Silvia needed a while to stop crying, the tablet in frail balance on her lap. Finally, she was able to lie down again and turn off the light. Not to sleep, she doubted she would be so lucky, but to think. She lit the umpteenth cigarette and smoked with her reddened eyes up on the ceiling.
She was dying to reply to such a low blow, and she could think of a dozen fitting ways off the top of her head. But she had to pick only one. While she tried to calm down, stubborn embers still burning in her chest, she forced herself to go over every possible answer she could think of, promising she wouldn’t pick one until she’d listed them all.
Yeah, she was trying to cheat herself into a silly excuse to keep from replying. At least it gave her something to muse about, instead of spiraling down into memories of him.
Somehow she fell asleep. To regret it deeply in the morning, when she surfaced from an upsetting thread of awful dreams about him. In them, Jim would
Thirty minutes later, across the mountains, Silvia’s phone rang, and it kept ringing until she woke up and picked up, feeling instantly sick.“Turn on the TV! Now!” Paola barked upset.“What?”“Get the fuck up and turn on the news! It’s Jim!”Silvia managed to get out of bed and drag her feet instead of crawl to the dining room, mostly pulled by her friend’s weird urgency. What the hell was going on? What could Jim be doing to upset her, enough to call on a Saturday morning?She turned on the TV and surfed the news channels. Nothing. No Jim whatsoever. They were all broadcasting live an air shot of a massive pile up on some highway. Those Buenos Aires jerks, like people in the rest of the country gave a damn about their shitty traffic.“I can’t find it,” she grunted. “What did you see?”“What d’you mean you can’t find it? It’s o
Walt called Jim from the back of the bus, his little keyboards on his lap, and the rest of the band came around, smelling new song. Jim reached for his phone to record whatever Walt had come up with, and realized it’d slipped from his back pocket. It wouldn’t be the first time it dropped on the bus seat. Sean saw him pat his pockets and snort, and volunteered to go grab it.That was when the bus swerved sharply, wheels screeching, throwing everybody to the side. Then they heard the first impact that pushed the bus skidding to the other side. Another hit against the rear bumper and the bus started spinning. Another hit, a big truck that bashed the whole side of the bus. Another hit and the bus seemed to crack open like a frigging nut as it fell on the opposite side, still ramming down the highway.Jim had that image carved in his mind: the bending steel snapping like rubber bands, the bus split in two. Sean launched up and out, flapping his arms in the air,
Later on he might ask what the hell she was doing there, how she had made it there hardly five hours after the crash. Maybe he would even ask her why.Right then, he could only throw his arms around her and hide his face against her chest, fighting back the groans burning his throat and ripping his chest apart. She held him tight without a word and kissed his blood-sprayed hair, letting him vent.When he was able to get a grip on himself and let go of her, rubbing his face with an embarrassed grimace, she crouched down to study him carefully, as to confirm he was bruised but sort of fine, and most importantly, alive.Jim let out a bitter scoff. She smiled as she sat down by his side, put her arm around his shoulders again and let him rest against her. He leaned to lie on his good side, his head on her lap, all of a sudden unable to keep his eyes open.Silvia caressed his hair gently, letting him sleep as her look moved over the cold, white ceiling, and sh
“Wake up, Jay.”Jim sat up so fast that everything spun around him for a moment. The world settled in time for him to see a doctor coming out of Sean’s room. Silvia helped him to his feet and followed him to join Tim, Ron and Tom, that had already cornered the doctor. A bilingual assistant sent by the local producer had arrived a while ago, to lend the Americans a hand. However, when the doctor explained Sean’s prognosis, all of them turned to Silvia.She translated his words, feeling utterly awkward. “Well, surgery worked out fine. He’s out of danger but his state’s still critical, and he can’t leave the hospital at least for a couple of weeks. However, he’s just woken up and one of you guys can see him for five minutes.”Jim walked in before she was done talking, and nobody even thought of trying to stop him.He closed the sliding glass door and the curtain before approaching the bed cautiously
Silvia ended up helping Lorna to find accommodation for the rest of the crew at a small, decent inn a couple of streets away. Back to Jo’s room, they found Deborah was already on the phone, making call after call to arrange an air ambulance that could take Sean and Sam back to LA as soon as possible.Ron came in with the nurse bringing the patients’ dinner, and told them about the growing number of news crews and fans outside the hospital. Tim and the hospital director had talked to them, but the reports doubted the well-being of the musicians, because none of them had been seen after the accident. Internet was spreading those rumors like fire, and #RIPNoReturn was about to trend on Twitter.“I asked Jim to join Tim, but he pretty much kicked me out of Sean’s room.”Silvia noticed that all of them turned to her and frowned, especially when Deborah tried a nice smile. She sighed.“I’ll try to convince him,” s
