Chapter 5: Call Me by My Name

GINAWA ko na ang lahat para lang hindi makatulog. Uminom ako ng kahit na anong ni-recommend sa akin ni Abi na drinks para daw hindi ako makatulog, but here I am, facing this naked man sitting at the edge of my bed.

"What's with the face? Are you upset that I am not moving yet?" he asked, trying to piss me even more. "Do you want me to start?"

"Will you please shut up? Naiinis na ako sa 'yo, ha!"

He chuckled as he stood up. Mabilis naman akong nag-iwas ng tingin dahil alam kong makikita ko ang ano niya. "Hindi ka naiinis sa akin. You're mad at yourself since you cannot accept the fact that you're really hungry for sex."

"That's not true! I'm—" Hindi ko natapos ang dapat sana'y sasabihin ko nang maramdaman ko ang kaniyang presensya sa likuran ko. I can feel his warm breath burning my nape. Natuod ako. I want to push him away but I'm scared he might do something crazy.

"Keep on denying it and it'll consume you. The more you repress that thought, the more lust you'll gather. And mind me, you'll not only attract a single incubus, some might come to feed from you, too," aniya dahilan para manlaki ang mga mata ko.

"A-Are y-you sure?"

Lumayo siya sa akin bago hinila ang comforter ko. When I looked at him, nakabalot na ang ibabang parte ng katawan niya ng comforter. And with that, I can look at him without any worries.

He sat down at the edge of my bed and nodded. "That's true. You'll not just attract one, two, but more."

Napalunok ako. Kung ang presensya nga lang niya ay hindi ko na kaya, what more kung madadagdagan pa?

"But of course, I won't let that happen. You're made just for me," aniya at kinindatan ako. "I can't even stand the thought of you having a warm night with another incubus. It's making me mad."

"Wala pa ring pinagkaiba. You're just like them," halos pabulong kong sambit at tumalikod sa kaniya. "You're just here to feed from me."

"You're wrong," aniya. And for a second, I've heard his playful voice shift into a warm one. "Or maybe you're right," bawi niya at tumawa.

Inis akong napalingon sa kaniya pero kinindatan lang niya ako. He crossed his well-build arms in front of his perfectly shaped abdomen. "Ganito na lang, I won't force you to have sex with me. I'll just have to wait for the right time to come." Bigla akong nabuhayan ng loob sa sinabi niya. Bumabait na ba siya? "But..." Napasimangot ako dahil may 'but', meaning may kondisyon.

"But what?"

Ngumisi siya at lumapit sa akin. "Give me a name."

Matapang ko siyang hinarap. "That's it? Bibigyan lang kita ng pangalan? How easy!"

Ngumisi siya kaya biglang umurong kompiyansa ko. "Giving name to a demon means you're forming a bond or shall I say, a contract that will only end when both achieve the desired goal."

Napakunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. I don't have any single idea on what he's talking about.

He heaved a sigh. "It's like an act of ownership. When you give me name, you'll own me and I'll own you, too. We will be each other's property. Matitigil lang ito kapag wala na ang curiosity mo about sex. And with that, I'll leave you alone. I'll be gone forever." Ngumiti siya sa akin pero I somehow felt that it's not real. "Isn't it nice?"

Saglit akong napaisip. Wala na rin naman akong choice, e. He will stick with me until he gets satisfied with the lust he can get from me. Maybe I just have to deal with him until the time comes when I'm ready to give in. Hindi naman siguro ako made-deverginized sa reality, 'di ba?

"Will I be deverginized in reality?" wala sa sariling naitanong ko.

"Nope. You will remain a virgin. But there's a possibility that you'll get pregnant." Nanlaki ang mga mata ko kaya natawa siya. "Don't worry. I'll include that in our deal. I'll make sure you'll not get pregnant. I won't shoot you inside," he said chuckling then gave me a wink.

Namula naman ako at hindi na nagsalita pa. I'm weighing things.

"Come on, give me a name already. Kapag ako nainip, I'll surely force you and get you pregnant." Natuod ako sa sinabi niya. Nang tingnan ko siya ay seryoso lang siyang nakatingin sa akin. "Come on, call me by my name, Hannah."

Napalunok ako bago siya tiningnan sa mata. "O-Okay. From now on, you'll be Kiel. Yes, your name will be Kiel."

I saw his eyes flickered as I felt a searing pain in my chest then everything went black.

