay!”He replied in under a minute, “Ur fkn right! Happy Argentinean New Year!”It was just obvious that he’d DM her again five hours later, to congratulate her on LA’s New Year, and that she would be waiting to reply right away like he’d done.Her birthday party was two days later, and it was a night to remember. She had so many pictures and videos to share with her friends, that she refused to spend hours uploading it all twice, first to Facebook and then to the Hey, Jay!Jim frowned when she sent him a link to Facebook. “Come to Suckerborg county to take a look.” Barbara was getting dressed for the opening of an art gallery they’d been invited to, and it looked like he had time to read Shakespeare’s com
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No Return True Freedom
Silvia woke up to Depeche Mode’s Personal Jesus.The sun was setting and she was alone in bed, tucked in soft sheets that smelled of lemon and the fat white comforter. Jim had left a few hours ago to let her rest, because after those weeks apart, it was plain to see she wouldn’t get any rest with him around.She’d fallen sound asleep, exhausted, and now she had the persistent feeling of being still lost in a dream. But she wasn’t. This was not the Black Rock. It was the Ashtray, her new home, and that music had to be a phone ringing.But not hers. She’d never used that song as a ringtone.She followed the music to the other nightstand, where she found a new phone still inside its open box with a red ribbon. And she laughed out loud when she grabbed it and saw the caller was My Personal J.“Hey, you awake?” Jim asked when she picked up, still chuckling.“Hey, you just woke me u
No Return Yours
They staggered into the bedroom and fell on the bed as they kissed, their hands struggling to get rid of their clothes.Silvia pulled Jim to bring him on top of her, yearning to feel his weight. There was no other body to hers, no other hands to touch her, no other lips to drive her crazy, no other skin to stroke hers. She wrapped a leg around his waist, pushing him down, and moaned when she felt him inside of her, his fire sweeping it all away, and she gave in to his need and his exasperated anxiety.Because that was exactly how he was feeling. He’d never missed her body, he’d never needed her like this. Yet there he was, fighting himself back to keep from going off like a frigging teen, growing crazier with every moan he pushed out of her mouth, every move of her hips, every touch of her fingers, every brush of her lips. Like he would never have enough of her.Why was he feeling this way? Why nothing seemed enough? When had all bodies lost their ap
No Return The Ashtray
Silvia exited the Customs Office feeling stunned and a little dizzy. After such an emotional last week in Bariloche, she’d had to go through the long flight that had taken her to another time zone, another season, another country, another culture, another language. She looked around, feeling she was running on fumes and she was about to pass out any moment now.Jim threw the sign she hadn’t seen into a bin to come stand before her, hands in his pockets and a smile under his black cap.“Looking for somebody?”Silvia just dropped everything to fall into his arms. He held her tight, kissing her hair, and felt her shiver nonstop. She needed a whole minute to fight back her tears and get a little grip on herself. When he assessed she would be able to walk, he took her hand, grabbed the luggage cart with his other hand, and took both to the parking lot without a word.Silvia just let him lead the way. She was there, with him, finally. Sh
No Return Storm Alert
Silvia left before her friends and siblings even registered what she was doing. One minute they were all toasting to her for the hundredth time in the bar, and the next minute she was hugging every one of them, telling them how much she loved them. And then she was gone, all alone.She walked down the street, gazing up at the sky, admiring the colors in those minutes before the early sunrise. Her feet didn’t need to consult with her brain to head straight to the downtown beach, walk down the stone steps and take her right up to the lake shore.She sat down on the cold pebbles and lit a cigarette, face to the east. It was her last sunrise of the only life she’d ever known. The last sunrise with her lake and her mountains. Like so many times before, she wished she could capture every little detail as far as her eyes could see, carve it all in her memory and keep it inside of her, true and unchanged, forever unfading.She watched the sun come up behind
No Return December
Tobias and Leandro had done their best to clean up the Black Rock before Silvia came back home. And the outcome made her smile, because the house was squeaky-clean and smelling of flowers. They were surprised to see Mika there too, but Silvia’s look kept them from asking any questions.Knowing the siblings needed time alone for their reunion, Leandro left for Beltane, to have dinner with Claudia. At the Black Rock, Mika went to the supermarket, to restock the fridge with something that wasn’t trash food and make dinner for the three of them.The moment she walked out, Tobias asked Silvia what had happened to their sister to make her lower that proud head of hers, admit her fail and come back home. It was just natural he would take mortal offense when he learned why Mika was actually back. But Silvia would have none of it.“I’m telling you the same I told your sister,” she said. “You don’t want me to keep treating you guy
No Return Lil' Sister
It’d been six months since Silvia had last seen Mika, and one look was enough to tell her all her little sister had been keeping from her.Rob and Juan had planned a Saturday night out after dinner, but Silvia resorted to the such-a-long-flight excuse to stay behind.“Would you lend me a hand with the dishes?” she asked Mika.The others understood and took off, leaving the sisters alone.“I thought Lorena was coming too,” Silvia said as they picked up everything from the table.Mika hesitated, found her sister’s eyes and shrugged. “We broke up.”“Oh. You never mentioned it.”“It happened three days ago. I didn’t wanna write to you about it. It was your last days with Jim, and I knew we were meeting today.”They took everything to the kitchen and Silvia asked Mika to make mate while she did the dishes. The girl knew better than trying to beat
No Return The Thing
Silvia almost missed her flight, too absorbed staring at the tiny thing on the table before her.What on God’s green earth was that thing doing there, and in her keep?That white-gold band with a little, discreet diamond.An engagement ring.That frigging coward! Throwing it at her from ten feet away!But no matter the delivery method, Jim had given it to her.His mother’s, he’d said.Bring it back, he’d said.She felt lucky her brain was able to register the last boarding call. She looked up, startled, and jumped to her feet. She was about to hurry away when she remembered the ring. Actually, it was more like feeling a leash tugging at her neck, stopping her from walking away from the table.She spun around on her heels and scowled down at the damned thing.“You…” she growled.The moment she had it in her hand again, she realized how small and light it wa
No Return Catch
It was sort of weird. Being with Jim usually involved having people around, but now they were all alone, making their way through the usual crowd in LAX. Come to think about it, both of them loved having an active social life. Maybe that was why she hadn’t needed any major adjusting over the last ten days in LA.…?Silvia would’ve punched herself best Fight Club style. She had only minutes left with him and she was pondering about their social habits? Really?She checked in for her flight and they headed to the boarding area in no hurry.“So you think you can be back by January ten.”“Yup. I gotta report to work with Jo on the fifteenth, but I want a couple of free days before that.”They walked a whole minute in silence.Silvia wondered why all of a sudden they didn’t seem to have anything left to say. Why were they avoiding eye contact? Why did she feel like getting into the boarding
No Return Jam
“Hurry up or I’m calling a cab!”“Bet you’re dying to do it, you chicken.”“Please, Jay!”Silvia finished raiding the master bedroom one last time, to make sure she wasn’t forgetting anything.“Jay!”“Coming.”She snorted and went to canvass the ground floor. She was just done when Jim came down the stairs in no hurry.“Can we go before I have a heart attack, milord?”“Cool down, woman, we have plenty of time,” he said, grabbing her duffel bag on his way to the front door, where she waited with her rucksack. He paused at the doorway to poke her nose. “Really, such a rush to leave me.”Silvia wasn’t about to explain she was always that upset whenever she had a bus or a plane to catch, so she just scowled at him and followed him out.“Got everything? Tickets, passport?”Silvia ch