A selfie with Jim and Liam granted them the nurse’s unconditional assistance, and Silvia didn’t hesitate to abuse it openly. First, she asked for a safe spot to smoke. Next, she put Ron to the task of getting trash food for the musicians, to smuggle it into their room with the nurse’s help. Then she went back to Deborah’s room.“Jim’s downstairs,” she informed, and turned to Jo. “D’you think you can walk a few steps?”“What are you up to now?” asked Deborah, narrowing her eyes.“Taking Jo to see Sean, if she can get up.”Jo was sitting up before Silvia was done talking. She helped the girl out of bed and grabbed the IV bag. They paused at the doorway and looked to the nurses’ station, where the young nurse had taken over the screen showing the hallway cameras. As soon as she waved her hand discretely, they came out.Sean opened his eyes the moment they walked
It was a quick, quiet meal as the five of them wolfed down their food like it was the first they’d had in a year. Silvia cleaned any incriminatory evidence and commanded the musicians to sleep, threatening them with midnight injections if they stayed awake.She and Jim left the other three and he took her hand when they walked out, waiting for her to try to let go, say something, do anything. Silvia rested her head on his shoulder as they strolled down the hall to Sean’s room without a word.Jim stopped at the doorway, surprised to find Jo there. The girl saw them come in and kissed Sean’s cheek.“Night, love,” she whispered, and let Silvia help her climb down from the bed.They walked slowly out as Jim circled the bed to sit in the armchair. When Silvia came back, he was sound asleep. She tucked him in with the blanket, brushed his hair with her lips, tiptoed out.A minute later, she was sitting on the cold floor tile
Winter swooped down on Patagonia early that year, with chilly winds that blew away any cloud, letting the temperature rocket down to stay like that for months. Frost soon nested around the clock in any corner the pale sun didn’t reach, mountains wore their thick white cloak, daylight hours shrunk in what felt like a heartbeat.And just like every winter, Silvia’s social life adjusted to the harsh weather. It was the time of the year for closest friends and easy get-togethers at home instead of a bar.It was the season to weave tighter together that safety net of affection that had allowed her to spend the last two or three years playing the acrobat, ever since she’d met Pat. The only reason why she hadn’t ended up smashed on the floor when trapezes kept turning into smoke and vanished before her eyes, an inch away from her reaching hands, usually at the end of a triple somersault.It was the time for long strategic board games, TV shows b
Silvia woke up to Depeche Mode’s Personal Jesus.The sun was setting and she was alone in bed, tucked in soft sheets that smelled of lemon and the fat white comforter. Jim had left a few hours ago to let her rest, because after those weeks apart, it was plain to see she wouldn’t get any rest with him around.She’d fallen sound asleep, exhausted, and now she had the persistent feeling of being still lost in a dream. But she wasn’t. This was not the Black Rock. It was the Ashtray, her new home, and that music had to be a phone ringing.But not hers. She’d never used that song as a ringtone.She followed the music to the other nightstand, where she found a new phone still inside its open box with a red ribbon. And she laughed out loud when she grabbed it and saw the caller was My Personal J.“Hey, you awake?” Jim asked when she picked up, still chuckling.“Hey, you just woke me u
They staggered into the bedroom and fell on the bed as they kissed, their hands struggling to get rid of their clothes.Silvia pulled Jim to bring him on top of her, yearning to feel his weight. There was no other body to hers, no other hands to touch her, no other lips to drive her crazy, no other skin to stroke hers. She wrapped a leg around his waist, pushing him down, and moaned when she felt him inside of her, his fire sweeping it all away, and she gave in to his need and his exasperated anxiety.Because that was exactly how he was feeling. He’d never missed her body, he’d never needed her like this. Yet there he was, fighting himself back to keep from going off like a frigging teen, growing crazier with every moan he pushed out of her mouth, every move of her hips, every touch of her fingers, every brush of her lips. Like he would never have enough of her.Why was he feeling this way? Why nothing seemed enough? When had all bodies lost their ap
Silvia exited the Customs Office feeling stunned and a little dizzy. After such an emotional last week in Bariloche, she’d had to go through the long flight that had taken her to another time zone, another season, another country, another culture, another language. She looked around, feeling she was running on fumes and she was about to pass out any moment now.Jim threw the sign she hadn’t seen into a bin to come stand before her, hands in his pockets and a smile under his black cap.“Looking for somebody?”Silvia just dropped everything to fall into his arms. He held her tight, kissing her hair, and felt her shiver nonstop. She needed a whole minute to fight back her tears and get a little grip on herself. When he assessed she would be able to walk, he took her hand, grabbed the luggage cart with his other hand, and took both to the parking lot without a word.Silvia just let him lead the way. She was there, with him, finally. Sh