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HINDI KO magawang tumingin kay Abi. Nakatayo siya sa pintuan ng kwarto ko at nakapameywang. She's grinning while shaking her head. She then crossed her arms and raised an eyebrow while looking at me.

"Mind explaining why I found you half-naked in your room?" she interrogated. Daig niya pa ang mama ko. "Kung hindi pa ako sinabihan ni Tita na wala siya rito, hindi ko pa malalaman. You should've spend the night at our house! Pero ngayon, alam ko na kung bakit hindi mo ako in-inform."

Mabilis na namula ang magkabilang pisngi ko. "N-No! It's not what you think. Hindi totoo 'yang iniisip mo."

Bigla na lang siyang tumawa kaya napabuga ako ng hangin. Nawala ang bigat na nararamdaman ko. "My gee, Hannah, are you giving yourself a finger job?"

"F-Finger job?"

Mas lalong tumawa si Abi kaya alam ko na ang tinutukoy niya. At bago pa man ako makapagsalita ay pinigilan na niya ako. "I'm just kidding. I know you won't do stuff like that." Itinuro niya ang dibdib ko at ngumisi. "But in all fairness, gifted ka ha!"

"Abi!"

Tumawa lang siya bago tumalikod. "I'll give you twenty minutes to prepare. Sa kotse lang ako maghihintay. I'll be waiting for your explanation, too."

Matapos niyang sabihin 'yon ay lumabas na siya. Kaya naman mabilis akong kumilos para makapaghanda. I know Abi, kapag sinabi niyang twenty minutes lang, 'yon talaga. She'll leave me kapag natapos na ang oras at hindi pa ako handa.

Kaya ko namang mag-commute, but nothing beats going to school with yout friend. At isa pa, makakalibre din ako ng pamasahe.

Nang matapos na akong mag-prepare ay lumabas na ako ng bahay. Kaagad akong tumungo sa kotse and saw her looking at her watch.

"You're almost late," aniya.

Ngumiti lang ako bago pumasok. Pagkatapos ay sinalubong niya ako ng may nakataas na kilay, pero hindi ko siya pinansin. Ano na naman kasi ang problema niya?

"Aren't you gonna say anything?"

Tiningnan ko siya at inilingan. Ano naman kasing sasabihin ko? E, halos naman ng ganap ko sa buhay ay sinasabi ko sa kaniya.

"Wala ka ba talagang sasabihin? Final na?"

Tumango ako bago ibinaling ang tingin ko sa labas. Pero nabigla na lang ako nang hilain niya ang buhok ko kaya napaharap ako sa kaniya. Sinimangutan niya ako at inirapan.

"I told you I'll be waiting for your explanation."

Doon lang nag-sink in sa akin ang ibig niyang sabihin. Magsasalita na sana ako pero natigilan ako dahil kasama namin si Mang Danny. Ang inappropriate naman kung mag-uusap kami tapos nandiyan siya, 'di ba?

"Can we talk in a more private place?"

Tumango siya bago tiningnan ang wristwatch niya. "We still have thirty minutes before the class starts. Let's drop by the nearest food chain first. Hindi ka pa kumakain, right?"

Tumango ako at napahawak sa kumakalam kong sikmura. Ngayon ko lang napansin na gutom na gutom na pala talaga ako.

Huminto kami sa isang sikat na fast food chain. Kaagad akong pinahanap ni Abi ng mauupuan habang umo-order siya. But since the line is a bit long, alam kong matatagalan pa siya. Kaya naman nag-isip na ako ng mga puwede kong sabihin sa kaniya. I'll just skip the sensitive parts dahil ayokong tuksuhin niya ako.

Habang abala ako ay may biglang lumapit sa aking bata. She has this black, pigtailed hair and ocean blue eyes. Tumayo lang siya sa harapan ko habang nakatingin sa mata ko. I can't even read any emotion from her eyes. Poker face.

"Hi, kiddo, anong pangalan mo?" I tried to sound nice since kids are really sensitive. "Who's with you?"

Imbes na sagutin ako ay mas lumapit siya sa akin. She sat on the seat I've reserved for Abi. She leaned towards me and narrowed her eyes, making me feel uneasy. I don't know, but there's something from this kid that makes me feel something weird. I am neither comfortable nor uncomfortable.

"A broken soul hiding in a tough skin," aniya bago bumaba ang tingin niya sa dibdib ko. "You're tainted but can still be saved."

Napakunot ang noo ko sa sinabi niya. How can a kid utter such deep metaphoric words? Para tuloy siyang matanda kung magsalita.

"What do you mean by that, kid?"

She flashed a smile as her response. She then stood up and looked at my eyes again. "Answers will find its way to you. The time is yet to come."

Mas lalo akong naguluhan sa sinabi niya. Pero bago pa man ako makapagsalita ay bigla na lang tumakbo palayo ang bata. Mabilis akong tumayo para habulin siya. Pero mabilis siyang nawala sa paningin ko. I was left confused. Why would such a kid say those words to a complete stranger like me? At ano ang gusto niyang i-point out?

Nasabunutan ko na lang ang sarili ko dahil sa inis. Ang dami ko na ngang iniisip, dumagdag pa siya. Napagdesisyunan ko na lang na bumalik sa table namin.

Naabutan ko si Abi na inilalapag ang order namin. Nang makita niya ako ay pinangunutan niya ako ng noo. "Where have you been? Sit down na and eat."

Tumango lang ako bago umupo at nagsimula nang kumain. And I'm glad that Abi did not bother me. She's just observing me, seems like waiting for the perfect timing to ask.

At tama nga ako. Dahil nang maubos ko na ang in-order niya ay ngumisi siya. She leaned towards me and widen her grin. "Now, spill the tea, girl."

Huminga ako nang malalim, thinking of which part should I start. Hindi ko kasi alam kung saan talaga magsisimula dahil natatakot ako na baka madulas ako at may masabi akong mali. Ayoko namang ipahamak ang sarili ko.

"Come on, bilisan mo!"

Napanguso ako bago bumuntonghininga. Tiningnan ko siya sa mata at hindi ko mapigilang mamula sa hiya. I am hesitant. Bukas-sara ang bibig ko. But when I saw Abi's pissed off face, wala akong nagawa kundi ang magsalita na lang, "The reason why I was half naked is...uhm, I..." Huminga ako nang malalim at sinalubong ang mata niya. "I had a wet dream."

Inabangan ko ang magiging reaksyon niya. At hindi ko mapigilang mahiya nang humalakhak siya nang malakas, catching everyone's attention. Pero wala siyang pakialam. She even slam the table with her hands while laughing out loud.

"O-Oh my...gee!" Pilit niyang pinigilan ang sarili niyang tumawa but she failed. "Y-Youre dalaga na!"

Mas lalo akong namula sa sinabi niya. Lalo na nang mapansin na natatawa rin ang ibang nanunuod sa amin. For that moment, I thought of slamming Abi's head against the table. I felt so embarrassed!

Natigil lang siya nang tumunog ang phone niya. When she checked it, biglang nagbago ang timpla niya. Nawala ang saya sa mukha niya at napalitan ng lungkot. She's on the verge of crying. And with that, alam ko na kung ano ang problema niya. It's her family again.

"I need to go home. Please take a cab na lang."

Tumango ako bilang tugon. "I understand. Basta, kung hindi mo na kaya, come to me and we'll deal with that together."

Ngumiti siya bago tumango at patakbong umalis. I watched her back as she took her way out. Nang hindi ko na siya makita ay nawala na rin ang ngiti sa labi ko.

I'm worried. Ano na naman kaya ang problema ng mga magulang niya. I'm aware that her parents are not in good terms. It started when Abi's father lost a lot of money at the casino and began flirting with much younger girls. And now, base sa mga kuwento ni Abi, almost araw-araw na nag-aaway ang parents niya.

I can't help but to feel sad. Abi had been through a lot. Her ex, whom she thought would be her first and last, left her after claiming her virginity. She's always been the talk of the crowd, in a negative way. She have been called a bitch, slut, whore, and any other degrading words you could imagine.

She's just a fragile girl wanting to cover up every wound she have with a smile and a fake persona. No one really understands her the way I do. That's the reason why I never thought bad things about her even just for a second. In my eyes, she's still the Abi I used to know.

Hindi ko namalayan na naiiyak na pala ako. Nagmukha tuloy akong tanga. Mabilis kong inayos ang sarili ko para pumasok na sa klase.

Pagkalabas ko ng building ay naghanap kaagad ako ng cab. Nang makasakay na ay saktong tumunog ang phone ko. Nang tingnan ko ito ay nakita kong may message si Jenny.

Let's meet at the school gate after class. I have something important to say.

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