Silvia left before her friends and siblings even registered what she was doing. One minute they were all toasting to her for the hundredth time in the bar, and the next minute she was hugging every one of them, telling them how much she loved them. And then she was gone, all alone.She walked down the street, gazing up at the sky, admiring the colors in those minutes before the early sunrise. Her feet didn’t need to consult with her brain to head straight to the downtown beach, walk down the stone steps and take her right up to the lake shore.She sat down on the cold pebbles and lit a cigarette, face to the east. It was her last sunrise of the only life she’d ever known. The last sunrise with her lake and her mountains. Like so many times before, she wished she could capture every little detail as far as her eyes could see, carve it all in her memory and keep it inside of her, true and unchanged, forever unfading.She watched the sun come up behind
Tobias and Leandro had done their best to clean up the Black Rock before Silvia came back home. And the outcome made her smile, because the house was squeaky-clean and smelling of flowers. They were surprised to see Mika there too, but Silvia’s look kept them from asking any questions.Knowing the siblings needed time alone for their reunion, Leandro left for Beltane, to have dinner with Claudia. At the Black Rock, Mika went to the supermarket, to restock the fridge with something that wasn’t trash food and make dinner for the three of them.The moment she walked out, Tobias asked Silvia what had happened to their sister to make her lower that proud head of hers, admit her fail and come back home. It was just natural he would take mortal offense when he learned why Mika was actually back. But Silvia would have none of it.“I’m telling you the same I told your sister,” she said. “You don’t want me to keep treating you guy
It’d been six months since Silvia had last seen Mika, and one look was enough to tell her all her little sister had been keeping from her.Rob and Juan had planned a Saturday night out after dinner, but Silvia resorted to the such-a-long-flight excuse to stay behind.“Would you lend me a hand with the dishes?” she asked Mika.The others understood and took off, leaving the sisters alone.“I thought Lorena was coming too,” Silvia said as they picked up everything from the table.Mika hesitated, found her sister’s eyes and shrugged. “We broke up.”“Oh. You never mentioned it.”“It happened three days ago. I didn’t wanna write to you about it. It was your last days with Jim, and I knew we were meeting today.”They took everything to the kitchen and Silvia asked Mika to make mate while she did the dishes. The girl knew better than trying to beat
Silvia almost missed her flight, too absorbed staring at the tiny thing on the table before her.What on God’s green earth was that thing doing there, and in her keep?That white-gold band with a little, discreet diamond.An engagement ring.That frigging coward! Throwing it at her from ten feet away!But no matter the delivery method, Jim had given it to her.His mother’s, he’d said.Bring it back, he’d said.She felt lucky her brain was able to register the last boarding call. She looked up, startled, and jumped to her feet. She was about to hurry away when she remembered the ring. Actually, it was more like feeling a leash tugging at her neck, stopping her from walking away from the table.She spun around on her heels and scowled down at the damned thing.“You…” she growled.The moment she had it in her hand again, she realized how small and light it wa
It was sort of weird. Being with Jim usually involved having people around, but now they were all alone, making their way through the usual crowd in LAX. Come to think about it, both of them loved having an active social life. Maybe that was why she hadn’t needed any major adjusting over the last ten days in LA.…?Silvia would’ve punched herself best Fight Club style. She had only minutes left with him and she was pondering about their social habits? Really?She checked in for her flight and they headed to the boarding area in no hurry.“So you think you can be back by January ten.”“Yup. I gotta report to work with Jo on the fifteenth, but I want a couple of free days before that.”They walked a whole minute in silence.Silvia wondered why all of a sudden they didn’t seem to have anything left to say. Why were they avoiding eye contact? Why did she feel like getting into the boarding
“Hurry up or I’m calling a cab!”“Bet you’re dying to do it, you chicken.”“Please, Jay!”Silvia finished raiding the master bedroom one last time, to make sure she wasn’t forgetting anything.“Jay!”“Coming.”She snorted and went to canvass the ground floor. She was just done when Jim came down the stairs in no hurry.“Can we go before I have a heart attack, milord?”“Cool down, woman, we have plenty of time,” he said, grabbing her duffel bag on his way to the front door, where she waited with her rucksack. He paused at the doorway to poke her nose. “Really, such a rush to leave me.”Silvia wasn’t about to explain she was always that upset whenever she had a bus or a plane to catch, so she just scowled at him and followed him out.“Got everything? Tickets, passport?”Silvia ch